LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Snowie

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

I think I might be ****ing nuts.

Or comletely sane for at least noticing it ?

As I have said in this thread before I am agoraphobic, haven't been more than about a 30 minute walking distance from my house in over a year.

maybe you should push for 35 minutes away and take it one step at a time. or maybe find some one to help you do it a friend or something, Man when Im pushing my self rock climbing i usually have a mate who eggs me on gives me a boost to go that little further and to believe in my self a lot more. just a thought

Myself and my fiance recently bought a house about an hour and a half drive away. Moving in about 2 months.

well now you have a goal, treat it as such now i can't imagine how difficult it would be for you, but maybe you should treat this as a goal... New start new beginnings new life, and maybe use it as turning point for your life

I guess it will be an interesting challenge but I also can't help wondering if i have bitten off more than i can chew.

What doesn't kill us simply makes us stronger..

I think you'll understand this, If your gonna hit something no point tapping it.... is there

SerialComplaint

neemish wrote: »

Yes - I've missed several months of work with depression so they're going through a process of assessing if I'm fit to do my job. If I don't pass, I'm going to have trouble getting another job:eek:

Tread carefully, and get expert advice, from your union or a solicitor. They are right to assess your fitness to work, but this could in fact be a process to get rid of you, disguised as an assessment. I'm surprised that it is a psychologist doing this, and not a psychiatrist. Are psychologists trained to diagnose and assess fitness to work?

Mucky.Bucky

Hanging in there now so I am.

I hope to spend the weekend losing myself in things and activities I like doing. I feel losing myself with activities I like will help a lot. We'll see how it goes. Last time I sat down to do something I like I was dragged away from it. We'll see how it goes.

Have loads of anxiety still. Stemming from the way I handled things and the way I treated the man who was d1ckish towards me which led me down this path of crappiness. I want to apologise to him and make peace with him. Does that make sense? But I can't. It stings when you realise you're wrong and try and make amends just to be dismissed and the person dismissing you completely oblvious to his/her part in things.

I wrote things down in a letter but didn't send it but it didn't help.

neemish

SerialComplaint wrote: »

Tread carefully, and get expert advice, from your union or a solicitor. They are right to assess your fitness to work, but this could in fact be a process to get rid of you, disguised as an assessment. I'm surprised that it is a psychologist doing this, and not a psychiatrist. Are psychologists trained to diagnose and assess fitness to work?

I'm not sure. I've talked to the Equality Authority. I disclosed that I have depression before I signed my contract, which will work in my favour now as they knew there was a risk. I'm entitled to "reasonable accommodation" whatever that means. I don't think they can actually get rid of me because that would be discrimination on the grounds of a disability. I don't have a union but will get some legal advice on it.

MagicMirror

I'm going through a lot at the moment and it really helps to get my thoughts down on paper; sometimes it gets me out of my own head for long enough to find my way back to me...even just for a little while. I've had a pretty rough few days and I wrote this tonight without even knowing what I was going to write to be honest. I guess I just needed to vent. Having read it, I think it might help people understand a little more - the people on the outside looking in, because I know that's not a nice place to be either. So I decided to post it here.

--

Do you know what it's like to have to remind yourself to smile? To go for weeks without realising how long it's been? Do you know how hard it is to find something to smile about? In a world where everything you touch turns to black; a place where you fear you'll never truly belong again.

But you have to, you just have to keep going; you have to find a way...for what is life without living?

Sometimes it kills you, it smothers you to the point where your every breath feels like your last. You struggle to stay alive; a struggle so draining that each beat of your heart feels like an attack on your soul.

And yet, the people you love keep on loving you. You hide from them, ashamed of who you've become; forced to exorcise yourself from the light of day because the darkness is all you know. It's a dark sunken pit of despair that just seems to get deeper and deeper the harder you try to make your way out. It takes all of your energy just to save yourself from drowning in the black...and on the days you just have none left - it swallows you whole. Yet, they stay. For some reason they stay. Why is it then, whilst surrounded by so many people, that you feel so completely isolated and alone? You pull back almost as soon as you reach out, because the fear of rejection is almost too much to bear; rejection of who you really are. You tell yourself that it's why they're still there, they don't really know you - not the real you. They just see the parts you allow them to see, I guess it's your way of having some kind of control over the mess that is your life. A safety net.

