LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

TeacherforHire

But I'm fnding it hard to keep my eyes clear of water

I did this to move out of a bad home situation and it just seems like such a stupid thing to do. I was too lazy to get a job in my home country, so I moved all the way to another?

LoonyLovegood

Came to a realisation in the car last night. I'm probably going to be on anti-depressants for the rest of my life. That's fine. Because it's the same as taking tablets for my thyroid issues, it's just an imbalance in a different organ.

Now, if it hadn't taken six years to come to that fact.

TeacherforHire

Would it be so bad if I just left? I do a little teaching and, if I don't enjoy it, just leave.

I have enough to rent a flat away from home for a month. I'd need to pay back money, so I'd need to get a full time job.

But, honestly, would it be so bad if I just left?

DeVore

My advice is wait until you are feeling more yourself again before making a big decision like that. You've been through a lot by the sounds of it and are maybe feeling a bit raw... this isn't a good time to make big decisions. If you really have to, write things down in a list of pros and cons and try not to be emotional or judgemental about it. But really if you can manage to maintain things as they are for a while, just to give yourself time to clear your head and get some space, then do that.... you can always make this decision later, you might not be able to reverse things.

TeacherforHire

Today was good. I actually enjoyed teaching. I failed miserably at it, but I thought it was fun.

BUT

I came to the realization that this life isn't for me. I don't want to be going all around the place and experiencing culture shock at every turn in the road.

I may have came to a decision that I am leaving after my first pay check.

TheSegal

I just finished my PhD today in Mechanical Engineering. I should be happy but I just don't seem to care, I know i'll probably perk up later but just feel empty about it. I've spent the last 5 years doing it where it basically consumed my life and every conversation with family members and randomers on nights out would revolve around it. I feel free from it but I just don't know what to do with myself now, i've sent out a huge amount of CVs but I know it's going to take a while before I get responses.

I'm starting to worry that since I have nothing to do i'm just going to spiral downwards again even though I should be out celebrating with friends. All of my friends asked me if I was heading out on Friday to celebrate but I didn't give them a concrete answer because I don't want to cancel like I do 90% of the time they ask me out.

I don't really know why I posted this, it is nice to get it off my chest though.

DeVore

How about this.... take a break for a while, seems like you have earned it!!

Go out on Friday, force yourself to if needs be. Go out and enjoy the first night of the rest of your life with endless possibility coming your way. Stop the fear, there is nothing to be afraid of now. Take a big deep breath and let the fear go and allow yourself this time without worrying about the future or revisiting the past. Next week will come, and you'll deal with it, next week. Friday, dance like no one is watching.

looking_around

TheSegal wrote: »

I just finished my PhD today in Mechanical Engineering. I should be happy but I just don't seem to care, I know i'll probably perk up later but just feel empty about it. I've spent the last 5 years doing it where it basically consumed my life and every conversation with family members and randomers on nights out would revolve around it. I feel free from it but I just don't know what to do with myself now, i've sent out a huge amount of CVs but I know it's going to take a while before I get responses.

I'm starting to worry that since I have nothing to do i'm just going to spiral downwards again even though I should be out celebrating with friends. All of my friends asked me if I was heading out on Friday to celebrate but I didn't give them a concrete answer because I don't want to cancel like I do 90% of the time they ask me out.

I don't really know why I posted this, it is nice to get it off my chest though.

If you're really worried about spiralling, try signing up to some FAS courses, or check out some online modules on coursera.org.

It's a good way to set yourself up with something to do while you search for work.

I'd suggest FAS either way as you can sort of know "well it'll be x amount of time but I'll be able start x y or z.." And I can chill until then, "I *will* have something to do"

Volunteering, not to be all selfish orientated, but volunteering often improves mood quite a bit.

you could also talk to your doc and get referred to outpatient facilities, just to meet with a nurse once a week. I found that support... didn't talk about anything in particular..was more to "know" I had that support, I found it very helpful.

The Strawman Argument

Would definitely back up both what DeVore and looking_around are saying there.

Try and get some kind of activities underway so that you remain aware of time passing but hopefully without being overly pressured by that fact, if that makes any sense. Now could be the time to branch off into some more recreational ideas that popped into your head relating to your degree that you didn't have the time to focus on while you were doing the PhD?

