LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

cloud493

Well done MS D

December2012

Having my first feelings of depression / being depressed since I read this thread. Sort of a numb anger. Kids are making lots of mess so I can't go out because that's their punishment. I hope my lexapro kicks in soon.

Mucky.Bucky

Doing a little better and the heatwave has definately helped. Mood is somewhat on balance and on a happier side. Slowly having more positive thoughts although my mind still races. Still a little bit anxious too.

Ideally I'd like to start going out again, socially, in a group. I did a lot on my own during the past couple of months and my own company is something I do love. Like today I sat in a beer garden of a country pub surrounded by their beautiful potted plants and flowers (gorgeous) having a cold drink. It was very uplifting and freeing. Getting back out there terrifies me because I was fcuking crazy and I'm worried about how I'm going to be perceived.

molly09

I too have depression, it can be very difficult to deal with at times, I feel so alone in the world. I have tried to discuss it with friends and my mother, but they really dont want to hear about it, Sometimes I jsut want to cry and be held to feel that there is someone in teh world who gives a toss about me.

For years I did not leave my house to go to any social events, recently in the past couple of years, I have forced myself to go to pubs/clubs as often as I can, this may be only once every two months or so but at least I am trying. I have also registered with a online dating agency. I am in my 30s now and i would above anything love to meet someone and maybe evern one day have a family.

I dont sleep very well and I hug a pillow every night, the shear loniliness and saddness and feeling of "no-hope" is over bearing sometimes. I am lucky in that I have managed so far and with sick leave held downa job so far.

Thanks for this thread, Thank you

Molly

Varied

molly09 wrote: »

I too have depression, it can be very difficult to deal with at times, I feel so alone in the world. I have tried to discuss it with friends and my mother, but they really dont want to hear about it, Sometimes I jsut want to cry and be held to feel that there is someone in teh world who gives a toss about me.

For years I did not leave my house to go to any social events, recently in the past couple of years, I have forced myself to go to pubs/clubs as often as I can, this may be only once every two months or so but at least I am trying. I have also registered with a online dating agency. I am in my 30s now and i would above anything love to meet someone and maybe evern one day have a family.

I dont sleep very well and I hug a pillow every night, the shear loniliness and saddness and feeling of "no-hope" is over bearing sometimes. I am lucky in that I have managed so far and with sick leave held downa job so far.

Thanks for this thread, Thank you

Molly

The best thing you will ever do is head to your GP and say what you said in this post.

I spent years putting it off, which I paid dearly for. Don't leave it any longer.

Mucky.Bucky

molly09 wrote: »

I too have depression, it can be very difficult to deal with at times, I feel so alone in the world. I have tried to discuss it with friends and my mother, but they really dont want to hear about it, Sometimes I jsut want to cry and be held to feel that there is someone in teh world who gives a toss about me.

For years I did not leave my house to go to any social events, recently in the past couple of years, I have forced myself to go to pubs/clubs as often as I can, this may be only once every two months or so but at least I am trying. I have also registered with a online dating agency. I am in my 30s now and i would above anything love to meet someone and maybe evern one day have a family.

I dont sleep very well and I hug a pillow every night, the shear loniliness and saddness and feeling of "no-hope" is over bearing sometimes. I am lucky in that I have managed so far and with sick leave held downa job so far.

Thanks for this thread, Thank you

Molly

I'm a bit like this.

I'm missing something in my life that being closeness, love, intimacy. I was hurt very badly in the past from an ex and for the rest of my 20's, I worked on myself and was happy single. But then the year before last I started to notice this gap and void in my life. I wouldn't say I'm miserable for this emptiness more afraid because I see people I went to school with now settling down and me still in the same place since I was about 22.

Like you, I did the internet thing and I went in with a view of meeting people and an attitude of fun. If anything developed from that, great. If not, so be it. My first experience led to meeting someone who was a gentleman but turned around and fed me a whopper of lie after meeting to leave me simmering away on a back burner waiting for him. When I hauled him up on it he lied to cover his own ass. It left me in a loop with a false hope, pure and utterly confused. Which led to my downward spiral. It brought up all the past hurt from the past with more. I never felt so ****e.

