LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

vg88

I usually don't talk about mental health, so I'll post here. For a number of years my mental health is a yo-yo. I go from bad depression to the brightest person you know. I've been on anti depressants now for the 3rd time (the previous 2 I taken off as I thought I was better) since September.

But now I feel like a darkness (bad bad darkness) is coming back and I have no way of stopping it this time even with the medicine. Anyone ever go through something similar? I feel like the medicine was working but now it's failing me.

moloner4

moloner4 wrote: »

I usually don't talk about mental health, so I'll post here. For a number of years my mental health is a yo-yo. I go from bad depression to the brightest person you know. I've been on anti depressants now for the 3rd time (the previous 2 I taken off as I thought I was better) since September.

But now I feel like a darkness (bad bad darkness) is coming back and I have no way of stopping it this time even with the medicine. Anyone ever go through something similar? I feel like the medicine was working but now it's failing me.

The thing about anti depressants is that they won't change you in to a different person. Yes they can make your life more manageable and your moods more tolerable but really the reasons for your darkness, whatever it is you carry inside of you, is still there.

May I ask if you are attending therapy of some sort?

vg88

Deleted User wrote: »

The thing about anti depressants is that they won't change you in to a different person. Yes they can make your life more manageable and your moods more tolerable but really the reasons for your darkness, whatever it is you carry inside of you, is still there.

May I ask if you are attending therapy of some sort?

Haven't attended someone in 2 years, think I'll organise it tomorrow

failinis

Just found out my brother is one of the responders at Didcot PS - I am getting really anxious now, I keep thinking something else will collapse and injure him or something.

Lady is a tramp

failinis wrote: »

Just found out my brother is one of the responders at Didcot PS - I am getting really anxious now, I keep thinking something else will collapse and injure him or something.

Must be so worrying, will keep him in my thoughts.

failinis

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

Must be so worrying, will keep him in my thoughts.

I feel stupid - he is just a responder and I doubt he will in any harms way but that wont stop me worrying..
Thank you.

DareGod

failinis wrote: »

Just found out my brother is one of the responders at Didcot PS - I am getting really anxious now, I keep thinking something else will collapse and injure him or something.

It's very unlikely he'd be put in harm's way. Let us know what happens.

DareGod

I'm feeling completely flat the past two days. There are a few different things that I suspect are causing it, and they are simple enough to rectify. I'm grateful to not be anxious at the moment. But that flat feeling is so strange. Just completely devoid of any emotion.

DareGod

DareGod wrote: »

I'm feeling completely flat the past two days. There are a few different things that I suspect are causing it, and they are simple enough to rectify. I'm grateful to not be anxious at the moment. But that flat feeling is so strange. Just completely devoid of any emotion.

That's not nice at all Sometimes our feelings can be so overwhelming but that flat feeling is a different kind of thing altogether. The nothingness of it is scary.

What can help though is trying to locate any physical sensations in your body. They can be manifestations of our feelings.

DareGod

Deleted User wrote: »

That's not nice at all Sometimes our feelings can be so overwhelming but that flat feeling is a different kind of thing altogether. The nothingness of it is scary.

What can help though is trying to locate any physical sensations in your body. They can be manifestations of our feelings.

Interesting. I'll give that a try.

So incredibly tired constantly too, so spending my time either exhausted asleep or else awake in limbo.

DareGod

DareGod wrote: »

Interesting. I'll give that a try.

So incredibly tired constantly too, so spending my time either exhausted asleep or else awake in limbo.

Let me see if I can find some things.

I'll be back

animallover100

Long time lurker here - I have finally decided to post in the hope I will get some support here, or even just talk to others. My friends and family just don't quite seem to understand.

Having a real **** time of things. I took a week off to try and sort myself out, but the loneliness was crippling. Back now and I need serious concentration but I am so worn out and tired I can barely stay awake.
My long term relationship ended 3 weeks ago and I am finding that on top of everything else too much to handle. He was my best friend and my support and he is gone from my life, when I need him most.

I was referred for urgent councelling today but I couldn't pluck up the courage to answer the phone when they rang several times. I don't even have the time to see them for another two weeks and I have no option of taking more time off.

Thanks for reading.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Let me see if I can find some things.

I'll be back

Have a look at The Body in Psychotherapy by Bill Bowen. If you type "body in psychotherapy" in to YouTube it will come up. I can't post the link from my phone. Bowen will explain far better than I can what exactly it means to express our emotions through our bodies. It is a concept known as Somatics.