If you get along with any of your class at all, definitely head out on Friday. You'll regret not doing so and if you've a record of cancelling a lot, the fact you've turned up at all will be enough to have people in a pretty positive mood towards you.

TeacherforHire

Just a post to update.

Yeah, I am so happy I came here. I like teaching and it's a cool place.

Also, I'm embaressed about the absurdity that went on in my past posts

DeVore

Ah that's great!!!! Big stupid grin on my face now.


Yeah, I honestly couldn't count the number of times I've sat there and thought "wtf was I like?!"
Two days and two good nights sleep often can make a huge huge difference to how I look at things... not always but regularly that's what it takes, some time and some rest. As I said, I've come to recognise those times and the best I can do is just set a straight course and wait for it to blow over.

Absolutely chuffed for you Teach, delighted!!

C14N

It's been a while since I posted here and I'm not even sure I should be posting here because I'm not sure I have depression so much as just severely deflated self esteem. A bit over a month ago it really hit me that I didn't have any "friends" anymore and when that happened I think that the way I was feeling might have been accurately described as "depressed", at least for a few days. I really felt miserable, I could have easily gone into college to study for the day and could spend an entire day without speaking at all and could barely concentrate on my actual work either. I also had a lot of trouble getting to sleep even though I felt constantly tired and I pretty much went to bed as soon as I got home again. The only highlight of the day at the time was taking a shower because it felt soothing and warm. I broke out of it before Christmas though and I was mostly fine when my family (who recently moved abroad) came back for the break.

Shortly after that I went over to visit them and I sort of got worse again. It wasn't the kind of crippling feeling I had before, it was more a case of my default state was feeling down. I could still laugh at some things or some things would kind of pick me up for a short while but most of the day would just be spent unhappy and dwelling on the aforementioned lack of friends and that's kind of still where I'm at now.

It's such a huge shift from how I felt during the summer of last year. Back then I had just come back from a college exchange and everything felt like it was going to pick up. I had been Facebook messaging some old friends from school that I hadn't seen much of in a while about playing music and video games over the summer, I went to a barbeque party with a bunch of college friends the weekend I got back which was a great time and I had a job ready to go. I felt all fired up and then things just kind of went downhill.

I didn't see any more of college friends over the summer, didn't talk much with people at work and after getting together quickly with the school friends early on it became increasingly difficult to do so again. Every weekend there seemed to be some new excuse not too and even though I kept trying to organise things it only happened once more with nobody else ever inviting me to things. I still kept trying to hang out with these guys who were my best friends in school by arranging things on weekends and still had no luck since and I'm fairly well convinced that those guys don't actually want me hanging around with them anymore.

College was really no better. I used to be fairly well in with a group of friends before I did my exchange. I mean I was never fully "in" I don't think but I was close enough that I got invited along when they were going to the cinema or bowling or whatever and I was even invited along on a trip down the country during the holidays for New Year's. When I got back, that stuff was all over. Didn't matter how much I hung around or studied with them in college, I wasn't getting told about anything anymore. I still knew things were happening, I'd overhear others talk about it, but I wouldn't be included. I kept hoping that someday somebody would say "hey, you want to come along to this thing on Friday?" or whatever but it wasn't until mid-December that I realised that would never happen and that these people that I used to consider friends clearly did not want to be my friends anymore. On top of that, they've pretty much all gone off to do work experience for the next 6 months so I'm fairly certain I won't see them again until September anyway.

And now I just don't feel like talking to people anymore. I constantly feel like doing so would just be inconveniencing them. Aside from the fact that college doesn't give me much free time, I don't feel like bothering trying to spend time with people because I'm just making things difficult for them because they either have to come up with some kind of excuse or, worse, actually talk me. Even if I do make new friends, it just feels like there's a clock running until they get sick of me too.

And that's pretty much where I'm at now. I know there isn't much anyone can really do to help it, but I at least wanted to get it off my chest somehow.

scrimshanker

Hi C14N.

Sorry I have nothing constructive to really say, but I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. I was very much the same in college - never quite 'in' and my school friends kinda didn't want me around any more. But I wanted to let you know that in my experience it gets better. People get older and cop on that leaving people out is upsetting and hurtful, and more time has passed and whatever changes they were going through in their early 20s are done - and then they remember why they enjoyed being around you in the first place. You also meet more people who are going in a much more similar life direction to you. I went through a patch of having very few friends, but it's improving now with a little bit of effort on my part to actively be friendly to people I meet for the first time and to actively get to know them.

