LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

rebel without a clue

cant be bothered about xmas anymore(maybe the last 3 years anyway). have to sit with my friends who are all attached, and pretend to be all happy. ill suppose ill crack a few jokes and be the life and soul of the party and then after, go home. on my own. then the guys will hang around for a bit longer and wonder why i cant get a partner and ill respond(in my head) that none of ye can be bothered to go out anymore so what the hell am i supposed to do??! 1800 dial-a-fella???????

Oranage2

Wibbs wrote: »

There is certainly an established link between creativity and mental illness http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/1720 http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/2003/10.23/01-creativity.html While creativity is usually thought of in terms or artists and the like, engineers, physicists, mathematicians etc can also be creative. People who can think out of the box seem more prone to having a slightly dodgy box in the first place. Which makes sense. Otherwise odd, out of the norm associations or original thinking in the mind may turn out to be correct or innovative, compared to a more "ordered" mind that won't or can't make such associations. Other conditions like Aspergers appear to be higher than background with creative types in many fields. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/3766697.stm

However O I'm not describing depression or other mental illnesses as an "intelligent persons disease". As you say that would be incorrect as it can affect anyone. Indeed some studies show a higher IQ helps in the treatment of such illnesses. Again this makes sense. More likely to be educated on the condition(s) and more likely to seek and most of all have access to professional help.

I was (badly)making the same point as Dev. IE a diagnosis of mental illness not a reflection on ones mental acuity.

Tbh i don't really buy into the thinking inside outside box thing. Also they say it effects creative people but aren't we all creative in our own different ways?

We hear about the famous artist or writer with depression but the pig farmers wife who has it is rarely talked about.

I take on board your point and devs about it not only affecting smart people but i really think that because so little is known about mental health that any generalization or categorization is unfair, i believe it can effect anyone and in different ways and what works for one person might not necessary work for another person.


Edit- not that you made any.

The Sweeper

Well this is an interesting one!

For a long time, I had no tolerance whatsoever for people with depression. There were some people quite involved in my life who had depression, and their behaviour was obnoxious. Self centred, manipulative, threats of suicide (but only to ensure they got their own way). Sounds unbelievable, but it really was like that. Any and all bad behaviour would be excused and blamed on their illness.

They were exhausting to be around. I started to joke that depression was actually a contagious disease.

So the upshot was, I hated depressed people, thought they were self indulgent and unstable bananacakes and would run a bazillion miles if you told me you were depressed, because I was wary of the inevitable drama to come.

Then in a short period of time (less than six months), my father died suddenly, my OH upped and joined the armed forces which meant he left for three months and I changed jobs to work for a notveryniceperson (crazy bitch of a boss).

Fast forward six months. OH had completed basic training in the armed forces and went on to intermediate specialised training, and still wasn't home. The OH's extended family weren't speaking to me at all (blaming me for him joining the army? Not sure). I missed my dad, a lot. Work was hideous. Whenever OH made an appearance at home, we'd end up having a row about something.

I started to feel worse, and worse, and worse.

The emptiness was like a physical hole at the junction of my ribcage and my guts, spiralling outwards. I felt like it was eating me. The only emotion I had left was anger, and I felt that anything that wasn't in that hole in my gut was so filled it anger it fizzed if I as much as moved.

It took me six months to go to the doctor and request a referral. I didn't want to talk to my GP, so I went straight in and said to him my dad had died and I wanted to talk to a counsellor because I didn't feel very well. He completed the referral for me and handed it to me.

I took it home and it sat on a shelf for another three months and I did nothing with it.

Some days I'd be fine, and then I'd start to slide. I pictured the hole in me like a black flower bud, and sometimes it would start to spiral out, petals unfolding until it was huge and awful and I was filled with it and I couldn't see anything or hear anything or feel anything except how low and beaten and angry I was, and how tired I was.

Oh Jesus, I was so tired. It was like a mantra I started to whisper to myself under my breath as I was doing things that I didn't want to do - like unloading the dishwasher: "I'll unload this and then I'll make some coffee ohjesusI'msotired and then I might put some laundry on ohjesusI'msotired..."

And then one Monday I went to work, and it was 9.30am and I was sitting at my desk and nobody else was in the office, and all I could think was I don't want to be here.

I didn't know where to start. I couldn't touch anything on the desk. I sat in my chair with my handbag clutched on my lap for half an hour and fought the urge to get up and walk out to the car and go home.

So I called the pyschologist and quoted my referral letter and set up an appointment.

In I went, day one. The psychologist was a jolly man. He asked me to tell him why I was in his office, and I started to explain.

And then I started to cry. And I sat in his office and bawled and through the snot and the hiccoughing explained that things were a bit **** and I wasn't feeling great. So he gave me some paper questionnaires to fill out and asked me a bit more about my situation. I explained I was on my own, grief, OH away, job I hated, in-laws that were poisonous, family on other side of the planet.

He read the forms and did a lot of nodding and then said 'Right, you're moderately to severely depressed. But I can help you.' And then he wittered on about some other stuff.

But I'd stopped listening.

Depressed?

I'm DEPRESSED?

No no no, hahahah, there must be some mistake. I'm not depressed. I couldn't possibly be depressed.

Depressed people are self-centred arsehole drama queens. I'm not depressed.

I felt like a happy little Klan member, who hung up my hood one night and tucked myself into my lily white bed, only to wake up in the moring, look in the mirror and find out I was black.

