LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Solobally8

Sorry Heat Wave you had posted further while I was writing my post. It's so hard for everyone involved. I'm sure you are tired of trying to explain it to your family. I think I'm very lucky in that although my husband doesn't understand why I feel the way I do, he has made it very clear he is there for me and is willing to listen if I need to talk. My mother on the other hand would sooner tell me cop on and get over myself, sure I should be better now I'm on anti depressants!

mickrichards

Be as strong as you can be...it is not easy.
I left my house once to-day,to bring my dog for his walk.

guitarzero

Heat_Wave wrote: »

So I've had a miserable day.

I woke up at 9am, cooked a few sausages, had a coffee and went back to bed.

My family all went about their daily routine and went to work.

All day I left my bed once, to make another cup of coffee. I'm still in my bed as I type this. I've been watching Netflix all day.

I overheard my dad say to my mum downstairs 'Is X still in bed?' to which my mum replied 'Yes, she hasn't left it once', cue silence from my dad.

I then went downstairs to get a glass of water in the kitchen and my dad asked me 'What's wrong? Why aren't you talking to any of us?', I ignored him and now I am back in bed crying.. again.

Do they even realise that I am on anti-depressants (they do know). I cannot understand why they always ask me what is wrong. You think they would understand by now but they don't and I find that the hardest part of depression - how people cannot understand and how they won't even try. I feel so alone tonight.

Sorry, I just felt like posting here.

Really sorry to hear this and it can be one of the hardest parts of depression absolutely. For the past 6+ years I have had to endure the same misunderstanding and vilification from my family because of depression. The issue with depression is that, on the surface, it can seem like we are simply sulking. But they cant see the struggle of merely functioning as an ordinary healthy person. The only way in overcoming this is for your parents to willingly hear you out without any prejudices and take you on your word. If their premise is you are just lazy/not bothered/choosing to be miserable then you may have to choose your battles wisely and, if at all possible, move out.

One of the biggest forms of help and hope in depression is genuine moral support but guilt, shame and misunderstanding can be detrimental. I hope things work themselves out for you.

"The True Measure of Any Society can be found in how it treats its most vulnerable members"

salsagal

I live with my father and deal with depression. I've spent over 20 years in therapy. So had evolved and learned so much that it was hard to understand how disconnected he was to his emotions (as I am now so 'connected' to them) until one day something he said that made me realise his reality.

I used to get so upset by his woefully inadequate responses to my pleas for help and
telling him I was depressed. (I once told him I was suicidal and not sure I'd make it thru d nite. His response was to leave my room, go about his evening and head off to work d next day.)

It's taken a long long time to realise that it's healthier for me to NOT divulge my depressed state than to deal with his insensitive responses.

I realise it's not the healthiest response to hide your symptoms but it's also the least harmful to me to not let him know how I feel and then not have to deal with the additional problem of having to cope with unhelpful and ignorant reactions to it as well.

guitarzero

Very true salsagal. I had something similar happen before xmas where I had a strong urge to kill myself. I had told my mother and her response was "It's your choice". There is a lot of disillusionment when in engaging with ppl around this issue and I would agree that talking about it can have an opposite effect at times.

Call Me Jimmy

I'm not commenting on anyone in particular here, just noticed bunch of different posts recently to do with family/parents. if you don't have children (I don't btw), imagine you had a child, they were your everything, you have almost boundless love for them. Imagine how much you would want them to be happy and how powerless and painful it would be to see them in a depressed state for a long time.

I have had more than my fair share of run ins with my parents, but what would I do in their situation? Could you answer what you would do if it was your child? And imagine your child got the idea that you wanted anything other than for them to be happy. A double-whammy?

All I am saying here is try to keep in mind that in nearly all cases they are coming from a place of deep love.

guitarzero

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I'm not commenting on anyone in particular here, just noticed bunch of different posts recently to do with family/parents. if you don't have children (I don't btw), imagine you had a child, they were your everything, you have almost boundless love for them. Imagine how much you would want them to be happy and how powerless and painful it would be to see them in a depressed state for a long time.

