LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

cabledude

I had to go to the doctor 10 days ago. My head was melted. I've had a pretty p1ss poor 15 months or so. (Job loss, ill parent and mother-in-law passing away while we were on holiday to name just a couple of things)

Anyhoo, started a new job and all the promises made when they were recruiting me didn't come to pass. I was hired for a particular job, trained to do it and then when a vacancy came up somewhere elseI was stuck in there, with no training. Kind of a sink or swim thing. Totally wreckless behaviour by a manager but I'm still on probation so couldn't do anything about it.

So, I had a bit of a meltdown. Couldn't go to work, didn't want to deal with people, just wanted to curl up on the couch and watch daytime TV. Totally out of character for me to feel like this. My OH came to the doctor with me and I was so anxious I could not even talk. Found it hard for my mind to rest. Horrible feeling.

Gongoozler

Thanks for the responses and help all, I don't know what happened with my posting, it just wouldn't let me finish the post or edit it or write another post until today. Boards or my browser I don't know.

Looking_around you're right I was saying that it felt like they were assessing how in need of help I was and that made me feel bad. But whatever, I have to get over that. They're offering help and I'm taking it.

looking_around

cometogether wrote: »

I wish I could stop being jealous of other people and thereby ignoring my own qualities, in the sense of negatively comparing myself to other people. How do you stop!! I also realised that I get bored so so easily and that I get depressed when I'm bored.

You start by noticing your good qualities and reminding yourself, you're as worthy as anyone else.

As to getting bored, bored with what?

For example, I lose motivation easily. And when I do, I feel like I've fallen off a cliff mood wise.
For me, I had to find out why. Like studying, I would lose motivation, because I'd begin to feel overwhelmed, fed up and tired. I would feel 'bored' and walk away from it. but I wasn't actually bored, their were other feelings holding me back. And that's why it triggered depression.

Is there a chance something similar is going on for you?

I also struggle with over thinking "the point of doing anything/living" etc. best thing I've found, is to stop those thoughts in their tracks and think of something I like.

cometogether

looking_around wrote: »

You start by noticing your good qualities and reminding yourself, you're as worthy as anyone else.

As to getting bored, bored with what?

For example, I lose motivation easily. And when I do, I feel like I've fallen off a cliff mood wise.
For me, I had to find out why. Like studying, I would lose motivation, because I'd begin to feel overwhelmed, fed up and tired. I would feel 'bored' and walk away from it. but I wasn't actually bored, their were other feelings holding me back. And that's why it triggered depression.

Is there a chance something similar is going on for you?

I also struggle with over thinking "the point of doing anything/living" etc. best thing I've found, is to stop those thoughts in their tracks and think of something I like.

Yeah it's actually nearly exactly the same with me

SharpshooterTom

Hi everyone, one or two of you might remember me, I've contributed 58 posts on here before. I was diagnosed with severe depression in may 2012 after a suicide attempt and posted regularly on here. I have been very socially withdrawn for a lot of my life, I have no friends, no girlfriend (or ever had one) throughout school and uni, largely because of social anxiety and my self esteem has obviously took a battering, I've been through lots of counselling and I'm "patched up" ish getting on with my life, redoing my education trying to get a career going (I'm 28 yes its late).

However on Friday there things have taken a turn for the worse.

My 56 year old father, my friend and probably my only friend (sad reflection on my life), an important pillar in my life that has gotten me through some of this has been diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer.

Its likely to be terminal as it has spread to his liver, and he's only got 5-10% chance of surviving 5 years, he's only 50/50 at best to survive even one year.

I have absolutely nobody to talk to, I just wanted to speak to someone, I'd talk to the wall if it could talk back.

I can't come to terms that he probably wont be around, I feel I'm failure in life and wanted to turn my life around and for him to see it, and me finally happy for a change and him to be proud of me, please not now, please.

I can't cope right now and therefore I can't spend much time with because I don't want him to see me cry. I want to be strong for him but my own sh1tty fragile wimpy state means I can't do it

Sorry I just wanted so speak, I haven't got anybody else.

looking_around

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

Hi everyone, one or two of you might remember me, I've contributed 58 posts on here before. I was diagnosed with severe depression in may 2012 after a suicide attempt and posted regularly on here. I have been very socially withdrawn for a lot of my life, I have no friends, no girlfriend (or ever had one) throughout school and uni, largely because of social anxiety and my self esteem has obviously took a battering, I've been through lots of counselling and I'm "patched up" ish getting on with my life, redoing my education trying to get a career going (I'm 28 yes its late).

