LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

southcentralts

It is certainly not selfish to be depressed, though while not selfish your refusal of the help she was offering may have been taken as a sort of "what good could you possibly do".

Most people when confronted with the issue of depression, will treat it as the old " somebody needs a hug" scenario, but will never grasp how what they witness is simply 90% brave face and only 10% depression and the agony of maintaining such a facade for their benefit, benefits nobody.

Drumpot

stupidusername wrote: »

and that's all I have been, honest and upfront. i let people know how i feel, and still manage to get blamed. this is the last thing I need.

I did explain it to her. I'm not sure we're going to get past this tbh. most of sunday I wasn't even able to move enough to type a text message, nevermind doing anything that'd be required by her coming over. I just can't see why she chooses to hold it against me. it's like everyone in my family. they'd somehow manage to turn it around to make me feel bad.

I was sure she'd get it when i explained just how bad i was, but no, didn't make any difference. I'm a little shocked really.

I find that when you dont value yourself, it can be hard to people to value what you say, particularly about your own rehabilitation. Thats not to say they dont love you or care for you or respect you. Its about others thinking they know whats right for you (you must talk now because I say so) because you dont have the energy or conviction to tell them how you really feel and that you dont want to speak at that time, so they assume you just dont know what to do and need to talk to fix it!

When I am feeling vulnerable like this, I sort of shut down and keep to myself. But I have set boundaries for others and let them know when I want advice and when I dont. It doesnt completely stop them, but it certainly helps and the best time to do this is when you feel ok.

stupidusername

southcentralts wrote: »

It is certainly not selfish to be depressed, though while not selfish your refusal of the help she was offering may have been taken as a sort of "what good could you possibly do".

Most people when confronted with the issue of depression, will treat it as the old " somebody needs a hug" scenario, but will never grasp how what they witness is simply 90% brave face and only 10% depression and the agony of maintaining such a facade for their benefit, benefits nobody.

I can see how someone might be a bit about a friend not wanting help, but it wasn't even that. I just didn't want to have to deal with a visitor. there were parts of the day where I probably didn't have the energy to text, so would've given short answers, but I'd consider it quite self-centred to take offence to that, when it's a very depressed person you're dealing with. I don't want to have to spend my energy reassuring someone that i'm ok, that i won't do anything because that's basically what everyone wants to hear. it's all no good.

stupidusername

this is too much for me. i don't want to lose a friend, but i can't have someone make me feel bad for being depressed

Drumpot

southcentralts wrote: »

For me the worst aspect of depression would have to be when you begin to only see yourself as the negative aspect of other (friends and family) peoples lives.

emerged in a sick cyclical negative mindset where you endlessly recount your actions and view them (insignificant as they are to those people) as the pivotal moments which have destroyed their lives.

The only thing which draws me out of such a thought pattern is when I begin to think about science, thinking about atoms, electrons, gravity and electromagnetism just grabs my consciousness and gets my head above the water like nothing else. Unfortunately this is sometimes followed by a feeling of guilt that something so mundane and almost sterile compared to the love and emotions which only seem to compound the negativity during bouts of depression ( the whole people love you, there's no need to be feeling down when people love you bit, has a very negative impact on me, probably cause I am weird, but it drives me further under, and am unsure why)..

I know what you mean. I am a bit of a hermit as I dont want to be out ruining friends nights if I am not sure if I will feel down or not. I feel a bit of pressure to be upbeat and cheery if I havent seen my friends in awhile (they dont put any pressure on me and are very caring, particulary for lads!) and as such the pressure piles on closer to a lads night out. I love going to the cinema with them (because it doesnt really matter what mood you are in, you will be watching a movie!).

I also sometimes enjoy thinking of mundane things (oddly sometimes they annoy me, sometimes they stimulate and excite me) like politics, evolution, history, geography . . Real stuff thats a world away from the farcial reality that exists.

If you want to listen to something that can be gross out funny and in the same podcast really deep discussion, You should listen to the Joe Rogan podcast for some interesting discussions. He is funny and while he gets stoned regularly on the show, some of the debates are brilliant. . I listen to them regularly in the gym... He had a Zeitgeist guy on recently that was very enlightening . . I think I really enjoy exploring and listening to alternative discussions to the bland, conformed sh*t thats the norm these days . . That to me is enjoyable . .