So I went away from our first session and I went home and I sat there in shock and thought 'I'm depressed. I'm a self centred arsehole drama queen.' But I did feel better than I had felt, after talking to the psychologist. He decided we'd keep doing that - talking - as opposed to me taking medication, at least at the outset. He felt my depression was related to my situation and as that changed, I may feel better.

But I didn't feel that much better.

And so my understanding began. I knew I didn't feel right. I knew I was tired and angry and felt like I had emotional tunnel vision and as the black flower in my gut spiralled out, my perspective would spiral down to a dot point until I couldn't see my way out of the hole I was in or the hole that was in me. I hadn't realised that was depression.

But I also knew I could no more switch off how I felt, or snap out of it, or just shake it off, than I could switch off or snap out or shake away the flu. I felt like shit, and I could get treatment for it, but I was going to continue to feel like shit while that treatment took its time to work.

The psychologist seemed to think that, despite his own diagnosis of 'moderate to severe' depression I didn't need medicating because I was always clean and tidy when I came into his office. I wondered whether there was any point telling him I'd spent the 72 hours before my appointment in the same pyjamas and intended to get back into a new pair on my return home? I considered rocking up in dirty sweatpants with hair like a madwoman's fanny so he'd take how bad I felt more seriously, but decided heading down that road would be a very bad idea.

I didn't tell my family, because given the distance it felt easier not to. (Especially not my mum.) I did tell my friends. And lo, up came understanding number two.

The depressed people I disliked intensely because they were self-centred arsehole drama queens - they weren't that way because of depression. They were that way because they were just self-centred arsehole drama queens.

A good friend of mine talked to me about her own depression, which I never knew she had. She explained that keeping it under control, recognising your own symptoms and doing what you can to ward off the onset of a bad episode is really important. She also explained that, like everything, people react differently to their depression, and some people just make no effort to deal with theirs at all, others try and fail and try again, and yet more deal with it and get on with life while they feel shit.

Then the understandings came in waves - some thick and fast (there is a reason for this, I can do something about it, and it'll pass) and some gradually ('self care'? wtf is 'self care'?).

I think my personal depresso-counter is whether or not I find myself muttering 'Jesus I'm so tired' under my breath while doing simple things like folding clothes or driving to the supermarket. When that happens I need to shake things around a bit before it gets worse.

Novella

Great OP, DeV.

I have been trying to reply to this thread for hours at this stage. I've written numerous posts and deleted them. I don't really know why. I've posted on here before about depression, about self harm. I'm open about that. I mean, it's been ten years for me now so I get it, I accept it. I'm just tired of explaining myself all the time.

Then I read something you posted, DeV, about depression not being your problem, but people not understanding it. And that hits the nail on the head. The hardest thing for me was never being depressed, and it was never the self harm or the therapy, it was just other people.

If I wasn't desperately trying to convince people I love that it wasn't their fault, I was being called a "nutter" by a complete stranger on the internet. There was no winning.

And I still can't explain it. Not how I'd like to.

bubbuz

Just want to share a poem I wrote one night a couple of years ago. I was diagnosed when I was 17 and im now 37 and the last 6 years have been the worst. I wrote it but kept it to myself.....here goes...

You see the man with the shaven head, the one with the strange tattoo,
but you turn your head, just look away and brand him as being taboo.

And the man at the bar with a pint in his hand, all alone, you take just a glance,
but it wasn't his fault he ended up there for in life we all take a chance.

The old lady walking the streets at night, her possessions all under one arm,
Well who would have thought just a few years ago she had dazzled the world with her charm.

Yet you look at these people thinking what a disgrace, sure they must be out of their tree.
Well I thought the same just a few years ago and then bam it happened to me.

So before you judge those people before you, the one's in the soul searching queue,
Take a look in the mirror and remind yourself how so easily that could be you.

Those people are scared, alone and in need
How would YOU be if your life fell apart, I wonder, I wonder indeed.

Kanoe

hey, hope I can add a little to this. I understand the thread is taking a look at depression as a whole and just being aware that the current economic situation may be affecting many people who venture here in a similar way, I read this earlier and thought it might be helpful/of interest to those experiencing the difficulties of unemployment or struggling to make ends meet.
I know it affects people more now than ever before.

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/pricewatch/2011/1212/1224308952154.html

Mounting debt and intimidation from the bank brought George Mordaunt to the brink. When he found himself looking at his sleeping son and imagining his own funeral, he decided enough was enough, writes CONOR POPE

GEORGE MORDAUNT’S story starts in the dead of night, with thoughts of suicide. Mounting personal debt he could not hope to pay, aggression and intimidation from one of the State’s main banks and the constant and stressful struggle to keep his Clonmel car dealership afloat in the face of an almost complete collapse in sales had taken him to the brink.

After months of sleepless nights, it all came to a head in a Dublin bank two years ago.

“Save the sob story. We want our money. If that means

taking your family home, we’ll do it,” he was told at a meeting arranged to discuss his mounting debts.

“I was stunned. Couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This banker, playing with words, puffing his chest out in a display of ego and bravado, telling me how ruthless he would be with my home, my livelihood, my life,” he writes in his recently published book Shepherd’s Pie.

That night he lay in bed “feeling nauseous and gripped with fear”. He couldn’t sleep and try as he might he could not think of a way to keep a roof over his family’s head. He couldn’t see a way out. “My heart was pounding so hard I could hear it in my chest, my mind actively replaying the scene in the bank’s boardroom that morning.”

Convinced he was having a heart attack, he got out of bed and started pacing the corridors of his house. He found himself in his eight-year-old son’s room.

