LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

DeVore

Thats why we go to counselling... because its impossible to fix the "clock" from inside it while its working.
This year I have learned that there is NOTHING inevitable... I had no idea how to change things and yet here I am, changed... not fixed, not by a long shot but better, much better. I couldnt have seen a way to this point a year ago.

I accepted that I couldnt do it by myself and while it hurt my pride more then I could imagine, I realised I needed help and I needed to talk to good people about my issues.... and quite to my shock, they melted and I saw them as not very big issues at all, actually quite manageable ones. If you had told me that 2 years ago, I would have laughed in your face. All I can say is that its quite possible and not inevitable at all. This is your life, live it. Get help, please! If you think its inevitable then what harm could it do to try?

Odysseus

Gnobe wrote: »

I am speaking to a professional. I've had 6 counselling sessions in Belfast, been prescribed anti depressants, which have now been upped from 20mg to 40mg, and have psycologist appointments beginning on the 2nd of july in Strabane.

I don't know what the outcome is supposed to be, am I supposed to learn to live with it for the rest of my life? i.e. going through my life without having a friend or a girlfriend (which initially the thought had me to have a failed suicide attempt) or actually change my personailty so I become mr popular all of a sudden?

The later isn't going to happen, so I suspect its former right? Its just so depressing.

Apologies, misread your post. Ok therapy can take time six session is a very short timevs how long you have been this way.

It depends on the individual, depression can just be symptom of something deeper. For some it may be life long, but you can change the impact it has on your life, if this is the case.

Living with pepression does not mean you cannot have a good long term relationship.

Within the context of what I can say here does that answer your question?

Turtwig

Gnobe wrote: »

I am speaking to a professional. I've had 6 counselling sessions in Belfast, been prescribed anti depressants, which have now been upped from 20mg to 40mg, and have psycologist appointments beginning on the 2nd of july in Strabane.

I don't know what the outcome is supposed to be, am I supposed to learn to live with it for the rest of my life? i.e. going through my life without having a friend or a girlfriend (which initially the thought had me to have a failed suicide attempt) or actually change my personailty so I become mr popular all of a sudden?

The later isn't going to happen, so I suspect its former right? Its just so depressing.

What makes you think that being Mr Popular will stave off your issues? Even social king and queens get depressed. Social stature has little to do with it. You need to try, and believe me I know how hard it is, to quit thinking so negative of every failure you perceive yourself to have. There's still time, always time, to rectify them.
The thing you need to realise is that you're not supposed to anything. Try to stop burdening yourself with perceived failings, instead look towards setting new goals and reaching them.

Odysseus

bee_keeper wrote: »

if you have no ties , why not make some changes , i.e , move abroad for a year , be sure not to tell others you are going through personal problems while away though

what you to loose

Moving often is not the best way to go, the emotional and psychical issues are waiting at the other end for you. In addition, it would mean the person has to re-organise treatment somewhere else.

bee_keeper

Odysseus wrote: »

Moving often is not the best way to go, the emotional and psychical issues are waiting at the other end for you. In addition, it would mean the person has to re-organise treatment somewhere else.

actions speak louder than words, talking only makes you focus on things deeper , talk things over but put a plan in place

markie29

right now im in bed crying as i type this...im depressed with my life and i feel nothing i do is every good enough for people.

my family think im always angry but the simple thing is i generally play the clown when i an amongst friends but i am so sad on the inside something is missing from my life.

i have no work and feel like im banging my head against a wall.......sorry for the mini rant.

im gonna try and sleep now.

Pantsface

markie29 wrote: »

right now im in bed crying as i type this...im depressed with my life and i feel nothing i do is every good enough for people.

my family think im always angry but the simple thing is i generally play the clown when i an amongst friends but i am so sad on the inside something is missing from my life.

i have no work and feel like im banging my head against a wall.......sorry for the mini rant.

im gonna try and sleep now.

try doing something that good for you & try and be kind to yourself, sleep tight x

SharpshooterTom

markie29 wrote: »

right now im in bed crying as i type this...im depressed with my life and i feel nothing i do is every good enough for people.

my family think im always angry but the simple thing is i generally play the clown when i an amongst friends but i am so sad on the inside something is missing from my life.

i have no work and feel like im banging my head against a wall.......sorry for the mini rant.

im gonna try and sleep now.

You're allowed to rant, its all I ever do on here. :pac:

In any case, always speak to someone in these circumstances, maybe thinking about these things isn't the best time right now at night. If you can't sleep come back on here and talk.

SharpshooterTom

Odysseus wrote:

Apologies, misread your post. Ok therapy can take time six session is a very short timevs how long you have been this way.