However on Friday there things have taken a turn for the worse.

My 56 year old father, my friend and probably my only friend (sad reflection on my life), an important pillar in my life that has gotten me through some of this has been diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer.

Its likely to be terminal as it has spread to his liver, and he's only got 5-10% chance of surviving 5 years, he's only 50/50 at best to survive even one year.

I have absolutely nobody to talk to, I just wanted to speak to someone, I'd talk to the wall if it could talk back.

I can't come to terms that he probably wont be around, I feel I'm failure in life and wanted to turn my life around and for him to see it, and me finally happy for a change and him to be proud of me, please not now, please.

I can't cope right now and therefore I can't spend much time with because I don't want him to see me cry. I want to be strong for him but my own sh1tty fragile wimpy state means I can't do it

Sorry I just wanted so speak, I haven't got anybody else.

Firstly, no such thing as "late" going to college, have a friend who went back, mid 30's to become a doctor! and she succeeded.

Secondly, Be open with your father. Let him know how you are feeling, so that he can tell you how he feels.
He may already be proud of you.

Spend what time you can with him, it is ok to cry. You're not made of stone, and I doubt he's expecting you to be.

Try and be happy for the good moments together, treasure the time you had, and time you have still.

Are you still in counselling? If not I'd suggest starting that up again.

SharpshooterTom

looking_around wrote: »

Are you still in counselling? If not I'd suggest starting that up again.

Hi thanks for responding, I don't want to sound silly but I appreciate anyone who takes the time to speak to me, whoever they are.

I've just had a 40 minute conversation with carecall ni there, very nice woman. She took my name and contact details and promised they would get back to me within 3 days, it meant so so much. I live in isolation and I don't want to deal with this all alone.

I think I'll probably contact the college (Belfast Met), I have to let them know my circumstances, and I will contact my gp probably also.

We live in Omagh, my dad's heading up to Belfast city hospital and he's likely to be there for 2-3 weeks to have the operation on his tumour. Part of me feels in comfort knowing he's going to be surrounded by professionals to help him and will do everything for him. Part of me wishes I could have done more with my stupid life by this stage. He's worked his whole life to support me and I wanted to let him enjoy his retirement and take the pressure off and watch me get married have grandchildren, make him happy, and he's going miss all of that.

looking_around

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

Hi thanks for responding, I don't want to sound silly but I appreciate anyone who takes the time to speak to me, whoever they are.

I've just had a 40 minute conversation with carecall ni there, very nice woman. She took my name and contact details and promised they would get back to me within 3 days, it meant so so much. I live in isolation and I don't want to deal with this all alone.

I think I'll probably contact the college (Belfast Met), I have to let them know my circumstances, and I will contact my gp probably also.

We live in Omagh, my dad's heading up to Belfast city hospital and he's likely to be there for 2-3 weeks to have the operation on his tumour. Part of me feels in comfort knowing he's going to be surrounded by professionals to help him and will do everything for him. Part of me wishes I could have done more with my stupid life by this stage. He's worked his whole life to support me and I wanted to let him enjoy his retirement and take the pressure off and watch me get married have grandchildren, make him happy, and he's going miss all of that.

Well done for contacting carecall, I know what it's like living isolated. Glad they are going offer some support.

Life unfortunately doesn't work out the way we want it too. I'm sure he doesn't begrudge supporting you, so don't be hard on yourself. You can only play the cards you've been given. You are trying to sort your life out now. That's important, he sees you trying, he supports that. All positives.

Sadly, we can't always have family see all the things we want them too. That's not much consolation, but, it's just best not to get down about it. Because if you're down about ti now, you're wasting time feeling bad when you could be using that time with him.

And yes, it probably is a good idea to tell your college and GP, support network and all that.

Drumpot

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

Hi thanks for responding, I don't want to sound silly but I appreciate anyone who takes the time to speak to me, whoever they are.

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

I've just had a 40 minute conversation with carecall ni there, very nice woman. She took my name and contact details and promised they would get back to me within 3 days, it meant so so much. I live in isolation and I don't want to deal with this all alone.

I think I'll probably contact the college (Belfast Met), I have to let them know my circumstances, and I will contact my gp probably also.

