LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Mucky.Bucky

I came across something in another thread and I related to it so much so posting it here although I wouldn't describe the situation that brought me down as cataclysmic but it was enough to take me down and out and was completely uninvited into my already demanding life and schedule:

http://m.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055209589&page=16=postcount=266

MissDepressed

How is everyone tonight? Going to be an even longer weekend now than normal..I must be one of the only people in Ireland right now who is dreading it..weekends are bad enough as it is sitting in on my own!

Sensor

I chose to be alone tonight to see how i went. Seemed to be ok up to now but i cant sleep and need music to keep me company - system of a down.

Sensor

Sensor wrote: »

I chose to be alone tonight to see how i went. Seemed to be ok up to now but i cant sleep and need music to keep me company - system of a down.

Amazing its the exact same songs i listened to 10 years ago when i was depressed.

Sensor

Nothing like being on ur own in a depressed forum! :eek:

neilr4

Can't imagine too many people were trolling the forum at 02.40

Get yourself a copy of the book I recommended, amazing read!!

N.

rebel without a clue

i used to love long weekends. now i f**kin hate them. the sun wont even shine. i cant even open my mouth for fear of being told to shut up.

Deus Ex Machina

rebel without a clue wrote: »

i used to love long weekends. now i f**kin hate them. the sun wont even shine. i cant even open my mouth for fear of being told to shut up.

Who tells you to shut up and why do you let them?

rebel without a clue

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Who tells you to shut up and why do you let them?

family. when you stick up for yourself after some one putting you down, all they can say is shut up rather than try and listen or even have a proper arguement with you.

jammstarr

rebel without a clue wrote: »

family. when you stick up for yourself after some one putting you down, all they can say is shut up rather than try and listen or even have a proper arguement with you.

That sounds rough Rebel. Do you have anyone else you can talk to?

Mucky.Bucky

I'm having a good couple of days. Will be going out and about shortly in case I gain too much time on my hands and I crash and drop again.

Something just came to me today and I'll come back in later to write about it and tell you all.

nesf

Mood up and down like a yoyo.

Mucky.Bucky

There was something bringing me down for the past couple of months. Surrounding a gift - an empty promise - and an excuse leaving me in the loop. It never made sense to me. I couldn't figure out if he was sincere or not because he never rectified it.

I had so much running through my head for the past couple of months surrounding it and I felt awful about myself. It just came to me today and it did occur to me a few times that maybe this was it but I had so much going through my head.

A very strong gut feeling. He lied to me to get my hopes up and bring them crashing as a form of communication to let me know that I was nothing to him and that he didn't want anything from me. To get me of his back I suppose or something like it. Even though, I swear I wasn't even on his back before the issue of his empty promise. The issue of his empty promise had the opposite effect because it had me waiting for something, thinking about it and him and as to what he was at and had him playing on my mind.

Mucky.Bucky

Woke up this morning and the sh1te started resurfacing on my mind and started to get down. Got up, left the house and am now drinking tea in a pub, with the paper in front of me, unable to read any paragraphs. So, posting on boards.

It's like a candle that needs to be extinguished and it's not going out and it keeps lighting away to burn me out.

Drumpot

Mucky.Bucky wrote: »

Woke up this morning and the sh1te started resurfacing on my mind and started to get down. Got up, left the house and am now drinking tea in a pub, with the paper in front of me, unable to read any paragraphs. So, posting on boards.

It's like a candle that needs to be extinguished and it's not going out and it keeps lighting away to burn me out.

Yesterday I woke up (do most mondays) dreading the week. Didnt want to get out of bed, but didnt want to lie in bed thinking about the fact that I didnt want to get up.

Went to the gym and did a good 1 hour workout. Then onto my favourate part of the gym, the steam room. For the 10-20 mins I spend in the steam room I allow myself to relax and enjoy the moment. Its what I call a "mental break " (see other posts in this thread for more examples/explanation).

Apart from the obvious (excercise releases some positive chemicals or something on those lines), I give myself brief moments of peace whether its a one minute pause to pet my dogs or a trip to the cinema to see a completely "leave your brain at the door" movie.

I went to my first Aware meeting last night and it was so nice to hear people give examples of everything I feel very regularly. Mind racing (cant shut off), awful anxiety, feel like crying, feel like theres no point in life (in a non suicidal way, just fedup), people dont understand me (call me lazy etc), OCD tendancies, can have highs/lows with no specific trigger, being blunt in work or general when PC is more prudent, being the worst self critic possible and never being happy with whatever I achieve (I even pick holes when I make sales).

