LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Calibos

It seems that whenever I post here about how well I'm doing, my body intervenes as if to say, "not so fast buddy!".

Edgy and agitated as feck the last few days. You know how I often say that 14x 0.25mg Xanax lasts me about 6 months. Not this time round I think. One nearly every day the last few days.

Grrrgghhh!

DeVore

Calibos wrote: »

It seems that whenever I post here about how well I'm doing, my body intervenes as if to say, "not so fast buddy!".

Edgy and agitated as feck the last few days. You know how I often say that 14x 0.25mg Xanax lasts me about 6 months. Not this time round I think. One nearly every day the last few days.

Grrrgghhh!

Thing is... there isn't a world wide shortage of Xanax, if you need it to get through to the times when you don't need it, okay! It isn't a competition to see who can take the least

failinis

Glad to hear you are doing it gradually with your Dr. knowing about, best of luck Joya.

Those juicers that have the bits to clean out after are a bitch to use! My mother is very fond of hers, so when I visit home I enjoy the luxury of having those drinks with out cleaning up after myself...
Diet changes can noticeably effect your mood for sure, I am on a restricted diet from my dr and the bland food makes me prefer not eating than eating more fubbing unflavoured foods.

Well I seen that Dr (I posted here a few days/last week(?) and got pretty ****e news.
Either me (and 2 brothers, an aunt and maybe other relations) have an new, undiscovered genetic disorder.
Or I could have a syndrome that starts in your 20s (guess who turned 20 yesterday) and makes you end up in a wheel chair and be dead by 35?
Thats right, ****ing me.
The Dr. did not say it in passing, he went and printed out a fact sheet on the bloody illness for me to read... I meet all but 3 of the symptoms.
The Dr. said I had worrying neurological symptoms and is writing to my GP to make an urgent neurological assessment, if this is ruled out (and I pray to God it is ruled out) then we are looking at an entirely "new" disorder and how the fcuk do you treat that, whats going to go wrong, how serious is it, etc etc etc
I feel I am in an angry mood more than depressed but I know once the anger goes it will be very very low - until I get an answer which he warned may take years.

But, I can now say for sure, I was not going mental all those years, all those doctors that ignored me, "I was sick you know".

bridgettedon

I'm not feeling good are the moment. I feel its mostly down to poor diet, little exercise and sleep problems. Yet I don't have the motivation to change it.

Hugo Stiglitz

Major funk has struck me this evening. I have a feeling that optimism and motivation will be absent for the upcoming week.

Gremlinertia

bridgettedon wrote: »

I'm not feeling good are the moment. I feel its mostly down to poor diet, little exercise and sleep problems. Yet I don't have the motivation to change it.

It's a catch 22 situation that.. In my experience (just sharing how i try to break the cycle) the food first is helpful in picking me up a little, into the shop and pick up more fruit, veg or healthy cuts of meat than usual. It makes me feel virtuous/smug enough to go for a walk and maybe do bits i neglect around the house. No idea if that's any help..

Gremlinertia

Hugo Stiglitz wrote: »

Major funk has struck me this evening. I have a feeling that optimism and motivation will be absent for the upcoming week.

Heyo, no one is or has to be brimming with enthusiasm for upcoming days or weeks. Short term aims for now man. Hopefully you can get some sleep, then hopefully it won't be too icy or rainy on the way to work tomorrow.. DeVore who started this place once said a phrase that's stuck with me "stay the course" when you're low let your auto-pilot do the navigation while you regroup and gather yourself.. Take care..

Hugo Stiglitz

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Heyo, no one is or has to be brimming with enthusiasm for upcoming days or weeks. Short term aims for now man. Hopefully you can get some sleep, then hopefully it won't be too icy or rainy on the way to work tomorrow.. DeVore who started this place once said a phrase that's stuck with me "stay the course" when you're low let your auto-pilot do the navigation while you regroup and gather yourself.. Take care..

Staying the course is mandatory unfortunately! Haha

Thanks for the kind words, Grem.

Robsweezie

I don't suffer depression, haven't been medically diagnosed anyway, but I do have my days like anyone, and this thread is an asset to anyone having even a remotely crap time, in a bad place. its a reminder that others have it worse.

what ive done is take a jar and filled it with written paper notes of the positive things that happen over the year, anything from things that people have said , good gestures, any good fortune that comes my way. at the end of the year you can take it out and reflect. you could even write the things you're grateful for. you'd probably be surprised.

you may think its a load of sh!t, but its something to think about if you're trying to draw positives from whatever you're faced with.

getaroom

Calibos wrote: »

It seems that whenever I post here about how well I'm doing, my body intervenes as if to say, "not so fast buddy!".

