LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Hugo Stiglitz

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

My expectations are very high and rationally I know that they're unrealistic, but it's hard to alter them. I fear I find it easier to cope with them as they are rather than to face the brutal truth and fight to change them.

Have you ever imagined how your life would be without such high expectations? Do you wonder if it would be liberating? Maybe the truth is not so brutal, maybe there is freedom on the other side of that truth.

Drumpot

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

That instinct is very strong here. I've honestly largely given up trying to fight it.

My only negative experience of the support groups was that, at least in my area, there was often a huge generational gap between myself and the others in attendance. It was like I couldn't view them as my peers, if that makes any sense at all, which I doubt it does.


My expectations are very high and rationally I know that they're unrealistic, but it's hard to alter them. I fear I find it easier to cope with them as they are rather than to face the brutal truth and fight to change them.

I know what you mean about support groups and expectations.

I used to scoff at certain people giving advice or sharing their experiences, if I felt there was something (age, looks, general dislike for no particular reason I could figure out!) that didn't appeal to me. Now, more often then not, I can take something positive from things that anybody says. I don't have to love, like or even respect a person to gain valuable information or help from them.

I used to have high expectations of many things and presumed that this was just the way I was and nothing could change that. I was wrong. I had heard about the idea of surrendering to a new way of living, but didn't understand what it actually meant.

I found myself on this forum because I didn't know how to deal with my loneliness, anxiety and low moods. I got tips and support on this forum that helped guide me an Aware meeting. This in turn led me to CBT which in turn helped me change my unhelpful habits/behaviors that kept me stuck in a very bad place for a long long time.

A big part of my process was not questioning the techniques or advice being proposed by a professional therapist (surrendering to a new way). This also involved me setting little to no expectations and committing to putting the work in. Many things (like meditation) I gave up on because they didnt give me the results I expected when I wanted them to. CBT helped me accept that sometimes good habits (exercise, meditation, support groups) will not be enough but it also helped me have more positive/productive responses to bad bouts.

I couldn't do it on my own and I remember how horrible I felt trying to figure things out for myself. I struggled to trust anybody and just felt sh*tty about myself. Since I felt so low I didnt believe any method would work for me. I resigned myself to misery for a longtime , accepting that my life was destined to be sh*t, awful and possibly tragic.

I still get really low, anxious and still suffer insomnia. However, this used to be chronic, day to day. Now I have more moments of balance and even happiness then I ever could of imagined. Its taken years for me to change and it hasn't been a straight curve of "accept problem, surrender to solution and everything's great". On many occasions I have slumped back down to that awful dungeon, feeling like I am back at square one. But it pretty much always passes. I don't like when it happens, but I don't fear it as much as I used to. I understand myself much better and I have specific support groups who I feel more confident using to help me back up.

mickstupp

It's not even days or hours anymore. Earlier it was minutes between being fine and falling down a hole. Minutes. A single thought getting in and me not catching it quick enough.

Constant vigilance is bloody exhausting. That, that exhaustion, that never being able to let my guard down, ever...

Hugo Stiglitz

Deleted User wrote: »

Have you ever imagined how your life would be without such high expectations? Do you wonder if it would be liberating? Maybe the truth is not so brutal, maybe there is freedom on the other side of that truth.

I don't know really. I feel things would still be the same. I'm rather negative as you can see.

I'm also scared of trying. Trying anything that would require me to face my fears and issues. As bad as things can be here, it seems to be the safer option than facing my issues and failing, or succeeding - which would be a strange and unknown area.

Drumpot wrote: »

I know what you mean about support groups and expectations.

I used to scoff at certain people giving advice or sharing their experiences, if I felt there was something (age, looks, general dislike for no particular reason I could figure out!) that didn't appeal to me. Now, more often then not, I can take something positive from things that anybody says. I don't have to love, like or even respect a person to gain valuable information or help from them.