We live in Omagh, my dad's heading up to Belfast city hospital and he's likely to be there for 2-3 weeks to have the operation on his tumour. Part of me feels in comfort knowing he's going to be surrounded by professionals to help him and will do everything for him. Part of me wishes I could have done more with my stupid life by this stage. He's worked his whole life to support me and I wanted to let him enjoy his retirement and take the pressure off and watch me get married have grandchildren, make him happy, and he's going miss all of that.

As somebody who has struggled with my mental health, I can tell you that my only wish for my children is that they find happiness and peace with themselves in their life.







If your father is as supportive as you say then I can only imagine that the one thing that he would want more then anything is for you to be happy.



My parents instinctively wanted me to have the best possible opportunitys at life, to be good at everything, to reach what they felt was my potential. I never learned to be just happy to be alive and be happy with who I was. .



I must stress that I had a panic attack last Friday. I post a lot here when I am feeling good, but for the last 2 weeks things have been getting tough. The odd thing, is that things in most aspects of my life are going well. There is no one set trigger.



Reading peoples posts here, I see that I have at least learned the tools to be able to reflect and put my feelings into context. Somebody posted yesterday that they felt that councelling and reaching out was a waste of time. For me, if I hadn't worked with professionals I would of struggled badly to get through the last week.



Councelling, therapy and getting advice/instructions from professionals isn't always easy. Particularly because I (like many here) had learned to "deal" with my low moods in my own way. At times Being told what to do made me very uncomfortable, weak and shattered the remaining elements of confidence I had.



But this is the thing, there are times when I can take advice and there are times when it feels like getting advice just reminds me how useless (insert any other negative feeling that you feel here) I feel. My life can be ruled by my feelings and no matter how much I know something is, it doesn't always change how I feel.



My panic attack happened last week out of the blue and I don't know why. When I went to the hospital they said it was May when I was last in with the same problem.



So what am I going to do about it ? Well, sometimes it feels like I am right back at the start , trying to pick up the pieces and begin therapy again. I still feel "off" today but I have at least got a plan of action.

• Gonna get some work done today actively trying not to give myself a hard time because I am behind where I want to be.
• Gonnatry and get out for a walk
• I had a good conversation with my wife which helped
• Im going to goto a church later to try to reflect/meditate and get some exercise
• Read some of the self help books I haven’t gotten around to reading
• Put some time aside for my children
• Goto a support group later tonight or tomorrow

These are just some of the things I try to do when I feel like this. They aren’t perfect and they don’t always make me feel better, but I learned these tools over the years. Not by reading about them on a forum, but by being guided by a professional. I don’t know how to repair any part of my car, I wouldn’t take any advice online on how to do so because its dangerous and I simply wouldn’t know exactly what I am fixing or why I am doing what was instructed. It’s the same thing here, people might try out some of the things I am doing,but without professional guidance, its not really a “safe” solution.

SharpshooterTom

Thanks for the response Drumpot.

Just to let you know guys that Carecall have got back to me arranging an appointment tomorrow at 2pm in Belfast. Its amazing just how many great people there are out there wishing to help others. I only rang bawling my eyes out 24 hours ago and immediately I've been contacted back for a session of counselling and it means so much that there are people who want to help.

The only thing I wouldn't mind doing if possible is trying to contact the same counsellors who I spoke to me previously, I don't know if that's allowed at all as its usually a rotary system. The reason why I wouldn't mind is because of my depression myself that I've gone through and there will a lot of questions asked of that, my previous history, my social anxiety, that I was bullied in school blah blah. I'd rather speak to someone who already knows all that and build upon my newfound difficulty with my father (probably) dying, so they know my existing personal difficulties and how I can cope.

I'm happy to speak to anyone though, and maybe I'm being too picky and I should be more grateful. I've only got 6 sessions and its a pain in the arse starting all over again. I was given 6 sessions when I was a student at Queens (this was when I was suicidal) and it had to be extended to 12 because of the difficulty and seriousness of my depression at the time.

Gleeso_Finglas

Hey folks i wonder if someone can help me or give me advice. Since going on my bew medication 12 months i have put on so much weight and all the dieting and exercise is not really helping.

Is there some sort of dietician that knows about my meds and what i need to do/eat to get rid of this weight as i am 2-stone over weight and for the life of me it wont shift

stop animal cruelty

^^

your GP can refer you to one...

