LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

DeVore

That's exactly the attitude to have Dolan, you've actually taken the hardest step and yeah, it feels good when you talk to others and find out that actually, there are a lot more people like you around than you could believe! Let go of pretending that everything is ok and accept that things aren't, because then you can get on with fixing what isn't! I'm not saying it will be easy but the hardest step imho is accepting to yourself "things aren't right and I need to shout stop".

I really clearly remember that feeling of "I've hit rock bottom and I need to do something and urgently". Use that emotion, use that energy to drive on and fight back to get your life back. You are much younger than I and you have so much more to fight for as a result! Like everyone says, don't take as long to take action as others have!! Your doc might refer you to a psychologist or they might recommend counselling or something else entirely. Be open to it all, don't freak (like I did!) about going to see someone, its really not as big a deal as people make out. Its a nice chat with someone who will understand what you are going through, support you and help you to find a way back to a healthy lifestyle.

My advice (and I hate giving advice, I prefer just to share my experience) is to try to knock the booze on the head at least a bit. I can clearly correlate my episodes with periods of sustained drinking. I don't drink much on a night out, 3-4 pints but a few of those nights in a row and the wheels come off my mental health. Its such a strong correlation I cant ignore it any more (much as I would dearly love to!).

Starokan

DeVore wrote: »

That's exactly the attitude to have Dolan, you've actually taken the hardest step and yeah, it feels good when you talk to others and find out that actually, there are a lot more people like you around than you could believe! Let go of pretending that everything is ok and accept that things aren't, because then you can get on with fixing what isn't! I'm not saying it will be easy but the hardest step imho is accepting to yourself "things aren't right and I need to shout stop".

I really clearly remember that feeling of "I've hit rock bottom and I need to do something and urgently". Use that emotion, use that energy to drive on and fight back to get your life back. You are much younger than I and you have so much more to fight for as a result! Like everyone says, don't take as long to take action as others have!! Your doc might refer you to a psychologist or they might recommend counselling or something else entirely. Be open to it all, don't freak (like I did!) about going to see someone, its really not as big a deal as people make out. Its a nice chat with someone who will understand what you are going through, support you and help you to find a way back to a healthy lifestyle.

My advice (and I hate giving advice, I prefer just to share my experience) is to try to knock the booze on the head at least a bit. I can clearly correlate my episodes with periods of sustained drinking. I don't drink much on a night out, 3-4 pints but a few of those nights in a row and the wheels come off my mental health. Its such a strong correlation I cant ignore it any more (much as I would dearly love to!).

Couldn't agree more, I think if you have a tendency towards depression the drink really can exacerbate the problem through massive downs the day after.

Lady is a tramp

Agree with the above. As someone with a myriad of mental health issues, including alcoholism, I know from experience that any good psychiatrist really won't even look at the other issues until alcohol is out of the system for a sustained period.

Initially I fought this - "But I only drank because X and Y and Z happened, alcohol helped me cope, please fix my mental health issues and sure alcohol won't even be in the picture then."

It doesn't matter how or why the alcohol misuse/abuse/dependence came about, the fact is that it's ALWAYS the first thing to conquer before you can even look at any other issues. This is proven in so many studies.

It can be frustrating if you approach a medical professional and they seem unconcerned about all of your mental health issues but only want to focus on the alcohol. But the thing is, alcohol may have come into the picture late in the equation, long after your mental health issues started. But it needs to be firmly removed for a long period, before anyone can start trying to help.

failinis

Just having another day/night of keeping my head up (or rather keeping it down trying to sleep!).
Just feel a fog coming on mentally - panic about everything (I mean everything from actually logical concern to stupid) has just felt myself get so cynical and pessimistic which is a bad sign for me. Hopefully waiting lists for counsellers not too long.

Drumpot

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

Agree with the above. As someone with a myriad of mental health issues, including alcoholism, I know from experience that any good psychiatrist really won't even look at the other issues until alcohol is out of the system for a sustained period.

Initially I fought this - "But I only drank because X and Y and Z happened, alcohol helped me cope, please fix my mental health issues and sure alcohol won't even be in the picture then."

