LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

DeVore

That, right there, is the biggest step of them all. Really, I know its a cliché but the decision to actually, actively get help is ALL you need. Yeah, things go up and down but if you cling to that desire to get better (and in my case the sheer bull headed stubbornness and sick-to-death-of-this-sh*t-ness) you really will get there.

One last bit of advice... actively plan to avoid boredom. I found that I needed to preplan to pack my day as much as possible because if I had hours of nothing to do, I just sat and moped or worse. Conversely I found the BEST treatment for my depression was something new. Anything new in fact (and it turns out that there are very good neuro-chemical reasons for that)... I threw myself into music, jigsaws, wood turning, photography, feckin' anything to keep my head occupied and some of them I turned out to be alright at and the feeling of satisfaction and self-esteem was a real added bonus.

But really, I'm genuinely happy to hear that from you. Like I said, we're always here, you can write on thread or PM. Always ask for help (its actually nice for the person being asked, it gives them validation and a feeling of value).

The Hill Billy

One of my best mates took his own life last night. Nobody saw it coming. His wife, family & friends - all shocked to the core, & not a clue that he was in such need of help.

It is OK not to be OK. Please people - talk to someone. I wish my mate had.

Gongoozler

Thing is Hill Billy, there's often nowhere else to go. I've got nowhere else to go. I'm feeling absolutely all over the place the last month or so. I've come off anti depressants, and I'm not going back on them. I've done the counselling thing, with Pieta house. I've talked to anyone who will listen. And here I am, still here, still with this **** in my head everyday. There is nothing.

guitarzero

Gongoozler wrote: »

Thing is Hill Billy, there's often nowhere else to go. I've got nowhere else to go. I'm feeling absolutely all over the place the last month or so. I've come off anti depressants, and I'm not going back on them. I've done the counselling thing, with Pieta house. I've talked to anyone who will listen. And here I am, still here, still with this **** in my head everyday. There is nothing.

Have to second this. And for some ppl, talking can make things worse. When I decided to tell ppl I knew of that I was depressed, which wasnt really that many, I mostly got a mix of confusion and some generic advice. Most didnt really know what to say because they didnt understand it. At best they suggested meds, therapy, yoga/meditation. At worst I was suggested to snap out of it, its all in my head, you're just taking a negative attitude, if I just got a job, exercised, slept earlier, prayed I'd feel better.

After time ppl have gotten fed up and assume that it's my fault. That I'm just being lazy or petulant, like a spoilt child. The ppl closest to me have actually been the worst and I have been completely scapegoated by them without a shred of moral support.

I'm not saying this to deter anyone and I am sure that many have found a lot of benefit having talked to someone but it can possibly backfire.

DeVore

There is something... there's time. Sometimes you need to give things time. The first 6 months after I really started to tackle this things... some days I felt like my head would explode. My emotions were pretty crazy and I honestly wasn't sure it was better that way than before. But over time I noticed things getting gradually better. I still have the bad days (weeks?) but they are less often and less severe. I'm not there yet (3 years after writing this thread) but things are definitely on an upward trend. I dunno what will happen for you but I know it wont be overnight and sometimes it feels like you've been fighting for ages already. Give it time, that's all I can say. Oh, and we're here for you, too.

DareGod

DareGod wrote: »

I was on Lexapro for 6 years. I tapered myself off it (using a stupid method) over the course of a year last year. A few weeks after I stopped taking it, symptoms of both withdrawal and anxiety came back. I've been like this for three months now. I went back on Lexapro last week. A couple of my fingers have lost some sensation. My mouth and tongue feel numb. My throat/adams apple area/neck feel a bit numb, but that started a couple of weeks before I went back on the lexapro. I have tingling and pins and needles in my legs and toes. I am gasping for air regularly. I lie in bed thinking to myself "I cannot believe this is where my life has come to." I grieve so hard for the old me. How the hell did I end up here again? Although, I know the answer to that. I was a series of bad choices. I'm so grateful I don't have any physical disease, yet the hypochondriac in me is often convinced otherwise. I'm a ball of fear and despair the past few months.

Hope you are all doing well today.

Mind if I ask what the stupid method was?

The Hill Billy

I feel for you, & as probably happens all too often - I do not know what to say.

Maybe my post was off-topic for this thread as it was more to do with the fact that he chose not to talk to someone at a critical time rather than dealing with his issue(s) in the longer term.

I just wish that he had picked up the phone & called me to tell me what was going on in his head, as I did to him 18 years ago. He was there for me in my darkest of hours on March 9th 1997. I suppose that I am angry with him for not allowing me to return the favour. I'm not just angry - I am ****ing furious.