Edgy and agitated as feck the last few days. You know how I often say that 14x 0.25mg Xanax lasts me about 6 months. Not this time round I think. One nearly every day the last few days.

Grrrgghhh!

Jauses, I get 120 x .5 a month.

Rarely take one but as they are on the script I collect them.

If God did not want us to take tablets he would not have invented pharmacists.:)

Calibos

I posted a response to Tom(DeVore) but ended up deleting it because it ended up long winded. Basically it boils down to me probably overthinking things. I just need to demand more. Like yourself, I've an aunt attending a GP in Raheny that is prescribed plenty. Yet everytime I've gone back to my own GP clinic after 5 or 6 months for some more I get another reminder from the GP about the addictive potential and how he has to fill out a load of forms for the HSE every time they prescribe Xanax. Maybe its the demographics attending the clinic makes them more cautious.

He probably thinks that if they last me that long I probably don't need them at all and is literally prescribing that amount as a placebo for me. Thing is, I MAKE them last that long. I only take one when I'm crawling up the walls but for every one I take theres probably another 3 or 4 times I probably should have taken one but didn't and instead locked myself away in the quiet or knocked myself out with a sleeping tablet till it passed.

I guess another concern is that if I ask for more Xanax he might suggest instead I go back on an SSRI/SNRI. I know myself that I don't need those. I'm not against them in the slightest. But mood and emotional wise I'm totally fine and have been for 3 years since my bad year in 2013. I literally just get bouts of strong physical anxiety and edgyness out of the blue now and then without apparent mental triggers. Why have to deal with the side-effects of an SSRI 24/7 to stop these occasional day or two episodes when literally 2 or 3 0.25mg Xanax will do every couple of weeks. I just worry that if I go back and ask for more on repeat he'll ask me why, I'll end up overexplaining as I am wont to do and he'll think I am drug seeking or something. Ridiculous I know

But thats me overthinking again. I just need to bloody ask for more it boils down to really.

Gremlinertia

Calibos, i think if you brought what you just wrote here to your doctor he or she may understand and talk through options for you. I know in my case I was terrible at explaining myself and eventually I brought in a note to explain what I was trying and failing to explain.

Mysteriouschic

I don't know what is I keep feeling lost or confused about everything.
Barely left the house the last few weeks or month and don't feel like doing anything.
The times i start feeling positive about something then the more I look into it I start feeling negative giving up thinking I've failed already. I still feel stressed about having dropped out of two courses this was a year I can't stop feeling like a failure and with the leaving cert. Had a job until christmas didn't get kept on. Just can't stop thinking negatively about everything lately just stuck . Never been to the doctor I just hate talking about things like this in person.

Turtle_

I was convinced I was better... That the meds did nothing. Cbt worked for my anxiety but the therapist and pdoc weren't convinced about my mood. Was already on max dose of my meds, so switched to a different one. Disaster. Reacted very badly and had to stop the new one very suddenly so spent the last week on nothing..

And that's where the real kick in the teeth happens... Seems it was just the drugs making me feel fine. I went from grand to bawling my eyes out for no reason for hours in less than a week... Already I can feel I'm a bit snappy and grumpy with people, and I can feel the GAD making a comeback. My shoulders haven't been so tense in ages and all the cbt skills are being put under pressure... Makes me wonder if I'll ever be back to normal.

Gremlinertia

Mysteriouschic - is there anyone around you think you could talk to?. Friend, colleague, family or someone? If you feel you want to communicate with a health professional such a doctor you could do what I did when I went with my concerns, write a note or points on some paper to hand to them or read yourself.. Hope you manage to work it out, i hope also that you're just in a temporary funk.. Be brave most people these days are a little bit more aware than even twenty years ago. Best of luck to you.

Gremlinertia

Turtle_ wrote: »

I was convinced I was better... That the meds did nothing. Cbt worked for my anxiety but the therapist and pdoc weren't convinced about my mood. Was already on max dose of my meds, so switched to a different one. Disaster. Reacted very badly and had to stop the new one very suddenly so spent the last week on nothing..

And that's where the real kick in the teeth happens... Seems it was just the drugs making me feel fine. I went from grand to bawling my eyes out for no reason for hours in less than a week... Already I can feel I'm a bit snappy and grumpy with people, and I can feel the GAD making a comeback. My shoulders haven't been so tense in ages and all the cbt skills are being put under pressure... Makes me wonder if I'll ever be back to normal.