“I gazed down at him and thought about another man, my age, who I had known very well. His kids were the same age as mine and he had lost his battle with control and fear one evening.”

That man had taken his own life. He thought to himself that he couldn’t let that happen. “But, bizarrely, I found myself imagining that it had. I sat on the side of my son’s bed and imagined my own funeral, with my son and my daughter walking behind a hearse. I wondered whether I was losing my mind but knew I wasn’t. I allowed the pain of the image to take hold and then something I wasn’t expecting happened.”

He started to feel anger.

“Are you going to let those f**kers deprive these children of their father? Are you going to allow them to attack your family and everything that your family has created? Are you going to let them inside the gates of your home or are you going to meet them head on and tell them to f**k off?”

He decided on the latter.

The following morning Mordaunt called the bank official who had apparently relished playing hardball with him. This time, instead of being cowed he was raging. The conversation was short and to the point.

“Listen to me very carefully,” he said. “I refuse to let you or any other bank force my wife and children to walk behind a hearse, so do your worst but don’t ever call me again.”

The bank in question backed off. They issued credit notes for his outstanding loans “and they disappeared out of my life”

DURING THE BOOM years Mordaunt was flash, and his Clonmel car dealership was big. He owned four showrooms and was selling 40 new cars a week. As part of his sales patter, he would offer potential buyers free helicopter rides. It was all terribly Celtic Tiger.

Then, in 2008, the economy fell off a cliff and took most of his business with it.

He called his book Shepherd’s Pie because, he says, he recalls coming home from a particularly stressful meeting with the bank in Dublin one winter evening in 2009 and seeing his children eating that meal at his kitchen table. At that moment he became acutely aware that they were utterly dependent on him and he was in the process of letting them down.

He documents, with unflinching honesty, how he nearly lost control and how he regained it. In the introduction to the book, Fergus Finlay, the chief executive of Barnardos, describes it as “the most searingly honest account I’ve read anywhere about what it was like to ride the Tiger – and ultimately to be almost devoured by it”. Finlay says it is “one of the best books you’re ever likely to read about what went wrong in our country and why” but will also show people “how to come out of it all as a better, stronger person”.

He is not wrong.

Mordaunt’s story is little short of riveting and may act as an inspiration to thousands of people and small businesses who feel they have run out of options because of the levels of debt they have built up.

Speaking to Pricewatch last week, he said he had been overwhelmed by the response from readers, many of whom said his fears of being driven to suicide chimed with their own.

He says that throughout the course of the recession people have been infuriated by reports of self-serving bankers, developers and government ministers. But the personal trauma and the devastating effect this crisis has had on small businesses and those trying to keep them afloat has been under-reported, he says.

Prompted by the response to the book and the steady stream of mails from people who say they have been bullied by banks and are close to breaking point, Mordaunt is embarking on something of a crusade. More needs to be done to highlight the fear people feel, he says.

He has a no-nonsense philosophy on dealing with banks and managing debt. He also says debt forgiveness is a reality, despite frequent denials by the banks. For many, he says, it depends on the approach that is taken.

When dealing with banks people need to talk to the right people and prepare carefully, he says. Crucially, they need to show they “haven’t got the ability to pay” their debts by documenting every outgoing and being straight.

“If you’re meeting your repayments but it is destroying every other aspect of your life then you have to stop, but you can’t just stop: you have to demonstrate that you can’t pay,” he says.

He says “the business people of Ireland have been treating the bankers with the same respect their parents gave the clergy in the 1950s. We need to play more hardball with them.

“And the bankers need to be conscious of the mental state of the people they are dealing with. Some of the individuals going in will not have eaten in days, won’t have slept and will be incredibly scared. That makes them very vulnerable.”

Mordaunt’s experience and his correspondence with people who have read the book echo comments made by the Master of the High Court, Edmund Honohan, earlier this year. He criticised banks and other creditors for pursuing “to the bitter end” debtors who simply cannot pay, with the objective of writing off debts to achieve a tax benefit. He said that meaningless “accountancy exercises” were causing social disquiet and driving some people to suicide.

His comments are backed up by extensive research. A study published in the Lancet earlier this year found that suicide rates had risen sharply across Europe since the banking crisis, with growing numbers struggling to cope with debt, unemployment and austerity measures.

In Ireland, it said, the problem was particularly acute. It recorded a 13 per cent rise in suicides between 2007 and 2009, a rise it attributed to unmanageable debts and poor prospects for economic recovery.

Speaking when the study was published this summer, Dr David Stuckler, its lead author and a lecturer in sociology at the University of Cambridge, said human beings were “the real tragedy of an economic crisis, so it is terribly frustrating that government leaders have not only failed to invest in programmes that protect people but have actually done the opposite . . . This has been the pattern for three-and-a-half decades, but lessons have not been learnt.”

Mordaunt has learned lessons. He has completely redesigned his business and dumped the new-car sales in favour of selling UK imports all over the country and has launched wesourceNEcar.com, which promises to find second-hand cars based on precise requirements.
“I have recovered. I was able to get fresh money. I sorted my head out and I parked my debt. Who wouldn’t recover in those circumstances?”

Now, he says, he wants to help other people come to terms with their situations, too.

Shepherd’s Pie by George Mordaunt is published by Mercier Press

‘ Don’t bottle things up’

THE DIRECTOR of the Samaritans in Ireland, Suzanne Costello, says that while recession and economic difficulties heighten the risk of suicide, they do not make it inevitable.