God though, it's such a lonely place. It's so hard to live a life that doesn't even feel like it's yours anymore. It's so hard to care about people and yet doubt they'd feel the same if they saw you at your worst...if they saw you sink.

How long? How long must it go on? How long must I torture myself before I can forgive myself? How long before I can see the colours again and scratch out the black? I'd settle for grey, anything but the constant nothingness of black. Give me the grey, let me feel the grey - because the numbness is killing me inside. Please, just give me the grey and I'll make my way back to the rainbow. I want to get there and I'm fighting every minute of every single day. I want my life back, I just need a little help to find my way.

Captain Graphite

Right now I'm trying harder than I ever have before in my life to get better. I'm really, really trying. And most days I feel ok, and am proud of myself for trying so desperately. But sometimes it just feels so fucking difficult and pointless.

I just wish I was normal. Whatever "normal" is.....

saa

Oh buy I have to laugh.. I've had major depression and anxiety since the first year of my course because of outside factors I'm in my fourth year now.. I'm not sad I'm just tired and have a headache all the time, I wake up with blood shot eyes and im always dehydrated even though im drinking more than ever, yeah better go to doc tomorrow.

Well I've two weeks left and I am so tired I had to go back to bed this afternoon but I can't let myself relax.

I can see light at the end of the tunnel and laugh, even though I've messed up my degree the thing that pissed me off is that because of my anxiety (including breaking down and crying in a tutorial after being told I can't speak properly) I started being ignored... siiiigh now im more anxious about the course and will be surprised if I pass, I am SO dissapointed with myself, a pass degree if im lucky, no work experience, no family, not able to move abroad.. ah sure ill make the most of it when i finish I just want to be done so bad which is funny because I wanted to get into this course so bad at one time.

degausserxo

May as well post this here, too!
Myself, my sister and a friend are doing a 5k run next week for Darkness Into Light, a fundraiser for Pieta House. Any donations no matter how small would be hugely appreciated!
http://www.mycharity.ie/event/aine_hearys_event/

DeVore

Magic, being able to discuss it like you just did (so eloquently) is a major part of dealing with it. Sounds like you are on the verge of taking the step off the cliff and discovering you can fly. Do it... as a mate of mine says "just get stupid and do it"... ie: dont over think it.

You know what... I couldnt post the OP for 2 weeks because I kept thinking about all the repercussions that might happen and then one night while I was thinking about it, I just pressed the submit button. My brain started screaming "wtf did you do that for?!?!" but it was done. Its kinda like that... talk to someone and before you can think yourself out of it, you will have set the cogs in motion.

Wibbs

Captain Graphite wrote: »

And most days I feel ok, and am proud of myself for trying so desperately.

You should be.

MagicMirror

DeVore wrote: »

Magic, being able to discuss it like you just did (so eloquently) is a major part of dealing with it. Sounds like you are on the verge of taking the step off the cliff and discovering you can fly. Do it... as a mate of mine says "just get stupid and do it"... ie: dont over think it.

You know what... I couldnt post the OP for 2 weeks because I kept thinking about all the repercussions that might happen and then one night while I was thinking about it, I just pressed the submit button. My brain started screaming "wtf did you do that for?!?!" but it was done. Its kinda like that... talk to someone and before you can think yourself out of it, you will have set the cogs in motion.

Thank you.. I do have a great psychologist who is helping me more than I thought anyone ever could, so I guess I'm lucky with that. My situation is complicated, but I'm trying. That's all anyone can do isn't it?

Pedant

Below is the first clip (overture) from the movie Melancholia (2011), starring Kirsten Dunst and Charlotte Gainsbourg (music from W. R. Wagner's Tristan Und Isolde). The film (as apparent from the title) is about depression, told with a science fiction overtone. A mysterious large rogue planet, aptly named "Melancholia", is on a collision course with Earth. There's ambiguity amongst the scientific community as to whether the planet will collide or just orbit around the Earth. Some think it will orbit and then spiral towards and collide with the Earth; a so-called "Dance of Death". The story tells the tale of a bride (Kirsten Dunst) who is spiraling into depression on her wedding day and after. Very little emphasis is placed on scientific accuracy and more on the human psyche as the bride and her immediate family live out their last days on Earth as the apocalypse approaches. The planet "Melancholia" represents depression; ever looming in the background, getting closer and eventually taking over people's lives and thoughts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQmNFV8G2Jg