I have had more than my fair share of run ins with my parents, but what would I do in their situation? Could you answer what you would do if it was your child? And imagine your child got the idea that you wanted anything other than for them to be happy. A double-whammy?

All I am saying here is try to keep in mind that in nearly all cases they are coming from a place of deep love.

If my child had leukaemia I wouldnt tell him its all in his head. I wouldnt tell him to get over it and just get on with it. I wouldnt make him feel responsible, remorseful or guilty for having it. I wouldnt use the so called 'tough love' approach. Because its leukaemia.

If I were a parent with boundless love I would find out exactly what leukaemia entailed and what I could do. I would talk to my child in whatever manner assisted him in order to cope. It would be very hard and I'm human. There would be times where I would feel stressed out by it. But my child is in pain and I would do everything in power to inflict the least amount of pain and provide the maximum amount of help possible.

But being a d*ck about it is not gonna help.

DeVore

They may not realise they ARE being a dick about it tho.... most likely they don't.

I get your analogy of "I'd go look into leukaemia" and yeah, they should. But many people (especially older irish men) are basically emotionally stunted from growing up with years of physical and emotional abuse. Just about every Irish male over the age of 45 was beaten, often daily, in school... at the very least we witnessed beatings most hours of class in school, grew up in a period when expressing emotions was "sissy" and told variants of "boys don't cry" over and over. So you're dad is probably dealing with some things of his own and it opened my eyes when I began to see my father not as heartless and uncaring but as a victim struggling with his own issues.

It seems crazy to people who didn't go through it but "normal" was to either be dragged out of your seat and beaten severely with a strap/cane or to witness it being done to your friends. Almost every hour of every day of every month of school. This isn't Artane or Letterfrack I'm talking about... this is every national school. This was "normal".

Its taken my own father almost 75 years and two near death heartattacks to be able to say "I love you" to me (during a suspect third heart attack). And he would be very much like your dad before that (and even since...).

They simply aren't emotional equipped to deal with it. They don't have the language or the maturity. They've been beaten and abused if they did.

I'm not saying he shouldn't... you're right that he should. What I'm saying is maybe he *can't*.

Suryavarman

Cutting my arm with a knife seemed like a great idea at the time. I'm starting to realise that it's going to be very difficult to hide these cuts from people. Why do all the stupid things I do seem like good ideas at the time?

looking_around

Suryavarman wrote: »

Cutting my arm with a knife seemed like a great idea at the time. I'm starting to realise that it's going to be very difficult to hide these cuts from people. Why do all the stupid things I do seem like good ideas at the time?

because you're not thinking rationally.

Here's a good list of alternatives to self-harm
http://sirius-project.org/2011/08/16/distractions-and-alternatives-to-self-harm/

And DBT, get in on DBT, it's a year long and a helluva lotta work but it teaches you to "stop" in those moments and think about them differently, to keep safe.

Suryavarman

looking_around wrote: »

because you're not thinking rationally.

Here's a good list of alternatives to self-harm
http://sirius-project.org/2011/08/16/distractions-and-alternatives-to-self-harm/

And DBT, get in on DBT, it's a year long and a helluva lotta work but it teaches you to "stop" in those moments and think about them differently, to keep safe.

Sorry for taking the time to reply. I only noticed your post now. Thanks very much for think. I'll do what I can to prevent this in the future.

The cutting was an example of selfpunishent as opposed to taking out anger or sadness

looking_around

Suryavarman wrote: »

Sorry for taking the time to reply. I only noticed your post now. Thanks very much for think. I'll do what I can to prevent this in the future.

The cutting was an example of selfpunishent as opposed to taking out anger or sadness

It's all the same in the end.

