LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

NoAlarms

My first time posting but have been reading for a while, and probably why I joined . Have had those "I know exactly how you feel" reactions for twenty years. I was seventeen when my life fell apart because of my mental health. This was how I felt for a long time

I struggle to get up
I can't look in a mirror
If I look in a mirror I can't leave the house
I think everyone is better than me
My thoughts race in my head all the time
I wish I had been more successful
Why did I get sick
I missed out on what I was meant to do
Why did my life not go as I wanted it to..


I could go on, but I'm starting to realise who I am, that my illness is part of me and makes me who I am (forgive the cliche). My struggle now is to accept the regrets..I am 38, missed out on stuff, struggling to come to terms with it. Slightly afraid to start living properly again.Its a battle that can be won but sometimes its like falling into a black hole.Its very familiar but scary.I suppose my point is to those who are younger than me..fight it and you will win..you have time on your hands, you will realise that

For anyone my age..any wisdom with how to deal with regrets would be very welcome.
Thanks

niell919

Useless you have alot of money to spend on Psychotherapy your options for treatment are limited to medication. I've been on and off various anti-depressants for the past 4 years and I'm becoming increasingly disillusioned by them, I just feel that newer generations of medicines aren't being developed and marketed quick enough, I mean if you look at some of the "best" antidepressants currently available you'll see that in clinical studies they are usually only marginally better then placebo.
I recent came across a bunch of recent studies showing that low-dose ketamine can alleviate depression in even the most treatment resistant of patients with much higher success rates than current ADs, a single low-dose ketamine treatment was found to last up to 7 days!
In America treatment clinics are popping up to provide this alternative treatment to patients.

Don't want to sound like a conspiracy theorist but I just feel like large pharmaceutical companies don't have our best interests at heart, it's an industry driven by profit.

Call Me Jimmy

The only wisdom about regrets is to not keep making new ones I suppose. But when something becomes pathological its hard.

Sometimes when I think of my younger self I force myself to stop immediately because of the amount of acute pain it brings. I can only wish you the best of luck, I'm sorry you've suffered.

NoAlarms

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

The only wisdom about regrets is to not keep making new ones I suppose. But when something becomes pathological its hard.

Sometimes when I think of my younger self I force myself to stop immediately because of the amount of acute pain it brings. I can only wish you the best of luck, I'm sorry you've suffered.

I'm glad I'm not the only one to think that (obviously I know thats true). Just at times when I start to feel ok and move on with my life I start thinking about the "what ifs" and its like taking ten steps back. Its my battle at the moment.Probably why i wish I could wrap up every young person and make sure they don't ever get to this stage with their illness.

Thanks for your reply

NoAlarms

NoAlarms wrote: »

I'm glad I'm not the only one to think that (obviously I know thats not true). Just at times when I start to feel ok and move on with my life I start thinking about the "what ifs" and its like taking ten steps back. Its my battle at the moment.Probably why i wish I could wrap up every young person and make sure they don't ever get to this stage with their illness.

Thanks for your reply[/

Macavity.

niell919 wrote: »

Useless you have alot of money to spend on Psychotherapy your options for treatment are limited to medication. I've been on and off various anti-depressants for the past 4 years and I'm becoming increasingly disillusioned by them, I just feel that newer generations of medicines aren't being developed and marketed quick enough, I mean if you look at some of the "best" antidepressants currently available you'll see that in clinical studies they are usually only marginally better then placebo.

Antidepressants (SSRIs/SNRIs) are only used for treatment because they have no recreational or abuse potential whatsoever and are almost impossible to overdose on - they are a safe option with limited liability for both pharmaceutical companies and Doctors, as opposed to earlier treatments, such as Amphetamines - which obviously had the risk of abuse and overdose among other things, and rightfully have not been used to treat depression for some time.

Unfortunately, the damaging effects, both short and long term, of SSRIs and SNRIs are not as superficial or appealing to the media as earlier questionable medications were. This coupled with the multi million industry that is provided by these drugs means they are probably going to be around for a very long time.