Now I'm just after coming out from that bad spell. I would like to find something but I don't know. I'm afraid of being messed over again.

Wattle

Mucky.Bucky wrote: »

Doing a little better and the heatwave has definately helped. Mood is somewhat on balance and on a happier side. Slowly having more positive thoughts although my mind still races. Still a little bit anxious too.

Ideally I'd like to start going out again, socially, in a group. I did a lot on my own during the past couple of months and my own company is something I do love. Like today I sat in a beer garden of a country pub surrounded by their beautiful potted plants and flowers (gorgeous) having a cold drink. It was very uplifting and freeing. Getting back out there terrifies me because I was fcuking crazy and I'm worried about how I'm going to be perceived.

Unless you did something outrageous people probably won't notice at all. People actually think a lot less about us than we ourselves think they do. That's just your negative thoughts trying to hinder you.

InReality

I think what the "sunny weather" guilt shows to me is just how keen and "on the ball" - so to speak - my internal critic can be.
Any little thing can spark of , "ah you should do this", "why arn't you outside enjoying the weather"... etc.
Thankfully I was able to tell it to feck off last weekend.

Also as an earlier poster said its hard to understand how this internal critic can be so powerful. I think the reason is that its so repetive , our brains respond very strongly to patterns , so voice there going , "your sh***" , its hard to counter it all the time.

It also takes energy, which you don't have much of in a depressive episode.

I'd encourage anyone reading this thread who thinks they may be depressed to go to their GP.

BeautyFromPain

InReality wrote: »

I think what the "sunny weather" guilt shows to me is just how keen and "on the ball" - so to speak - my internal critic can be.
Any little thing can spark of , "ah you should do this", "why arn't you outside enjoying the weather"... etc.
.

Completely with you there!

whirlpool

I have a question for anyone on anti-depressants.

I started on Lexapro (an SSRI) just over three years ago. I spent three years reducing my dosage (weaning) at what may as well have been the slowest rate known to man. I eventually ended up on a dose less than half at what I started on. At about the three year mark (i.e. a few months ago), a negative life event occurred for me which sent me into a very dark place. I mustered up enough strength to visit my GP who put me back on full dosage. [my GP also told me to begin seeing a counsellor, which I am currently doing, and it is helping a lot.]

Where I was once so eager to wean myself off the medication, I now credit it with saving my life. I know that the medication is not ideal, but I am completely of the belief that if I hadn't gone to my GP and got back on the higher dose, things could have gone down a much darker road for me.

My question is this: do any of you, also, credit the medication with having had a majorly positive impact on your life? (rather than being an addictive and potentially destructive crutch)

flutterflye

whirlpool wrote: »

I have a question for anyone on anti-depressants.

I started on Lexapro (an SSRI) just over three years ago. I spent three years reducing my dosage (weaning) at what may as well have been the slowest rate known to man. I eventually ended up on a dose less than half at what I started on. At about the three year mark (i.e. a few months ago), a negative life event occurred for me which sent me into a very dark place. I mustered up enough strength to visit my GP who put me back on full dosage. [my GP also told me to begin seeing a counsellor, which I am currently doing, and it is helping a lot.]

Where I was once so eager to wean myself off the medication, I now credit it with saving my life. I know that the medication is not ideal, but I am completely of the belief that if I hadn't gone to my GP and got back on the higher dose, things could have gone down a much darker road for me.