I sincerely wish you all well & better times in the future...

looksee

Ok, here is a long shot, there is beginning to be some evidence that gluten intolerance can cause depression /irritability /anxiety. Not in all cases, but the possibility is there. Would it be worth not eating wheat for a couple of weeks to see if this has any relevance in your (anyone, not speaking to anyone in particular) case? It won't do any harm and it might do good. Advice is that you need several (about 2 - 3) months to know whether you are sensitive, but I found the effects were fairly quick.

It means reading packets and doing it properly, but it just might be worth a try.

NoAlarms

DeVore wrote: »

One of the biggest problems with mental health is this false idea that we are somehow not worth the time of other people or that we are a burden to them. I know the Pieta House folks through the SSF and they are soooo wonderful and understanding. You aren't wasting their time, if they aren't the place for you they'll guide you to where is I would say. You're worth a half hour of anyones time.

Thank you for your reply. I honestly found it difficult to come back here after my rambling, pretty non sensical post. Such is the level of criticism I subject myself to all the time. It was lovely to read that you took the essence of what I was trying to express and replied kindly. Sometimes I forget that there is actually kindness out there, often more so with strangers.I get a lot from reading this thread, makes me feel less alone, so I decided to ignore my own head and start engaging in things that benefit me.

I have been to Pieta House since and they were brilliant..my self criticism and anxiety became apparent to them in about three seconds. Turns out it's exactly the right place for me, and I have started counselling. I know it will take time, it can be very tough, but what I know of old is that to have any chance of getting out of the cycle of hell, I have to put my all into it. Time to make peace with my past, things that have happened both directly/indirectly because of my mental health.

It is really only when you start talking that you realise just how bad I am feeling..and how the feelings/obsessions of negativity have really brought my life to a more or less stop. I think for a long time I had started to accept that my life is more or less over, that the illness had won. For the first time in a while I have a bit of hope and I think that is a great thing to cling to.

Change is scary. A psychologist once told me that while having anxiety/depression can be pure hell, it's what we're familiar with, the idea that there is a possibility of happiness/contentment is frightening because its new.

Changing how I have been existing, the anxiety, hiding from the world, using bad coping methods, not beating myself up all the time...that will be hard, I feel myself panic just writing those words. Yet part of me is a bit excited at the thought that I might be able to live again, instead of looking from the outside thinking my time has passed.

The Hill Billy, if you read this, I'm very sorry for your loss.

Drumpot

I didn't quote anybody's post because I understand the following question can cause people anxiety and embarrassment. All I ask is that people reading this, who suffer from anxiety and/or depression ask themselves the question honestly. They don't have to post a reply here, but this could be a major roadblock in getting well or making progress.

1. Do you suffer from regular anxiety/depression or low moods?
2. Do you drink alcohol or take recreational drugs to "wind down" or "get a break" from how bad you feel at times?

If the answers are yes (even if it's maybe to question 2!), you might need to explore the effects it might be having on you. It's effectively self medication and people become dependent on these things to relax.

What is ironic is that they can be the major issue preventing people from properly addressing their problems. I have read many posts in this thread by people suffering terrible depression and it's clear (from some of their other posts) that alcohol is a major player in their lives. But the problem is that they don't see it that way and choose to ignore or rationalise their behaviour.

Sure they know people who drink far much more then them. They only drink the odd time. The real issue for them isn't necessarily how much they drink, it's more why they drink and the effect it had on them.

I don't expect too many people to reply to this post. If people found it easy to see their destructive habits , we probobley wouldn't need professional help to pinpoint these very flaws.

The reason that there is a saying "moment of clarity" is because what was once a thing that we could not face, becomes something we see right in front of us and in many instances it could be the biggest factor in getting well.

I originally went to a councellor to learn to talk about how I felt. As I progressed I went to a therapist who begun to challaNge my thoughts and beliefs. I was ready to be challenged and have somebody help me learn a new way of living. Many people resist change and go back doing things their own way and blame therapy because they don't get instant results. Changing habits and thoughts of a lifetime takes time.

Lastly, if anybody has shared their feelings with family or friends and find that they haven't had the reaction or support they wanted, it's not always that people don't care. In many cases people simply don't know how to react or what to say. It can come across as cold or dismissive but it's not always the intention of those saying it.

How I feel about something somebody says to me is not necessarily a reflection of what they are trying to say. How I react and feel to negative things is more a reflection of how unbalanced I am on the inside. The mistake I used to make was to focus on the negative thing (somebody putting me down, bad financial luck etc).