I'll be honest, I have recklessly ingested and snorted some amount of shit in my life, but not one of those has came close to the destruction, both mentally and physically, that Lexapro and Effexor have had on me. Yet, two doctors want me back on similar medication. At least I won't overdose on them, eh? :rolleyes:

Kimbot

Macavity. wrote: »

Antidepressants (SSRIs/SNRIs) are only used for treatment because they have no recreational or abuse potential whatsoever and are almost impossible to overdose on - they are a safe option with limited liability for both pharmaceutical companies and Doctors, as opposed to earlier treatments, such as Amphetamines - which obviously had the risk of abuse and overdose among other things, and rightfully have not been used to treat depression for some time.

Unfortunately, the damaging effects, both short and long term, of SSRIs and SNRIs are not as superficial or appealing to the media as earlier questionable medications were. This coupled with the multi million industry that is provided by these drugs means they are probably going to be around for a very long time.

I'll be honest, I have recklessly ingested and snorted some amount of shit in my life, but not one of those has came close to the destruction, both mentally and physically, that Lexapro and Effexor have had on me. Yet, two doctors want me back on similar medication. At least I won't overdose on them, eh? :rolleyes:

Just to say that part is untrue from what I know, I know 2 people that have overdosed on them and thats why my family were completely against me been on them to begin with because they were afraid I would do the same. But I suppose it all depends on quantity etc.

DeVore

This line of discussion is beyond what is allowed on this thread... sorry, but talk of SSRIs etc being ineffective, illegal (and very dangerous alternatives like horse tranquiliser Ketamine) are just not proper here.
Sorry, you aren't medically trained and we aren't covered for this sort of discussion.

DeVore

NoAlarms wrote: »

I'm glad I'm not the only one to think that (obviously I know thats true). Just at times when I start to feel ok and move on with my life I start thinking about the "what ifs" and its like taking ten steps back. Its my battle at the moment.Probably why i wish I could wrap up every young person and make sure they don't ever get to this stage with their illness.

Thanks for your reply

I can empathise with the "regrets" thing but damn, man, you are only 38! given that the first 15 years or so of life are pretty hazy, you have been an "adult" for what, 20 years? Life expectancy for someone your age is 80+... you've 40 years of life you can look forward to, you're barely a third of the way through it!

You know how to avoid regrets? Stop adding to them by wasting time regretting
I blew so many chances, so many opportunities, its ludicrous. I chose not to buy the domain sex.com for example! I screwed my degree up and barely graduated so bye bye research/post-grad, I've frittered away chances to write, act, any number of possible alternative lifes I could have had. I don't regret these things, they are the scars of life. Its "buyers remorse" and its unavoidable. I haven't played The Perfect Game in my life, no one can so its impossible to avoid mistakes... but I'm here, and I'm alive and things are good. I'm 45, I'm at the halfway point and man, so far its been a ride. Cant wait for the next half!

mickstupp

I like this, walking in my front door when it's still bright out.

NoAlarms

DeVore wrote: »

I can empathise with the "regrets" thing but damn, man, you are only 38! given that the first 15 years or so of life are pretty hazy, you have been an "adult" for what, 20 years? Life expectancy for someone your age is 80+... you've 40 years of life you can look forward to, you're barely a third of the way through it!

You know how to avoid regrets? Stop adding to them by wasting time regretting
I blew so many chances, so many opportunities, its ludicrous. I chose not to buy the domain sex.com for example! I screwed my degree up and barely graduated so bye bye research/post-grad, I've frittered away chances to write, act, any number of possible alternative lifes I could have had. I don't regret these things, they are the scars of life. Its "buyers remorse" and its unavoidable. I haven't played The Perfect Game in my life, no one can so its impossible to avoid mistakes... but I'm here, and I'm alive and things are good. I'm 45, I'm at the halfway point and man, so far its been a ride. Cant wait for the next half!

That's a very fresh, interesting perspective, thank you. From reading others experiences it is quite reassuring to know I'm not the only one. Your point about "alternative lives" is very interesting..that's where my head takes me a lot lately. But you're right, it's not over yet and I have a lot of good in my life regardless of how my illness has affected me. Acceptance is very important, while difficult at times, only then is there time for moving on to new things. Maybe you'll find the next big .com domain..I shall be still trying to work out how to post properly..what a lovely new inconsequential problem!! Take care

DeVore

And you!