My question is this: do any of you, also, credit the medication with having had a majorly positive impact on your life? (rather than being an addictive and potentially destructive crutch)

Yes, definitely.
I was so, so low.
I was unable to perform simple tasks.
I was probably the most suicidal I've ever been.
The meds worked in just a few short weeks.
I went from months and months of being unable to do anything at all, to being at a place where I could do things if I really pushed myself.
All the advice you are given when you are depressed, like get exercise, eat well, take vitamins, - all of that - you just cannot do it when you are severely depressed.
The meds gave me back some control.
They helped me help myself.
And by helping myself, I nolonger wished and longed for death so much.
I don't care if I'm on them for life, so long as they help me not be that shell of a person I was.

smash

Given the amount of people here suffering from depression, have any of you started a group or anything?

Maybe to meet once a week and just talk, or be a shoulder for each other. I mean AA have meetings where you have a sponsor so it mightn't be a bad idea and if I remember correctly DaVore said to give yourself 1 task and make sure you do it, no matter how much you don't want to. A group meet could be that task!

DeVore

Varied wrote: »

The best thing you will ever do is head to your GP and say what you said in this post.

I spent years putting it off, which I paid dearly for. Don't leave it any longer.

This.


This, with bells on. This with bells and whistles on. And some jesters. And a bouncy castle. And fireworks (like not the little ones you throw on the ground, the really big ones that go BOOM). And glitter. And a star on top.











And a tootoo.

Morag

smash wrote: »

Given the amount of people here suffering from depression, have any of you started a group or anything?

Maybe to meet once a week and just talk, or be a shoulder for each other. I mean AA have meetings where you have a sponsor so it mightn't be a bad idea and if I remember correctly DaVore said to give yourself 1 task and make sure you do it, no matter how much you don't want to. A group meet could be that task!

Aware run meetings, with trained facilitators.

http://www.aware.ie//help/support/aware_support_services/

We provide face-to-face, phone and online support for individuals who are experiencing mild to moderate depression, as well as friends and families who are concerned for a loved one. Our trained volunteers are on-hand to provide you with support in whichever way best suits you. Click a heading below to read more about our range of support services, or to get support now:

Support

*New*Life Skills Programme
Online Support Groups
Email Support Service
Helpline Information
Local Support Groups
Find Your Nearest Support Group

http://www.aware.ie/help/support_groups_map/

They also run separate support groups for family and partner of people living with depression.

DeVore

Edited the main post to include those links.

Wattle

whirlpool wrote: »

I have a question for anyone on anti-depressants.

I started on Lexapro (an SSRI) just over three years ago. I spent three years reducing my dosage (weaning) at what may as well have been the slowest rate known to man. I eventually ended up on a dose less than half at what I started on. At about the three year mark (i.e. a few months ago), a negative life event occurred for me which sent me into a very dark place. I mustered up enough strength to visit my GP who put me back on full dosage. [my GP also told me to begin seeing a counsellor, which I am currently doing, and it is helping a lot.]

Where I was once so eager to wean myself off the medication, I now credit it with saving my life. I know that the medication is not ideal, but I am completely of the belief that if I hadn't gone to my GP and got back on the higher dose, things could have gone down a much darker road for me.

My question is this: do any of you, also, credit the medication with having had a majorly positive impact on your life? (rather than being an addictive and potentially destructive crutch)

They definitely helped in the early stages. Properly prescribed they can help you out of your initial rut. Having said that they really are only one rung on the ladder to recovery. You've also got to work on your thinking patterns, look after your body and (this was the biggest thing for me) try and steer clear of alcohol. After all it is a depressant.

I would also recommend Aware meetings. They help to break the chain of isolation and negative thinking. They helped me hugely when I was down at the bottom of the pit.

Lionel Messy

Aware has been mentioned and speaking from personal experience, I HIGHLY recommend it. It's a fantastic environment for people with depression to be in. Everyone is there for the same reasons, there is zero judgment and it's fascinating to hear other people's stories. As good as this thread is, it's not real life. For people out there considering Aware - GO FOR IT! It's brilliant!