Heres how my day went yesterday:

Morning 9am - Felt like Sh*t - Thought there was no point in getting up or doing anything. Everything felt like a chore, even thinking about doing nothing was bothering me

11am - Made decision to goto gym. I feel like a good workout makes me feel like I at least did something good to my body. Then get into steamroom. I have gotten into a habit of allowing myself these moments. The key for me is to value my entitlement to relax or try to switch off. It doesnt come easy, but eventually I have found that there are more things I can do to give myself a break.

1pm - Had chat with my wife about how I feel (for about 1000th time). She was feeling down because of my mood and I decided to goto Aware in night

2.30 pm -did some work until around 6.30 (I work for myself). Didnt get much work done and usually try to plough through it taking 10 times longer to do small bits of work. I try to take small breaks (even toilet breaks) to slow myself down to regulate my high/low moments

6.30 went to Aware meeting. Found it interesting, but considering the amount of personal work I have put into myself, I was well advanced in saying how I felt and having suggestions. Nice to give people tips I have picked up and to hear other people who share my pain (not in a bad way, just nice to not be alone all the time).

9.30 Watched Games of Thrones after talking to my wife about Aware . . Love that show .

11.30 Went to bed feeling ok . . nice finish to the day . .

Woke up this morning feeling great and have put in a seriously awesome day of work. I know I have to have these days to make up for the bad ones.

Now, I have a wife and 2 lovely sons. I work for myself (didnt get paid this month, but dont concern myself with money as I can get by because my family help out in desperate times). I look at my life and wonder why I feel the way I do, financial situation aside, I have everything that I could want, but I am slowly realising that its a mental illness that is not always directly relating to the life you have now as much as it relates to something else that happened (or something you just cant come to terms with).

Another thing I am learning is that searching for all the answers and a solution to how I feel is not as important as first trying to come to terms with and accepting that this is a part of my life. Its not something that will go away easily and there is no silver bullet. I have to take each day as it comes and dont know when I will feel good or bad. I am just trying to learn to help pick myself up and take it from there.

The best advice I can give to people (in relation to what bits work for me) is to try to learn to value yourself and your right to enjoy life. We are expected to conform to the world we are born into , but the one thing we can all do is learn to love/value ourselves. I dont feel like I fit into a world that I dont like or understand, but I am learning to say "to hell with they way people expect me to be, I choose to afford myself time to enjoy".

I enjoy writing on boards, trying to help (hope somebody finds this helpful) anybody I can and trying to find some answers/tips myself. I enjoy my time with my pets (dogs and rabbits) whom are wonderful creatures that dont judge and have unflinching loyalty/love that is heartwarming, particularly when I feel I cant speak to anybody (sometimes I feel like I cant physically talk Im so upset/anxious). I enjoy my cinema excursions and my 20 mins in the steam room. I say in my head "you deserve these breaks" because nobody else will say it.

The hardest thing is to pick yourself up when you feel so dull, so deflated, but I find having my small "mental breaks" mentioned above, I can give myself a chance because they are simple pleasures. It is alot about coaching yourself to enjoy these pleasures and it mightnt solve everything, but it can certainly help . .

cloud493

Saw this in the C&H depression thread, written by Stephen Fry to someone who wrote to him suffering from depression

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwiusqwBzU1qhn9q8.png

Snowie

Mucky.Bucky wrote: »

It's like a candle that needs to be extinguished and it's not going out and it keeps lighting away to burn me out.

I like to think of that as Cognititve crap un important **** that needs to be forgotten or delt with, I've been doing it a lot recently dealing with all my negative problems which is a good feeling maybe you could thinking about talking about it to a councilor it really does help...


Hi folks.

Past weeks been rather nice had a rather jittery session last week, spoke openly to a bunch of people which really helped me gain some closure on the issue..

Ive got work to do but i think its beginning to lighten the load some what... which is ultimately the goal I've had some moments of sheer clarity which has been a long time coming.. Things are slowly unraveling and maybe I need to continue counciling but in the future maybe twice a month instead of 4 but not for a few more weeks but I may continue that for some time

Other then that all good my end..

Hope every ones hanging in there.. Remember don't lock it in right about it.. even unlog and post it in PI if it helps to share your problems.. and get a load of the mind.. Be good to your selves were all living with inner demons and it takes time to fix .. Unless you get really annoyed and just decided therapy this week Im going to fix this problem in my life etc etc...

and just structure what your going to discuss thats what i try do...