Macavity.

I experienced a lot of weight gain (2 stone) while on Effexor and Lexapro, and ultimately stopped taking them for this reason. The weight gain was very rapid and did not cease no matter how much I exercised or controlled my calorie intake. After coming off them I lost about a stone of it quickly but am having a bit more difficulty with the last one. There's no doubt in my mind I'd have continued to balloon on those meds. It was a very disheartening experience.

looking_around

Having a really bad day/night..triggered, fed up, exhausted.

Succeeded in finding a work placement.(nice place, I feel lucky, worked there 2 days, liked it..have another 18days to do, and totally over-whelmed. Just too long, stressing, over thinking.. my usual mistakes.)
Also getting worked up with college stuff. Just worrying....going in daily, is very difficult for me. and I'm just feeling fed up, not managing my time well, and don't feel like I have enough "chill out time" idk.

Just feeling old struggles, and I'm so so tired.

Macavity.

I've missed the last 6 days of college.

looking_around

Macavity. wrote: »

I've missed the last 6 days of college.

yeah, I had missed 8days due to surgery, and I'm going to be missing plenty more,

It sucks, ..has thrown me right off. I think mostly it's the rhythm of going in daily and dealing with the fears, kinda feel like I'm back at day one.
And work habit..idk..

And the whole I have another few months of this,..(with definite more time going to missed). It's just getting to me. I really want/wanted to enjoy studying again, kinda hoped to progress after this year too, but I'm not sure I'll make through this year.

Gleeso_Finglas

looking_around wrote: »

yeah, I had missed 8days due to surgery, and I'm going to be missing plenty more,

It sucks, ..has thrown me right off. I think mostly it's the rhythm of going in daily and dealing with the fears, kinda feel like I'm back at day one.
And work habit..idk..

And the whole I have another few months of this,..(with definite more time going to missed). It's just getting to me. I really want/wanted to enjoy studying again, kinda hoped to progress after this year too, but I'm not sure I'll make through this year.

Looking around i feel your pain. I got out of connolly hospital where i was for few weeks due to my illness and after 6 weeks out of work today was my first day back and overwhelmed was an understatement. 50 voicemails and 299 emails all from customers that needed attention. It felt like i was starting all over again even though im doing it 8 years. Well im on a 3 year contract at the moment and my contract is up in jan 2015.

Well i was told today that they will not be renewing my contract because my numbers are not there. Well obivously not because i havent been in because of my illness.

So ill be jobless after xmas and im really not good at anything else.

Thank you again mental illness!!

AnonAsimov

I've been getting really anxious at work. I've made a few mistakes now and I'm freaking out that they will fire me.
I just can't seem to stay focus on a single thing, Everything is just flying about my head so fast and I'm making stupid decisions and errors. I don't know what to do. and If I get let go from work that would really crush me.

Kayleigh..

I've been getting worse and worse again mood wise, I probably shouldn't have left this happen but it's a little late now. I'm at a point where I know I need to do something, but I don't want to go through it all again, the whole talking to someone. I haven't left the house since Monday, and I probably won't leave until next Monday tbh. But I've been missing so many lectures, labs, tutorials, it's not good.

sunshine and showers

Kayleigh.. wrote: »

I've been getting worse and worse again mood wise, I probably shouldn't have left this happen but it's a little late now. I'm at a point where I know I need to do something, but I don't want to go through it all again, the whole talking to someone. I haven't left the house since Monday, and I probably won't leave until next Monday tbh. But I've been missing so many lectures, labs, tutorials, it's not good.

I know it's the last thing you want to do, but have a shower and get dressed. After that, if you're up to it, just go for a short walk. Maybe to the shop, maybe nowhere. It used to help me when I felt like that to break the cycle even the tiniest bit.

Hope you feel better soon.

DeVore

Forcing yourself to do something is forcing your brain to process something new. It breaks the cycle a bit (the newer the thing is, the better!) and helps stop the negative spiral.

Something like a shower is very sensory and your brain has to deal with it and brings you into Now.

Kayleigh, Anon, I hope this passes quickly for ye. Kayleigh... once you have been "balanced" in your life once, its a lot easier to get back there. Its not as tough as the first time or anything like it I find so don't feel like "oh I'm back at square 1"... you are far from it.

