LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

MissDepressed

DeVore wrote: »

Gosh, I don't know what to say so I'll just tell you about my experience, you can take from it what applies to you I guess.
Not every day has to be a day when you challenge yourself to face and confront your fears. Some days I would go to bed and tell myself, tomorrow has to be a better day, it just has to be, because that one just gone, that was about as sh!t as it gets.

Seriously, I would curl up in bed and hold on to that as the only good thing from that day. So, take it easy on yourself if today isn't the day you decide to fight your demons. Maybe today is a day when your big challenge is treating yourself ok cos that can be the real fight. Maybe going out can be left to tomorrow

I would make myself MORE depressed by beating myself up about being depressed... Jesus, can anyone see the irony of that logic and where it ends up, lol.... I mean, vicious circle or what?! Don't be dumb like me.

I'm on a train for the next hour and then a hotel room for two more so if you need to write, write... Here or a pm, we haven't run out of electrons just yet

Thank you so much for your non-judgemental reply-I think you're right-I actually think beating myself up for feeling depressed and suicidal is the most harrowing, hurtful part for me..By reading these msgs, it helps that other people feel the same way too-because believe me no matter how much you try to explain to close ones they never understand-I know they must be secretly thinking she is crazy, increase her meds now!

Its good advice to say take it easy on myself today-it doesn't have to be the day to fight..but this is ongoing for awhile now-I don't see any day I will ever want to fight again..what is the point?? I am torturing myself and people who love me when they see me like this..

I feel that same sense of happiness too Pixie-Fairy when i see groups like Aware etc highlighting this deathly illness. I wish so so much that the stigma was not there when I was growing up and now because maybe I would be a bit more hopeful now. But no matter what happens to me-I hope so much that in the years to come depression will be openly talked about and discussed in schools, media etc and that it is ok to say "i have an appointment with a psychiatrist today"..it will save individuals and family so much pain..

cloud493

I found my way to cope, even if it is an old way

DeVore

Well, here is some more happy news then... Near FM had me in last week to do an interview about this thread and depression as part of Coolocks "Where's Your Head At" week. It was a blast and even a bit of a giggle. I'll link it up here when it's edited.

Miss, it doesn't have to be today that you face those demons but they can't be let run wild forever. On the plus side, we all have some inkling what you are dealing with. As a friend told me...You might have to face them on your own, but your aren't alone

"Be gentle, for we all fight hard battles."-- Plato

Wibbs

DeVore wrote: »

"Be gentle, for we all fight hard battles."-- Plato

QFT.

MissDepressed

Sitting in on my own again for about the fourth weekend in a row..

Just feel so lonely and absolutely nothing to look forward to anymore..
At the moment, checking back to read new posts on here is all I am finding comfort in..

I feel like I am just ticking slowly along, waiting to die..how morbid and pathetic is that...:(

cloud493

MissDepressed wrote: »

Sitting in on my own again for about the fourth weekend in a row..

Just feel so lonely and absolutely nothing to look forward to anymore..
At the moment, checking back to read new posts on here is all I am finding comfort in..

I feel like I am just ticking slowly along, waiting to die..how morbid and pathetic is that...:(

Hey, I'm the same. Seems I can go quite a while without talking to anyone at all, really. But, it won't last forever, right? You'll find people, mates, a boyfriend, what have you.

MissDepressed

cloud493 wrote: »

I found my way to cope, even if it is an old way

And whats that?

Hey, I'm the same. Seems I can go quite a while without talking to anyone at all, really. But, it won't last forever, right? You'll find people, mates, a boyfriend, what have you.

It seems like it will last forever..no matter how much I try to get out of it and enjoy happy moments, it always comes back to haunt me, always. I have found friends, a boyfriend who said they understood, wanted to be there for me and care about me but each of them has left and given up on me..How can I blame them tho? Why would they want to stick around watching me destroy my own life while bringing theirs down too..

Wibbs

MissDepressed wrote: »

Sitting in on my own again for about the fourth weekend in a row..

Just feel so lonely and absolutely nothing to look forward to anymore..
At the moment, checking back to read new posts on here is all I am finding comfort in..