Mucky.Bucky

Snowie wrote: »

I like to think of that as Cognititve crap un important **** that needs to be forgotten or delt with, I've been doing it a lot recently dealing with all my negative problems which is a good feeling maybe you could thinking about talking about it to a councilor it really does help...


Hi folks.

Past weeks been rather nice had a rather jittery session last week, spoke openly to a bunch of people which really helped me gain some closure on the issue..

Ive got work to do but i think its beginning to lighten the load some what... which is ultimately the goal I've had some moments of sheer clarity which has been a long time coming.. Things are slowly unraveling and maybe I need to continue counciling but in the future maybe twice a month instead of 4 but not for a few more weeks but I may continue that for some time

Other then that all good my end..

Hope every ones hanging in there.. Remember don't lock it in right about it.. even unlog and post it in PI if it helps to share your problems.. and get a load of the mind.. Be good to your selves were all living with inner demons and it takes time to fix .. Unless you get really annoyed and just decided therapy this week Im going to fix this problem in my life etc etc...

and just structure what your going to discuss thats what i try do...

I was a bit 'meh' all day. Went for a lovely night time stroll which helped a lot. My mind is still rotting away though. Walking home I decided to nip this in the butt and go and see a councilor for something. For some sort of insight or help and advice or something. Anything. This isn't going anywhere easily.

DeVore

Mucky.Bucky wrote: »

I was a bit 'meh' all day. Went for a lovely night time stroll which helped a lot. My mind is still rotting away though. Walking home I decided to nip this in the butt and go and see a councilor for something. For some sort of insight or help and advice or something. Anything. This isn't going anywhere easily.

Good for you MB, delighted to hear it!

stupidusername

is it selfish to be depressed? i got really really down last weekend, and when a friend found out she texted me about it. she wanted to come over, i hate having people see me when i'm like this, but apparently because i didn't want her over, that makes me selfish.

southcentralts

I enjoy the solitude, the escape from the pretense of normalcy, time away from the mask we use to shield others from the side of ourselves we dare not expose to the public.

but maybe that is just me, unsure if I have depression but plenty of (close) people tell me it is what I have. And after reading the opening post was quite surprised at the part about being depressed not being about being sad, but a certain sense of emptiness, regarding life the future and all things which normal rational people express concern about. Consciousness seems to me to sometimes be a huge burden, a gift so great it is disrespectful to feel ungrateful for it?

flutterflye

stupidusername wrote: »

is it selfish to be depressed? i got really really down last weekend, and when a friend found out she texted me about it. she wanted to come over, i hate having people see me when i'm like this, but apparently because i didn't want her over, that makes me selfish.

Course not.
People don't understand is all.

stupidusername

flutterflye wrote: »

Course not.
People don't understand is all.

or maybe people are just afraid to say it..?
when I get like this, i can barely move, i'm so drained of energy, so i'd hardly want to have someone over to see me. feeling like i have to play host, feeling like i have to be ok, i have to be in a good mood. i can cry all day if i want, when i'm by myself, but having a friend over means i can't. i don't know why she thinks it's selfish

flutterflye

stupidusername wrote: »

or maybe people are just afraid to say it..?
when I get like this, i can barely move, i'm so drained of energy, so i'd hardly want to have someone over to see me. feeling like i have to play host, feeling like i have to be ok, i have to be in a good mood. i can cry all day if i want, when i'm by myself, but having a friend over means i can't. i don't know why she thinks it's selfish

I honestly don't know - I can't understand why it would be percieved as selfish.
Have you said any of this to her?
If not, maybe you should.

Try and not let it get to you if you can.
I know the feeling well of not being able to do anything, and then on top of that feeling guilty about letting family/friends down.
When I feel like that, I just ignore everyone's calls, then feel guilty for being a bad friend, so end up feeling worse!

It's funny that when you are depressed, you should reach out to others, and share your feelings with them, and get support from them etc...
But it's usually the last thing that you want to do.
You just want to sit on your own and not have to worry about dealing with conversations and entertaining etc...
Even if it's a very close friend, you still feel you have to be good company.

There is absolutely nothing selfish about it - infact it's the complete opposite!

Anyway, hope you feel better soon x

Wibbs

stupidusername wrote: »

is it selfish to be depressed?

No. IME it can have the tendency to make people more self centered, but that's NOT the same thing. Indeed this tendency hurts the depressed person far far more than those around them. Look at what you wrote. Yes you're centering on how shítty you feel, however you're also looking at how your behaviour would impact someone around you. Hardly selfish.

