LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Graces7

Analia Hallowed Housetop wrote: »

I don't even know why I'm posting this here, but I'll get it off my chest.
Another mate took his own life last night, and again someone you'd never in a million years pick to be suffering from depression or at risk of suicide.

Its so fvcking frightening how suicide can take someone without warning to family or friends.
I can't image what happened, he (Paul) must have known he'd tonnes and tonnes of friends and a loving family.
I'm so upset today. I'm due to go for a jog on the beach, its a beautiful evening
and why shouldn't I. But I kinda scared that I'll just be thinking about him and upsetting myself further.
We soldiered together at home and abroad, and only last week we spoke on the anniversary of a mutual friend who had served with us. It was the usual conversation, ie the one we're all having today in work about Paul 'You'd never think he'd be one to die by suicide'.

I've had so many friends die by suicide, all soldiers (well mostly) and often wonder is it down to Larium (mosquito medication), PTSD from experiences oversea's or wtf.

I could type for another hour, sorry if this is a little disjointed.

(((HUGS))) and type as much as you need to , pm if that helps more. Here for thee

Drumpot

I’m sorry to hear about the passing of your friend Paul. I know the brother of somebody who took their life recently. He had suffered from Bi-Polar and was actually on a period of happiness when it shocked everybody. He had a young family and was extremely popular.

I have thought of suicide and probably only half considered it. Drinking alcohol heavy and taking sleeping tablets and Zanex, hoping not to wake up. I wasn’t overly committed so don’t really know if it’s the same. Other times I thought of crashing at high speeds and others hoped I wouldn’t wake up from a wreck less binge. The amount of times I got myself into very dangerous situations , I don’t know how I’m here to talk about it!

On paper I have everything I have ever wanted. A loving family, an extremely supportive partner, work for myself, dog, rabbits ... I mean I don’t really want or neee anything else in life (mind you I wouldn’t say no to the lotto). A few years ago I couldn’t enjoy any of this but I’ve worked and prioritized changing how I feel. I used to try out different things and if I didn’t get a desired result I would disappointingly rule it out...

I’ve said a lot of my story here in this thread so if you find what I say helpful please feel free to search and PM if you like. So I will summarize what helps me. At different times they don’t give me instant relief or they might not make much of a difference. But prolonged efforts and trying have helped me use all these things to help me get to a very stable , content place. My life isn’t perfect and I go through bad periods but I am able too accept everybody does at some stage and get out of the rut much quicker.

These are the things I have done in no particular order:

- CBT - professional support
- Doctor - I originally had a doctor who medicated everything. Now I have a younger doctor who works with me to use medication and therapy. I check in every few months cause it feels like I have somebody professional who is on my side
- wife - I’m lucky, she comes to therapy to support me which helps us communicate better. I can never explain to her how I feel but a professional mediator really helps. I don’t think I can quantify how much this has helped me
- I regular attend support groups every week or so. Whether I am feeling good or bad I try to get to a meeting cause it’s like excercise. You don’t stop excercise just cause you feel good now. There are different support groups, I tried a few until one felt right.
- I also support others. I meet people regularly who I try to help and it’s alwsys the case that I end up getting more from the experience. It takes me out of myself which is a nice break. One guy I meet regularly tried to commit suicide a few years ago. He relates to me and feels he can talk to me. He is living proof that you can come back from the brink... He is doing really well...
- I can be good or not so good with excercise which helps but isn’t a solution on its own.
- I have tried meditation and palates a bit and reserve the right to use them more. Sort of a mixed bag but I don’t rule them out.
- I’m currently taking magnesium (for migraines) and pro/prebiotics daily.
- I was on sleeping tablets (insomnia), high dosage of anti depressants with some zanex at different times. I have been off these all for 3 or 4 years.
- I don’t drink or smoke. I used to binge drink and was advised giving it up would help with my anxiety and depression (it’s a depressant so I suppose that’s obvious)
- I’ve learned to be more compassionate to myself and more considerate of others. I can still go into myself which I learned is a sort of toxic self absorbed state.
- I’m sensitive to the world in many regards but I’m ok with it now. I try to stay away from politics or dramatic social issues that bring me down. Toxic environments that I don’t need to get involved in. Sometimes I can stomach it and other times I can’t. I’m better at judging.
- I value how I feel and who I am more. I still beat myself up but I’m getting better at giving myself a break

I’m sure there’s some other stuff but I think this is the most of it. I’m reading a book called “the age of absurdity” with a cup of herbal tea in my front garden soaking up the sun. Couldn’t be nicer. The book is opening my mind to explore some social things that usually upset me but it’s helping me resolve an inner want to discuss/debate/argue with an inner desire to keep to myself and shut out the world. I suppose solitude is the word. But my children come up every so often and I’m able to flick in between content quiet and enjoying their company.