It doesn't matter how or why the alcohol misuse/abuse/dependence came about, the fact is that it's ALWAYS the first thing to conquer before you can even look at any other issues. This is proven in so many studies.

It can be frustrating if you approach a medical professional and they seem unconcerned about all of your mental health issues but only want to focus on the alcohol. But the thing is, alcohol may have come into the picture late in the equation, long after your mental health issues started. But it needs to be firmly removed for a long period, before anyone can start trying to help.

+100000

For me, one of the most amazing part of my mental health journey has been learning to spot the elements of my life that I was unable to see. At different times in my life, particularly when I am feeling low (which happens in cycles), I don't believe I can really see things clearly. This includes making decisions on what is best for me.

Some of the tips have been mentioned here:

• One tip is to ask my wife/friend how they think I am doing. How I think I feel is not necessarily a fair reflection of how I am doing or acting around others.
• HALT - Mentioned a few pages ago is a basic one, I am regularly tired. I addressed a lot of my loneliness by attending support groups. When I isolate myself I feel more lonely, even in company of family because I don't always feel I can talk to them.
• Exercise - obvious one but I do sometimes neglect it especially when I start to feel low. Its like a negative snowball - I isolate myself, get more tired and stop excercising
• If I am really low I push myself to do something I don't want to do that I know helps even when I really don't want to do it - exercise, meditation, support groups, work

I find it very interesting how people react when I tell them I stopped drinking. Some have real interest and some get anxious or uncomfortable. There are problem drinkers and alcoholics, most people do not have a clue of the difference. A problem drinker can and most likely will stop drinking if it begins to cause problems in their life. If they are advised to stop or reduce their intake they will do it. An alcoholic will find all reasons and excuses (or just ignore any warnings) to not address it.

I thought that my alcohol troubles would sort themselves out if I got my head straight. I was able to give up drinking alcohol for months and just felt it couldn't be the problem because an alcoholic always drinks, right ? Wrong, Wrong , Wrong . . Some alcoholics have 1 drink a day, just 1. Its not the quantity (although that can be a red flag), its the effect. I drank mainly once a week and passed it off as mainly binge drinking because on paper that's what it looked like. Most of my major drink related scuffs happened when I was a teenager when people excuse it as some sort of ridiculous right of passage ("ah sure he will grow out of it!").

I remember telling one person of my situation and they were shocked. "Sure that cant be right, I drink just like you!!!!". Self denial is unbelievably powerful and I'm only speaking from experience when I say this is one of the hardest things to overcome. I know one person who has to control their drinking by setting up barriers and limits which isn't a great sign. They have to leave a certain time on a night out, try to limit themselves to x drinks and have a really rigid routine. It doesn't mean they have a problem but normal drinkers (like my wife) take or leave drink and don't need any planning when going out on a night out.

I was at one stage on anti depressants, sleeping tablets and topped up with Zanex. My doctor didn't know what to do with me and I think a person who is unwilling/unable to see the effect alcohol is having on their lives must be a knightmare for the medical profession.

I suffered from depression and chronic anxiety and it never occurred to me that I should give up alcohol for good. If anything the thought used to terrify me. Sure what would I do at birthdays, at Christmas or my sons eventual weddings (my eldest is 7!). I read many people give subtle mentions of alcohol in their lives on this forum and in support groups I go to. It doesn't mean they have a problem, but it does mean they have an opportunity to give up alcohol to at least rule it out. If you cannot or will not give up alcohol , it just might be the problem that you are unable to address.

Its funny because addictions come in all sorts - alcohol, gambling, sex, work, exercise, gaming food and yet people only think of alcohol as a real nasty one because its physically disturbing to see a drunk person (but seeing a person drunk is only a fraction of the real issue). Its like being a slave to something you think you cannot overcome , being in prison alone. The only thing worse then struggling with it, is struggling with it and not knowing that you have the problem. Its a taboo because those who do not suffer have little sympathy and think its ignorantly " a choice to be greedy" for your chosen addiction.