I used to have high expectations of many things and presumed that this was just the way I was and nothing could change that. I was wrong. I had heard about the idea of surrendering to a new way of living, but didn't understand what it actually meant.

I found myself on this forum because I didn't know how to deal with my loneliness, anxiety and low moods. I got tips and support on this forum that helped guide me an Aware meeting. This in turn led me to CBT which in turn helped me change my unhelpful habits/behaviors that kept me stuck in a very bad place for a long long time.

A big part of my process was not questioning the techniques or advice being proposed by a professional therapist (surrendering to a new way). This also involved me setting little to no expectations and committing to putting the work in. Many things (like meditation) I gave up on because they didnt give me the results I expected when I wanted them to. CBT helped me accept that sometimes good habits (exercise, meditation, support groups) will not be enough but it also helped me have more positive/productive responses to bad bouts.

I couldn't do it on my own and I remember how horrible I felt trying to figure things out for myself. I struggled to trust anybody and just felt sh*tty about myself. Since I felt so low I didnt believe any method would work for me. I resigned myself to misery for a longtime , accepting that my life was destined to be sh*t, awful and possibly tragic.

I still get really low, anxious and still suffer insomnia. However, this used to be chronic, day to day. Now I have more moments of balance and even happiness then I ever could of imagined. Its taken years for me to change and it hasn't been a straight curve of "accept problem, surrender to solution and everything's great". On many occasions I have slumped back down to that awful dungeon, feeling like I am back at square one. But it pretty much always passes. I don't like when it happens, but I don't fear it as much as I used to. I understand myself much better and I have specific support groups who I feel more confident using to help me back up.

I'm delighted to hear that you're managing things there. You seem to have grasped what it is that you need to do to keep you ticking along, and seem to be a better person because of it.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

These are all valid and can work for many but they can also be futile. When you are lying in bed in a haze of blackness or going through the motions of your life, then those lovely things become impossible to do.

Isn't funny how life affirming things that most people consider as depressing can be when you enter into a phase like that.

Like reading "naked lunch" or listening to Leonard Cohen. Things "normal" people consider depressing can - from the other side - become life affirming beacons of hope. And just like "those lovely things become impossible to do" is an illusion from the people who want to "make you well" the things they look down upon as being depressing become "little lights in the dark" for a way many of us find our way back from the brink. And it probably seems just as impossible to them as their advice does to us.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Isn't funny how life affirming things that most people consider as depressing can be when you enter into a phase like that.

Like reading "naked lunch" or listening to Leonard Cohen. Things "normal" people consider depressing can - from the other side - become life affirming beacons of hope. And just like "those lovely things become impossible to do" is an illusion from the people who want to "make you well" the things they look down upon as being depressing become "little lights in the dark" for a way many of us find our way back from the brink. And it probably seems just as impossible to them as their advice does to us.

What I've learned is that people should do exactly what it is that makes them feel better. That may be listening to Leonard or reading Burroughs. Or doing nothing at all. Following a script or steps doesn't always work.

Those "little lights in the dark" is often the dark itself

Drumpot

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

I don't know really. I feel things would still be the same. I'm rather negative as you can see.

I'm also scared of trying. Trying anything that would require me to face my fears and issues. As bad as things can be here, it seems to be the safer option than facing my issues and failing, or succeeding - which would be a strange and unknown area.

I'm delighted to hear that you're managing things there. You seem to have grasped what it is that you need to do to keep you ticking along, and seem to be a better person because of it.

Please believe me Hugo, I know exactly what you mean. I was , at one stage, ready to walk away from my family. I felt lonely (even though married with kids!), disconnected and that I didn't want to be the cloud bringing everybody down. I also thought I was going a bit mad because I couldn't slow the thoughts in my head down.

I can still remember how I felt back then because I still suffer from the same condition, but just on a completely different more manageable level.

At the CBT course I was at, there was a Trinity professor at my table. I wont break his anonymity, but this was a clever guy. I would imagine it took a lot of courage to goto a group CBT, but he accepted he needed help and he got it. He changed during the 6 week course, from a quiet person to a friendly outgoing guy. He said at the end "I feel like I might be able to be the person I used to be before I started getting depression".