When I figured out that my old habits and thoughts were holding me back , I made huge progress. When I accepted advice and constructive criticism from my therapist I made huge progress. When I put the advice into action, I made huge progress. Listening to advice is only worthwhile if I take action. Big mistake I used to make was to think that because I knew something, it wouldn't be a problem. Action action action, not think think think!

DareGod

Deleted User wrote: »

Mind if I ask what the stupid method was?

It involved cutting the dose in half, taking half dose every other day, then skipping days, then skipping two days at a time, until eventually cold turkey.

Edit: this was done over the course of 12 months

DareGod

DareGod wrote: »

It involved cutting the dose in half, taking half dose every other day, then skipping days, then skipping two days at a time, until eventually cold turkey.

Yeah tapering a bit more gradually probably would've been a better idea. :P Were you in a particular hurry or something?

DareGod

Deleted User wrote: »

Yeah tapering a bit more gradually probably would've been a better idea. :P Were you in a particular hurry or something?

I forgot to mention that this was done over the course of 12 months. I didn't that that was fast at all.

I paid a visit to my GP for a throat infection. While there, he asked me how I was feeling in general and mentally. I told him the truth, that I was feeling great (I had been on full dose for almost two years at that point) and he said that it was time to start coming off the tablets. He said to take full dose and half dose on alternate days. I did that for a couple of months, and then continued to taper off the tablets by taking half dose every day instead of just every other day, and then eventually I started skipping days etc, until it was cold turkey.

It was 3 weeks before I began experiencing withdrawal and/or anxiety symptoms. I'm still experiencing them 4 months later. Some of the symptoms are really unpleasant. I'm back on full dose now.

DareGod

DareGod wrote: »

I forgot to mention that this was done over the course of 12 months. I didn't that that was fast at all.

I paid a visit to my GP for a throat infection. While there, he asked me how I was feeling in general and mentally. I told him the truth, that I was feeling great (I had been on full dose for almost two years at that point) and he said that it was time to start coming off the tablets. He said to take full dose and half dose on alternate days. I did that for a couple of months, and then continued to taper off the tablets by taking half dose every day instead of just every other day, and then eventually I started skipping days etc, until it was cold turkey.

It was 3 weeks before I began experiencing withdrawal and/or anxiety symptoms. I'm still experiencing them 4 months later. Some of the symptoms are really unpleasant. I'm back on full dose now.

That doesn't sound like a particularly stupid method.
How was your mood before the withdrawal hit? Which medication were you on if you don't mind me asking?

DareGod

Deleted User wrote: »

That doesn't sound like a particularly stupid method.
How was your mood before the withdrawal hit? Which medication were you on if you don't mind me asking?

My mood was more or less fine, really, before things started to get bad.

The tapering method I used would be more or less what most if not all GPs would advise, but it's a method that is being more and more widely recognised as resulting in withdrawal syndrome for around 60% of people who try it.

I was/am taking an SSRI called Escitalopram - one of its brand names being Lexapro.

Gongoozler

So your GP put you back on it?? How can he be sure that it's not just withdrawal instead of reverting back to the way you were?

DeVore

NoAlarms wrote: »

Thank you for your reply. I honestly found it difficult to come back here after my rambling, pretty non sensical post. Such is the level of criticism I subject myself to all the time. It was lovely to read that you took the essence of what I was trying to express and replied kindly. Sometimes I forget that there is actually kindness out there, often more so with strangers.I get a lot from reading this thread, makes me feel less alone, so I decided to ignore my own head and start engaging in things that benefit me.

I have been to Pieta House since and they were brilliant..my self criticism and anxiety became apparent to them in about three seconds. Turns out it's exactly the right place for me, and I have started counselling. I know it will take time, it can be very tough, but what I know of old is that to have any chance of getting out of the cycle of hell, I have to put my all into it. Time to make peace with my past, things that have happened both directly/indirectly because of my mental health.

It is really only when you start talking that you realise just how bad I am feeling..and how the feelings/obsessions of negativity have really brought my life to a more or less stop. I think for a long time I had started to accept that my life is more or less over, that the illness had won. For the first time in a while I have a bit of hope and I think that is a great thing to cling to.

Change is scary. A psychologist once told me that while having anxiety/depression can be pure hell, it's what we're familiar with, the idea that there is a possibility of happiness/contentment is frightening because its new.

Changing how I have been existing, the anxiety, hiding from the world, using bad coping methods, not beating myself up all the time...that will be hard, I feel myself panic just writing those words. Yet part of me is a bit excited at the thought that I might be able to live again, instead of looking from the outside thinking my time has passed.