Drumpot

stupidusername wrote: »

this is too much for me. i don't want to lose a friend, but i can't have someone make me feel bad for being depressed

I have friends I speak to about my depression and friends who I dont speak to about it. One of my best friends asked about it and told me that I would just have to "pick myself up" after I had explained everything to them. That really got up my nose, but instead of getting angry with them for not understanding I just dont talk to them about how I feel anymore. I am still the best of friends with them and dont feel it has lessened my friendship in anyway.

Obviously you should still have some people you feel you can talk to , but you shouldnt feel worse talking to confidents or councellors (friends/family). You dont have to lose a friend over this, perhaps you could just wait until you are feeling a little bit more upbeat/confident and explain that you value their friendship/advice but you sometimes dont feel like you can talk to anybody when you are feeling down. Or you could try what I did and just dont bring up how you feel to your friend ? If they say that this is "selfish", just ask them why . . Why is it selfish to spend time alone when you feel that this is what you need to feel better ? Why is it selfish to not want to waste a friends time?

I just realised I have been speaking a matter of factly to some people. I am only giving my opinions or tips on what I have been going through in the hope that it might help others. I dont intend it to be judgemental or indeed for it to be taken that I know I am right (which Im sure Im not in many cases). .

jammstarr

I'm a fairly sensitive guy but I find lately I'm extra sensitive - the smallest things make me really down in myself and full of worry. At the moment though I'm doing ok so I'm going to try and enjoy it while it lasts.

DeVore

I think its a bit much for her to demand to be allowed to come over... I mean, I'd be the first to say that when you are depressed you need to talk to people but you are also entitled to say "I'm just not feeling up to guests right now, can we take a raincheck?"

I don't think that makes you selfish.

stupidusername

no it's fine Drumpot. but I find it hard to be friends with someone like that.

it's selfish because I gave short answers, and wouldn't agree to her coming over, and apparently she was worried and wanted to help.

thanks for all the input everyone. I wasn't sure of myself there for a while. no doubt i'll be berated for discussing this on here, but right now I haven't got anyone

DeVore

"Helping" is listening and being non-judgemental. Doesnt sound like she did either to me...

Anyway, you can talk to us here (as you have done) and maybe consider looking into joining a group like Grow or Aware, they can really help and also expose you to people who might have more empathy.

stupidusername

DeVore wrote: »

"Helping" is listening and being non-judgemental. Doesnt sound like she did either to me...

Anyway, you can talk to us here (as you have done) and maybe consider looking into joining a group like Grow or Aware, they can really help and also expose you to people who might have more empathy.

considering the fears I have about my feelings being important to people, this really does hurt.

I won't join Grow or Aware, I'm seeing a psychologist currently, and well I'm trying not to bring up all these things every week, because I want to start working on a plan of how to fix things. should be starting next week now.

herisson

The past few weeks have been weird for me, i have been feeling really weird and letting things get to me more so than usual.
I haven't really been happy at all. I have been depressed more so than usual but still putting on this happy mask both around my friends and on boards. I just dont want to depress other people...which is stupid!

The worst thing is i hate talking about it, i hate it! I hate projecting my problems onto someone else. Sometimes i dont even know why i am depressed, i just feel this way over nothing. I started to do this positive mental attitude thing and its not working if anything i think its making me worse!

At the moment, i am not ok, i dont feel ok! I want to talk about it but i feel vulnerable when i remove this mask i hide behind..so i cant bring myself to do it

jammstarr

Pixie-Fairy wrote: »

The past few weeks have been weird for me, i have been feeling really weird and letting things get to me more so than usual.
I haven't really been happy at all. I have been depressed more so than usual but still putting on this happy mask both around my friends and on boards. I just dont want to depress other people...which is stupid!

The worst thing is i hate talking about it, i hate it! I hate projecting my problems onto someone else. Sometimes i dont even know why i am depressed, i just feel this way over nothing. I started to do this positive mental attitude thing and its not working if anything i think its making me worse!

At the moment, i am not ok, i dont feel ok! I want to talk about it but i feel vulnerable when i remove this mask i hide behind..so i cant bring myself to do it

Hey Pixie,

I know talking about it can suck at times but at least here there are open ears and no judging.

Could I ask, this positive mental health thing you're doing, is this a program or on a site or anything? I'm a right negative yoke at the best of times but I think I really need to start pushing myself otherwise I'll just stay "stuck" forever.

herisson

jammstarr wrote: »

Hey Pixie,

I know talking about it can suck at times but at least here there are open ears and no judging.