I feel like I am just ticking slowly along, waiting to die..how morbid and pathetic is that...:(

Morbid, maybe, hardly pathetic M. That's your anti you inner voice speaking. I've no solutions to offer, but what I can tell you as far as what I've learned in my life is that the biggest part of life is change. Life never remains the same, even if you really really try to make it stay the same. That goes for the good times as well as the bad too. The most I can say is that in a years time something, if not everything will be different and the power to make that difference a good thing for you is so much in you. IMH the very worst thing depression et al does to a person is that it robs them of realising their own power and influence in the world. It robs them of their potential. Almost as if it's fighting the positive within you. Various religions and philosophies have tried to pin down evil and/or the devil in the world. For me the greatest evil and devil is the one that stops us being the real us. You keep fighting M. He may get a few digs in, but always remember you'll beat that demon.

cloud493

I can't comment on your previous boyfriends, except to say, if they wouldn't stick with you, when it was clear you needed someone, then.. they weren't meant for you. Maybe its not that easy to see now. But, you can meet someone better. To be a big cliche, and sound like facebook, the Marilyn Monroe quote

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

MissDepressed

Wibbs wrote: »

Morbid, maybe, hardly pathetic M. That's your anti you inner voice speaking. I've no solutions to offer, but what I can tell you as far as what I've learned in my life is that the biggest part of life is change. Life never remains the same, even if you really really try to make it stay the same. That goes for the good times as well as the bad too. The most I can say is that in a years time something, if not everything will be different and the power to make that difference a good thing for you is so much in you. IMH the very worst thing depression et al does to a person is that it robs them of realising their own power and influence in the world. It robs them of their potential. Almost as if it's fighting the positive within you. Various religions and philosophies have tried to pin down evil and/or the devil in the world. For me the greatest evil and devil is the one that stops us being the real us. You keep fighting M. He may get a few digs in, but always remember you'll beat that demon.

Its just that I have genuinely tried to change so many things/people in my life and even if it may be good for the short-term, it has never worked and I have always ended up plunging back into the darkness with yet more disappointment every time. THank you for your kind words tho, thats exactly how I feel..that I am fighting some evil being inside me-its getting so hard to keep fighting it because I know that I am a good person and I don't think that I deserve to keep losing..In saying that though, I feel even more horrible saying I don't deserve this when I read some of the other posts here or after watching Katie Piper on the Late Late Show now..Its a vicious circle-Im trying so hard to fight it but for that reason I keep beating myself up too

cloud493 wrote: »

To be a big cliche, and sound like facebook, the Marilyn Monroe quote

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

I actually have that on my facebook!!

cloud493

Me too and its right.

Snowie

MissDepressed wrote: »

Hi everyone,

This is my first time posting here so this is really difficult for me..

I don't want to get into the whole long story because I'm sure if people are on this forum than they can understand the reasons..to keep it simple I have suffered from depression since I was in my teens (nearly 30 now) and been to dozens of psychologists, psychiatrists as well as been in hospital after afew suicide attempts which I am not proud of but I guess no-one is judging here right??

It does vary-I have had some amazing, happy months but these are always outnumbered by the bad ones. Currently I am on my bad one and the nice weather isn't helping-I cannot leave the house (I suffer from severe panic attacks) and all I want is to be alone here so I don't ask anyone to come over, I know that isn't helping me at all..

I know what I need to do-I know I need to fight this and get up off my ass, leave the house and face the world-its not that I cant its that today and for the last few weeks I do not want to...I know I am destroying myself but I don't care-I won't attempt suicide again as it devestated my family but I want to die and I want someone to run over me or murder me or anything to put me out of my misery...

I suppose I am writing this post not to ask people what I can do to get out of this-but more to get it off my chest and feel comforted that people are listening and hopefully not being judgemental because that is all that will make me feel any way better right now..Talking is the ultimate help but on a sunny Friday evening like this its not possible really to lean on any of my closest ones and anyway they cannot possibly understand these feelings..

Thanks so much for reading xxx

At least your aware of it, this is crucial...

Me my self id say maybe its time you tuck control of your brain and stopped letting your mind rule your life. Remember half the time for a lack of a better word its cognitive crap which we choose to believe or disregard.

Take charge of it.. Its your life. surely your got goals and aspirations?
there in reach as far as they may see 3 therapy sessions were your truly honest with your self can pulverize old habits..

The hard part is reliving pain:)

i hope this helps

keep your chin up its never as bad as it seems, only in our heads.

MissDepressed

Snowie wrote: »

At least your aware of it, this is crucial...

Me my self id say maybe its time you tuck control of your brain and stopped letting your mind rule your life. Remember half the time for a lack of a better word its cognitive crap which we choose to believe or disregard.

Take charge of it.. Its your life. surely your got goals and aspirations?
there in reach as far as they may see 3 therapy sessions were your truly honest with your self can pulverize old habits..

The hard part is reliving pain:)

i hope this helps

keep your chin up its never as bad as it seems, only in our heads.

How do I take control of my brain and not my mind?

I have had goals and aspirations..everyone one of them has ended in disaster..i cannot cope with anymore disappointment..i feel like i am setting myself up to fall now every time

cloud493

I guess, you just have to be ready to let your guard down.

MissDepressed

I cant though thats the thing...I cant even leave the house for fear of people looking at me and judging my pale face and red eyes...