For people reading this thread and reading stories that you can relate to, you are not alone. You do not have to struggle alone. It may take you time to reach out physically, but I started reaching out more on this thread. It helped me build up a level of confidence to get help. I now have a much better, less lonely life. Its not perfect but its so much better then it was 4-5 years ago. If you feel overwhelmed and helpless, its not because you are a hopeless case, its simply that you need help from others. If you feel you don't know how to get help or don't actually want to talk to people, that's your illness digging in its heels trying to isolate you from the world and those closest to you. You may not see the sun in your life now, but I once thought life was grey or dull and now I am enjoying my family like I never thought I could.

Makapakka

Drumpot, thank you for that post. It gives me hope

Laeot

Drumpot, that was a marvellous post. I salute you.

Gremlinertia

Well, that's post of the day there. Thank you Drumpot, sunday is definitely a day when i feel low and that has helped immensely

FalconGirl

dolanbye wrote: »

Looking for a bit of support and found this forum.

Anyway my story....

I'm 29 now and have been battling depression for the last five years.
It started out pretty grand the first two years I was a bit down on myself but numbness kept increasing until I couldn't feel emotion any more which was after four years of it.
I stated losing interest in everything I was interested in, Video games, Films, tv shows, friends, sport and the likes. Everything I once enjoyed doing now is boring. I'm happiest when I'm curled up in bet and awaiting drifitng off to sleep and away from everyone.

Year 5 now and everything has gotten worse. I have a decent job and was in a traning camp for around two hours around a month ago. I had to hold back the tears in the the training meeting and left after an hour and had a good cry in the bathroom over nothing. I nearly burst out in tears in front of my work colleagues. This happened in the pub with friends as well a while ago. Not much of a macho male thing is it which is the stereostype.

I have started drinking heavily the last couple of months to try and combat it but tonight ive hit wrong bottom. Can't sit still, started crying a few times and have made about 200 lists whether it to be with money or planning the week due to anxiety.

In work my tiredness and wierdness has increased. People can see that im not right and because of my anxiety i'm blurting out stupid questions e and in a state numbness in meeting when I really want to tell my work collegues to go **** themselves. I work in IT and my job is pretty stressful.

Calling in sick Monday and going to doctor. Can't take this anymore. Wish I was like when I was 22 or 23 with no problem whatsoever and could sit talking to anyway and be happy doing anything. Never had a thought of been sucicidal or anything like that.

Hopfully get on well with the doctor monday and going to sort a councillor.

I'm on the same path as you and jacked in my job last week with 3 months left on a contract to focus on my mental health. Im planning to spend a few months with counselling, loads of exercise and travel and see how it goes.

Your case mirrors mine. I work in IT aswell and could not focus on detail, missed deadlines and key actions at meetings. I was crying going out the door some mornings and decided last week enough is enough and notified my colleagues of my decision and the reasons why. My GP has recommended a counsellor and I will start sessions with them this week.

Good luck!!

Deedeemazzy

Don't be afraid of your emotions either.. drowning them in alcohol obv won't help.. its ok to cry or feel sad .. feel it and it will pass .. best of luck at the docs .. everything will b ok 😊

Drumpot

Makapakka wrote: »

Drumpot, thank you for that post. It gives me hope

Laeot wrote: »

Drumpot, that was a marvellous post. I salute you.

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Well, that's post of the day there. Thank you Drumpot, sunday is definitely a day when i feel low and that has helped immensely

Thanks for the thanks

I'm going to a New therapist (CBT) on Thursday. I find that every so often I hit a bit of a bump/rut and need to push myself to take action that I don't necessarily feel like doing. My instinct is to seize up and do nothing and talk to nobody.

When I made the appointment for the therapist I really felt low and that I needed it. Now I feel quite good, but I believe part of that is because I took the action (making the appointment). I think taking action, even if its committing to something helpful , can lift my mood because its like theres a good chance I will learn something new to help me feel better. If I stew in my head, stew in my anxiety, stew in my low mood, I don't want to talk to anybody or do anything. But when I at least try something, it can help raise me a little.