Roquentin

^^^^^

i saw a lot of this in college. there was a lot of tribalism. people were nice to each other face to face and then talking about each other behind each others backs.

TheSegal

Decided to head out on Friday, had a great time! Weird leaving the department but at the same time kind of exciting to head off and do my own thing. Decided to try gardening at home, I live out in the countryside and have a lot of land. Have some cousins that do it and while they give out constantly about it they also say it's nice, relaxing, gets them outside and you know you've accomplished something when you are eating your produce at the end of it! I'm also about to peak with my C25K that I started before Christmas, really enjoy running now because I can throw on my ipod, do some deep breathing and head out without a thought in my mind. If I start thinking about the future I sprint ahead until my only thought is 'Ughhh, I shouldn't have done that!'

I also get tips on jobs by past graduates who decided to head out last Friday aswell to congratulate me on the phd, give me great advice and told me all of their stories about leaving the college. My supervisor said i'm the only student who openly admitted his depression, no one here has ever spoken about it but I really can't be the only one! He also said he really admired me for having the courage to get through it despite all of the hell I went through over the last few years with close family attempting suicide, the loss of a parent and the loss of my family home. When I think back the last few years where absolutely awful in terms of what happened but at the same time i've also experienced some of the greatest times of my life!

DeVore

I've been hit by the flu virus. You know when people say to you "oh, I've go the flu... *titter*" ... please punch them on the nose for me. They don't. I have the flu and I WANT TO DIE.

Delighted Friday went well for you TheSegal really chuffed. Genuinely happy for you, put a smile on my face.

Now if you all don't mind, I'm just going to nip off and pray for death.

Calibos

DeVore wrote: »

I've been hit by the flu virus. You know when people say to you "oh, I've go the flu... *titter*" ... please punch them on the nose for me. They don't. I have the flu and I WANT TO DIE.

Delighted Friday went well for you TheSegal really chuffed. Genuinely happy for you, put a smile on my face.

Now if you all don't mind, I'm just going to nip off and pray for death.

You should take some Vitamin C and some antibiotics for that Flu mate.

murria

DeVore wrote: »

I've been hit by the flu virus. You know when people say to you "oh, I've go the flu... *titter*" ... please punch them on the nose for me. They don't. I have the flu and I WANT TO DIE.

Now if you all don't mind, I'm just going to nip off and pray for death.

:eek: Omg! Sounds like that could be Womanflu!! Seriously though you seem to have been sick for ages. Really hope you feel better soon, please try not to die, you're far too useful round here for that. Sending you healing hugs.

C14N

scrimshanker wrote: »

Hi C14N.

Sorry I have nothing constructive to really say, but I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. I was very much the same in college - never quite 'in' and my school friends kinda didn't want me around any more. But I wanted to let you know that in my experience it gets better. People get older and cop on that leaving people out is upsetting and hurtful, and more time has passed and whatever changes they were going through in their early 20s are done - and then they remember why they enjoyed being around you in the first place. You also meet more people who are going in a much more similar life direction to you. I went through a patch of having very few friends, but it's improving now with a little bit of effort on my part to actively be friendly to people I meet for the first time and to actively get to know them.

Thanks for the picker-upper anyway. Honestly the worry for me was always just whether it would be a long term thing. Like when I was away I only had a few friends but I didn't feel bad about it because I still thought I was going to come home and still hang out with Irish friends but when that well dried up it felt a lot worse. Sometimes I feel like there's no way to break out, but I do try to keep in mind that things are always changing and how I feel now isn't how I'm going to always feel so thanks for that.

Roquentin wrote: »

^^^^^

i saw a lot of this in college. there was a lot of tribalism. people were nice to each other face to face and then talking about each other behind each others backs.

Honestly, it's something I noticed happening more and more over time. Like in first year, it's great. It feels like everyone is friends and any little groups that pop up are "still hiring" if you get me. In 2nd year it was a bit stronger but when I left it was still a lot more like a big homogenous group. You can hang out with anyone and still make new friends easily. By the time you're in your 4th year like me though, the tribalism is in full force and if you don't have a solid group then you're kind of lost. People kind of tend to assume you already have another group and if you don't then they don't really have time for more friends anyway.