Now you do get the odd person who acts like a selfish so and so and the condition makes this worse, but again IME at the same ratio you find in non depressed people.

Drumpot

southcentralts wrote: »

I enjoy the solitude, the escape from the pretense of normalcy, time away from the mask we use to shield others from the side of ourselves we dare not expose to the public.

but maybe that is just me, unsure if I have depression but plenty of (close) people tell me it is what I have. And after reading the opening post was quite surprised at the part about being depressed not being about being sad, but a certain sense of emptiness, regarding life the future and all things which normal rational people express concern about. Consciousness seems to me to sometimes be a huge burden, a gift so great it is disrespectful to feel ungrateful for it?

I really enjoy good alone time . .

I find the world so hollow/shallow in so many ways. Populism, conformism and group thinking generally overrides objective debate, the individual and self awareness. That is in part why people can lose themselves, because they are being what they think the world (or others around them) wants them to be like and they are just trying to fit in (not an insult, an observation).

I feel like Im neo in the Matrix and wish I could take the red pill to forget the fact that the world is run by moneymen and morons. I dont actually feel most people realise the sh*t that goes on (even though they might say it), because they choose to ignore it. That is where it gets me, I cant ignore it, my sense of social justice (for personal reasons) is so strong that I cant accept anything less then moral/ethical/principle scenarios. When people say "thats just the way it is" it really gets my blood boiling . .

I regularly feel the world I live in is so stupid and surreal that I just dont feel I belong. Thats not to say I feel really intelligent, just aware of the fallacy of modern "civil"isation . .

Drumpot

stupidusername wrote: »

is it selfish to be depressed? i got really really down last weekend, and when a friend found out she texted me about it. she wanted to come over, i hate having people see me when i'm like this, but apparently because i didn't want her over, that makes me selfish.

Not at all .

I have a friend who also suffers from depression (far worse then mine) and there are times when they want to call over and I just dont want to see anybody or talk to anybody. They always want to help which is nice and i know I can feel bad when I dont want them over, but its better to be honest.

Its great to have friends that want to help, but the only selfish thing to do is to facilitate others at your expense. It doesnt help you and its counter productive to the help that your friends think they are doing. In short, its actually wasting your friends time, so its selfish not to be up front and honest.

stupidusername

and that's all I have been, honest and upfront. i let people know how i feel, and still manage to get blamed. this is the last thing I need.

I did explain it to her. I'm not sure we're going to get past this tbh. most of sunday I wasn't even able to move enough to type a text message, nevermind doing anything that'd be required by her coming over. I just can't see why she chooses to hold it against me. it's like everyone in my family. they'd somehow manage to turn it around to make me feel bad.

I was sure she'd get it when i explained just how bad i was, but no, didn't make any difference. I'm a little shocked really.

southcentralts

For me the worst aspect of depression would have to be when you begin to only see yourself as the negative aspect of other (friends and family) peoples lives.

emerged in a sick cyclical negative mindset where you endlessly recount your actions and view them (insignificant as they are to those people) as the pivotal moments which have destroyed their lives.

The only thing which draws me out of such a thought pattern is when I begin to think about science, thinking about atoms, electrons, gravity and electromagnetism just grabs my consciousness and gets my head above the water like nothing else. Unfortunately this is sometimes followed by a feeling of guilt that something so mundane and almost sterile compared to the love and emotions which only seem to compound the negativity during bouts of depression ( the whole people love you, there's no need to be feeling down when people love you bit, has a very negative impact on me, probably cause I am weird, but it drives me further under, and am unsure why).

P.S. If you happen to be familiar with my postings, you know doubt know how I like to joke about, well everything, but This thread involves an issue which affects me and quite a few of my family members and I would like to assure you I do not see a funny side in it and am not posting here in any form of setup to a joke.

Mucky.Bucky

stupidusername wrote: »

is it selfish to be depressed? i got really really down last weekend, and when a friend found out she texted me about it. she wanted to come over, i hate having people see me when i'm like this, but apparently because i didn't want her over, that makes me selfish.

My episode was brought about by someone elses selfishness. I was faced with a situation where it didn't make sense to me. A problem that he created where there was no rectification and no reasssurance and it appeared, very much so that he lied to me.

It's only now months later that I see he used me and abused me. The using me for sex, would have been grand. I enjoyed it and we both came away with something nice. But he upped his game with lies, abusing me. To keep me lingering in the air for nothing. Something new that I need to come to terms with because I feel horrible. How can someone be so callous? I mean to lie and the manner that he did it in.