She says that since 2008 one in 10 calls to the organisation in Ireland have been directly related to financial matters but adds that the issue also permeates many other calls. She says that while it is a “complex set of events” that lead people to develop suicidal thoughts, a financial crisis such as the threat of home repossession can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

She points out that many of those in severe difficulty as a result of the recession are people, like George Mordaunt, who are in their 30s and 40s and find they are saddled with enormous debts and can’t see any way out of the crisis.

A lot of men, in particular, regard financial weakness as “a huge blow to their self-esteem”, she says, and adds that books like Shepherd’s Pie by Mordaunt, which show someone coming close to the brink but turning things around, can be very positive and empowering. She stresses the need for people to keep communicating with family, friends, a GP or the Samaritans and stresses that it is “very important not to bottle things up”.

SIGNS TO LOOK OUT FOR – Take notice when someone is:

Withdrawn or unsociable

Low-spirited or depressed

Drinking alcohol excessively or becoming dependent on drugs

Finding it difficult to relate to others

Taking less care of themselves

Acting out of character

Tearful or constantly fighting back tears

Being excessively irritable

Finding it hard to concentrate

Feeling less energetic or particularly tired

Eating much less or much more than usual

Putting themselves down (self-mockingly as well as seriously), eg “nobody loves me” or “I’m a waste of space”

The Samaritans can be contacted on 1850 60 90 90 or jo@samaritans.org

opinion guy

stupidusername wrote: »

i'll look into them so. i got a couple of books before too. got to a point in my CBT one where you've to make a list of things that you like about yourself, and couldn't come up with a single thing. so that's where I stopped.

stupidusername wrote: »

thanks but what i meant is that I couldn't proceed in the book without having gone through that part. and thinking now... I still don't have anything to write. I will, at some point, take a look at some books, but it's hard to have any hope for anything at this point.

Judging by your posts on boards you have a good sense of humour. Your posts are generally humerous, entertaining and inciteful. And I'm a tough critic

Morag

Eoin wrote: »

Forgive my ignorance on this question - there might not be any one answer.

On the the slip side, I've heard a good few incidences of people being diagnosed with depression after a certain event in their lives, where things were clearly not going well. Maybe they were let go from work, separated from their partner, lost their house etc.

Is this usually an underlying / previously undiagnosed condition being triggered by the event, or can it just develop that suddenly from scratch?

If it can develop that quickly, can a change of circumstances for the better make the condition go away?

The stigma in Ireland is unreal. I was quite shocked to (eventually) find out that various people close to me had depression. If they had cancer, I'd have been told about it.

Some times it's circumstantial and when a person's life circumstances changes again or they learn to adjust to those changes or they change themselves it can go away and if they are really, really lucky it doesn't come back again.

For some people it's different circumstances at different times in their lives and they get out the other side but when thing get tricky they slide back into it. It is the black dog trailing you waiting to take another bite out of your ass. Some times You don't even know it's happening, until you find yourself in the middle of it again.

Other times you can figure out the warning signs and catch yourself and adjust and make changes and mind yourself more and give yourself more slack and you don't end up down that road.

Sometimes when you find yourself in similar circumstances to when life was last tricky and you had a depressive episode you can find that the echos of how you were then can swamp you and drag you back into another depressive state. Keeping track of depressive triggers can help.


I recently had to go to some place that the last time I was in and out of this place (which had nothing to do with me, but with what a family memeber was going through) I was in the depths of depression and even with being well atm, walking up that road and being in the same building and seeing some of the same people, I found myself remembering and slipping back into that frame of mind and emotion.

I'm just glad I copped and and can take measured to make sure I don't do that, that I know me and my life has changed from that time 4 years ago.
Currently that is working, keeping trying to move forward and count blessings and changes can help, there are days it doesn't but the pass and if they don't well then it's time to go back to the dr.

stupidusername

opinion guy wrote: »

Judging by your posts on boards you have a good sense of humour. Your posts are generally humerous, entertaining and inciteful. And I'm a tough critic

thanks.wouldn't quite put it on a list though

opinion guy

stupidusername wrote: »

thanks.wouldn't quite put it on a list though

Why not ?
Seems like you are being hard on yourself. Humour and incitefulness are important qualities that many people would be envious of.

stupidusername

opinion guy wrote: »

Why not ?
Seems like you are being hard on yourself. Humour and incitefulness are important qualities that many people would be envious of.

Oh I know,i just wouldn't agree that i'm funny though.

Da Shins Kelly

Great post. Important to get the message out there.

As for the feeling of depression, someone pointed out that depression is more than just a feeling of nothingness, but also a feeling of overwhelming sadness. I would also add that, in my experience, it can manifest itself in anger too - feeling angry for no apparent reason, getting angry at little things, not being able to express your anger, or expressing it in an extreme way. I guess depression can be different for everyone, and any conversation about it is good.

unkel

You thought you did some good things in your life, DeV? Well you have now. This thread is saving lives. Thank you for having the courage to post it - right here in After Hours.

perfect_life

I'd just like to say well done for showing the bravery to 'come out' publicly as a depressive.

I'd also like to reiterate some of the comments. I got a first class honours degree in a top university, I'm somewhat well known as a model / writer / TV personality but less well known as a depressive as it's not information I've placed in the public domain. I guess I wanted to reiterate DeVore's message that depression can affect ANYBODY. For me, being seen as someone 'beautiful', intelligent, successful and somewhat famous has no bearing on the fact that I suffer from depression. Anybody I've told that I suffer from depression has been deeply surprised as from their perspective I'm always 'having a laugh', always 'in good form'. But that's not true on the inside.