Hope is a very important thing. I had no hope 4 years ago and feel like things would of gotten progressively worse had I not found the help I got. I had been going to therapies and taking medications (a lot) and still saw no light. Part of that was because I might get small pockets of relief, where I might not feel as bad or even quite ok. But then I might wake up one morning and WHAM. I would have that gut wrenching anxiety/depression for no obvious reason that I could figure out. It was like I climbed out of a hole, with great difficulty, and something put me right back in the hole without me knowing. It was sort of soul destroying. I felt I was trying hard to get better, but that some unknown factor (the universe, karma?) was dragging me back to that lonely , frightening mindset.

Right now, I have hope, but it took me trying out different things (support groups, therapies, medication, doctors etc) before I got to this stage and it didn't happen quickly. I think of it like certain professions or sports. Some footballers have to work harder to compete at a certain level, to other footballers it just comes easy to them. Some people naturally find life quite easy and don't suffer in the manner that people here share. As such, we have to work harder and priorities our mental health. Like the people posting about leaving their jobs for the good of their health (literally!). That's the right thing to do, but its not always easy because society would have us believe that a career should override our health (mental and physical).

For me, seeing the ridiculously misguided elements of society and the pressure we all have to conform to its demands, has helped me take a step back and give myself more room to properly address my mental health issues. When I am wearing myself out in work, its mainly because I learned that you need to work hard in life to get what you want. Yes, there are ways of working hard and having a life balance, but this is not addressed in school so how are we meant to just learn it naturally in a world that constantly tells us not to be happy with who we are or what we have in life.

Sorry, going off in a rant!!! In short, I have learned to find a bit of peace in the world. As one therapist said to me "yes, you are correct about most of the things you find wrong with people and the world, but my job isn't to help you fix the world, its to help you live in it, warts and all". I used to get so angry/upset, with people, places and things of this world that are in my opinion f**ked up or wrong. Now I accept that I cant change most things outside of my control, so I don't waste as much energy on these things. I try not to engage in discussions on politics, pay as little attention to world news as possible and do not listen to many discussion shows (like Joe Duffy etc).

To find a bit of hope. To relieve a lot, if not most, of my loneliness. To have periods when I am not suffering anxiety/depression and when my life feels good. It hasn't been easy and its not (so far) been a "well that's fixed me perfectly for good, I'm cured!!!" . But I am ok with that. We feel pain so that we can learn, even if it sometimes feels like a wasted life .

DeVore

Hope is crucial. Its probably the main reason I continue to write on this thread. I love that line Drumpot "its not (so far) been a 'well that's fixed me perfectly for good, I'm cured!!!' " ... because that's not a realistic goal, but what IS is a life which experiences the normal ups and downs and a knowledge that you CAN get to the good times again, even if the current times are crappy.

If there's one thing I would say to people its: This gets better. You don't believe it because our illness has a component which lies to you and tells you it wont, which makes it a very insidious illness, but take it from someone who has talked to more of us than you can imagine and who has been through it himself, this gets better. You can fight this and win. Don't believe its lies because if you fight back you are going to find out that this thing is a coward and its lies are all smoke and mirrors and things WILL get better.

stop animal cruelty

After my ****e week last week, I finally let down my guard and Iv gone out to get the help I really need. Iv been in counselling for the past few years now, but today I'm starting therapy. I should have done this years ago, but better now than never.

Fear and loneliness are what I called my 2 slow killers. Deep down I know I'm strong and don't give up easily. I'm both scared but kinda excited about the journey I'm bout to go on. I don't have much support but I have myself, hard to accept but they say that's all u need.

It's a long tough journey ahead, but iv many things to be grateful for, and at the end of the day iv a choice. I can give it all up or give it everything iv got.

So fuk it bring it on.

Lollipops23

Was away with my best friend for a few days and she asked if I was *really* ok. Apparently she's noticed that whenever she catches me unawares I look sad, like the a mask is slipping (she says). Ended up agreeing to talk to a mutual friend who's been attending counselling lately, and maybe look into it myself.

Edgedinblue

Feel a bit out of it the last 4/6 weeks, just a bit quieter, tired, feeling a bit blank etc but the last couple of days have taken the biscuit.. I was told to cheer up that I'm making the people around me feel awkward, to go back to "having the craic" and that depression is just a chemical imbalance it's not real. *sigh*

Makapakka

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

After my ****e week last week, I finally let down my guard and Iv gone out to get the help I really need. Iv been in counselling for the past few years now, but today I'm starting therapy. I should have done this years ago, but better now than never.