I don't know how familliar you are with meditation and mindfulness but it can help focus your mind on different parts of your body. Jon Kabat-Zinn has some excellent pieces on YouTube. However they can bring you deep inside yourself so are not suitable for everyone. It depends where you're at really.

DareGod

Deleted User wrote: »

Have a look at The Body in Psychotherapy by Bill Bowen. If you type "body in psychotherapy" in to YouTube it will come up. I can't post the link from my phone. Bowen will explain far better than I can what exactly it means to express our emotions through our bodies. It is a concept known as Somatics.

I don't know how familliar you are with meditation and mindfulness but it can help focus your mind on different parts of your body. Jon Kabat-Zinn has some excellent pieces on YouTube. However they can bring you deep inside yourself so are not suitable for everyone. It depends where you're at really.

Thanks so much, I really appreciate that effort. I have just brought up those youtube videos so I will have a look at them now.

I am very familiar with meditation, mindfulness and Jon Kabat-Zinn. I have just finished reading his book Mindfulness For Beginners (I highly recommend it) and I have read Full Catastrophe Living, as well as various books on similar topics by others. I find it to be almost life-saving.

DareGod

DareGod wrote: »

Thanks so much, I really appreciate that effort. I have just brought up those youtube videos so I will have a look at them now.

I am very familiar with meditation, mindfulness and Jon Kabat-Zinn. I have just finished reading his book Mindfulness For Beginners (I highly recommend it) and I have read Full Catastrophe Living, as well as various books on similar topics by others. I find it to be almost life-saving.

You're welcome

Oh I have it. I'm a big fan of his. They really can be life saving. I take a lot of comfort from his techniques. Mindfulness is a term that gets thrown around a lot but I've seen the benefits in others and experienced them myself.

animallover100

animallover100 wrote: »

Having a real **** time of things. I took a week off to try and sort myself out, but the loneliness was crippling. Back now and I need serious concentration but I am so worn out and tired I can barely stay awake.

Oh dear When I read your post the first thing that struck me was the fact your relationship has just ended. There really is nothing like that to put you in to a spin. You say he was your best friend, well I'm going to take a chance here and bet that he was also your anchor. Now that anchor is gone and it's just you.I've been there and it is hard and it is lonely.

There may be other things going on for you. I don't know. But regarding the breakup it's perfectly normal to feel the way you feel. Be kind to yourself and take everything nice and slow. Don't pressure yourself in to feeling good tomorrow or next week. Of course that's what you want but getting over a break up is a process, much like the steps of grieving, that you must go through.

failinis

DareGod wrote: »

It's very unlikely he'd be put in harm's way. Let us know what happens.

Yeah you were right, he spent most of the time driving people to hospital away from the site - just worry about him when I hear things like that happening.
I rang him pretty late (trying to catch him only when he finished work) and just moaned he had a lot of paper work to fill out :rolleyes:

I have hit a brick wall with a project at the moment - artwork is meant to start today but after a bad crit on Monday I had my ideas discredited and told to start again - except my brain is more like "fcuk it I already tried".

Yesterday I was laughing with some students in class but today I feel horrible - my class is in the afternoon but I don't feel like showing my face as I have no work to stand behind. I just...I ended up talking to a close friend back in Ireland last night who brought up stuff my past (not very wise) and I know I gotta get counselling for that reason. But I feel if I ever tell anyone "what happened" I will be opening the bottle and be so unstable I will fail university and blah blah so I don't want to go to anyone about anything about my past.
Yes I know thats ****ing stupid.

And, still waiting for dr letter so I can get referred on.

failinis

Well I received the letter/report I was waiting for.
As I had presumed it says that me and my brothers may have "a unique genetic disorder for which there are no literature nor diagnostic testing available for."
However the report goes into detail about neurological disorders saying (in short) I need to be tested for an.. autosomal recessive neurological disorder (mouthful or what eh). All autosomal recessive neurological disorder's are not nice.
It said if the tests for the brain stuff is not showing that disorder then I need extensive genetic testing done to find the root.

So now its a waiting game of seeing a neurologist in Exeter ASAP (but when is ASAP to these waiting lists?) and when I see THEM when can they tell me what the hell is going on with me.