I could not of dreamed of this sort of life a few years ago. At times I feel like it’s two steps forward and 5 steps back but more often then not I’m ok or happy. That’s just crazy from where I came. I would like to think that this post could give hope to somebody struggling...

arybvtcw0eolkf

DeVore wrote: »

Ive been in that situation and it hurts so much. Questions in my head like "why didnt he call me?" etc... It really leaves a terrible mark on the people left behind... I'm sorry for your loss Maki, make sure to look after yourself and talk to people you trust.

I just said that to my son actually, just seconds before reading this!.

Well I went and trained, I won't put photos up from Portmarnock Beach 'cause my ugly mush is in them but it was a beautiful run and actually thought about my mate recently finishing the Camino (which he's done a number of times).

Gonna have a glass or two of wine and settle down with my book.

I don't believe in God, or the after life and all that rubbish but they all live on through our memories.

leahyl

My brother, 37, has just recently turned on my mother and accused of her being overbearing and putting pressure on him. He completely overreacted to a simple question that she asked him about birthday plans recently and it all came to a head yesterday, when he called up to the house and told her he wouldn’t be calling up anymore bar to see myself and my dad. My mum was crying her heart out - she’s never been anything but supportive.

My brother has had depression in the past and we only discovered that when my mum was washing a coat of his one day (a good few years ago) and discovered pills in his pocket and asked him what they were. He told her what they were and said not to be worried.

Anyway in response to his visit yesterday my dad went to his house today to try to talk to him and he told my dad that hes had depression for 15 years and said how he’s spent too much time with mum and too little time with Dad over the years and again said my mum was too full on. He also brought up his wedding a few years ago and claims my mum was responsible for the wedding numbers ending up being so big when they had wanted a small wedding.

This has all come out of the blue and just after hearing that my brother and his wife are expecting their first child, which should be a happy time. He’s also doing a counselling course at the moment and I’m wondering if this is having an effect on him overthinking?

I’m am so stressed and upset and worried about my parents and him now. I honestly don’t know where all this has come from?

Can turning on family be a symptom of depression? I just don’t want my mum to go the grave with this bad feeling from my brother. She is in her early 70s but I’m terrified the stress of this will affect her too much.

PTH2009

Had a horrible anger attack today

I'd be a low speaker and find it hard to get words in when there's a loud speaking group. Wont get too much into it but my dad siad something wrong after I told him the right thing about 8 times during the week and I lost my head completely. I feel people just don't listen to me and ignore every thing I say. I lose it onside when I tell people one thing numerous times and they still say the opposite or disagree with me. It' drives my confidence low and it's not as simple as just leaving it go over ur heard

Leahyl your brother may have a lot of anger in him and it's being displaced on to your mam. Or the anger could actually be for her. Depression is a strange beast and can be very distressing and confusing for family members to witness.
The counselling course may be unearthing some buried issues. It may be opening your brother's awareness to parts of himself he didn't acknowledge before. For example maybe there are things he wanted to say a long time ago but pushed them aside or perhaps something happened he felt was unfair and didn't deal with it at the time.

leahyl

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Leahyl your brother may have a lot of anger in him and it's being displaced on to your mam. Or the anger could actually be for her. Depression is a strange beast and can be very distressing and confusing for family members to witness.
The counselling course may be unearthing some buried issues. It may be opening your brother's awareness to parts of himself he didn't acknowledge before. For example maybe there are things he wanted to say a long time ago but pushed them aside or perhaps something happened he felt was unfair and didn't deal with it at the time.

Thanks Persepoly, he’s always been quite deep I suppose but like we never realised there was anything wrong - it’s like he’s punishing her for being so good to him. She’s just the typical caring Irish Mum who just did her best. I don’t think any of us deserve this, least of all her. I definitely think the course is unearthing old issues he’s had in his brain. My dad said that he told him that he’d been wanting to say it to her for so long and now that he had finally gotten it off his chest he felt relieved. He said he had been having pains in his chest. I mean he never spoke to any of us about what he was going through. I feel so helpless. I felt we had a very normal happy upbringing, but obviously he doesn’t feel the same. I’m heartbroken. He said that they will also be organising their own childcare when the baby arrives, in other words no babysitting so I doubt we’ll see the baby that often :-(

This is such a bolt out of the blue.