So many successful sporstmen have suffered from depression (Alan Quinlan, Dessie Farrell here in Ireland), as have some of the great leaders of the world (Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill), and actors (Harrison Ford, Christian Bale, Ewan McGregor), singers (Beyonce, Alicia Keys)... so I don't think anybody has any business saying that depressives are weak individuals (say it to Alan Quinlan's face..!).

I came across this poem before, I think it sums up a lot about me and the great 'mask' of depression that people unfortunately still feel they have to wear...

She's beauty, style, poise and grace,
At least she appears to be.
But no one knows the girl who hides
Behind the face they see.

Her self-esteem is all but gone,
Of her ego there's barely a trace.
There's so much pain behind the mask
She wears upon her face.

Depression has controlled her life
With far too many tears,
Her smile is fake; she's good at it,
She's been doing it for years.

opinion guy

stupidusername wrote: »

Oh I know,i just wouldn't agree that i'm funny though.

Well, thats the thing about depression - the emotional darkness doesn't let you see your good qualities. But as an objective outsider with no emotional drivers, I'm saying you're funny and inciteful. I'm sure many here would agree with me! So take that as an objective feedback, and see if you can challenge one little part of that emotional block.

hatrickpatrick

DeVore wrote: »

Depression is not sadness.
One of the biggest misunderstandings about depression is that its like being really sad. It's not. It's like being *nothing*. Not sad, not happy, nothing. No joy, no sorrow. Flat line. Sure it can be triggered, exacerbated or deepened by bad, sad news... But the feeling is not one of sadness, it's more a flat feeling of inertia.
To give you an idea, there was a day, not years ago, I got up and made myself a coffee and discovered I had no milk and thought: Why do I even bother, the world is ****ed and I can't fix it and went back to bed for the rest of the day. Two days later I couldn't figure out why someone had left a cup of black coffee go cold in my kitchen...

I've never read anything on Boards which rings true as much as this. Depression isn't sadness, it's what I can only describe as emptiness. Imagine complete and total apathy about absolutely everything - that's depression. Sadness is a part of it, but it's much, much worse than that.

Sorry to hear you suffer with this DeVore. I really, really hope you get through it. I'm still working on it, in my case it is getting better on its own, slowly, but I won't give anyone that hope as I know it doesn't work that way for everyone. Talk to someone and get help with it. Trying to handle it on your own will destroy you - in my case, it destroyed my relationships with a lot of my friends.

Good luck, and maximum respect for having the balls to make this thread in the first place, a lot of people wouldn't have. Fair play.

TaxationTheft

Respect Dev. This has the potential to save many lives. There is much conflicting information about depression out there, so bringing people up to speed is a good idea in itself.

PickledLime

Although i haven't been directly diagnosed with depression, i've recently been prescribed antidepressants and also been recommended for psychotherapy. Rather than dance around the stigma of it, i talk about it in a very matter-of-fact fashion, like i would if i broke a leg or got stiches. It's a medical condition after all.

I must admit i laughed when i read the bit about the coffee sitting in the kitchen two days later. Partially because it was something of a funny image but also because i've done EXACTLY the same thing myself and had people question my sanity over seemingly loosing hope in humanity over something as inconsequential as a cup of tea/coffee.

tolosenc

I suffer depression too. So much of this rings true and resonates with me, and the overwhelming majority of it you just can't understand without actually experiencing it, which I hope that no one does.

It is not a sadness, and someone is not depressed about something, they are just depressed. There may be a trigger, but it's not one thing that is all consuming. There is no sense or logic behind it. It's not sadness, it is literally a suppression of all emotions, for me anyway. You feel numb. It seems stupid. I recently caught my elbow off the door while walking out of the room, and cue 4 days of not getting out of bed, washing, eating, shaving, you name it. It is horrible, and among the emotions supressed is hope. You don't have any hope. There's no point in anything, why bother trying to get help, no one can do anything for you. I've never seen anyone professionally about it, because whenever I'd actually do anything about it, I'm not depressed.

Then there is the fear of talking to someone close about it. People who don't understand 99 times out of 100 just make things worse. My dad is a prime example of this. The "just get out of bed and do something with yourself" attitude doesn't work. I'm not sure if that's me being stubborn, or is it all sufferers? It's also the fear of being ostracised. The fear of people looking at you differently. It's hard to explain. In the darker places you feel like you don't deserve for anyone to understand. In general, I agree with the sentiment of other posts, in that I find that the major problem with depression isn't the depression itself, but rather attitudes and misconceptions in the wider society that force people to alienate themselves more than they already do.

Another poster mentioned suicide contemplation. This is something that I do the exact same. I weigh up different methods, but I'd never come close to trying it. For starters, when I'm in that place I'm far to apathetic to do anything.

I link my depression to stress: emotional, mental or physical. I also link it to boredom. I've had it far worse since not having a job. There is a lack of purpose about the day to day, and that can fuel any track you might be on.

Like many of you, I was also bullied as a kid. I don't know about you guys, but I snapped in school one day at about age 15 (pushed one of the bullies' head through a partition wall :O), and it was probably the highest point on my depression cycle. Feeling the most in control that I ever did.

But, what's most important, is that you know that there is help for you. This is not a never ending spiral downwards. Yes it takes time, a lot of time, and it never fully goes away, but you will feel better. You may not want to hear it, but you want to know it. Don't be shy, don't be afraid. There is nothing wrong or abnormal about you.