Sorry for sounding so so negative-I know how much I am making things harder for myself I really do but i cant think any other way, I am feel as if I am fighting a losing battle..I have completely given up on myself and I am so devastated that I have

cloud493

It ain't over, till its over. And you can still fight back

MissDepressed

I cant sleep.....I would do anything to have somebody here beside me that could understand and just listened...I am desperate for somebody to give me a huge, tight hug and tell me that everything is going to be ok...

Snowie

MissDepressed wrote: »

How do I take control of my brain and not my mind?

I have had goals and aspirations..everyone one of them has ended in disaster..i cannot cope with anymore disappointment..i feel like i am setting myself up to fall now every time

You fight for it...

You stand your ground, you change your mind...

Ive probably had as many disappoints as you in terms of fvcks ups there all there good jobs, college, women, friendships. everything and ye at times...

If you want to be happy well then take the steps to, go talk to some one a therapist a councilor let your guard down and talk about what your talking about now, Be brave believe you can do it. Stand on your own to feet and face your problems head on...

I promise you threw all the bad that you probably come out 500% stronger but it takes work...

MissDepressed

Snowie wrote: »

You fight for it...

You stand your ground, you change your mind...

Ive probably had as many disappoints as you in terms of fvcks ups there all there good jobs, college, women, friendships. everything and ye at times...

If you want to be happy well then take the steps to, go talk to some one a therapist a councilor let your guard down and talk about what your talking about now, Be brave believe you can do it. Stand on your own to feet and face your problems head on...

I promise you threw all the bad that you probably come out 500% stronger but it takes work...

Thanks Snowie..as usual though theres a "but" coming..I was determined to beat this afew weeks ago because I was losing everyone because of it taking over my life completely..so currently I am seeing both a psychologist for cbt and a psychiatrist to assess my meds every week...I have let my guard down honestly I have, I have told them everything and yeah they make me feel better during the session and I do leave feeling I can do it. But this lasts the rest of the day if I am lucky. The thing about it is-I am so emotionally drained at this stage that I dont think I even want to try and be happy anymore, which is why I am beating myself up because I know that I am bringing this all on myself..and whinging to people on boards now aswell...

Turtwig

MissDepressed wrote: »

Thanks Snowie..as usual though theres a "but" coming..I was determined to beat this afew weeks ago because I was losing everyone because of it taking over my life completely..so currently I am seeing both a psychologist for cbt and a psychiatrist to assess my meds every week...I have let my guard down honestly I have, I have told them everything and yeah they make me feel better during the session and I do leave feeling I can do it. But this lasts the rest of the day if I am lucky. The thing about it is-I am so emotionally drained at this stage that I dont think I even want to try and be happy anymore, which is why I am beating myself up because I know that I am bringing this all on myself..and whinging to people on boards now aswell...

So what if you are whinging to people on boards? Everyone has the right to whinge at times. You need stop being so negative of yourself and stop beating yourself up. Whinge away

Snowie

MissDepressed wrote: »

Thanks Snowie..as usual though theres a "but" coming..I was determined to beat this afew weeks ago because I was losing everyone because of it taking over my life completely..so currently I am seeing both a psychologist for cbt and a psychiatrist to assess my meds every week...I have let my guard down honestly I have, I have told them everything and yeah they make me feel better during the session and I do leave feeling I can do it. But this lasts the rest of the day if I am lucky. The thing about it is-I am so emotionally drained at this stage that I dont think I even want to try and be happy anymore, which is why I am beating myself up because I know that I am bringing this all on myself..and whinging to people on boards now aswell...

But thats to be expected, relieving emotional issues from the past is tough going don't expect so much of your self, just say well i got stuff done in the 1 hour, and I'm pleased with it, because i know we all want to fix things, but, some times we have to sit back be a little patient and take one step at a time...

Your not whinging your talking and communicating this is a good thing
So be proud of your self for that, that in its self is such a good thing..

Be proud your taking steps and mange your expectations believe that things will get better, be proud that your on the right path....

MissDepressed

Jernal wrote: »

So what if you are whinging to people on boards? Everyone has the right to whinge at times. You need stop being so negative of yourself and stop beating yourself up. Whinge away

Snowie wrote: »

Your not whinging your talking and communicating this is a good thing
So be proud of your self for that, that in its self is such a good thing..

Be proud your taking steps and mange your expectations believe that things will get better, be proud that your on the right path....

Thanks so much for your kind words..this is why I dont talk to my family about this anymore because I hate to be a burden on them and I hate to see their hurt and worried faces when they see I am on a bad road again..they dont deserve that..