Roquentin

C14N wrote: »

Honestly, it's something I noticed happening more and more over time. Like in first year, it's great. It feels like everyone is friends and any little groups that pop up are "still hiring" if you get me. In 2nd year it was a bit stronger but when I left it was still a lot more like a big homogenous group. You can hang out with anyone and still make new friends easily. By the time you're in your 4th year like me though, the tribalism is in full force and if you don't have a solid group then you're kind of lost. People kind of tend to assume you already have another group and if you don't then they don't really have time for more friends anyway.

i agree. first year everyone is at the same level and is all nice. but then they gradually get to know each other and start to apply labels to each other.

I think its human nature. one individual or group demeans another. ive seen it in the work environment also. people feed on gossip.

kind of glad im away from it all

Time to revisit this thread again!

I'm a pessimist by nature, and I try not to let myself get carried away when things are going ok, but I'm very cautiously optimistic that I might have turned a corner of some sort. Some intense chats with a friend recently have put things into perspective and have given me something of a refreshed outlook on life. I'm eating somewhat healthier these days (though not on weekends, 'cause there's no point in being puritanical about dieting) and walking a lot more, so am hopeful I might lose a little bit of weight over the coming months; I'm not obese or anything but my weight has always been a sore point for me, and being somewhat slimmer would be a massive confidence boost! I'm trying to look at things more objectively than subjectively, and it seems to be working ok for me so far.

The only downside is that I have developed a massive crush on this friend. We met through OkCupid but he told me a few months ago that he's only interested in being friends; at the time I was cool with that but now I can't help thinking about him in other ways!! Part of me wants to tell him how I really feel, and how I like him more than he likes me, but I reckon it's better to let it go, since I don't want to risk jeopardising what is a really nice friendship, even though I'm not after a big serious commitment or anything and would be really happy with casual dating and/or an open relationship. Anyway, if I keep up this positive outlook and (hopefully) weight loss, I'll gain enough confidence to meet someone else somewhere down the line!

There are definitely still plenty of demons in my life but for the first time in ages I'm beginning to believe that I have the strength to confront them and fight them off. Hopefully this will continue........if not, I'll be back here moaning to you all again! :pac:

Hope everyone is doing ok at the moment.

murria

Good for you Homer. Nice to see that you are making some positive changes in your life. I think you are doing the right thing with your friend, just enjoy the relationship for what it is now its probably contributing to your improved sense of wellbeing and it would be a pity to damage that. Hope things keep going in the right direction you deserve it.

stop animal cruelty

did a really stupid thing last night...mixed tabs with vodka honestly thought l was gonna lose my mind at work today....l became really anxious and was just all over the place. my body felt like it was on fire and just not thinking straight or cleary never again. wanted to just brust into tears but l was just numbish in a way....?! l almost snapped at a few people, and wouldnt be like me to.

anyone had similar experience?

Drumpot

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

did a really stupid thing last night...mixed tabs with vodka honestly thought l was gonna lose my mind at work today....l became really anxious and was just all over the place. my body felt like it was on fire and just not thinking straight or cleary never again. wanted to just brust into tears but l was just numbish in a way....?! l almost snapped at a few people, and wouldnt be like me to.

anyone had similar experience?

There was a time when I would mix up medication with alcohol, I would pretend (to myself and my wife) that it was by accident, but looking back I don't think I ever drank while on medication, without fully understanding on some level what I was doing (even if I was drunk doing it).

To be honest, part of me hoped I would have some sort of negative reaction, part of me didn't want to wake up.

Only you know why you would do this, but it was only when I pushed all alcohol out of my life , was I able to see how destructive and damaging it was to my mental & Physical health. I was only drinking once a week, so it wasn't chronic consumption! Sometimes its difficult to see the damage we are doing to ourselves.

Most people would not mix alcohol and medication, even by accident. On reflection I realised that a lot of my anxiety , particularly the day after an episode of drink and medication, was because I felt out of control. I knew deep down, even though I didn't want to admit it, that I had emotional problems and that when I drank it only made things worse.

Sometimes the hardest demon or bad habit to catch is the one right on front of us.

stop animal cruelty

I didnt mix them on purpose, l just wasnt thinking....like ld forget lm on tabs!

l understand when you say you were hoping for a negative reaction...like a cry out for help?! Now that you mentioned it l guess deep down l do feel like lm losing control, to an extent.