Could I ask, this positive mental health thing you're doing, is this a program or on a site or anything? I'm a right negative yoke at the best of times but I think I really need to start pushing myself otherwise I'll just stay "stuck" forever.

That is true, im just afraid of feeling vulnerable and and being judged...which is ridiculous because no one here is out to judge others!

Its not on a site. I saw a post on a different boards forum ages ago about trying to keep a positive attitude! Basically you need to try think about everything positively and try block out any negative thoughts! Its harder than it sounds!

Im kind of like you im fairly negative at times, inside my mind is very negative and it brought everything down. So i decided fúck this shít im going to try be positive. It does help in a way because i did feel better for a while but so much shít happened that i couldnt deal with it anymore. And i found it really difficult to keep up this attitude! In saying that i dont think i tried harder when things got bad, i just let the negative take over to be honest!

Snowie

Mucky.Bucky wrote: »

I was a bit 'meh' all day. Went for a lovely night time stroll which helped a lot. My mind is still rotting away though. Walking home I decided to nip this in the butt and go and see a councilor for something. For some sort of insight or help and advice or something. Anything. This isn't going anywhere easily.

Well done ....


Half the works done you recognize theres a problem which means you've got awareness the rest is a walk in a park remember some times the things that are hardest to talk about are generally what hold you back

Drumpot

stupidusername wrote: »

no it's fine Drumpot. but I find it hard to be friends with someone like that.

it's selfish because I gave short answers, and wouldn't agree to her coming over, and apparently she was worried and wanted to help.

thanks for all the input everyone. I wasn't sure of myself there for a while. no doubt i'll be berated for discussing this on here, but right now I haven't got anyone

Do you mind me asking who would berate you for discussing your feelings somewhere you feel you might get some support ?

I know that people can possibly think they have the best intentions, but somebody who makes you feel worse for speaking, trying to speak or not wanting to speak is not somebody helping in a proactive manner.

I personally havent told anybody else I have been to Aware, not because I am embarrassed , just because I choose to let the people I know will help into my "other" world. I am at the stage where I am confident that I feel I deserve the right to try to do things that others would consider selfish. Spend more time to myself trying to wind down. If I am feeling down, I do what I think is best for me to make myself better (go to bed, go for walk, goto gym, find some time alone). I am married with 2 children and have spoken with my wife about this regularly. She does think I can be very selfish with my time (and shes right) , but that is what I need right now because I know when I cater for others (while feeling like this) , I feel like its a sort of self abuse.

I hope the psychologist helps (not sure if I ever saw one of them, seen differant kinds of councellors), please let us know how it goes . .

Drumpot

Pixie-Fairy wrote: »

The past few weeks have been weird for me, i have been feeling really weird and letting things get to me more so than usual.
I haven't really been happy at all. I have been depressed more so than usual but still putting on this happy mask both around my friends and on boards. I just dont want to depress other people...which is stupid!

The worst thing is i hate talking about it, i hate it! I hate projecting my problems onto someone else. Sometimes i dont even know why i am depressed, i just feel this way over nothing. I started to do this positive mental attitude thing and its not working if anything i think its making me worse!

At the moment, i am not ok, i dont feel ok! I want to talk about it but i feel vulnerable when i remove this mask i hide behind..so i cant bring myself to do it

I hate talking about it with my wife quite regularly . .I even find myself getting bored and depressed listening to myself talk about how I feel sometimes.

What was funny about the Aware meeting (not promoting them, was only at one meeting), was that I found that I didnt have that guilt of boring somebody or self consciousness about being judged by people who actually wanted to speak, be heard and listen.

I came out feeling nothing if the truth be told (not euphoric, not sad) but I was happy to hear that others share my quiet pain.

Drumpot

Pixie-Fairy wrote: »

That is true, im just afraid of feeling vulnerable and and being judged...which is ridiculous because no one here is out to judge others!

Its not on a site. I saw a post on a different boards forum ages ago about trying to keep a positive attitude! Basically you need to try think about everything positively and try block out any negative thoughts! Its harder than it sounds!

Im kind of like you im fairly negative at times, inside my mind is very negative and it brought everything down. So i decided fúck this shít im going to try be positive. It does help in a way because i did feel better for a while but so much shít happened that i couldnt deal with it anymore. And i found it really difficult to keep up this attitude! In saying that i dont think i tried harder when things got bad, i just let the negative take over to be honest!

Harness the good, block the bad . . yes, I try this alot. .