I know all about it. I've alienated myself from friends and don't quite know how to go about mending fences, but I'll figure it out.

I'm big into rugby, and this was posted on the rugby forum a while ago, when I was doing pretty badly. It really helped. It brought me to tears, which is the break through. John Kirwan, one of the greatest All Blacks of his time details his depression and how he went about sorting himself out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxBikj3kRco

I may not be online 24/7, but don't ever hesitate to PM me if you just want an understanding ear to hear you.

flutterflye

I just watched that video.
For anyone not bothered to watch it, a simplistic version of the conclusion the guy draws is;

There are two versions of a gene.
If we get the 'bad' type, we are predisposed to depression if we are faced with major stressors or chronic stress.
These genes control our stress hormones.

We all know what stress responses can do to a body - poor sleep, digestion, psycho motor retardation, adrenalin over activation etc...

When stressors occur, if there is no outlet, no predictability, no support, and/or we feel like we are not in control, then we go into a state of learned helplessness.

Thus the factor tying the biology, physiology, cognition and emotion all together is stress.

There was alot more, but that's all I remember off the top of my head!

billybudd

I have the opposite view, i think depression has become diluted in society and actually encouraged in a mainstream way, an episode of the sopranos had a interesting take on it when anthony jr attempted suicide and was put into a mental health facility and it showed his ''problems'' but then at the end his father sorted him out with a easy well paid job and nice bmw and him and his ''depressed'' gf drove of as happy as can be, i suppose the point i am making is that real depression becomes less significant because of daytripper depression that in my opinion devalues the whole illness and makes it less understandable, i wish the world media would stop using it as a tool of entertainment and get more serious with the real meaning of depression.

I have a friend whose parents both committed suicide and his family have a long history of severe depression and i asked him does he suffer from it also or does he fear it, he said he never gives it a chance, he has to work extremely hard to always stay positive and always see good where for instance i would see bad (i dont suffer from depression in any shape or form) he is the most happiest person you could meet but i often look at him and know there is sadness in his eyes and i know its a constant battle for him buts its enlightening to see him winning, he has just had a baby daughter and the last time i saw him there was less sadness in his eyes, i dont really know what i mean with this ramble but i hope people who suffer this illness have the capicity to know people do and will understand if explained and it can be a beautiful life with endless possibilities.

dyer

thanks DeV, that was an inspiring post.

i read through some of these stories earlier on today and i thought this was an old post.. cant believe it was only posted yesterday but im glad its getting the attention its received.. i will definitely revisit again to read what everyone has had to say.. but right now, i just wanted to add my 2 cents.

ive suffered from depression since i was about 13, im now 30 years old.

throughout those years, ive had both good and bad times, a bit of a rollercoaster you could say.. up until the last few years i hadnt much control on my life whatsoever..in fact most of it feels like a life i never lived. ive been to the darkest places, i know what it feels like to feel nothing.. to sleep for days because there is nothing that you can connect with, no matter how much you want it. ive been hospitalised twice over suicide attempts, and to be honest, i never expected to wake up from the second.. but here i am, for some reason or other.

i would like to say to all those people who suffer that it will all be okay.. but i know that might sound condescending, because there was a time i did not believe that myself, i believed the only way to end my suffering was to die, and i actually thought other people, my family included, would be better off without having to worry about me any longer.. regardless, despite everything ive ever experienced.. trust me, it will all be okay.

for those of you who suffer, it may seem like nothing will ever change.. just remember, that it all takes time.. remember that people care for you more than you could ever imagine right now, even the people here reading this forum who have never met you, would do whatever they could to help you. there are good people and good things in the world, and there are so many more reasons to live, and to be alive.

whatever it is you need to be happy.. you really are the only person who can answer that question, whatever it is you need, wake up tomorrow and inspire yourself, because you can change things, you can change everything.

you need support, dont fool yourself, dont do it alone.. we are human beings and we need to be loved and understood, find someone who you can trust, a counsellor, a charity whatever it might be.. maybe your family and your friends cant help you right now, but someday if you get through this, youll understand that they are only human like you, and someday, youll have the compassion and the empathy to understand why they could not be there, and you will forgive them because youll realise the world doesnt exist entirely the way you imagined it inside your head... and trust me.. thats a beautiful thing.

if you truly believe tomorrow is going to be the same.. then it will be.. start trusting your instincts, and start following your own intuition, one day at a time.. you will find a way out.. that much i can attest to.. because i am living proof

Fantastic post Tom.

I vote this gets stickied.

tbh

There is an ongoing support thread for people with depression here:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055828992

Unregistered posting is available if required.

stephen_k

Because this is Laugh @ Depression thought I'd post about the lighter side of anti depressants and their side effects, might strike a cord with some people....

Side Effect 1: Uncontrollable yawning: WTF is this all about, non stop yawning for the first few days of going on you presciption. And not just a normal yawn but a big fúck off jaw aching yawn..

Side Effect 2: Crazy Ass Dreams: The most vividly real dreams you can possible imagine, and waking up in a pool (and I mean a pool) of sweat. Best drug induced dream I had was when I dreamt Jonah Lomu called to the door of the house selling Kingsmill Bread door to door, I went back inside to the house to tell my Dad... "You'll never guess who was at the door.... Only Jonah Lomu".... "Oh was he trying to sell that fúcking Kingsmill bread again"....