The Hill Billy, if you read this, I'm very sorry for your loss.

That's a terrific post. Making peace with yourself (not just your past but yourself as you are now, barnacles and all) was a HUGE turning point for me. You seem like you are on the right path... delighted to hear it.

DareGod

Gongoozler wrote: »

So your GP put you back on it?? How can he be sure that it's not just withdrawal instead of reverting back to the way you were?

GPs don't acknowledge withdrawal. Well, they don't acknowledge that it can last any more than two to three weeks. But the evidence to the contrary has been mounting for years. And finally, it is beginning to be acknowledged by the medical industry. The patient information leaflet that came with my tablets recently states that withdrawal can begin and last up to 2/3 months or more after ceasing taking the tablets. It's a very recent development that the medical industry is admitting to this. And most GPs are still not up to date with this development, and will tell you that withdrawal symptoms can not last more than a couple of weeks. (Another GP actually said as much to me a couple of weeks beforehand.)

Anyway, I went back on the tablets as the symptoms I was having were becoming unbearable, and the only known solution is to go back on the tablets.

Gongoozler

Interesting. I wondered if I could be going through the same, but hardly, as I came off mine in November.

When the Sun Hits

GPs really have no clue about antidepressants in my experience. I've reacted badly to ever antidepressant I've been on, yet docs still suggest a new one each time. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

DareGod

Gongoozler wrote: »

Interesting. I wondered if I could be going through the same, but hardly, as I came off mine in November.

I've read endless accounts of people experiencing withdrawal symptoms which began anything up to a year or more after they stopped their tablets, so it's entirely possible that you're experiencing it. There's a doctor called Joseph Glenmullen who was written all about his findings, in a booked called The Antidepressant Solution. There are also plenty of real life accounts of same over at SurvivingAntidepressants.org.

DeVore

Not looking at anyone in particular (didn't you just hate it when a teacher said that in school).... but we need to avoid suggesting coming off, going on or adjusting medication, that's doctor territory. Some GP's are poor about that topic its true, but I've met narky barmen in my time and it didn't put me off going to pubs

This is a support and experience-sharing thread... I dunno where the line is but I know we're getting close to it.

Thanks all!

DareGod

DeVore wrote: »

Not looking at anyone in particular (didn't you just hate it when a teacher said that in school).... but we need to avoid suggesting coming off, going on or adjusting medication, that's doctor territory. Some GP's are poor about that topic its true, but I've met narky barmen in my time and it didn't put me off going to pubs

This is a support and experience-sharing thread... I dunno where the line is but I know we're getting close to it.

Thanks all!

I understand that you had to make this post. The analogy you made, though.... it's sort of an astronomically different situation.

But, yes, I did not and would never give advice on altering one's medication, not least because everyone's body reacts differently to substances, and how one person's body responds is no indication of how another person's body may respond.

picaaf

DeVore wrote: »

Not looking at anyone in particular (didn't you just hate it when a teacher said that in school).... but we need to avoid suggesting coming off, going on or adjusting medication, that's doctor territory. Some GP's are poor about that topic its true, but I've met narky barmen in my time and it didn't put me off going to pubs

This is a support and experience-sharing thread... I dunno where the line is but I know we're getting close to it.

Thanks all!

just this:
imagine being on medication for heart rhythm dysfunction, one would not change dosage on one's own accord

Heat_Wave

So I've had a miserable day.

I woke up at 9am, cooked a few sausages, had a coffee and went back to bed.

My family all went about their daily routine and went to work.

All day I left my bed once, to make another cup of coffee. I'm still in my bed as I type this. I've been watching Netflix all day.

I overheard my dad say to my mum downstairs 'Is X still in bed?' to which my mum replied 'Yes, she hasn't left it once', cue silence from my dad.

I then went downstairs to get a glass of water in the kitchen and my dad asked me 'What's wrong? Why aren't you talking to any of us?', I ignored him and now I am back in bed crying.. again.

Do they even realise that I am on anti-depressants (they do know). I cannot understand why they always ask me what is wrong. You think they would understand by now but they don't and I find that the hardest part of depression - how people cannot understand and how they won't even try. I feel so alone tonight.

Sorry, I just felt like posting here.

DareGod

Heat_Wave wrote: »

So I've had a miserable day.

I woke up at 9am, cooked a few sausages, had a coffee and went back to bed.

My family all went about their daily routine and went to work.

All day I left my bed once, to make another cup of coffee. I'm still in my bed as I type this. I've been watching Netflix all day.

I overheard my dad say to my mum downstairs 'Is X still in bed?' to which my mum replied 'Yes, she hasn't left it once', cue silence from my dad.