Fear and loneliness are what I called my 2 slow killers. Deep down I know I'm strong and don't give up easily. I'm both scared but kinda excited about the journey I'm bout to go on. I don't have much support but I have myself, hard to accept but they say that's all u need.

It's a long tough journey ahead, but iv many things to be grateful for, and at the end of the day iv a choice. I can give it all up or give it everything iv got.

So fuk it bring it on.

What will the difference be for you between them both? How did you realise you needed therapy n not just counselling? And will you give up counselling now? Sorry for all questions but it's something I'm looking into myself

Makapakka

Makapakka wrote: »

What will the difference be for you between them both? How did you realise you needed therapy n not just counselling? And will you give up counselling now? Sorry for all questions but it's something I'm looking into myself

I'm on my phone so I can't link you to the post. A few pages back I explained the difference but google will do a better job than I did.

Makapakka

Feeling a bit on edge. I have wanted a bike for ages because I can't drive and i am sick of having to rely on lifts and/or buses with my daughter. Went in to my employer to ask about bike to work scheme and he said yes he did it. So I went and got an invoice for bike and brought it in. The guy in the bike shop said he advises people to get the full amount (1000e) so that they can have credit on the system in case of need of repairs etc.. So I brought in invoice to employer and he said my next wage would be reduced by the thousand. I was like :O no that isn't ok, I thought I paid it back over 12 months and I need money for the creche. So we agreed to pay over four months but now I'm on edge thinking about money and whether i should have gone ahead with it. I really have to reel in my spending (I just buy junk food all the time, which is another reason for my ill health/anxiousness) and I should be ok. But it's kind of like - ah you don't deserve it - or worried that my employer will think I'm being cheeky

Just my mind over thinking things as usual.. and needed to get it out as I'd be pondering it all day and it would get steadily worse. I know in few days I'll have relaxed about it. I just hate worrying about money.

failinis

A brother phoned me and instead of reassuring me he ended up making me very anxious about my upcoming appointment.

stop animal cruelty

Makapakka wrote:

What will the difference be for you between them both? How did you realise you needed therapy n not just counselling? And will you give up counselling now? Sorry for all questions but it's something I'm looking into myself

Makapakka I worse for explaining things over text so bare with me!

I'v gone through years of counselling, and it has helped me to a degree. I have deep, deep rooted issues, that Iv come to realise I put to the side or pretend I dont have these issues.

Counselling, they listened to me, when I really needed someone to. Basically I did 90% of the talking. In therapy, as well as listen, they can discuss, suggest and come up with ideas and work on how to overcome my issues. Im doing 60% of the talking while they do the other 40%.

I think I was getting fed up of the counsellors.....just nodding away at what I was saying, now dont get me wrong, thats all some people need, but I need alot more interaction than that.

Its my last port of call I think. At the end of the end its really down to us to get on and more forward, do all the hard work, go through the **** and keep going. I feel therapy will offer me plenty of tools to cope with daily living, issues, problems and improving relationships. And the rest is up to me. By the end of it all, I hope to god there will be a big improvement, and to say at least I gave it my best shot.

I know so many people that by right should be getting therapy too in order to fulfil their lives to their best potential, but their in deniel. At least we're taking action. At least we have the balls to face the reality and ask for the help.

Laeot

First visit to a psychiatrist for me the other day.

He changed my meds by adding another into the mix.

At times like these right now where I am typing away and feel lucid I feel like I can get through this. Other times I feel in a daze and verging on insanity and it's terrifying.

Keep well my friends.

failinis

Just back from hospital. My scans have been misplaced but the dr examined me and made me sign a release form for blood tests. When signing I seen it was tests for yeah, Fredrich Ataxia and Spinocerebullar Ataxia. I swear to **** they better come back negative. I dont know how I feel but its not good.

Gremlinertia

failinis wrote: »

Just back from hospital. My scans have been misplaced but the dr examined me and made me sign a release form for blood tests. When signing I seen it was tests for yeah, Fredrich Ataxia and Spinocerebullar Ataxia. I swear to **** they better come back negative. I dont know how I feel but its not good.