For me, it involved a leap of faith of sorts. I didn't want to be in a group environment, but oddly enough I think it helped a lot. I had, up until then, only had one on one therapy (mind you hadn't had CBT experience before that). A group therapy setting is the most unappealing thing that I could of imagined at that time. Exposing myself to other people, felt almost like I was going out without clothes!

I will not pretend that this came easy to me because it didn't. It took me months to build up the courage to do anything. But when I chose to signup for the course, I committed to it for myself. I was afraid that I would hate it, but I felt somewhat empowered by thinking that I would only judge it when the course finished.

This in itself was me actually changing my approach to a technique. I wasn't my usual "I will just fail at this" approach and I actually set zero expectations other then hoping to goto all 6 nights of the courses.

I would desperately love to read stories of people here finding the support networks that works for them. But for me it took years, it wasn't easy and in some cases it meant I had to take myself out of my comfort zone. I hope you can find what you need Hugo, its like I am living a completely different life in the same lifetime and its so worth striving for it.

Hugo Stiglitz

Drumpot wrote: »

Please believe me Hugo, I know exactly what you mean. I was , at one stage, ready to walk away from my family. I felt lonely (even though married with kids!), disconnected and that I didn't want to be the cloud bringing everybody down. I also thought I was going a bit mad because I couldn't slow the thoughts in my head down.

I can still remember how I felt back then because I still suffer from the same condition, but just on a completely different more manageable level.

At the CBT course I was at, there was a Trinity professor at my table. I wont break his anonymity, but this was a clever guy. I would imagine it took a lot of courage to goto a group CBT, but he accepted he needed help and he got it. He changed during the 6 week course, from a quiet person to a friendly outgoing guy. He said at the end "I feel like I might be able to be the person I used to be before I started getting depression".

For me, it involved a leap of faith of sorts. I didn't want to be in a group environment, but oddly enough I think it helped a lot. I had, up until then, only had one on one therapy (mind you hadn't had CBT experience before that). A group therapy setting is the most unappealing thing that I could of imagined at that time. Exposing myself to other people, felt almost like I was going out without clothes!

I will not pretend that this came easy to me because it didn't. It took me months to build up the courage to do anything. But when I chose to signup for the course, I committed to it for myself. I was afraid that I would hate it, but I felt somewhat empowered by thinking that I would only judge it when the course finished.

This in itself was me actually changing my approach to a technique. I wasn't my usual "I will just fail at this" approach and I actually set zero expectations other then hoping to goto all 6 nights of the courses.

I would desperately love to read stories of people here finding the support networks that works for them. But for me it took years, it wasn't easy and in some cases it meant I had to take myself out of my comfort zone. I hope you can find what you need Hugo, its like I am living a completely different life in the same lifetime and its so worth striving for it.

Yeah, the disconnection from people can be one of the worst aspects at times.

I know I need to do something more than just education but I resist it due to a mixture of fear or trying/failure, fear of the unknown, being tired from forcing myself through the day and general laziness.

Drumpot

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Yeah, the disconnection from people can be one of the worst aspects at times.

I know I need to do something more than just education but I resist it due to a mixture of fear or trying/failure, fear of the unknown, being tired from forcing myself through the day and general laziness.

Ha, I am extremely lazy! I get that totally! I sometimes don't even use the techniques I know will help me feel better! Its like all I have to do is take a walk for a few mins or try to meditate, but could I be arsed helping myself? of course not! Sometimes I am more comfortable sitting in pain then doing anything about it!

Lone Stone

funny enough when i was in my early 20's i went to a depression anxiety meeting group some one found i walked in the room and sat down at the table i was like 23 maybe then people started to come into the room and they were all well over 60 that was awkward.