Mucky.Bucky

One minute I'm doing ok and moving on from what brought me down, then the next I'm feeling sh1te with everything resurfacing in my mind and playing on my mind.

paul_mcshane

i went from being the archetypal alpha male, fiercley determined and strong willed type to someone who is extremley self conscious and lacking in self esteem

the only think that stopped me from topping myself was a lack of bottle , i realise the experience of depression is different for everyone in terms of how it began and how it changed them but because i was such a success driven person , i found the collapse impossible to bounce back from , i dont have depression right now or most of the time but im a shadow of the person i once was , i was self confident to the point of arrogance when i was twenty , due to the kind of dad i had , i had to push myself to the extreme and never show weakness , i could never imagine getting back to how i used to be as im too self conscious and insightfull to allow myself to be remotley arrogant now , i realise that many would see that as a good thing but i was happy before everything came crashing down and i mourn the loss of the old vibrant go getter i used to be

im now too nice for my own good , a lot less ruthless , a lot less macho

depression changes you

Mucky.Bucky

Felt my mood crashing all day and it crashed into a fit of non stop crying unable to breath from sobbing.

Too much sh1t playing on my mind.

I am tired and exhausted. Went back to bed but unable to sleep.

I have nauesa and feel sick.

Going to get up and go for a walk to see if that helps.

MissDepressed

I feel the exact same all of today and now Mucky Bucky.

I completed one of the biggest achievements of my life today (I handed in my final year thesis which took alot of energy esp. when youre depressed the whole time) and I should be celebrating and over the moon..Yet I am completely miserable..I cant stop crying..feel like I have nOthing...what is wrong with me??? I havent been on boards the last few days because the comments really helped here and I was feeling that bit more positive..now just days later i am plunging again...the only thing that has happened me since then is something GOOD..so how is it making me feel like this...Went home and got into bed at 4pm, havent left since..:(

Turtwig

MissDepressed wrote: »

I feel the exact same all of today and now Mucky Bucky.

I completed one of the biggest achievements of my life today (I handed in my final year thesis which took alot of energy esp. when youre depressed the whole time) and I should be celebrating and over the moon..Yet I am completely miserable..I cant stop crying..feel like I have nOthing...what is wrong with me??? I havent been on boards the last few days because the comments really helped here and I was feeling that bit more positive..now just days later i am plunging again...the only thing that has happened me since then is something GOOD..so how is it making me feel like this...Went home and got into bed at 4pm, havent left since..:(

Finishing a thesis is an exhaustive process. Most people don't know how to feel or react when they finish it. Just try to chill. You've lifted a significant burden from yourself today. Congratulations!!!That doesn't automatically mean you should feel good, bad or indifferent.

You're still the same person and there is no magic silver bullet for our emotions.

cloud493

I said this on the other thread, but its here too, so.
Everyone else I've talked to, who've also gone through traumatic events, you know, bad things. They all said pretty much, it won't get better, but it gets easier in time. And I'm not expecting to forget it all and move on, just like that. But its been 5 years. And its only got worse. I don't get it.

DeVore

I've been doing the same.... emotional yoyoing. But its less extreme, less often now and I have been reminding myself that on the balance of things I'm heading in the right way. Have a think about that because it might be that something similar is true for you too.

Just cos I'm getting better doesnt mean that every day has to be better than the last, sometimes its two steps forward and one step back.

This thread has made a world of a difference to *me* too... I thought I was being noble and trying to help people but the truth is that I'm the one who has been helped by everyone sharing their stories so my world is better for you guys and gals being in it. I really mean that, I'm not being trite. Thanks...

T.

December2012

MissDepressed wrote: »

I feel the exact same all of today and now Mucky Bucky.

I completed one of the biggest achievements of my life today (I handed in my final year thesis which took alot of energy esp. when youre depressed the whole time) and I should be celebrating and over the moon..Yet I am completely miserable..I cant stop crying..feel like I have nOthing...what is wrong with me??? I havent been on boards the last few days because the comments really helped here and I was feeling that bit more positive..now just days later i am plunging again...the only thing that has happened me since then is something GOOD..so how is it making me feel like this...Went home and got into bed at 4pm, havent left since..:(

Miss Depressed, can I suggest that you try not to even consider words like "should". Maybe another person would go out and get hammered when they hand in their thesis. Another person might go for a family dinner. Another might go home to their kids. Another might be shattered and just want to rest. Another might do as you did, depressed or not.