But seriously, read up about Buyers Remorse. It basically says that no matter *what* decision one makes, everyone starts to regret not taking the other road. There are a million ways to live your life, you've probably made a million small but impactful decisions in 38 years, so there are 999,999 OTHER lives... if you start regretting even a fraction of them, you are going to waste the one you have.

Welcome to the rest of your amazing life.

Macavity.

DeVore wrote: »

This line of discussion is beyond what is allowed on this thread... sorry, but talk of SSRIs etc being ineffective, illegal (and very dangerous alternatives like horse tranquiliser Ketamine) are just not proper here.
Sorry, you aren't medically trained and we aren't covered for this sort of discussion.

So, discussing the well documented facts concerning the negative effects of SSRIs is not allowed on a thread about depression? Really? I understand the issue regarding ketamine (as it's illegal) which by the way is not just "a horse tranquiliser" as you misleadingly put it, but rather a strong anesthetic that is sometimes used on horses, but much more frequently used on humans in a medical setting. Just to clarify, not for a moment am I suggesting Ket as a form of treatment for depression.

jonny24ie wrote: »

Just to say that part is untrue from what I know, I know 2 people that have overdosed on them and thats why my family were completely against me been on them to begin with because they were afraid I would do the same. But I suppose it all depends on quantity etc.

Very difficult to accomplish overdose on antidepressants, it's a long and agonising process. Studies show you would want to take 75 times your daily dose at once and even then there is a high survival rate, most SSRI related fatalities are due to poly drug use.

KKkitty

Don't know how to explain this but when I was younger i talked to myself. I'd pretend I was talking to someone else in my own head like a family member. It got to a point where I'd answer for the other person too. Had a bit of an argument with my sister and started it again.

DeVore

Macavity. wrote: »

So, discussing the well documented facts concerning the negative effects of SSRIs is not allowed on a thread about depression? Really? I understand the issue regarding ketamine (as it's illegal) which by the way is not just "a horse tranquiliser" as you misleadingly put it, but rather a strong anesthetic that is sometimes used on horses, but much more frequently used on humans in a medical setting. Just to clarify, not for a moment am I suggesting Ket as a form of treatment for depression.



Very difficult to accomplish overdose on antidepressants, it's a long and agonising process. Studies show you would want to take 75 times your daily dose at once and even then there is a high survival rate, most SSRI related fatalities are due to poly drug use.

yes, that's not allowed on this support thread. This isn't the first time its been brought up, we aren't going there. Sorry, we're just not so let it be. Thanks...

Gremlinertia

KKkitty wrote: »

Don't know how to explain this but when I was younger i talked to myself. I'd pretend I was talking to someone else in my own head like a family member. It got to a point where I'd answer for the other person too. Had a bit of an argument with my sister and started it again.

Talking to yourself is often a good way of teasing things out for yourself if you don't wish discuss it with someone else.. Don't worry about it too much unless it actually directly effects things you do or make uncomfortable decisions. First time i was asked about hearing voices i wrecked the doc's head trying to define it and we ended up with anything that tells you to do something you are uncomfortable with.. Only my opinion you understand, just sharing in case it helps.

KKkitty

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Talking to yourself is often a good way of teasing things out for yourself if you don't wish discuss it with someone else.. Don't worry about it too much unless it actually directly effects things you do or make uncomfortable decisions. First time i was asked about hearing voices i wrecked the doc's head trying to define it and we ended up with anything that tells you to do something you are uncomfortable with.. Only my opinion you understand, just sharing in case it helps.

I don't hear voices but sometimes I feel like it's weird to do it. Something happened when I was young that shouldn't and I started talking to myself after it.

Gremlinertia

Sorry drifted off topic a bit. Awful tendency to do so.. Anyway, just saying i really don't think it's too odd to do it at all. An internal kind of dialogue is fairly plentiful with people..

KKkitty

You're ok. I feel like it's weird at times though.