Remember this is usually to rule out. I shouldn't be saying since i was convinced of cervical stenosis for nearly a year but I'll never take a test at face value like that again.

Shint0

failinis wrote: »

Just back from hospital. My scans have been misplaced but the dr examined me and made me sign a release form for blood tests. When signing I seen it was tests for yeah, Fredrich Ataxia and Spinocerebullar Ataxia. I swear to **** they better come back negative. I dont know how I feel but its not good.

They probably do a range of comprehensive tests in order to rule certain things out and just playing cautious. Fingers crossed the results will be all be good for you.

failinis

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Remember this is usually to rule out. I shouldn't be saying since i was convinced of cervical stenosis for nearly a year but I'll never take a test at face value like that again.

Shint0 wrote: »

They probably do a range of comprehensive tests in order to rule certain things out and just playing cautious. Fingers crossed the results will be all be good for you.

I asked her if it was to rule things out (expecting her to say yes) but she said its very unlikely it is not a "genetic ataxia" due to the history and symptoms.

She said they do the testing for most common explanations first as Shint0 says, then work the way down - of course I want it to be just "going to be ruled out" but its not suggested for nothing. Why worry while I am just waiting for results.

But I am just going to try and ignore all of this, I already have snapped at someone for no reason so need to go chill out - and sleep.

Thanks all.

PTH2009

in the space of 14 months you see your own Mother, 2x grandmothers and uncle lie in a coffin you knw your life is bad.

i work in a job where its go go go all the time, people you serve dont give a **** what u been through, think your the scum of the earth etc.

I thought of sucide but thats the cowards way out, im not qualifed in anything major, have a slight social disorder and not a overly good looking guy but this things can be fixed and whats the point in leaving them gather dust

Im a brillent Waterford gaa fan but cant help myself being over negative (i conveince and post were going to lose etc but in my head im hoping to be wrong, i hate losing, its so disapointing, its hard to explain) but the abuse i get on the Waterford gaa forum is unnessacrary and compeletly out of context

Im trying to get my life sorted, i love posting here, the good stuff and the bad stuff.

Life is a battle, fight it, If it can fixed that i can fixed, fight it everyone who is suffering from Depression, get help if u need it, Dont suffer alone


:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

failinis

I just got a letter copy of my MRI results, saying my spine (apart from unrelated issues) and brain are 100% grand.
You would think this is great news but a Dr warned me that if the MRI showed nothing then they would go down the genetic route.

Turns out the MRI picked up some nasty type of cyst on my ovary. I feel like crying because I watched my mother go through decades of pain due to cysts/lesions and all kinds of hell around her reproductive organs, until she was forced to get a hysterectomy due to fear of cancer.

I watched her go through all that pain, and guess what, looks like I have the start of it because I was warned its often genetic and passed down the female line.

Not to go TMI but the past 5months my periods changed to extreme pain where I fainted while throwing up into the toilet, I went to my doctor like you are meant to do, when a sudden change occurs, where I was told "periods are sore" and I got a 2nd opinion who just said "go on the pill" - with certain family history and medical conditions I already have thats a recipe for a disaster. :mad:

I don't know I think everything is just going wrong and some bad problems are just starting for me. Its ****ing useless.

La.de.da

Months and months of over analysing, worry stress and inability to feel emotion has just combined and started as tears flowing out my eyes that can't stop.

Don't know why I'm posting this here just needed to say.

Hopefully will bring with it relief cause my brain and body feel burnt out!

daithi7

Brilliant radio interview on Newstalk just now with Stephen Murphy, a poet , who lives with depression.

Here is his poem , "Before You Push The Chair". Stirring, thought provoking, life affirming stuff, enjoy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELyIOvPHtIg&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Shint0

daithi7 wrote: »

Brilliant radio interview on Newstalk just now with Stephen Murphy, a poet , who lives with depression.

Here is his poem , "Before You Push The Chair". Stirring, thought provoking, life affirming stuff, enjoy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELyIOvPHtIg&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Stark title but from a realist perspective.