Kirsten Dunst and the director, Lars von Trier, both suffered from depression during their respective lifetimes. Von Trier commented that when he received counselling he was told that people suffering from depression act more calmly then those under immense pressure - this is very apparent in the film. There's a little more description on the motivation behind the film in the article linked below:

http://www.dfi.dk/Service/English/News-and-publications/FILM-Magazine/Artikler-fra-tidsskriftet-FILM/72/The-Only-Redeeming-Factor-is-the-World-Ending.aspx

I don't know what relevance this has to the thread, but I thought the film was a good attempt at characterizing depression. Also, the blend of music (Wagner's Tristan Und Isolde) and cinematography is wonderful and successfully captures the apathetic feelings often experienced during depression.

Mucky.Bucky

How's everybody doing? I hope you all had a good weekend and wishing you all well.

I had a good weekend which helped so much but still have a lot of anxiety with me.

Lionel Messy

Right, i'm getting CBT for the first time ever soon. The counsellor sounded rude on the phone, maybe it's my famous paranoia, maybe i'm right. Either way, i'll find a way to screw it up.

I'm actually paying for this, i will attend and be honest but i want the expert to give me some proper help. I don't want vacant sh!t

MagicMirror

Lionel - I really hope it helps, but just bear in mind that a 'counsellor' who has just done a CBT course is very different to a counselling psychologist who simply uses it as one of many treatment tools. One is a cookie cutter approach and the other is more designed to work with your personal situation. I learned from experience unfortunately.

DeVore

Actually enjoying counselling at the moment. I know it can be rough but you rarely hear people saying "hey, this actually did me a power of good and felt great" so.... there you are

Lionel Messy

CBT was ****ing EMPOWERING. I'm on a mobile so **** being articulate, money well spent, I even got a discount being unemployed.

ToddyDoody

karma: We laugh because they dont?

SharpshooterTom

I've a councilling session on tuesday, I messed up my exams here at queens (its a masters course) and I ended up feeling suicidal. I have a lot of other lifestyle problems causing this (loneliness, self loathing etc) and thus causing me to fail my exams.

I didn't sit my final 3 exams because I was so depressed. I was close to attempting suicide but my brother came back from lectures and stopped me. I don't know what I want to do with my life and don't feel like living another 60 years, thats how depressed I am so lonely as well. No vision no goals no outlook in life or anything. I struggle to get up each and every morning which is not normal for a 25 year old lad. I practically hate living. Suicide for me would mean I just vanish which seems quite attractive at the moment.

My parents were begging me to not sit the remaining exams until I got sorted out so I agreed.

I have arranged a councilling appointment on tuesday. I'm really nervous about it because I quite frightened about opening up all my problems. It could be terribly painful. I haven't had much of a sex life/girl contact in ages and I'm worried the female councillor I have will ask me personal questions that I will feel embarresed about. I think would rather had a male but I don't mind at least someone listens to me.

MagicMirror

Gnobe wrote: »

I have arranged a councilling appointment on tuesday. I'm really nervous about it because I quite frightened about opening up all my problems. It could be terribly painful. I haven't had much of a sex life/girl contact in ages and I'm worried the female councillor I have will ask me personal questions that I will feel embarresed about. I think would rather had a male but I don't mind at least someone listens to me.

I worried about having a counsellor of the opposite sex at first too, but to be honest it really makes no difference at all. They're not there to judge you, regardless of gender and in time you'll build up a relationship with them where talking about that kind of thing is just the same as everything else on the list.

Your first session will be more of a get to know you thing too, you won't have to talk about anything that you don't want to - in fact, that goes for all of your sessions - everything is completely within your control. Honestly, I know it's easy to say not to worry but I guarantee this will be the best thing you ever do in terms of getting better. It'll take time, but every baby step forward makes it worth it

DeVore

Totally agree with MagicMirror there... they arent there to judge you and you should feel empowered by it. Its time to face these issues and be done with them... they're holding you back and you know they are making you unhappy. The good news is, after the first hurdle, it gets easier as you get more comfortable with the process...