Side Effect 3: Strange effects on your erm.... Tackle: When on AD's it kind of numbs everything downstairs, which in my case made it far more difficult to get things into an... operational status shall we say.... However because everything was kind of numb I would last for fúcking ages!!! Every cloud and all that

missvirgo

I don't know if people already know this, but there are alot of Gyms/Leisure Centres/Sorts facilities around the country offering reduced rates for people who are unemployed.

It is a positive move towards combating the effects of unemployment on people especially prone to depression.

djk1000

stephen_k wrote: »

Because this is Laugh @ Depression thought I'd post about the lighter side of anti depressants and their side effects, might strike a cord with some people....

Side Effect 1: Uncontrollable yawning: WTF is this all about, non stop yawning for the first few days of going on you presciption. And not just a normal yawn but a big fúck off jaw aching yawn..

Side Effect 2: Crazy Ass Dreams: The most vividly real dreams you can possible imagine, and waking up in a pool (and I mean a pool) of sweat. Best drug induced dream I had was when I dreamt Jonah Lomu called to the door of the house selling Kingsmill Bread door to door, I went back inside to the house to tell my Dad... "You'll never guess who was at the door.... Only Jonah Lomu".... "Oh was he trying to sell that fúcking Kingsmill bread again"....

Side Effect 3: Strange effects on your erm.... Tackle: When on AD's it kind of numbs everything downstairs, which in my case made it far more difficult to get things into an... operational status shall we say.... However because everything was kind of numb I would last for fúcking ages!!! Every cloud and all that

First AD I was on gave me a very strange ticking noise in my ear, like clockwork, all day and all night. That freaked me right out!! When I went off the pills, I kind of missed the ticking :-)

As for the downstairs part, I could go all night and then some. There are studies being done at the moment with small doses of AD's being prescribed to men with premature you know what. Seems to be working for them too!

opinion guy

One thing I think it is important to say especially to those people reading who have never sought help for their depression.

There can be treatable medical causes for depression, such as hypothyroidism. So given, that, if you've never discussed things with your GP, there might be an easily fixable cause, it is worth going and having a discussion about it.

stephen_k

djk1000 wrote: »

First AD I was on gave me a very strange ticking noise in my ear, like clockwork, all day and all night. That freaked me right out!! When I went off the pills, I kind of missed the ticking :-)

As for the downstairs part, I could go all night and then some. There are studies being done at the moment with small doses of AD's being prescribed to men with premature you know what. Seems to be working for them too!

Wasn't a ticking for me... more a wooshing noise, like a pulse, I could feel it in my ear drums if that makes any sence at all Lasted about 2-3 days when I started the course... then 2-3 days when I came off them again....

cloud493

I have a job, and that. I live my own right now, and I just get... Worse on my own. I don't have that many mates either.

bubbuz

cloud493 wrote: »

I have a job, and that. I live my own right now, and I just get... Worse on my own. I don't have that many mates either.

You're not alone, I'm in exactly the same boat, well, apart from I don't have a job. My daughters mum died 2 years ago, I had to give up work to be there for them, it's just the 3 of us, no family and v few friends and the few I do have don't understand depression so I hide it, I've never felt so isolated, alone and scared in my life, im 37 and suffered depression all my life but now is the worst its ever been but yesterday I found this thread and although im alone I know now that im not....... and neither are you....... looks like there are some truly decent and special people out there.....Thank you to you all.

old hippy

I have a wife, a job, a flat & live in a big city. I have family and friends here and back home. But I still suffer from the black dog. I had no intention of going on medication until one time it got so bad but the meds was even worse. I prefer to ride out the highs and lows. The wife is worried now because my mood swings can change by the hour. I'm worried.

I know precisely what has triggered it this time & there's nothing I can do except hold on tight and see it out the other side.

Thanks for this thread - which I didn't expect to see in AH

djk1000

Seems to be a lot of people here with no one to talk to, if anyone wants to go for a pint/coffee and a chat with someone that has been dealing with depression for a while, or if you just want to talk about the weather or the rugby, just PM me.


I've also been reading a bit about meditation as a tool to manage depression, worth a look, it seems to have a decent scientific basis. Probably not useful while you are in a bad place, but once that passes, this could be useful to keep the downward cycle at bay. Linky I'd be interested to hear from anyone that has tried something similar.

D.

flutterflye

I am finding things very difficult at the moment, but I found things impossible for the past few months.
I have finally found a medication that works for me.
It kicked in about a week or two ago, and that impossible feeling is gone.
It gave me the lift I needed to get to the point I am now - which is that if I push myself, yet pace myself, I know I can get on track again.

All the practical, psychological, emotional, behavioural help/self help out there just cannot be achieved when you are extremely low.
You are told to go for a walk, yet you can't get down the stairs to feed yourself.
You are told to read, yet you cannot concentrate.
You are told to talk about your problems, yet you don't know what your problems are because you are just completely numb, you cannot manage to structure a coherent sentence, and you just couldn't be bothered even if you could!

So many people have a fear of meds.
There is a stigma and controversy around them in themselves.
Alot of people think they will become reliant on them, or that it means that they are weak if they take them.
There are beliefs that it's all a money making racket, that the pharma companies are just pushing the meds to make money.
While there is still no specific understanding of exactly how or why depression occurs, and why or how the meds work, all the research shows that they do work compared to placebos.
But people will say that the research was biased.

The fact is that meds are handed out too readily sometimes, when they are probably not needed.
But when you find that you are unable to look after yourself, unable to go to work/school/college, unable to function at all, there is NOTHING wrong with taking the meds.
They really can work.
You may have to try a few different ones, and tweak doses for a while before you get it right though.