@leahyl

@leahyl, reassure your mam of your love for her and without dismissing your brothers pain tell her what you wrote in the post, that she did her best. Maybe try and reach your brother, see if he will open up to you a bit and consider building back the relationship with your mam. It's very sad when families get all torn up and hurt

Try_harder

Im back in a rut- off work this week- my sick leave is high as it is!

I sleep all day and get up in evening for a while.

My mum calls and helps, but like the previous posters brother- I can find it overbearing, but I know deep down its cos shes worried and wants to take car of me.

I get sad sometimes too. My mam minded me. She didn't need to do anything I just knew instinctively that she was there. It was a wonderful feeling, like no matter what happens I'll be ok because I have her. When she got sick that was that. It's always a million times better to be your own anchor, to not have to seek that steadying influence anywhere but within yourself. Still though. It's hard at times.
I am envious of those with lovely mammies.

leahyl

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I get sad sometimes too. My mam minded me. She didn't need to do anything I just knew instinctively that she was there. It was a wonderful feeling, like no matter what happens I'll be ok because I have her. When she got sick that was that. It's always a million times better to be your own anchor, to not have to seek that steadying influence anywhere but within yourself. Still though. It's hard at times.
I am envious of those with lovely mammies.

I’m sorry about your man Persepoly and thanks for your kind words earlier. Hopefully we will get through this as a family and he will allow my mum in again.

leahyl

leahyl wrote: »

I’m sorry about your man Persepoly and thanks for your kind words earlier. Hopefully we will get through this as a family and he will allow my mum in again.

Thank you

You just have to mind each other now Leah. You'll get there x

arybvtcw0eolkf

Thanks for the kind words everyone, sorry I couldn't reply individually.

I was on the beach running today and thinking about Paul, and other friends who have died by suicide.. I'm 52 and its sad to say that the vast majority of my friends who have died young died by suicide, not by heart attacks or cancer. Fvcking suicide.

Thankfully I've never been depressed. I suffer with terrible insomnia, the army doc's said it stems from PTSD 'from combat experiences in Lebanon' (but I don't accept that).. I don't think I've ever felt even a days depression.

And it fvcking scares me that its been the leading cause of death among my friends (and in law who took his own life on his 53rd birthday).

Its terrifying that we've no control over where our minds want to take us.

So on a cheerful note.. Today was another beautiful day, worth living for. Done 7km on a completely empty beach, it was fantastic and even stopped for a selfie ~ some moments are worth capturing no matter how vomit inducing selfies are to some people.

Here's a very rare photo of moi on Portmarnock beach earlier. I was thinking of my friend, how he'd loved to have been out today. He was a big walker and had recently done the Camino (again, did I post this earlier?).

***Ye had an hour to look at my ugly mush, gone now ***

My mate gets buried tomorrow.

Be good people, happy thoughts.

subscriber

Has anyone read "lost connections" by Jonathan Hari?

The book focuses heavily on the environmental and social causes of depression and anxiety and discusses at length the "disconnections" we suffer from in our modern day society.

The author discusses what he feels are the 9 main disconnections we are missing in our lives;

Disconnection from meaningful work
Disconnection from other people
Disconnection from meaningful values
Disconnection from childhood trauma
Disconnection from status and respect
Disconnection from the natural world
Disconnection from a secure future
Disconnection 8+9: The real role of genes and brain changes.

In his opinion, the idea of faulty brain chemistry or biological inherited low sertonin is significantly over diagnosed and has been for many years. He does not disagree that there is biological causes of depression and anxiety due to brain chemistry but that currently the vast majority of cases of mental health problems, or "emotional health" problems as he likes to refer to them as are over diagnosed as biological causes of depression and anxiety.

I have to say that I have found it refreshing to read some material about what the environmental and social causes of depression can be, and also his suggestions on how to fix or "reconnect" these issues.

In my opinion, certainly worth a read.

worded

Mood / Sound therapy / Background sounds


This site is amazing. You can alter the sounds by changing the slider bars. Its got 1000s of different sounds
"Each slider controls a particular audio stream. Adjust sliders to taste and mood"

With vocal back ground - The last 4 sliders are good on this one for vocals
https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/elGreyVocalSoundscape.php

Waterfall
https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/waterfallSoundGenerator.php

Irish Coast
https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/windSeaRainNoiseGenerator.php

Lots to choose from
https://mynoise.net

DeVore

Really cool.... immediate bookmark, thanks!

Insect Overlord

I was a little taken aback earlier to see this thread was over six and a half years old. It's still one of the most valuable little pieces of genius on the site.

I've been feeling down a bit over the last few weeks due to a combination of deaths in the extended family and work stress. I'm still functioning normally and eating well and getting loads of exercise (and my body is looking better for it too, even if it is arrogant to say so! :P ) but I'm anxious pretty much any time I'm not busy. The sunshine should be helping but sometimes the house is just uncomfortably warm.