Mucky.Bucky

Finding myself a lot in nature and solitude activities. I'm doing a lot better. A little bit of anxiety but I'd say I'm on the mend.

It was a long road with ups and downs galore. All brought about from a situation from someone who said one thing, but did another, hot and cold, leaving me hanging and waiting, delivered an excuse giving me a false hope but nothing rectified thus legging it leaving me wondering, confused and dazed. Frustration and Irritibility built up and I went down.

It's leaving my system and I'm letting go.

Anxiety due to the way I mistreated him afterwards (i was bad) and also worried about how I am going to be percieved by others.

I'm doing good now though with a little anxiety still over me.

I seem to be having another difficult time at the moment, well I suppose it's the same as usual but carrying on.

I feel like I've no purpose anymore. I'm slowly finding myself doing less and less. It's been a problem for a long time where I've stopped doing stuff I used to like doing, but especially this year I seem to be doing little but eat, sleep, work and visit family the odd time. Even that is under threat as I haven't been paid for last month - cash flow problems. It's the second time in three months that this has happened. So I'm not even sure I'll have a job in a few months time.

Even the news that I'm heading away on holiday in September hasn't really cheered me up. It's just making me think it's another thing for me to be anxious and nervous about.

I think I have to get help again but the last few times I tried, it didn't really do anything for me.

lighthouse

Gnobe wrote: »

I've a councilling session on tuesday, I messed up my exams here at queens (its a masters course) and I ended up feeling suicidal. I have a lot of other lifestyle problems causing this (loneliness, self loathing etc) and thus causing me to fail my exams.

I didn't sit my final 3 exams because I was so depressed. I was close to attempting suicide but my brother came back from lectures and stopped me. I don't know what I want to do with my life and don't feel like living another 60 years, thats how depressed I am so lonely as well. No vision no goals no outlook in life or anything. I struggle to get up each and every morning which is not normal for a 25 year old lad. I practically hate living. Suicide for me would mean I just vanish which seems quite attractive at the moment.

My parents were begging me to not sit the remaining exams until I got sorted out so I agreed.

I have arranged a councilling appointment on tuesday. I'm really nervous about it because I quite frightened about opening up all my problems. It could be terribly painful. I haven't had much of a sex life/girl contact in ages and I'm worried the female councillor I have will ask me personal questions that I will feel embarresed about. I think would rather had a male but I don't mind at least someone listens to me.

Hi Gnobe, I really feel for you and understand your concerns re. opening up to a therapist. Therapists themselves have been in therapy working on their own issues and understand the difficulties you are having. It takes time for a relationship to be built up. It's not like you go in and tell everything the first day. Take it as it suits you. You are in control of the situation. A good therapist will not press you but rather make you feel comfortable over time so that you open up. I don't know how old your therapist is but in this business the older the better. Best of luck and let us know how you get on.:)

DeVore

Karsini wrote: »

I seem to be having another difficult time at the moment, well I suppose it's the same as usual but carrying on.

I feel like I've no purpose anymore. I'm slowly finding myself doing less and less. It's been a problem for a long time where I've stopped doing stuff I used to like doing, but especially this year I seem to be doing little but eat, sleep, work and visit family the odd time. Even that is under threat as I haven't been paid for last month - cash flow problems. It's the second time in three months that this has happened. So I'm not even sure I'll have a job in a few months time.

Even the news that I'm heading away on holiday in September hasn't really cheered me up. It's just making me think it's another thing for me to be anxious and nervous about.

I think I have to get help again but the last few times I tried, it didn't really do anything for me.

Get up , get out, get on. (get up out of the chair, get out of the house, get on to your mates!)

Force yourself to go do something you know you enjoy. Go connect with an old friend, try a new evening class or something to shake up the monotony. Get out of your head in the sense of stop the observation and calculations and worry. Just take a break from it for an hour, it will still be there so just give yourself the hour or two completely away from it. The world wont stop turning.
Hope you feel better, its not nice but it will pass and its just your depression convincing you otherwise.

L.Jenkins

I love this thread. I could probably write an arms length post detailing my past experience with a mood disorder, but I won't. I haven't let it put a damper on my life, even now when I'm in a certain shítty situation, experienced by many in this Country.