Ok I'll post what I posted in the "How Man Sexual Partners Have You Had So Far" thread:

"Embarresingly I'm a male virgin, was a bit weird teenager and I became a social recluse. I suffered a lot bullying in England before I came here at 14 so "closed up" by avoiding people incase I looked weak and that I wasn't exploited. It was a defense mechanism to avoid being bullied being a recluse.

I didn't think I was good enough for society anyway as I believed nobody wanted me so I didn't go out. I felt I was doing society a favour by avoiding people. I believed the world hated me.

I've developed a self hatred for myself since my teenage years, I felt I was a failure and have allowed it to manifest and I attempted suicide a few months back because I felt I was a social freak/failure at 25.

Part of the reason also was because I believed I was going to be like this for the rest of my life so thought if I was ending my life I would doing me and my family a favour.

I've had counselling for the first time in my life recently since, on anti-depressants, and now have appointments with psycologists.

I hate bringing about a depressing post to this thread, but its these sort of topics and conversations which have bothered me over the years I have to admit. Obviously I feel like a total twit for being a virgin at 25 near 26. But I was painfully shy in my teens and early 20s, plus I had no confidence so have naturally fallen into this position.

I've seen some threads about women not dating virgin blokes after 30 etc and has upset me obviously. I worry that I'm almost too old to have a girlfriend for the first time now as when you're in my position it becomes weird to be like this at my age. I feel like a loser obviously."

So in essence I've been suffering this self loathing, avoiding people, since well I was 13/14. I'm so damaged I don't know if I will get out of it and thats whats depressing me. Does a 1 hour a week talk help me? Not sure, I've been like this so long and its killing me in the long term.

Odysseus

@Gnobe, sorry mate my eyes are closing here I'm that tired. I want to give you a respectful reply to your post; so I'll respond in the morning if that is ok?

1ZRed

Gnobe wrote: »

Ok I'll post what I posted in the "How Man Sexual Partners Have You Had So Far" thread:

"Embarresingly I'm a male virgin, was a bit weird teenager and I became a social recluse. I suffered a lot bullying in England before I came here at 14 so "closed up" by avoiding people incase I looked weak and that I wasn't exploited. It was a defense mechanism to avoid being bullied being a recluse.

I didn't think I was good enough for society anyway as I believed nobody wanted me so I didn't go out. I felt I was doing society a favour by avoiding people. I believed the world hated me.

I've developed a self hatred for myself since my teenage years, I felt I was a failure and have allowed it to manifest and I attempted suicide a few months back because I felt I was a social freak/failure at 25.

Part of the reason also was because I believed I was going to be like this for the rest of my life so thought if I was ending my life I would doing me and my family a favour.

I've had counselling for the first time in my life recently since, on anti-depressants, and now have appointments with psycologists.

I hate bringing about a depressing post to this thread, but its these sort of topics and conversations which have bothered me over the years I have to admit. Obviously I feel like a total twit for being a virgin at 25 near 26. But I was painfully shy in my teens and early 20s, plus I had no confidence so have naturally fallen into this position.

I've seen some threads about women not dating virgin blokes after 30 etc and has upset me obviously. I worry that I'm almost too old to have a girlfriend for the first time now as when you're in my position it becomes weird to be like this at my age. I feel like a loser obviously."

So in essence I've been suffering this self loathing, avoiding people, since well I was 13/14. I'm so damaged I don't know if I will get out of it and thats whats depressing me. Does a 1 hour a week talk help me? Not sure, I've been like this so long and its killing me in the long term.

Gnobe, you can't keep comparing your own life to that which might be typical of a 25 year old. You are your own man with his own personal life which comes with its own problems. Yeah, you're different but so are all of us. We all have different issues and fears to face.
Now I understand how this is so hard on you and I think you're a stronger man than me for speaking so honestly about them and I have a huge amount of respect for someone who could do that. I couldn't!

But how can you get better if you keep comparing yourself to the ideal of what a 25 year old might be like?
You say this is your current situation so beating yourself over what you think you should be is not going to help you. If anything, it chips away at your confidence and draws you further away from that dream.

You aren't worthless and you are just as entitled to be happy as the rest of us. Just because you think you might be a freak (you're not at all in my eyes) doesn't mean you should keep yourself deprived of a good happy life.

And you're a virgin. So what. It doesn't make you any worse or less of a man. You have your own circumstances as to why that is and people will understand that -I'm positive of it. Nobody is that heartless and shallow and a good, kind and honest guy like you wouldn't attract anyone that negative anyway so I think you should put that aside and let the past sit there, and focus on you getting better. And when the time is right, and you're feeling like a new man, you will have all these things you wanted and more


I'm not sure if this helps, especially considering I'm crap at getting my point across through text (and I'm not very good at giving advice or reassurance) but at the very very least you have support here. Nobody is seeing you in this this negative light that you think you're in. I for one want you to be happy and to get what you want because you really do deserve them, no matter what you think buddy.