Meds DO NOT cure depression on their own most of the time.
They mainly just get you from a place where you see absolutely no light at the end, to a place where there is a teensy weensy glimmer of a light way off in the distance.

Then you can begin taking the advice, support, and help around you, and start to take control of your life again.
Baby steps though.

Wattle

cloud493 wrote: »

I have a job, and that. I live my own right now, and I just get... Worse on my own. I don't have that many mates either.

Maybe you should try an Aware meeting or some other support group. Friendly support goes a long way.

dyer

meditation is definitely a good tool to use, and overall, quite beneficial to mental health whether you are depressed or not. it can help you to distance yourself from distracting thoughts and find some peace. as you pointed out though, you might not even feel like doing it when youre in a bad place.

i have referred to this site in the past and found it very useful and informative, they even have a section relating to meditation and depression. there are also meditation guides there that are clear and easy to follow.. definitely something for people to consider.

one book which helped me alot to identify with the ego was The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.. its sold under the guise of spirituality, but you really dont have to be spiritual in any sense of the word to read this book so dont let that put you off.

Millicent

Another thing I found great was hypnotherapy. It was expensive but worth every penny. I had hit a wall with how far I could bring myself and was just tired of all the hard work I was having to do to bring myself further. With the hypnotherapy, it was almost easy -- the therapist pulled things out and guided me through things without me having to struggle and dig deep without knowing where to start.

It may not be for everyone but I found it amazing.

stupidusername

Millicent wrote: »

the therapist pulled things out and guided me through things without me having to struggle and dig deep without knowing where to start.

It may not be for everyone but I found it amazing.

:pac:

Sorry

smash

stupidusername wrote: »

:pac:

Sorry

Now we're getting the hang of it. I was wondering when we were going to start laughing at people!

Millicent

stupidusername wrote: »

:pac:

Sorry

Hahahaha! You're a smut peddler. I like that. :pac:

opinion guy

stupidusername wrote: »

:pac:

Sorry

smash wrote: »

Now we're getting the hang of it. I was wondering when we were going to start laughing at people!

Millicent wrote: »

Hahahaha! You're a smut peddler. I like that. :pac:

I told you you had a good sense of humour. Poking gentle fun and getting laughs on the depression thread. That takes a talent.

stupidusername

i'm only allowed because I have depression though.no one that doesn't is going to

stupidusername

stupidusername wrote: »

i'm only allowed because I have depression though.no one that doesn't is going to

That's like being allowed to say the N-word because you're black.

foxinsox

stupidusername wrote: »

i'm only allowed because I have depression though.no one that doesn't is going to

lol... me too..

Only I can't think of a witty joke ..

I think though it is good to mention that generally people who have depression are NOT miserable ol sourpusses all the time!

I think that I have a good sense of humour and would hate for someone to pussyfoot around me, afraid they might say the wrong thing, or make a bad joke..

There is a time and place for all humour, the line that shouldn't be crossed is there for all people -whether they are depressed or not..

Everyone needs to laugh at themselves sometimes..

cloud493

If you didn't laugh you'd cry.....

nesf

djk1000 wrote: »

I've also been reading a bit about meditation as a tool to manage depression, worth a look, it seems to have a decent scientific basis. Probably not useful while you are in a bad place, but once that passes, this could be useful to keep the downward cycle at bay. Linky I'd be interested to hear from anyone that has tried something similar.

D.

I haven't tried it for depression but I used mindfulness for anger issues and found it very helpful. The book I linked to a few pages back is a good introduction to it if a bit Buddhist.

sandmanporto

AstridBean wrote: »

DeVore wrote: »

Depression is not sadness.
One of the biggest misunderstandings about depression is that its like being really sad. It's not. It's like being *nothing*. Not sad, not happy, nothing.

Firstly, great post.

But I just want to pick up on something here. I have suffered from depression on and off throughout my life. Always have, always will. Depression IS like emptiness but for me at least, it is also a persistent sadness. Sadness and nothingness in a curious mix. A sense of despair. So, it's not necessarily true to say it is nothingness and there are no other feelings involved. I just want people to know that. Some people might just feel emptiness but for others, all-consuming sadness and despair features heavily too, in conjunction with nothingness.

i suffer depression too and for me it's a feeling of emptiness. i cant cry or laught. i guess everybody suffers it differently.

djk1000

Thought I'd give this a go,

I always thought that Boards needed a depression forum of its own, a private one where people with clinical depression could get to know each other and learn about their illness. This thread spurred me on to put in a new forum request here please lend your support, add any comments, or of course disagree with the idea if you want!

D.

DeVore

I've started editing in the links to the online resources in the OP. If anyone has any others, please post them here and I'll swing by a few times a day and update it.

I'm fairly used to the size of boards and its power but even I've been pretty much blown away by the response here. I had thought "Hey, I'll go talk to AH, thats always fun" but this grew legs and ran. I'm secretly very chuffed I have to admit.
Thank you to everyone here. I wasnt bad yesterday or last week or anything, but I'm even better now. I was kinda teary yesterday because I watched my site do what I designed it to do after 12 years of careful paternal tending. Thanks.

Tom.

cloud493

I kinda agree with the post someone made last night was it? Some people use depression for a reason to be standoffish. I mean, I know its hard. Jesus I do. When you have it, you don't really feel like being nice to every that comes into your path, thats fine. When you see people being dicks, and they say 'its not my fault, im depressed lol' as I have seen, that annoys me. I mean, I used to try to be nicer, and participate and stuff, so no one would guess. Just grinds my gears, to see people making light of it.