It's great to have a place like this to put all of that into words. That's a little bit of a relief in itself. Got to keep on keeping on.

dd972

Uncanny that this threads come round again, two days of feeling like sh!te between the ears and behind the forehead, brain soaked in 30 years of sh!t, loads of filtering and magnifying going on in there, every kind of negative comment, person and situation I've encountered competing for analysis, at least I'm aware what's going on and sort of know that it will pass.

DeVore

I hate that "reanalysing every little thing from a decade ago" crap. I've used CBT to try to knock it on the head but its ridiculous the minor things that still come up when I'm trying to sleep!

dd972

DeVore wrote: »

I hate that "reanalysing every little thing from a decade ago" crap. I've used CBT to try to knock it on the head but its ridiculous the minor things that still come up when I'm trying to sleep!

Good news being, later on it'll be three decades in your noggin spinning round like a tumble dryer :pac:

'why did I do/say that?'
'what did I go there for, surely I could have had more sense?'
'if I punched that twat in the face would my life be any worse for it?'
'why did I associate with that person/those people, what on earth did I get out of it all?'

I'm fairly sure though that neurologically this goes on for a reason and follows a cyclical pattern, kind of a reexamining and refiltering process, bloody grim while it's going on but it might have some sort of fork-in-the-road purpose.

worded

DeVore wrote: »

I hate that "reanalysing every little thing from a decade ago" crap. I've used CBT to try to knock it on the head but its ridiculous the minor things that still come up when I'm trying to sleep!

Possible cause of insomnia - Are you sleeping on a memory foam mattress ? :-)

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/477522366718036378/#details?amp_client_id=CLIENT_ID(_)&mweb_unauth_id=35de0f413bf2fb1af0377882cffa45d6

Chancer3001

I wrote a little imagery based poem about depression. Said I'd share it


A raincoat of self loathing keeps him dry from the familial love pouring down.
Self inflicted gunshot wounds to the mind.
From others guns.
Paralyze his heart.
He wears thick sunglasses to hide the tears.
Thus rendered unable to see the rainbows.

Horizontal replaces vertical.

Life replaced by bed.
Oh cheer up man. It's all in your head

tommyboy26

this thread is so important. i suffer from depression and that black dog can bite you without you even noticing him creeping up on you.

Forgive the length of this post but i want to share my story in the hope it might help someone.

My life completely changed in 2016 when my depression began to show. If you were to go back to then, you would struggle to find anyone who didnt describe me in one of the following ways "Tommy always happy" "Tommy life of the party" "Tommy you can count on him"

or some version of one of those. however what none of them knew was how well i was hiding the demons in my head. My childhood was horrible (like many peoples are) I am a victim of childhood sexual abuse and at the height of that my parents split up. I never once saw my parents fighting so this came as a massive shock to me at 12 years of age. most of my teenage years were spent drunk or high or both:o

from as young as i can remember i had a need for people to like me, i went out of my way to make random people want to be friends with me. while i did ok in school, college was not an option. my siblings and i were pushed towards getting a job to help my mother keep the family going.

i worked from 14 (while still going to school) up until 2016 when i was 33. I constantly put my needs aside to help others. my two sons came along in 2007/08. So i got the best job i could at the time and i worked endless hours to provide for my girlfriend and two kids. It was a job i hated but i stuck it out for 11 years working harder and harder to make sure my family had everything. Constantly in my head i was telling myself what i grew up with, men dont cry, men work to provide for there families etc etc.

eventually i ran out of steam and thought i would be better off ending it all. i confided in a friend that i was was thinking of suicide and he dragged me kicking and screaming to a&e. this happened 3 times over the coming months eventually ending up with me been committed to the physic ward of a hospital and that was where i spent Christmas and new year of 2016. I had everything planned out for my suicide from where, how and when to what clothes i would be buried in. Its strange when i decided all of those i felt better. it would all be over soon. I was going to counselling at the time at the request of my family and i had what i planned to be my last session 2 days before i would carry out my plan. luckily the counselor noticed something in our session( still dont know what she saw cause i was trying everything to keep it to myself) she wouldnt let me leave till my wife got there and i was brought to hospital.

Since then i have done alot of counselling and mens help groups and i can tell you TALKING ABOUT IT changed my life. with the support of my wife i quit the job and im going to college to be an engineer like i always wanted to be.

My main reason for so much info in this post is the hope that someone will relate to at least one bit of it and realise that you can keep going.

i am not for one minute going to say its an easy road but YOU can do it. if i did it anyone can.