Im feeling a bit sh*tty right now tbh, cannot get moving in work, whereas yesterday was superb. Im under pressure because I cant afford (literally as I work for myself) to be so lethargic.

My instinct is to plow away (prob until 8) getting very little done and feeling even worse after a full day of waste!

But do you know what I am gonna do . . Im gonna work out a work plan for tomorrow, goto the gym and come home and relax for the night. Because I deserve it and nobody will die in the making of this tranquil fantasy . . All I will TRY (Im no guru) and do for the rest of the day is to make myself feel better. My wife is in her mums with the kids so I am lucky I wont be ignoring anybody, but even if they were here, I would know that me being happier and feeling better will make my family happier.

stupidusername

Drumpot wrote: »

Do you mind me asking who would berate you for discussing your feelings somewhere you feel you might get some support ?

I know that people can possibly think they have the best intentions, but somebody who makes you feel worse for speaking, trying to speak or not wanting to speak is not somebody helping in a proactive manner.

I personally havent told anybody else I have been to Aware, not because I am embarrassed , just because I choose to let the people I know will help into my "other" world. I am at the stage where I am confident that I feel I deserve the right to try to do things that others would consider selfish. Spend more time to myself trying to wind down. If I am feeling down, I do what I think is best for me to make myself better (go to bed, go for walk, goto gym, find some time alone). I am married with 2 children and have spoken with my wife about this regularly. She does think I can be very selfish with my time (and shes right) , but that is what I need right now because I know when I cater for others (while feeling like this) , I feel like its a sort of self abuse.

I hope the psychologist helps (not sure if I ever saw one of them, seen differant kinds of councellors), please let us know how it goes . .

I know I am being selfish for hiding away, but i'm ok with that, because I know the reality is they wouldn't want to be around me like this anyway. i'm just saving the bother of being in a situation where I feel like i'm dragging someone down. besides, no matter what they say to lift my spirits, i'd argue with anyway.

I have an interview in the morning, going to have to summon the energy to be normal. ugh

jammstarr

stupidusername wrote: »

I know I am being selfish for hiding away, but i'm ok with that, because I know the reality is they wouldn't want to be around me like this anyway. i'm just saving the bother of being in a situation where I feel like i'm dragging someone down. besides, no matter what they say to lift my spirits, i'd argue with anyway.

I have an interview in the morning, going to have to summon the energy to be normal. ugh

Best of luck tomorrow

Drumpot

stupidusername wrote: »

I know I am being selfish for hiding away, but i'm ok with that, because I know the reality is they wouldn't want to be around me like this anyway. i'm just saving the bother of being in a situation where I feel like i'm dragging someone down. besides, no matter what they say to lift my spirits, i'd argue with anyway.

I have an interview in the morning, going to have to summon the energy to be normal. ugh

I hope it went well today . .

stupidusername

Drumpot wrote: »

I hope it went well today . .

It went terribly. I clearly should just give up. My friend saw what I wrote and wrote a long message to me this morning,nevermind knowing how awful i'd be before my interview.my boyfriend doesn't even know I had one cause he's mad at me for me having a problem with something he did.

I don't know if i'm just numb,but I can't even cry. I have nothing left and yet I can't get upset

Drumpot

stupidusername wrote: »

It went terribly. I clearly should just give up. My friend saw what I wrote and wrote a long message to me this morning,nevermind knowing how awful i'd be before my interview.my boyfriend doesn't even know I had one cause he's mad at me for me having a problem with something he did.

I don't know if i'm just numb,but I can't even cry. I have nothing left and yet I can't get upset

Im really sorry to hear that . .

If you dont mind me making a suggestion, would you consider trying to have something for yourself ? I mean, something like this forum (setting up a new account with differant username?) or going to a psychologist or speaking to somebody whom your friend and Boyfriend know nothing about?

Im not suggesting that you have a secret life and I dont think anybody should have to hide anything from people who care for them. But in your case, it seems like you are getting put under alot of pressure from people who might think they are trying to help you, but who are in fact making you feel worse.

By having something for yourself, it might help build up a bit of confidence for you to be able to value your right to do what you think you need to feel better.

Again, we know very little of your circumstances , but its terrible to hear of somebody feeling numb. I had that for years and felt I could turn to nobody . . I still suffer regularly from it but it was only after years of desperatley wanting to feel better, trying out differant (non self destructing things), did I improve and it wasnt easy.