Gremlinertia

I try not to believe in saying something isn't normal.. It's bad for my mind to say it because it automatically pigeonholes me as 'abnormal' and i already fought that battle with coming out gay some years back.. Being left handed isn't weird. Neither is being gay. So talking to yourself doesn't have to be either..

efb

Instead of getting better I feel I'm slipping into a rut. Sleeping too long avoiding human interaction

DeVore

efb wrote: »

Instead of getting better I feel I'm slipping into a rut. Sleeping too long avoiding human interaction

Yeah, I've been guilty of that lately too, I was going to bail on the gym today and rang my trainer but I thought about the advice I've given people here and felt like a fraud so when he answered I blurted out "we still on for 5? yeah? cool!". And went....
Its tough though and lately I kinda want the world to go away for a while , while I get myself back on my feet. Truth is though, I'll never be "on my feet" sufficiently and isolating moves me further away from that, not closer.

Efb, you need to break that rut now, while its still just a rut and not a spiral. You know you need to.... (that's the worst bit 'innit )

Greycat

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Yeah a very common hurdle is the doctor itself.. One bad experience can colour your opinion of future visits.. How would they react if they were going to somewhere with depression as their primary concern? I'm thinking pieta house if there's one local or again back to aware to advise you of specialists in your area.. As for intimacy, that does tend to fade into the background with this illness as in my case I feel very worthless and unlovable most of the time.. It could be to your benefit to attend a support group yourself.. In fact if your partner sees you doing that perhaps it might help spur them on..

Pm anytime if you want to tall further I hope even a small bit of help happened..

Thanks a million Gremlinertia, that means a lot. Seriously, it's difficult to convey over an internet page, but I'm very touched and grateful for the offer!

jonny24ie wrote: »

Grey, did you happen to read the segment in the Indo yesterday? If not drop me a PM with your email and I will forward it on to you, I thought it was very useful for people in your position. Going to the GP about it is the hardest thing to do but once that happens things will get easier for your partner

I didn't no, jonny24ie. If you could, I'd really appreciate it. Thnaks again!

Calibos

That spiral (isolating myself etc) is turning into a decade + for me.

Looked up atypical depression after someone mentioned it a few weeks ago and it seems to describe me very well. Something that also resonated is the fact that most sufferers apparently think that its just their personality because it commonly starts in the teens and unlike melancholic typical depression one can still derive pleasure and happiness from things that give one pleasure and happiness. (ie.With no uninterrupted deep sadness and ability to feel happy at times means atypicals assume they don't have depression) Its only when anxiety kicks in at some point that atypicals realise something is wrong and get diagnosed. My anxiety kicked in in 2013 but seeing as the SNRI I was on made me feel the same emotionally as I did before the anxiety event and the same as I do now a year after coming off the SNRI, I figured well, I've always felt this way, its my personality, I think I just have some GAD and didn't have depression at all, I've posted that self assesment several times now.

Maybe I'm in fact an atypical.

Shelga

A good friend/colleague of mine in work confided in me today that he fears he's slipping back into depression. He's been to the brink before and is finding everything a struggle at the moment.

He's had an incredibly difficult 18 months after finding out his wife had an affair, ill parents, feuding family members, struggling kids etc.

How can I help him? I know I can't fix it but what is the best thing to advise in these situations? He knows I'm there for him, I just don't want the black cloud to take hold and the despair to set in. Any advice welcome.

DeVore

The fact that he confided in you is a good thing. For the moment that's a big step. Try to socialise with him if you can, like a beer after work maybe (not that beer helps but 1 or 2 is ok... the company is the best thing!).

If you get to talking to him again about it, invent a friend who is an amalgam of all of us here ... tell him your "friend" sought CBT counselling and its worked for him. Suggest he find a counsellor too (I always use the word counsellor as its less scary than shrink, psychiatrist, or psychologist)...

dellas1979

DeVore wrote: »

I can empathise with the "regrets" thing but damn, man, you are only 38! given that the first 15 years or so of life are pretty hazy, you have been an "adult" for what, 20 years? Life expectancy for someone your age is 80+... you've 40 years of life you can look forward to, you're barely a third of the way through it!

You know how to avoid regrets? Stop adding to them by wasting time regretting
I blew so many chances, so many opportunities, its ludicrous. I chose not to buy the domain sex.com for example! I screwed my degree up and barely graduated so bye bye research/post-grad, I've frittered away chances to write, act, any number of possible alternative lifes I could have had. I don't regret these things, they are the scars of life. Its "buyers remorse" and its unavoidable. I haven't played The Perfect Game in my life, no one can so its impossible to avoid mistakes... but I'm here, and I'm alive and things are good. I'm 45, I'm at the halfway point and man, so far its been a ride. Cant wait for the next half!