I had a real "low" this morning - right now I feel like I am on a manic fake happy face and will crash again soon.
Spoke to my closet friend back in Donegal on the phone and she ended up getting really upset (understandable as we both got bad news of a mutual friend going blind last week) but I feel awful for telling her now.

animallover100

Thank you for your kind words Persepoly - my anxiety is pretty awful tonight

animallover100

animallover100 wrote: »

Thank you for your kind words Persepoly - my anxiety is pretty awful tonight

No bothers.

What happens to you when it appears? Do you get a racing heart, tight chest, thoughts spinning?

animallover100

I get a tight chest, a knot in my stomach so strong I get abdominal cramps, and I can't concentrate on anything at all except the things that are making me anxious. Its an awful feeling of impending doom and panic mixed into one.

DareGod

failinis wrote: »

Well I received the letter/report I was waiting for.
As I had presumed it says that me and my brothers may have "a unique genetic disorder for which there are no literature nor diagnostic testing available for."
However the report goes into detail about neurological disorders saying (in short) I need to be tested for an.. autosomal recessive neurological disorder (mouthful or what eh). All autosomal recessive neurological disorder's are not nice.
It said if the tests for the brain stuff is not showing that disorder then I need extensive genetic testing done to find the root.

So now its a waiting game of seeing a neurologist in Exeter ASAP (but when is ASAP to these waiting lists?) and when I see THEM when can they tell me what the hell is going on with me.

I had a real "low" this morning - right now I feel like I am on a manic fake happy face and will crash again soon.
Spoke to my closet friend back in Donegal on the phone and she ended up getting really upset (understandable as we both got bad news of a mutual friend going blind last week) but I feel awful for telling her now.

Wow. That is an awful lot to be having to deal with.

DareGod

failinis wrote: »

Yeah you were right, he spent most of the time driving people to hospital away from the site - just worry about him when I hear things like that happening.
I rang him pretty late (trying to catch him only when he finished work) and just moaned he had a lot of paper work to fill out :rolleyes:

I have hit a brick wall with a project at the moment - artwork is meant to start today but after a bad crit on Monday I had my ideas discredited and told to start again - except my brain is more like "fcuk it I already tried".

Yesterday I was laughing with some students in class but today I feel horrible - my class is in the afternoon but I don't feel like showing my face as I have no work to stand behind. I just...I ended up talking to a close friend back in Ireland last night who brought up stuff my past (not very wise) and I know I gotta get counselling for that reason. But I feel if I ever tell anyone "what happened" I will be opening the bottle and be so unstable I will fail university and blah blah so I don't want to go to anyone about anything about my past.
Yes I know thats ****ing stupid.

And, still waiting for dr letter so I can get referred on.

I get that feeling a lot about a situation from my past too. It's a horrible catch-22: if you do open up about it, there's a risk of destabilising yourself, emotionally, but if you never open up about it then it's going to blow up one way or another.

animallover100

animallover100 wrote: »

I get a tight chest, a knot in my stomach so strong I get abdominal cramps, and I can't concentrate on anything at all except the things that are making me anxious. Its an awful feeling of impending doom and panic mixed into one.

There is no advice I can offer you regarding the root of your anxiety but there are practical things you can do which might alleviate it.

Lie on on your back with your legs straight out in front of you. Place your hand on your belly. Now breathe. Right in to that spot that your hand is resting on. Put all your concentration and focus in to that one spot. Nothing else to think about only your breathing.

If lying still is too difficult then maybe try the opposite. I remember not too many years ago hoovering and cleaning in the middle of the night. That's when panic used to strike. My instinct then was to do something.

Posting on boards can help. I know that might sound strange but even the interaction with other people, regardless of the fact that it's through a message board, can help take your mind off of yourself. There's a forum called Cool video and pics and links. Lots of laugh out loud pictures and heartwarming ones. Have a look

failinis

DareGod wrote: »

Wow. That is an awful lot to be having to deal with.

DareGod wrote: »

I get that feeling a lot about a situation from my past too. It's a horrible catch-22: if you do open up about it, there's a risk of destabilising yourself, emotionally, but if you never open up about it then it's going to blow up one way or another.

I think regarding my health I need to stay calm until I am told exactly what is going on which may be weeks away. Or even when I see the specialists the answer will be many many tests down the line. Its horrfic if I think about it too much.

On the bottle feeling. Yes I am glad you get what I mean. Things happened during my A levels, I refused to go to court to testify so I could focus on my exams - my ticket out of the bad situation.
So thats one bottle sitting on the wall that has been sealed for maybe 3years now?
Now this physical health stress bottle is sitting beside it...