I then went downstairs to get a glass of water in the kitchen and my dad asked me 'What's wrong? Why aren't you talking to any of us?', I ignored him and now I am back in bed crying.. again.

Do they even realise that I am on anti-depressants (they do know). I cannot understand why they always ask me what is wrong. You think they would understand by now but they don't and I find that the hardest part of depression - how people cannot understand and how they won't even try. I feel so alone tonight.

Sorry, I just felt like posting here.

Have you told them about what you're feeling? They honestly might not realise the extent of what you're experiencing. ?

I've barely left my bed today myself either.

Heat_Wave

DareGod wrote: »

Have you told them about what you're feeling? They honestly might not realise the extent of what you're experiencing. ?

I've barely left my bed today myself either.

No I haven't because I find myself repeating myself all the time. It has been several years now, and has gotten progressively worse... I am very embarrassed about talking about my feelings and that is why I ignored my dad when he asked 'what's wrong'. I just feel like he should know what's wrong, sure he knows I am on antidepressants so why can he not just rephrase himself and say something like 'I can tell you are having a bad day today and I would just like you to know that I am here for you if you would like to talk or even just sit with me'. Instead he asks me 'what is wrong', I don't even know what is wrong... it's so disheartening.

I am sorry to hear that you have not left your bed either. There is something comforting in knowing that we are both in the same position so neither of us are on our own... I send my love to you DareGod

Solobally8

Heat_Wave wrote: »

So I've had a miserable day.

I woke up at 9am, cooked a few sausages, had a coffee and went back to bed.

My family all went about their daily routine and went to work.

All day I left my bed once, to make another cup of coffee. I'm still in my bed as I type this. I've been watching Netflix all day.

I overheard my dad say to my mum downstairs 'Is X still in bed?' to which my mum replied 'Yes, she hasn't left it once', cue silence from my dad.

I then went downstairs to get a glass of water in the kitchen and my dad asked me 'What's wrong? Why aren't you talking to any of us?', I ignored him and now I am back in bed crying.. again.

Do they even realise that I am on anti-depressants (they do know). I cannot understand why they always ask me what is wrong. You think they would understand by now but they don't and I find that the hardest part of depression - how people cannot understand and how they won't even try. I feel so alone tonight.

Sorry, I just felt like posting here.

Sorry you are feeling so bad today. I don't think I've posted here before but your post resonated with me. I also find it hard to cope with how people cannot understand how life is for me and at times it upsets me.

The thing is though - they CANT understand! They have no clue and unless they suffer from depression they never will. So please try not to be too hard on them, they just don't get it. You need to treat yourself with kindness but maybe try looking at it from their point of view. Maybe they are asking what's wrong because they want to help you. Ignoring people will only get their back up. Maybe open up and say you are having a very tough day.

Anyways that's just my two cents. Mind yourself

Heat_Wave

Solobally8 wrote: »

Maybe say you are having a very tough day.

Anyways that's just my two cents. Mind yourself

Thank you Solobally, I will try that next time.

They've seen me cry, they've seen me extremely low, and I have told them several times that I feel abnormally low for no apparent reason and I know that they don'y understand deep down but I have tried explaining a million and one times.

But you are right, ignoring them will not help. I will work on this thank you.

DareGod

Solobally8 wrote: »

Sorry you are feeling so bad today. I don't think I've posted here before but your post resonated with me. I also find it hard to cope with how people cannot understand how life is for me and at times it upsets me.

The thing is though - they CANT understand! They have no clue and unless they suffer from depression they never will. So please try not to be too hard on them, they just don't get it. You need to treat yourself with kindness but maybe try looking at it from their point of view. Maybe they are asking what's wrong because they want to help you. Ignoring people will only get their back up. Maybe open up and say you are having a very tough day.

Anyways that's just my two cents. Mind yourself

This is very true. My mam had a serious accident last summer and she found herself in a state of depression for a couple of months afterwards. It wasn't that she was sad, it was that she was emotionally numb. We are very open with each other about how we're feeling, and when she was going through it, she described her feelings to me and I recognised it straight away as a depressive state. Thankfully she is fine now, and recently she said to me "I never really understood what it felt like to be depressed, but now I finally understand what you've been going through."

They truly don't understand, unless they go through it themselves. And it can be quite hard on them too, watching us go through it and feeling unable to help. When I've gone through depressive states, my mother was always been desperate to help me, but she has never known how to, and I have never been able to help her to help me because I don't have the energy or the awareness to explain it to her when I'm going through it.

They need to be really educated on it or else they'll never be able to help us.