Please keep sharing your feelings here and maybe somebody can give you some comfort . .

stupidusername

I get you, but because of everything that's happened me, everything I do is in some way for other people. well i like taking pictures, or trying to get good ones, but even that I hope other people will like.
in the interview I was asked what I like to do in my spare time, I told them photography of birds and nature etc. one of them actually laughed. i'm sorry i didn't ask what was funny about it.
it seems i do nothing well. i have nothing to be confident about. but thanks anyway

Drumpot

stupidusername wrote: »

I get you, but because of everything that's happened me, everything I do is in some way for other people. well i like taking pictures, or trying to get good ones, but even that I hope other people will like.
in the interview I was asked what I like to do in my spare time, I told them photography of birds and nature etc. one of them actually laughed. i'm sorry i didn't ask what was funny about it.
it seems i do nothing well. i have nothing to be confident about. but thanks anyway

I can only speak from my own experience, so please dont think I understand completely what you are going through . .


For many years I have, at the expense of my own happiness, been more a person about pleasing others and not rocking the boat to upset others. I too felt (and sometimes still feel) selfish, lacking in and self confidence and self worth, not feeling like I deserve anything.


The first thing I did to try and allow myself some semblence of self satisfaction was when I bought a rabbit. My partner didnt want a pet and I did , so I went ahead and purchased it for myself. I took care of that rabbit (spent thousands as it got sick regularly) and enjoyed its company and spoke to it (when I felt I couldnt speak to anybody else). It died 2 years ago and I can honestly say it was like loosing a family member. Took me a month to get over it and I still tear up thinking about Jinxie!


That rabbit represented me making a decision to do something for myself. It represented me doing something innocent that gave me happiness. I got some confidence and plenty of joy out of this rabbit. I took care of this rabbit . . Just me . . And it gave me great pleasure in protecting him, feeding him and getting him medical attention when he regularly needed it.


My friends and family used to find my Jinxie infatuation hilarious and I didnt care . . He was my responsibility and he was my "guilty pleasure", and I felt "F**k everybody else, its not hurting them" and was really protective about that rabbit. I think its important for everybody to have something to themselves for themselves, particularly people feeling really low on themselves.

stupidusername

I think I get what you mean. problem is I haven't got many interests. though, I would like to get a pet...birds or ferrets. but I can't while I'm still sharing apartments. but some day. and they will be for me. besides that, I can't think of anything else.

I've been defriended. So much for thinking she was one of my best friends.

Yearning4Stormy

Folks,

I haven't stopped by this thread in weeks... the last time was too upsetting.

cloud493 wrote: »

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

This ^^^

It's funny what sets you off, no? I was choking up reading your posts and now I've tears rolling down my face because of that quote. Cheers, cloud . No, really, it's been a sh1t week and I think I needed the physical and emotional release.

I'm a longterm-Citalopram-medicated 41 y/o male, but jesus, sometimes you just need a good wail.

Anyway, it's a Friday afternoon, the weather is kite, I'm dreading the weekend and I haven't left this room in three days (except to go on alcohol runs which I cannot afford but makes the bad go away even temporarily) but I just wanted to say that I'm sending virtual hugs to Miss D and stupidusername and Drumpot and... hell, huge, warm hugs for everyone!

God bless,
Y4S

jammstarr

Stressful enough day but nothing too bad. At least I don't think so. Hard to describe how I'm feeling actually.

DeVore

I believe that when you cry you can heal. But it cant be pity, pity lets me wallow and I cant let myself get like that.

Things are back to looking possible and positive again. Tough few months ahead business wise for me personally. I hope I can handle it and I'm not over reaching, but I think I'll be fine. Good luck to us all eh?

Siuin

Having suffered from depression since the age of 13, I've come to realise that a substantial amount of my problem has been a direct result of my mother's behaviour towards me. It took an outsider to point it out, but once he did it was so blatantly obvious. She constantly puts me down and criticises me to a point where I feel completely incapable of doing anything for myself or achieving anything in life or make even simple decisions by myself. If I don't do as she tells me, she completely cuts me off and makes me feel guilty for going against her.

I sought counselling in my early teens when my depression reached a point where I could no longer function due to fatigue and an inability to concentrate on anything, and she threatened me if I was to mention my father's violent outbursts or anything which may 'make her look bad'. As a result, I gained very little from the sessions except a prescription. Now in my final year of college, I still feel as weak and hopeless as ever. I am getting first class honours in my course, but I have no confidence to apply for jobs because I can't escape this mindset that I'm completely incapable of doing anything for myself.