From my experience, using self-harm is a vicious circle. Fore example, "feel guilt" --> punishes -->feel bad for hurting yourself --> feel worse--> feel guilt for feeling worse --> punishes

Behaviour therapy really helps target and break these cycles.
And tbh, what good does punishing do? What will it change?

cometogether

Can everybody be cured from depression? I just feel like this is never going to end and I'll never get better. I'm a lost cause

Call Me Jimmy

It's my personal belief that if you can keep your marbles long enough it'll pass altogether.

cometogether

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

It's my personal belief that if you can keep your marbles long enough it'll pass altogether.

I'm not sure if I can hang on that long though

Roquentin

cometogether wrote: »

Can everybody be cured from depression? I just feel like this is never going to end and I'll never get better. I'm a lost cause

depression can be caused for different reasons. if you lost a close friend one may get depressed. if they made an error or mistake they may get depressed. if they have bipolar, their mind alternates between mania and depression.

so if you are the first two they use medication and psychologists to try and make you think differently. "People die" "Everyone makes errors as humans" etc.

if its bipolar or maybe just depression on its own thats being caused by a disease they just use meds.

cometogether

Roquentin wrote: »

depression can be caused for different reasons. if you lost a close friend one may get depressed. if they made an error or mistake they may get depressed. if they have bipolar, their mind alternates between mania and depression.

so if you are the first two they use medication and psychologists to try and make you think differently. "People die" "Everyone makes errors as humans" etc.

if its bipolar or maybe just depression on its own thats being caused by a disease they just use meds.

I just want to feel normal really, and not have this feeling smothering me

Roquentin

in reality one must become their own psychologist and try and discern what is making them depressed. from this with the aid of meds they can try and improve their lives.

we are sort of in a catch-22. life demands that we engross ourselves with people either through friendship or work, but these very people often cause stress on us. so the friend did you something that upset you or a co worker is making your job difficult etc.

life is beautiful and living is painful said hunter s thompson.

Roquentin

cometogether wrote: »

I just want to feel normal really, and not have this feeling smothering me

meds alone wont cut it. one must look at their life, determine what is that is making you feel such and such a way and then try and find their inner peace from that.

cometogether

Roquentin wrote: »

meds alone wont cut it. one must look at their life, determine what is that is making you feel such and such a way and then try and find their inner peace from that.

I can't define just one thing that makes me feel this way, it's just everything. All I know is that I don't want to wake up tomorrow

Roquentin

cometogether wrote: »

I can't define just one thing that makes me feel this way, it's just everything. All I know is that I don't want to wake up tomorrow

by everything what do you mean? can you list it

cometogether

Roquentin wrote: »

by everything what do you mean? can you list it

Just me in general as a person. Sometimes I think that maybe I don't even have depression as a disorder, but that this is just a component of who I am, or is maybe just the whole of me

Roquentin

cometogether wrote: »

Just me in general as a person. Sometimes I think that maybe I don't even have depression as a disorder, but that this is just a component of who I am, or is maybe just the whole of me

but what as a person is making you feel this way? can you describe it

cometogether

Roquentin wrote: »

but what as a person is making you feel this way? can you describe it

I just feel like I'm not good enough and will constantly disappoint myself and everyone around me, and that I literally don't have the capacity within myself to be happy and that the world would genuinely be better without me in it

Roquentin

cometogether wrote: »

I just feel like I'm not good enough and will constantly disappoint myself and everyone around me, and that I literally don't have the capacity within myself to be happy and that the world would genuinely be better without me in it

i get the sense that you are comparing yourself to others which is a huge mistake. if one keeps looking at what others have and wishes the same for themselves they will never be happy.

second of all, happiness can never be chased. you cant say when i have this and that i will be happy. it doesnt work like that. happiness comes from within. one is either happy with themselves for whom they are or they are not. no amount of having this or that in life will give it to them. people automatically think in this material world that when they have the job or the partner, they will become happy. it doesnt work like that. one must be by default happy from the get go.

i would recommend you see a psychologist and perhaps read up on buddhism. forget about the world. to exist in this universe is the most precious thing one possesses.

guitarzero

I think there are some things that can really give ppl happiness. I do think love, relevance and a sense of belonging can be a huge source of happiness. If we feel unloved or irrelevant, that we dont really matter, then its only natural to feel down. Esteem is very important and esteem comes from how we view ourselves in the environment we are in, I wonder if cometogether do you feel a sense of belonging or loved?