I think thats one of the coolest things Ive ever read!

Regrets happen to every single person on this planet (as far as I know no one possess a time machine). Its how we deal with them "Oh no thats the rest of my life ruined" or "Ok, it didnt work out (dealing with it), (acknowledge) Ill remember things, but (want to) move on..." (for someone more sensitive, it takes practice to do that).

Edit: Whenever I think I cant do something, or fixate on something I "shouldve done" or shouldnt have done. I visualise an old man crossing the finishing line at a marathon. Then a quick little play back wards of how he got there (i.e., getting up in the morning, in the dark, even when he's tired, to train, sometimes he is injured, he is sore, figuring out a training plan...). Its a symbol really. Yes, I even get emotional towards that old man (in a proud way). The old man (is me, Im female btw).

Call Me Jimmy

Pretty much exactly what Devore said. Just asking the question means he has one good friend at the very least and that is worth a hell of a lot in times of trouble.

wbt

DeVore wrote: »

I can empathise with the "regrets" thing but damn, man, you are only 38! given that the first 15 years or so of life are pretty hazy, you have been an "adult" for what, 20 years? Life expectancy for someone your age is 80+... you've 40 years of life you can look forward to, you're barely a third of the way through it!

You know how to avoid regrets? Stop adding to them by wasting time regretting
I blew so many chances, so many opportunities, its ludicrous. I chose not to buy the domain sex.com for example! I screwed my degree up and barely graduated so bye bye research/post-grad, I've frittered away chances to write, act, any number of possible alternative lifes I could have had. I don't regret these things, they are the scars of life. Its "buyers remorse" and its unavoidable. I haven't played The Perfect Game in my life, no one can so its impossible to avoid mistakes... but I'm here, and I'm alive and things are good. I'm 45, I'm at the halfway point and man, so far its been a ride. Cant wait for the next half!

I'm much happier these days after coming out of a pretty unhealthy relationship (codependent...I was depressed and he fed off it and tried to fix me and made me worse), but worrying about my age. I'm 30 and while I know that's not old, I'm female and I want to have a family. I already know I might well have fertility issues, so always thought I'd have started trying for kids by now. My ex strung me along for years and later admitted he didn't think we'd ever get married and have kids. This all makes me very down when I think about it. I really enjoy being able to do whatever I want and have my own space and independence and I'm much happier in myself now, but that stupid biological clock seems very unfair. If I were a man, it wouldn't be an issue, but I can't stop thinking about the fact that if I don't meet someone and settle down in the next couple of years, I've have lost my chance to have my own kids. It's taken the shine off the whole 'enjoying being single' thing. It's really tough not being able to control something like this. Most other things, you have a degree of control - I've started eating really well, given up booze, training at the gym, looking at retraining and earning a higher salary so I can travel more and have a better quality of life - but you can't control meeting someone and falling in love.

Any advice or thoughts?

Call Me Jimmy

Fair play on the self improvement, that is a minor miracle if you have a tendency to be low. The only thing I worry about when a woman is in your predicament is that consciously or unconsiously they may try to force it. In the end they may get their dream of children but if it is a case of seeing that end goal and trying to get there from a place like you are in now, there's the chance of missing out on warning signs re: who you end up with. Everything could be glossed over, then the children come along and it mightn't be what you thought. You and your partner might not be such a good match.

I don't like how that sounds but it's what I'd think generally. Though, if your attitude is more along the 'if it happens it happens' line of thinking, it's much more likely that if it DOES happen, there'll be a good foundation for a complete, loving family.

I just think it's healthier to prepare yourself mentally for the worst case. It will free you if you genuinely accept that you may not have kids, ironically making it more likely that you'll find someone who is right for you and then go on to have kids!

Just my opinion, I don't have any experience. But I have had to face the reality that not a single dream or desire of mine will be fulfilled. I'm not in a good place now, but if through some universal magic I come out the other side, I will be able to deal with anything because every expectation, notion about myself etc. has been threatened completely.