Drumpot

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

I didnt mix them on purpose, l just wasnt thinking....like ld forget lm on tabs!

l understand when you say you were hoping for a negative reaction...like a cry out for help?! Now that you mentioned it l guess deep down l do feel like lm losing control, to an extent.

I hope you don't think I am judging you or telling you what to do.



I write a certain way. I learned it from support groups and one to one therapy. Neither I or anybody here knows exactly what is going on in your life or why you react certain ways to different things.




But what we can do, is relate to different aspects of your life and try to give you examples of where we learned to overcome these anxiety's or depressed states. You need to decide if its a technique that may be worth exploring.

For me, when I drank I really let loose emotionally. By that, I mean, I was able to not worry about the things that constantly bothered me for most of the week. At different times I drank socially, but over the last few years, I preferred to drink at home. When I wasn't drinking I was constantly anxious about things in my life -job, family, my mortality, the future. I tried to be in control as much as I could, but it was driving me mad. When I had alcohol (or medication), it didn't bother me as much.

People think of addictive habits in funny ways. A smoker is addicted to cigarettes. Most people think of this as not that big a deal because smoking is legal and is a very common practise. Being addicted to more obviously damaging things like Alcohol or Drugs are frowned upon by a very misguided (to the point of ignorance) society. Addiction is addiction. some people are addicted to exercise or they might have OCD tendancies.

I started to make progress and have a much better life when I was willing to look at all aspects of my life. I didn't dismiss things, no matter how much I believed they weren't a factor. This included how I viewed the world (negatively), my life (I was completely deluded) and the impact my learned (physical/mental) behaviour was having on my well being.

Again, I am not saying that all this is relevant to you, but if you are finding that your life is becoming unmanageable and that your anxiety is having a detrimental effect on your happiness, then perhaps you need to learn a new way to live. The only way to do this is by surrendering to a new way.

I am going to use your own words now. If you are feeling "anxious, numbish, snapping at people and just all over the place", do you think that you might need a bit of help getting back to a balanced, more manageable way of living ?

Coming to a forum like this is a great help, but for me it was only a momentary relief valve. I had to find an alternative programme for living that a professional could help me start and a support group could help me maintain. I have posted it several times here before. Aware do a free CBT course that can help people start a new way of living. Maybe it wont be the one for everybody, but you don't know unless you try.

efb

in a bad place again. work gives me such anxiety, been to work doc, may need to see psycologist

DeVore

Sorry to hear that efb... come back to us, you're one of the good 'uns

cindrella

Seeing a counsellor been experiencing anxiety on lustral which is helping fulltime carer which can be hard.
My counsellor said to me last week that she believes I have turned off my emotions as in I dnt care about myself no self worth but care for every one around me and show them emotion affection and care but when it comes to me I dnt and I dnt allow others to care for me as I want to put them out or incovience them.i don't hate myself or have a negative feels about myself I just don't feel anything for me.
She is trying to get me to pin point in my life when it happened.
I don't remember every feeling afraid or sad or happy for myself but I do feel all these for others.
My dad died when I was 12 and my siblings were all in college so I became the carer fulltime yes it was a lot of responsibility but I love caring for my mum. Its really got me thinking did I ever have emotions for myself anyone any advice ?

HeyArnold320

Hi,

I'm new to this thread. I believe I have been suffering from depression/anxiety for a long time but being a typical male I don't talk about it with others. My better half knows I get down at times so she has been great but I feel it's so unfair on her. I have a lovely family and I love her to bits but I sometimes feel so selfish in how I can act.
I just wake up in the morning and know if it's going to be a good day or bad day.
I don't tick a lot of boxes others do, as in I sleep great for one. But on a bad day it's like a really heavy weight on me. Sometimes it lifts and other times it doesn't. When I'm feeling this way I am very quiet, often snappy with my other half and I can argue about the stupidest things.
The worst part is the anxiety though. Today I feel all panic like and nervous. I'm in work and find it difficult to deal with people.
Over the last year I've noticed I dislike talking to most people sometimes. I don't make much of an effort and for some reason, I find it so hard to look at some people in the eye. I don't know why that happens. It's like I find it harder to be nice to people and easier to argue, so for that reason, I don't say much.

My family life is great and I have a good job. Really I have no reason to feel like this. I just don't know if I can take much more.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I just needed to vent