Outside of my family I have no-one, I have pushed all of my friends away-they all think Im weird and not bothered because I turn down everything they invite me to, they think I am negative or feeling sorry for myself if I even try to tell them whats going on..the one person I trusted was my boyfriend and I told everything to told me he would be there for me and actually was the one who made me book my first counseling session-now he has left me too..

I have my psychologist on a weekly basis and that is literally all I can look forward to and all that is motivating me to get through each hour because she completely does not judge and understands everything I say..

Its during the week and nights like this when I am struggling to cope..the thoughts of eventually sleeping and having to wake up tomorrow are physically painful if that makes sense..

DeVore

So get stupid.

Seriously. Get stupid. I worried about everything, thought through every possibility, wore my fingers down about the bad sh!t in my life, which at times meant everything in it , and worried about when and how I was going to get better if ever.

So I'm sitting with my friend who is a black belt in this stuff and he goes "Tom, get stupid". Basically i should stop thinking about the whole of my life and my future, and concentrate on today. I'm doing the right things to get better. I have to trust to that. do the exercises, focus on the here and now and trust in other people.
"Let that which truly does not matter, slide."

Tomorrow I'm going to get up and go about my day. I'm going to stay firmly in the Now and I'm going to take it one step at a time. I'm not going to concern myself with what others think and I'm not going to beat myself up because I'm not feeling great. I'm going to think highly of myself and I'm going to be gentle with myself.
Fancy joining me? Everyone is invited... Like,it can't hurt can it?? What's the worst that can happen?

Varied

I finally done something about myself a few months ago. I used to be a cynical grumpy auld person. My doctor recognised the symptoms and prescribed me with anti-depressants, got out of a pretty turbulent relationship recently too. I feel the best I've ever felt.

BeautyFromPain

Varied wrote: »

I finally done something about myself a few months ago. I used to be a cynical grumpy auld person. My doctor recognised the symptoms and prescribed me with anti-depressants, got out of a pretty turbulent relationship recently too. I feel the best I've ever felt.

That's really great to hear... well done

MissDepressed

Just got four hours sleep and woke up with the most horrible sick feeling in my stomach when I realised that I'm awake..back to misery

MissDepressed

DeVore wrote: »

So get stupid.

Seriously. Get stupid. I worried about everything, thought through every possibility, wore my fingers down about the bad sh!t in my life, which at times meant everything in it , and worried about when and how I was going to get better if ever.

So I'm sitting with my friend who is a black belt in this stuff and he goes "Tom, get stupid". Basically i should stop thinking about the whole of my life and my future, and concentrate on today. I'm doing the right things to get better. I have to trust to that. do the exercises, focus on the here and now and trust in other people.
"Let that which truly does not matter, slide."

Tomorrow I'm going to get up and go about my day. I'm going to stay firmly in the Now and I'm going to take it one step at a time. I'm not going to concern myself with what others think and I'm not going to beat myself up because I'm not feeling great. I'm going to think highly of myself and I'm going to be gentle with myself.
Fancy joining me? Everyone is invited... Like,it can't hurt can it?? What's the worst that can happen?

Thanks for trying DeVore but I dont want to be here full stop..doesnt matter how much I try to ignore it so why bother even trying to get up

Turtwig

MissDepressed wrote: »

Just got four hours sleep and woke up with the most horrible sick feeling in my stomach when I realised that I'm awake..back to misery

Back to reality too. Try to imagine that someday your username will imply that you miss being depressed. Treat yourself today. I always like a scrambled egg but everyone has their own meals. Perhaps maybe go for a walk while it's lovely and cool and there's few people up and about?:)

nesf

MissDepressed wrote: »

Thanks for trying DeVore but I dont want to be here full stop..doesnt matter how much I try to ignore it so why bother even trying to get up

4 months ago life was hell for me. Just like a year ago it was the same, and the year before that etc. It seemed hopeless. I had a wonderful evening evening yesterday with DeV playing go and chatting about crap and am looking forward to this weekend so much. Seriously you'd be shocked at what difference what some time makes to your mood and outlook on life. It's impossible to appreciate this while depressed though. Next winter life will again seem hopeless and hellish for me. These things go in cycles and you have to hit rock bottom before you come out of it but come out of it you do, it just takes time.

MissDepressed

Thanks Jernal-I dont deserve to treat myself though..look at the beautiful day it is outside again today-it makes people so happy, hell this country deserves abit of sunshine..but I cant even appreciate that and would rather stay in bed with the blinds closed..how sad is that

Im sure that over time ill be back up again to a little bit of normality because that has happened before but just dont have the patience or the will to wait for that...My next psychiatrist appointment is Tuesday and it just seems so so far away..i feel like i am hanging on by a thread here..:(

again, thanks for all of the replies everyone, really nice to see people reading my posts and being so understanding..hope its not getting everyone down though aswel sorry!