Oh wow do I hear you on the tense muscle stuff. Personally it looks like I will be on medication long term which I've grown to accept however i try to be aware about how much my panic/anxiety exacerbates things when I've forgotten a dose of any of them..
I'm doing dbt which is closely related to what you've done and while i find it a useful toolbox as it were it's not everything for me.. Do you have someone from a doctor or cbt therapist you could chat to about how to move forward? I hope this bump you've had doesn't take the wind out of your sails too much..

Turtle_

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Oh wow do I hear you on the tense muscle stuff. Personally it looks like I will be on medication long term which I've grown to accept however i try to be aware about how much my panic/anxiety exacerbates things when I've forgotten a dose of any of them..
I'm doing dbt which is closely related to what you've done and while i find it a useful toolbox as it were it's not everything for me.. Do you have someone from a doctor or cbt therapist you could chat to about how to move forward? I hope this bump you've had doesn't take the wind out of your sails too much..

Yeah I just don't want to be on meds long term because I gained way too much on the lexapro. I really need to lose weight badly. Not for health reasons, more because my self confidence is being destroyed. I've to see the Dr again in a few weeks, I just hate that they were right. I know it sounds absurd, but I really was convinced that I was better and didn't need them.

Trying to stay on track with stuff... But can imagine going off the reservation at the drop of a hat if it doesn't improve. Just starting the new meds today hence insomnia, fingers crossed I don't take another big reaction to meds.

Gremlinertia

I've been lucky on meds i guess, no real change in weight.. Just aswell as I'm bloody heavy as is.. I don't particularly like being on meds so long but if I've gone somewhere for a night and forgotten to bring them i know about it.. I think I'm grateful to them for the fact I can hold together a relatively stable life.. My biggest worry is that they somehow stop working for me, guess we all have different outlooks, hope posting here is helping you.

Mysteriouschic

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Mysteriouschic - is there anyone around you think you could talk to?. Friend, colleague, family or someone? If you feel you want to communicate with a health professional such a doctor you could do what I did when I went with my concerns, write a note or points on some paper to hand to them or read yourself.. Hope you manage to work it out, i hope also that you're just in a temporary funk.. Be brave most people these days are a little bit more aware than even twenty years ago. Best of luck to you.

I'm not sure I already have a doctors appointment booked this week but for something else could always bring it up. Just feel a bit silly talking about it like they might just say it's normal. It kind of goes and comes back through the day feeling positive then negative moments later or just negative. Might also since my cat died just before christmas .

Gremlinertia

You never have to feel silly bringing anything up with your doc. It's confidential and if they see something they'll ask more, if not they may say that sounds normal but if it lasts come back.. They can also make a little note of it so that should this happen again they have a better medical history written about you. Believe me if i had one piece of advice for my younger self it would be to be more open and forthcoming with my doc rather than refusing to acknowledge things and bottling them up.. That said my fingers are crossed that you're just having a brief rough patch. Take care

Calibos

Turtle_ wrote: »

I was convinced I was better... That the meds did nothing. Cbt worked for my anxiety but the therapist and pdoc weren't convinced about my mood. Was already on max dose of my meds, so switched to a different one. Disaster. Reacted very badly and had to stop the new one very suddenly so spent the last week on nothing..

And that's where the real kick in the teeth happens... Seems it was just the drugs making me feel fine. I went from grand to bawling my eyes out for no reason for hours in less than a week... Already I can feel I'm a bit snappy and grumpy with people, and I can feel the GAD making a comeback. My shoulders haven't been so tense in ages and all the cbt skills are being put under pressure... Makes me wonder if I'll ever be back to normal.

Turtle, while you may well be right about actually still needing the meds, in my case I was sensitive, snappy and weepy and would start crying at the drop of a hat while I was titrating down off my SNRI and for a couple of weeks after complete cessation. Then emotionally I was back to normal with just a resurgence of transient anxiety symptoms for which I get some low dose Xanax. Emotionally I'm still on an even keel so don't need an SsRI for depression. Even though they are also prescribed for anxiety I feel in my case the side effects outweighs the benefits for me. beta Blockers and a few Xanax seem to be working for me. depends on the severity of ones anxiety though I guess.

Umekichi

Feeling really bad atm. Trying to move partners dole from full dole to part time dole(employer can't take him on full time yet, but will in 2-3 months time) and welfare are dicking around with us(if they don't cop on and pull a finger out, we will be homeless next month). On top of that stress, I have the stress of college - lots of assignments due when we come back, inability to afford bus fare and print credit etc. and bills due that I cannot pay until this money comes through. My hair is falling out and I am at breaking point. Literally the worst thing my partner did was get a job if he hadn't bothered then we would have been fine!