I feel that if I can see a therapist/counseller over the physical health that would be a relief and I literally told myself to "pause" the trauma on the other bottle till I graduate. What is the sense on that. It might smash at anytime.

Its illogical to feel that but I still do. An feeling of a loss of control.

Its late at night so I feel I am rambling.

EDIT : Almost forgot. @animallover
When I get anxious my breathing gets odd so I make a cup of tea and try and make myself sip it. Its horrible and your stomach is in knots but it helps me a bit. I also rewatch quiz shows like qi to distract myself or take a shower.
They dont tend to really stop it but it calms me down enough if that makes sense? So I can reach the other side. I hope any advise given here can help even a tiny bit.

animallover100

Thank you for all of your kind words. Today is a bad day, without going into details my ex partner is coming to my work today foran appointment and I am desperately hoping I don't bump into him. I'm a wreck, I have a lot to do today and I desperately need concentration byt it's very diffucult. I always keep my work and my personal life separate but now its mixed and my whole body is tense.

Makapakka

moloner4 wrote: »

I usually don't talk about mental health, so I'll post here. For a number of years my mental health is a yo-yo. I go from bad depression to the brightest person you know. I've been on anti depressants now for the 3rd time (the previous 2 I taken off as I thought I was better) since September.

But now I feel like a darkness (bad bad darkness) is coming back and I have no way of stopping it this time even with the medicine. Anyone ever go through something similar? I feel like the medicine was working but now it's failing me.

Yeah I went through something similar., I was on medication for about four months but I got worse and decided I needed a therapist too. Still goin to him nearly four years later..

failinis

I think over the past week I have slightly accepted the possibilities (but may break at any point).
Sorta like terminal cancer, if I have the suggested brain disorder its something that will just slowly start to happen and no God or magic, or medicine, will stop it, so no point worrying and crying over the possibility right now.


I decided to see how long genetic testing (just blood tests) take - estimated around 3months, my brothers took about 3 months so I half expected that time scale.

Thing I am thinking is that I need to be put on a waiting list to see a Neurologist first, see them, then get another waiting list to see a genetic testing team, get bloods taken and that to be tested etc.

So, worst case scenario is that I am waiting till late 2016 - early 2017 to hear results (if waiting lists are balls).

The options seem to be
1) Me and brothers (and other relations) have a new to science disorder (option which is rather preferable)
2) I have the new disorder but an underlaying neurological condition (which may or may not be related)
3) I have Fredricks Ataxia or similar (which was suggested in appointment and print out given to me by dr) - LEAST preferable
4) The top geneticist in London was totally wrong and I am fit as a horse (MOST preferable option)

At the moment I am barely functional and if I keep this level of stress up for even 2 months I likely will be very very sick.
So...yeah, slowlying going to try and calm down over such a bad ****ed up situation.

I just feel like "why me" for even having to go through all this worry. I am so young in my eyes. The anger stage will come soon - its almost like ****ing grief.

Is it common for people in bad situations to just keep repeating the same things over and over again, my friend said I have been and its driving her mad, I think its just reassuring myself with out resorting to rocking in the bleeding corner.

Gremlinertia

I would say it is like a grieving process - even if you are not sure what exactly you are grieving for yet. So maybe you will swing between moods/stages.. The waiting is rotten, don't suffer alone, there's this thread, your friends and family.. I admire you so much for even being able to type this, i doubt I'd be capable. I'll be thinking of you often.

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

I would say it is like a grieving process - even if you are not sure what exactly you are grieving for yet. So maybe you will swing between moods/stages.. The waiting is rotten, don't suffer alone, there's this thread, your friends and family.. I admire you so much for even being able to type this, i doubt I'd be capable. I'll be thinking of you often.

Yeah, I have been through bad grief before and its not exactly like that, but it has the same swinging numbness and extreme feeling - its hard to explain.

I just feel like its not real, this is not happening to me, and its in a book/film, then I get reminded, no its a real situation that I have no idea how the "books" ends.

My mother/father/siblings have not spoken to me since I told them.
I am feeling very alone in all this, I only have acquaintances over here and I know for my own sake I have to get out of bed in the morning, shower, eat and just go to class.

This may be a very long process - at least to rule out the most serious option of the neurological aspects.

The Dr. warned me if its a new disorder then it will literally take years and years to clarify and see how it will develop but I will be happy to just wait a few months to rule out the worst.

Edit: "Happy to wait a few months" is not actually "happy" but you get what I mean.