But i think i am going to look into doing one of these mindfulness meditation classes instead, i had post traumatic stress and that took me years to get past but i still get depressed and self conscious about anxiety it really flares up if i eat out at a restaurant or am going to a place to meet people at a bar or anything it can kick off but it makes my stomach go crazy and i almost always start to heave and it's really had an effect my past relationships even tho i try not let it be an issue it always happens eventually and leads to break up well contributes towards it i would say.

Hugo Stiglitz

Lone Stone wrote: »

funny enough when i was in my early 20's i went to a depression anxiety meeting group some one found i walked in the room and sat down at the table i was like 23 maybe then people started to come into the room and they were all well over 60 that was awkward.

But i think i am going to look into doing one of these mindfulness meditation classes instead, i had post traumatic stress and that took me years to get past but i still get depressed and self conscious about anxiety it really flares up if i eat out at a restaurant or am going to a place to meet people at a bar or anything it can kick off but it makes my stomach go crazy and i almost always start to heave and it's really had an effect my past relationships even tho i try not let it be an issue it always happens eventually and leads to break up well contributes towards it i would say.

That happened to me too. I used to call it "The Gag". Pure anxiety embodied. The fear of getting it stopped me going out to social situations and caused me to become a friendless recluse for years. Not as bad a recluse now but my social situation is pretty dire, which only fuels the blues.

Gleeso_Finglas

Going to look into cbt in the new year.....i have done the aware life skills programme but i think i need to try and do some one on one cbt. I seem to back out of family and social events and even get myself very anxious and down and I cant keep living like that. I managed to get out of the apartment for an hour to attend my cousins 21st to take some snaps for her. ( I do some photography as a hobbie)

My aunt called me aside tonight and this woman is a real life hero to me. I only found out last year that she suffers with really bad anxiety and depression. She has also currently beat cancer and she simply says this to me tonight.

"Son i know how hard it is for you to leave the house and only you can get yourself through bouts. Its very important that when you do something even if it is very small to give yourself a pat on the pack, some times when i could only reach the gate at the front of my house i would say in my mind....well done. You should do the same. Only you know what its like to live with anxiety and depression so dont listen to what people say do what you need to do to get through the day until it eventually passes."

I took comfort in her words. I also found out that alot of my relatives both past and present have suffered with anxiety and depression.

Well thats my saturday night. I hope you are all having a good weekend.

Gleeso_Finglas

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Yeah, the disconnection from people can be one of the worst aspects at times.

I know I need to do something more than just education but I resist it due to a mixture of fear or trying/failure, fear of the unknown, being tired from forcing myself through the day and general laziness.

i hear you. im the exact same

Hugo Stiglitz

Gleeso_Finglas wrote: »

i hear you. im the exact same

*bro-hugs*

Gleeso_Finglas

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

*bro-hugs*

big time

Hugo Stiglitz

We'll get there, man.

Gleeso_Finglas

Just wondering as to how many really bad bouts people on here go through in a year?

bridgettedon

I'm on treatment on depression and anxiety. Both medication and therapy. I'm on my third bad bout this year. Irritating as fcuk.

Hugo Stiglitz

Gleeso_Finglas wrote: »

Just wondering as to how many really bad bouts people on here go through in a year?

I haven't had to take leave from work over it in a couple of years, have come close though. I'm essentially funky constantly, sometimes are worse than others.

How are things there, man?

Gleeso_Finglas

bridgettedon wrote: »

I'm on treatment on depression and anxiety. Both medication and therapy. I'm on my third bad bout this year. Irritating as fcuk.

bridget i feel your pain. im the exact same but i gave up therapy a few years ago as i felt i wasnt getting anything from it. I am going to look into one on one cbt to see how that goes but yea its frustrating as fcuk and it never gets easier. Im on heavy meds too for general anxiety disorder & depression. Its heartbreaking.

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

I haven't had to take leave from work over it in a couple of years, have come close though. I'm essentially funky constantly, sometimes are worse than others.

How are things there, man?