DeVore

Robsweezie wrote: »

I don't suffer depression, haven't been medically diagnosed anyway, but I do have my days like anyone, and this thread is an asset to anyone having even a remotely crap time, in a bad place. its a reminder that others have it worse.

what ive done is take a jar and filled it with written paper notes of the positive things that happen over the year, anything from things that people have said , good gestures, any good fortune that comes my way. at the end of the year you can take it out and reflect. you could even write the things you're grateful for. you'd probably be surprised.

you may think its a load of sh!t, but its something to think about if you're trying to draw positives from whatever you're faced with.

Its *provably* not a lot of sh!t. There are several large randomised controlled trials showing that writing a note of 3 things you are grateful for in your life has a statistically significant impact on short and long term mood.

This one for example:
https://www.stir.ac.uk/media/schools/is/files/LaiMSc2014.pdf
won the The British Psychological Society MSc Thesis award.

I have this weird fetish for statistical analysis of medial data, I know tons of this stuff.


Ok, stop looking at me like that.

DeVore

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Heyo, no one is or has to be brimming with enthusiasm for upcoming days or weeks. Short term aims for now man. Hopefully you can get some sleep, then hopefully it won't be too icy or rainy on the way to work tomorrow.. DeVore who started this place once said a phrase that's stuck with me "stay the course" when you're low let your auto-pilot do the navigation while you regroup and gather yourself.. Take care..

Yep, Simplify and Stay the Course. If you are going through a bad patch, kick everything you can to touch and concentrate on getting through the day. One foot in front of the other if you have to!

Half the things we think are HUGE MEGA DEALS, will be just fine if you approach the person and say "look, can I delay that until next week?".

Hugo Stiglitz

DeVore wrote: »

Yep, Simplify and Stay the Course. If you are going through a bad patch, kick everything you can to touch and concentrate on getting through the day. One foot in front of the other if you have to!

Half the things we think are HUGE MEGA DEALS, will be just fine if you approach the person and say "look, can I delay that until next week?".

Thanks for the kind words too, DV. You know yourself how it can be when the funk descends upon you though. I'm gonna try take a step back and just think about the short term.

During the worst of my funk last night, I got all presumptuous regarding rejection by random people. Ending up clearing out a chunk of my FB friends list. Mighty embarrassed about that now.

mickstupp

^I get a bit like that, presumptuous about being rejected, when I'm usually not. But... the negative spiralling thoughts, getting metaphorically kicked in the teeth. Hard to tell when it's not real sometimes.

Lady is a tramp

Calibos wrote: »

Yet everytime I've gone back to my own GP clinic after 5 or 6 months for some more I get another reminder from the GP about the addictive potential and how he has to fill out a load of forms for the HSE every time they prescribe Xanax. Maybe its the demographics attending the clinic makes them more cautious.

It's weird, as someone with an addictive personality (mostly alcohol), benzos do nothing for me. I have a few bottles of benzo pills here (untaken) plus some recent prescriptions I've never even bothered to pick up. My GP always gives me a schedule for taking them, but tells me to take as few as possible - i.e. skip as many as I feel able to - and I end up skipping loads of them.

It's funny when benzos have a reputation for being so dangerously addictive.

I think it's because benzos make me feel good. Whereas other things - like alcohol - just bring me from the depths of despair up to what might be considered normal.

And I don't want to feel good, like on the benzos. As my therapist would probably say, my self-esteem is so low that I don't feel I deserve to feel good.

Hugo Stiglitz

mickstupp wrote: »

^I get a bit like that, presumptuous about being rejected, when I'm usually not. But... the negative spiralling thoughts, getting metaphorically kicked in the teeth. Hard to tell when it's not real sometimes.

It's a hard feeling to kick. *bro-hugs*

PaddyWilliams

From my own personal experience, getting it out and talking to someone is a huge help. For years, I never felt good enough. It has ruined relationships with women I've loved. It's affected my work, my friendships, everything I've ever had. My own little saying used to be 'hope for nothing, cause when you get nothing you've gotten exactly what you hoped for'.
Then last year, I decided that I needed to finally go see someone. So, I did. And the change has been huge for me. I have confidence for the first time. I go exercising and stick to it. I've even enrolled in a college course for this September, which for me personally, is huge!
So don't just hold it all inside, get it out and tell someone. Trust me, it will change your world.

La.de.da

Just in relation to the xanax (benzos) it's interesting to read about the prescribing of these in different parts of the country.

My own gp will only give three/four days worth at a time max and then to re reviewed. For which I'm greatful tbh.
I suppose it is down to the individuals needs.