Try to not compare yourself to others, because you are criticizing yourself. You are who you are, and your way of processing you handing in your thesis is the only way you could have dealt with that event, on that date.

It is not the worst thing in the world to rest when you have gone through such an exhilarating yet exhausting thing such as a final year of college.

I'm not going to say that you should be proud of yourself and proud of your achievements, because again that is comparing you to another person.

But I will say that I bet in real life there are people who care about you who are proud of you and all that you have done.

Handing in your thesis was never going to solve your depression, that's not the way things work. I can understand that you were looking forward to having that job accomplished, but just because it didn't do what you hoped it would do (lift your depression) doesn't mean that it didn't do what it was supposed to do (eh, hello - its a frickin' thesis - that's amazing!)

Take it easy on yourself okay? You must be shattered.

MissDepressed

I know that its huge achievement and I am extremely proud of myself...but why do i still feel like I do not want to be here?

I dont know if anyone can help-but can someone tell me what to do? please? somewhere to go, someone to talk to, like right now..I really cant cope with this pain..this yo-yo of emotions from one day to the next is destroying me..I dont deserve this???? i know i dont..im not a bad person...i know this sounds so self-pitying right now but i just cant feel any other way...

MissDepressed

cloud493 wrote: »

I said this on the other thread, but its here too, so.
Everyone else I've talked to, who've also gone through traumatic events, you know, bad things. They all said pretty much, it won't get better, but it gets easier in time. And I'm not expecting to forget it all and move on, just like that. But its been 5 years. And its only got worse. I don't get it.

they are my thoughts exactly....i want somebody to hug me and understand and tell me they will help me get through this...i feel utterly alone. devestated

Mucky.Bucky

MissDepressed wrote: »

I know that its huge achievement and I am extremely proud of myself...but why do i still feel like I do not want to be here?

I dont know if anyone can help-but can someone tell me what to do? please? somewhere to go, someone to talk to, like right now..I really cant cope with this pain..this yo-yo of emotions from one day to the next is destroying me..I dont deserve this???? i know i dont..im not a bad person...i know this sounds so self-pitying right now but i just cant feel any other way...

Try and do something that you like and enjoy - anything that will help lift your spirits. Everyone is different and has different interests so do something that you like.

Today's sh1tness for me came out from nowhere. Like I thought I was going good but obviously not. Anyways, I got up in the evening and went for a walk. I went to the shop for a take away coffee, and walked to the beach. Sat down upon some steps drinking it, having a smoke and looking out over the bay while it got it darker and darker and the street lights came on. I was also listening to my ipod. I had one of my favourite songs on repeat and I swear it had me jigging home. It was good.

Mucky.Bucky

DeVore wrote: »

I've been doing the same.... emotional yoyoing. But its less extreme, less often now and I have been reminding myself that on the balance of things I'm heading in the right way. Have a think about that because it might be that something similar is true for you too.

Just cos I'm getting better doesnt mean that every day has to be better than the last, sometimes its two steps forward and one step back.

This thread has made a world of a difference to *me* too... I thought I was being noble and trying to help people but the truth is that I'm the one who has been helped by everyone sharing their stories so my world is better for you guys and gals being in it. I really mean that, I'm not being trite. Thanks...

T.

This thread has been a life support for me. My family wouldn't understand so I would have been completely on my own with this.

DeVore

I know that ache, that desire to just simply be held. Its like a hunger and its so strong its made me physically unwell at times.

So, I'm giving you a big hug right now..... in my miiiiiiind

But this thread cant always sustain you and it needs to be the first step in your decision to get yourself help and beat this thing. You arent alone, we're here too