I went for years without taking time off when i hit bad bouts but it seems that the older i get the worse i seem to manage it and i do need time off until i am right. Ah im ok not having a great weekend plus i have a dose of man flu cant catch a break ha

Hugo Stiglitz

Gleeso_Finglas wrote: »

I went for years without taking time off when i hit bad bouts but it seems that the older i get the worse i seem to manage it and i do need time off until i am right. Ah im ok not having a great weekend plus i have a dose of man flu cant catch a break ha

Man flu sucks. It can really bring you down when you're not physically well.

What kind of issues are you currently facing, my friend?

mickstupp

Gleeso_Finglas wrote: »

Just wondering as to how many really bad bouts people on here go through in a year?

It's fairly constant for me, though usually I can stay relatively functional. But two or maybe three times a year I seem to get hit with what the doc is calling a double depression, which is what's been happening for the last four months. Some days (hours/minutes) are worse than others. For example, I used to know that in six hours, I would be a gibbering mess. So I could do things to head that off at the pass, practice certain habits and distraction techniques to help me around it. But these days I don't know how I'll be in ten minutes. When I'm not in the midst of this sh*t, I count my days a success if I can get an hour's work done.

I am terribly lucky to have two wonderful friends, who have saved me on a few occasions, who are accepting when I need to vent, and don't push me away when things get hairy. That sort of friend is priceless. A friendly pair of ears is worth the world.

I have been going in every single solitary day, even though I don't want to, simply because being alone is a really bad idea right now, and being around people is good, even if exhausting.

Gleeso_Finglas

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Man flu sucks. It can really bring you down when you're not physically well.

What kind of issues are you currently facing, my friend?

Ah just sick of hitting bouts as each time it takes more fight and i have feck all energy left to fight both mentally and physically. Its pissing me off.

mickstupp wrote: »

It's fairly constant for me, though usually I can stay relatively functional. But two or maybe three times a year I seem to get hit with what the doc is calling a double depression, which is what's been happening for the last four months. Some days (hours/minutes) are worse than others. For example, I used to know that in six hours, I would be a gibbering mess. So I could do things to head that off at the pass, practice certain habits and distraction techniques to help me around it. But these days I don't know how I'll be in ten minutes. When I'm not in the midst of this sh*t, I count my days a success if I can get an hour's work done.

I am terribly lucky to have two wonderful friends, who have saved me on a few occasions, who are accepting when I need to vent, and don't push me away when things get hairy. That sort of friend is priceless. A friendly pair of ears is worth the world.

I have been going in every single solitary day, even though I don't want to, simply because being alone is a really bad idea right now, and being around people is good, even if exhausting.

I get you mick. when i am in work i take feck all in and when i am asked a question that i was basically told the answer to 5 mins and i cant remember i look like a clown. Its taking a toll on my private life because all i do is sit at home either playing my ps4 or watching movies. I have put on alot of weight so i dont feel right when i leave the house

Hugo Stiglitz

Jaysus, the three of us are like peas in the same pod.

Gleeso_Finglas

bed soon...hopefully tomorrow is a better day. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz night folks

Hugo Stiglitz

Gleeso_Finglas wrote: »

bed soon...hopefully tomorrow is a better day. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz night folks

Night, CF.

DeVore

I remember going to bed on genuinely the worst day of my life and thinking "well.... tomorrow has GOT to be better."

Call Me Jimmy

Who knows what the future holds good or bad. if it's bad now it could be good, if its good now it could be bad etc.

Gleeso_Finglas

Mornings are my worst. Anyone else experience this. I am woken with what can only be described as and internal shaking and even though i get this every morning until i take my meds my brain doesnt know what is happening and starts racing. It is absolutley horrible and i wouldnt wish it on anyone. Can you relate? Anxiety you fcuker!!

On a side note is anyone going to any support groups this week? just curious.

Call Me Jimmy

I wake up each morning like I've been hit by a tonne of bricks gleeso. Although I'm not on any medication.