StewartGriffin

cometogether wrote: »

I just feel like I'm not good enough and will constantly disappoint myself and everyone around me, and that I literally don't have the capacity within myself to be happy and that the world would genuinely be better without me in it

Life is so random. You might perform one simple deed, maybe tomorrow, maybe in twenty years time, that could make a positive difference to so many people. Something as simple as being in the right place to stop a child crossing the road in front of a car or helping an old person find their medication at the bottom of their bag. These things matter. You don't know the potential you have for the future and how valuable you might be to someone.

Your existence is as valid as any being that ever walked this planet.

cometogether

guitarzero wrote: »

I think there are some things that can really give ppl happiness. I do think love, relevance and a sense of belonging can be a huge source of happiness. If we feel unloved or irrelevant, that we dont really matter, then its only natural to feel down. Esteem is very important and esteem comes from how we view ourselves in the environment we are in, I wonder if cometogether do you feel a sense of belonging or loved?

Not especially no. I don't feel connected to anyone or anything, and I don't think that I fulfill any sort of a role that couldn't be replaced if I wasn't here

Call Me Jimmy

We are all going to be replaced and not here in the blink of an eye though?

guitarzero

cometogether wrote: »

Not especially no. I don't feel connected to anyone or anything, and I don't think that I fulfill any sort of a role that couldn't be replaced if I wasn't here

Thats heavy man and I wouldnt blame you for feeling down. At least you are being honest with yourself in how you feel and think. And I think the best place to even try find some solution is to be really honest with yourself, to start off on a sure footing.

One thing I've learned is that in these pits we find ourselves in, nothing comes easy and we are very fortunate if we have someone or more that actually genuinely care, show interest and reach out to us. By the sounds of your post, this seems a bit scarce. If so you will have to learn to be everyone to yourself. You will have to be a motivator, you will have to tell yourself that there is a way and actually believe it. You will have to be intimate with yourself for the long haul. Basically, you will have to learn to dig hard into yourself to find strength. We are here, but in a limited capacity.

In relation to esteem, I think it could be good to try some self improvement that would give you a sense of value. This is how ppl are. They will be interested in you if you have developed at something, be it your looks, character or a skill, job etc. I'd encourage you to try develop yourself in some aspect where you would feel a sense of self worth. I think this would be a good starting ground even if its just small steps, just try stay focused. You dont have to be some hero, just give yourself over entirely to whatever it is you are doing in that set amount of time. You are bound to see some change eventually.

I know as someone who suffers of major depression that starting/doing anything is often impossible. Personally, my mind is not interested and just wants to sleep. This has to be overcome, even incrementally. I've started a part-time job and have taken up the music and weight lifting again because I know that having no money sucks, music is probably the only thing I enjoy any more and my scrawny physique wont impress any woman. I have missed days, times where I just slept instead but I had to start over and try learn ways to adapt. You will fall. You will hate yourself but time marches on and you will inevitable face another day. So can you make tomorrow even slightly better than today? Even more hopeful than yesterday? Is there anything at all you can do now that you believe could make your tomorrow slightly better? And if you cant, can you forgive yourself and try again?

I really encourage you to try this tact, even if its just popping a multivitamin with breakfast and taking a 15 min jog or trying to get 8 hours sleep. When we hate ourselves, sometimes it can be a little alarm going off to tell us that, in fact, we actually need to up our game and no one will care about our condition as an excuse. I used to have this default idea that I should be liked for who I am, which now seems ridiculous.

I hope you can take some time to address what you would truly want in life, even if they seem extremely unrealistic now. See if there is any spark at all in there and try and build it up regardless of how often you fall and lose hope. This is the only work worth doing man.