I too love my time spent in CBT and Counselling during my College years. It was a relief and weight off my shoulders.

plasmaguy

To be honest, I don't think people who laugh at depression mean bad or are bad. It's just a reaction, they in fact may even be trying to help, to get you to lighten up or something like that.

When you are depressed, you see everything in a negative way, it's one of the symtoms of depression. You think everyone is out to get you, everyone is laughing at you, everyone is this and that, when most of the time you are seeing things that aren't really happening.

When someone is depressed, the world doesn't change, it's just your perception of the world that changes and you find it hard to process certain things. You imagine someone, who might actually be a really nice, caring person, to have an agenda, and so on and so forth.

For what it's worth...

Mucky.Bucky

Saturday was a good day for me. Looked after myself which I have to do more often. Massage, cinema, meal out in a lovely new place.

Saturday evening, I got a call asking me to work. I felt in good form and agreed. It was 4 in the morning by the time I got home and I was wrecked. Wasn't allowed to sleep yesterday morning and got up tired. Very tired. Saturday's treatment was for nothing because felt myself dropping. Went for a walk at noon yesterday and dropped into the local for lunch. Had a beautiful meal in peace. Then dessert. Tea. Then some drinks. Stayed for ages with a newspaper, wifi and ipod. I was in my element. Delighted.

Walked out to the greyest, dullest sky, piss rain and wind and got soaked. Coming down with a cold today. And tiredness is catching up.

So mixed weekend of emotions.

MagicMirror

Karsini wrote: »

I seem to be having another difficult time at the moment, well I suppose it's the same as usual but carrying on.

I feel like I've no purpose anymore. I'm slowly finding myself doing less and less. It's been a problem for a long time where I've stopped doing stuff I used to like doing, but especially this year I seem to be doing little but eat, sleep, work and visit family the odd time. Even that is under threat as I haven't been paid for last month - cash flow problems. It's the second time in three months that this has happened. So I'm not even sure I'll have a job in a few months time.

Even the news that I'm heading away on holiday in September hasn't really cheered me up. It's just making me think it's another thing for me to be anxious and nervous about.

I think I have to get help again but the last few times I tried, it didn't really do anything for me.

You're still here; still functioning; still working and still trying. That's the best you can do at the moment and that's okay, as long as you keep doing it and don't let yourself sink deeper. Do what you're doing; keep yourself afloat for now. And when the good days come (because there WILL be good days) force yourself to move forward a little.

I know how hard it is. Some nights it's all I can do just to stay in my room and not lose sanity to the pain that smothers me inside and out. But then, there are the good days, the good hours; god even just the good minutes - they make it bearable. They give me hope that somehow I will someday be myself again.

You CAN do this. You're doing brilliantly and most importantly you are trying. Keep trying. Keep going. Just keep going. That's what I try to tell myself anyway, I reckon if you say it enough it has to eventually sink in.

DeVore

DeVore wrote: »

Get up , get out, get on. (get up out of the chair, get out of the house, get on to your mates!)

Force yourself to go do something you know you enjoy. Go connect with an old friend, try a new evening class or something to shake up the monotony. Get out of your head in the sense of stop the observation and calculations and worry. Just take a break from it for an hour, it will still be there so just give yourself the hour or two completely away from it. The world wont stop turning.
Hope you feel better, its not nice but it will pass and its just your depression convincing you otherwise.

MagicMirror wrote: »

You're still here; still functioning; still working and still trying. That's the best you can do at the moment and that's okay, as long as you keep doing it and don't let yourself sink deeper. Do what you're doing; keep yourself afloat for now. And when the good days come (because there WILL be good days) force yourself to move forward a little.

I know how hard it is. Some nights it's all I can do just to stay in my room and not lose sanity to the pain that smothers me inside and out. But then, there are the good days, the good hours; god even just the good minutes - they make it bearable. They give me hope that somehow I will someday be myself again.

You CAN do this. You're doing brilliantly and most importantly you are trying. Keep trying. Keep going. Just keep going. That's what I try to tell myself anyway, I reckon if you say it enough it has to eventually sink in.

Thanks. To be honest, I've very few friends that I can just give a call and hang out with. So that makes it awkward too. Despite that, there are things I could do alone but just have to make myself do them.