TommieBoy

When does this ...go away?

lighthouse

Cora Melodic Seed wrote: »

Had first counselling appointment today, trying not to be dismissive but I found the whole thing extremely disappointing. I already know I'm not going to tell him everything due to his reaction when I was brutally honest. I felt like I was being bullied. Don't think I'll go back tbh. Was just treated like an idiot.

Can't help but think it will be a complete waste of time and money.

Hi, the most important thing in therapy is the relationship between therapist and client. Maybe what you are saying is true, maybe it's a projection of yours, maybe a little of both. As opposed to leaving that situation I would verbalize your feelings with this therapist next session and see if you can work through them. On the other hand if you are not happy with the therapist maybe look for another one.

looking_around

TommieBoy wrote: »

When does this ...go away?

When does diabetes go away?

It depends on the type. If managed correctly, with a change in lifestyle it can be "cured", but is always a risk to return.
With the other, require constant monitoring, medicating, and making use of professional help when necessary.

There are good days and bad days, Days where the illness is very difficult to deal with, and days where you've just about forgotten you ever suffered.

0byme75341jo28

lighthouse wrote: »

Hi, the most important thing in therapy is the relationship between therapist and client. Maybe what you are saying is true, maybe it's a projection of yours, maybe a little of both. As opposed to leaving that situation I would verbalize your feelings with this therapist next session and see if you can work through them. On the other hand if you are not happy with the therapist maybe look for another one.

Forgot about that post.

I got sent back for a second assessment this week and met a different therapist, the one I'll be doing the sessions with, and I felt I got on with him much better. So I'm feeling quite good about the whole thing now

DeVore

I asked the same question once ... "When will this go away" ...

When does bad breath go away?

Well you might say "Hey! My breath doesnt smell!!" And that's true, it doesn't (at least lets presume its true ).

Your bad breath didn't "go away"... you keep it at bay with regular washing of your teeth and basic oral hygiene. You aren't suffering from bad breath at the moment, any more than I am suffering depression at the moment.

If you stop washing your teeth, pretty soon you'll have bad breath! If I stop "washing" my mind pretty soon I'll have bad thoughts.


Lets suppose you realised one day that you had bad breath and over a few days you took care of it. You would then say "Hey, I don't suffer from bad breath any more!" ... you wouldn't say "When does bad breath go away" because its always a possibility if you return to poor hygiene... but you don't have to suffer with it once you keep it at bay. Is that "going away?" ... well..I'll take it.

lighthouse

Cora Melodic Seed wrote: »

Forgot about that post.

I got sent back for a second assessment this week and met a different therapist, the one I'll be doing the sessions with, and I felt I got on with him much better. So I'm feeling quite good about the whole thing now

Glad to hear that and that you are feeling better about the whole thing

pinkstars

I feel so so so unwell

AnonAsimov

DeVore wrote: »

Forcing yourself to do something is forcing your brain to process something new. It breaks the cycle a bit (the newer the thing is, the better!) and helps stop the negative spiral.

Something like a shower is very sensory and your brain has to deal with it and brings you into Now.

Kayleigh, Anon, I hope this passes quickly for ye. Kayleigh... once you have been "balanced" in your life once, its a lot easier to get back there. Its not as tough as the first time or anything like it I find so don't feel like "oh I'm back at square 1"... you are far from it.

Cheers for the reply. I checked that issue with my boss and it was no big deal. Not perfect mind you but the parts don't have to be scrapped.

I'm just allowing myself to get super stressed out. I emigrated this year and got a new job. I love it but there is so much being thrown at me I find it hard to keep up. I'm new to this industry and to be honest I know very little. Feels like every decision I make I'm putting my neck out.

Just so much to learn, I feel so slow when I can't understand things. I waste time humming and hawing over decisions.

My head feels like its gonna burst. I'm on a field hitch with work, I have citalopram with me as had a feeling I'd get stressed. Not sure weather I should take it or not. Because I dont have enough to last the whole trip. I think im gonna talk to a doctor when I get back.

cometogether

I've felt terrible all day, my mind racing and playing things over while I don't concentrate on important stuff. Am alsuper stressed from college and the result I'll get in my degree as this is my final year. My counsellor said that I have problems with anxiety as well as depression and I didn't really know what that meant at all. I haven't gone to a doctor at all just a counsellor, would people recommend it?