Dont give up talk to someone anyone

a few family members said it was all a cry for attention to people who say that they usually dont know what there talking about. i would of gone through with it 1000 percent.

People who never experienced depression will struggle to understand it and if you encounter one of those people it doesnt mean everyone is that way.

Please take my word for it. things will get better dont give up your loved ones wont be better off without you

worded

Drink water to stay happy!

2.7 L for Women and 3.7 Litres (Inc food that has water in it) according to this report

I was exhausted all day and drank 1.5 L of water and I was fine. I was dehydrated all along ....

https://www.livescience.com/36106-mild-dehydration-triggers-moodiness-fatigue-women.html

https://www.bustle.com/articles/150067-6-things-that-can-trigger-a-bad-mood

woodyg

it's amazing how someone can re-appear in your life and send your mental health into a tail spin!
some people don't realise how much of a whirlwind they are
positive note the no sleep meant i had no excuse about not being up to go to the gym for the 1st time in 11 weeks

benny79

Can someone recommend a GP or someone similar who could help with someone getting off depression meds? obvious this isnt a easy thing to do.

Someone I know who never suffered with depression but got bad postnatal after her son was born 8 years ago! went to her GP who sent her to the health centre to the doctor there ( seemly where you go if your dealing with depression) But he put her on Prozac!! She was on this for 4 years!! tried to come off it ended up in hospital came out went back in a few months later. Her meds have changed but she still does be up & down and when down very down. She went to the Health centre yesterday and the same doctor recommended ECT! Like seriously the system is fcuked..

This is a girl who never suffered with Depression! The system really is ****ed.
I was given a GP who practices alternative medication ie natural. Dr John Mckenna, He even wrote a book The alternatives to Tranquilizers but sadly he is retired now. Heard great stories about him based in Wexford.

Can anyone recommend someone similar or point me in the right direction I would be most grateful!

candycock

Just seeking advice/ guidance, I’m 35,suffering with depression and anxiety from my early teens, in 2016 I had a nervous breakdown n spent time in hospital,then afterwards I developed a drink problem that I have since kicked, but I haven’t worked in 2 years despite having several interviews some that I couldn’t attend due to panic and anxiety attacks, my own self confidence around people is shot to pieces, I can’t help but compare myself to others and feel like such a failure in life,all my friends have moved on or emigrated so I don’t have a social life,at this moment I’m at home in my sitting room curtains pulled blankets over me wallowing in self pity, I haven’t had a relationship in two years or much money and I’m on Prozac but my mood is constantly up n down, I’ve gained 3 stone in weight n have no interest in hobbies or past times, I struggle to shower some days n most eat convience food or takeaways,I live in Meath and would like to begin getting my life back,any suggestions,I also drive.

benny79

candycock wrote: »

Just seeking advice/ guidance, I’m 35,suffering with depression and anxiety from my early teens, in 2016 I had a nervous breakdown n spent time in hospital,then afterwards I developed a drink problem that I have since kicked, but I haven’t worked in 2 years despite having several interviews some that I couldn’t attend due to panic and anxiety attacks, my own self confidence around people is shot to pieces, I can’t help but compare myself to others and feel like such a failure in life,all my friends have moved on or emigrated so I don’t have a social life,at this moment I’m at home in my sitting room curtains pulled blankets over me wallowing in self pity, I haven’t had a relationship in two years or much money and I’m on Prozac but my mood is constantly up n down, I’ve gained 3 stone in weight n have no interest in hobbies or past times, I struggle to shower some days n most eat convience food or takeaways,I live in Meath and would like to begin getting my life back,any suggestions,I also drive.

I would start by going the gym. If your not working you could go during the day as it be quiet till you built your confidence up.. Then maybe diet follow the body coach on instagram or something even if you just cook 1 meal a week.. You will start to feel much better confidence will built you might even start going to classes..

Go to a pay as you go gym usually only start @ €8 a go or even buy some dumb bells train at home for a bit and work yourself up to a gym..

DeVore

You say you kicked a drink problem, like its nothing!? Thats a hellova thing to do. Impressive!

You're 35, your life (believe it or not) is about to start. Far from feeling like you've been a failure in your life, you havent really got stuck in yet, the next 15 years are (imho) the best years.

You dont say if you are or have been in counselling but that would be my first step. I think you need a guide to help you find your way right now and a counsellor should do that.

Don't try to do everything in one week. Sit down and draw a plan of attack that sees you take things in stages.

By the way, wanting to do something is half the battle. Welcome to the resistance.

DareGod

DareGod wrote: »

The one and only thought in my mind is that I wish life would just end now.

Hey DareGod, are you going through a rough time?