Princess Peach

Gnobe wrote: »

I am speaking to a professional. I've had 6 counselling sessions in Belfast, been prescribed anti depressants, which have now been upped from 20mg to 40mg, and have psycologist appointments beginning on the 2nd of july in Strabane.

I've been seeing different counselors on and off for over 2 years now. Just have to give it time, find the right person and really believe it can work for you. First time I went (and stuck with it) was for 8 sessions, and she helped me deal with the issues I was having at that time in my life, but after a few months I slipped back down.

The next counselor really helped me see things more long-term, and I think I was seeking help more that time. First time I was just in a "can't harm to try" mentality, next time I really wanted it to help me cause I was not coping well. It really did help, probably a mix of my better mentality and a better counselor.

Been seeing a couple of psychologists this year for another issue, and while my sessions for the few months did wonders, I will go back soon, not because I desperately need to right now, but I'm afraid that if I don't keep it up it might not keep working.

Try and stick with it, and I know its easier said than done, but try and be hopeful about it. You're personality can totally change. I think of the person I have been in the past and I'm ashamed. And I'm sure there's people who will always think of me as crazy, but I actually don't even care anymore! You can't just become Mr Popular all of a sudden ever, but you can adopt a better mentality that will make you more confidant at reaching out to people to make friends.

Wibbs

1ZRed wrote: »

Gnobe, you can't keep comparing your own life to that which might be typical of a 25 year old. You are your own man with his own personal life which comes with its own problems. Yeah, you're different but so are all of us. We all have different issues and fears to face.

Quoted for truth. Plus typical for a 25 year old is pretty damn difficult to pin down anyway. I think one of the big stresses on people in the modern world are these kind of comparisons. No matter who we are, no matter how successful, no matter how many women/men in our lives, there's always an image(usually bogus or enhanced) foisted upon us of someone doing better and our social minds can get lost and confused because of it. Add in the relative lack of solid social and developmental structures and milestones when compared to the past when life seemed a lot more predictable and no wonder people can find themselves adrift.

Gnobe, life is not a checklist of things to tick off that will then magically make you happy. It really isn't. I guarantee that reading this there is at least one mid 20's man not unlike you, but with many women in his past, a large circle of friends, the "life and soul of the party", a life you think would make sense looking in, but a man who is depressed like you. While of course circumstances can have a major impact, its the illness/condition that makes the difference.

I know I've said it before, but it's important IMH. The one sure thing in life is change. Even if you do nothing things will change, but if you do something things will change and for the better for you. You're on that road now with your treatment. That was the most important step and a very brave one too. That's a change right there. Maybe you're not seeing the benefits yet, but I guarantee in a years time you will see more changes.

shuridunno

For Gnobe.

Counselling can take a long time, but don't let that put you off, I thought I was ready to finish up a few weeks ago and it turned outr I was only ready to start.

''Life is difficult'', this is the first line from the book, The Road Less Travelled, I read that line and never got much further. You even have to be in the right frame of mind to read self help books, sometimes they actually make me feel worse.

The only thing you can be sure of in life is that it's happening, right here, right now and as each day passes, it's gone and you don't get it back.

It's very difficult to change your thinking pattern and at the moment you are locked into a very negative one, but you are taking all the right steps to breaking out.

Give yourself time, give yourself patience, stop judging and comparing yourself to others, forgive the past and take each day as it comes...a load of bollox right.....but you'll eventually get there.

I was so shy as a teen I used to hide to have my lunch, I was called Rover and barked at as I was ugly(which I'm not, I'm no stunner, but I'm not the elephant man either), I was called a freak and that was outside the home. At home I was called useless, stupid, spastic and never lived up to the expectations of others.

It took time for me to realise I only have to live up to my own expectations.

Life is hard. After I got over the trauma that was my childhood, from which I still have ''residual quirks''(my term) or emotional scars(the counsellors term):), I got married and still the **** rolled in. We now can't have kids and I feel once again society is judging and calling me a freak because I can't have kids, but they're not, it's just my conditioned response to the situation. Because, no one gives a ****e whether I can have kids or not.

So you are not a freak, a misfit, or any other term you think you have been labelled. You won't learn to cope over night, you will always have to keep your thought process in check, but it gets easier.

The less harsh you are on yourself the easier it gets and then you will accept yourself and change your opinion and thoughts, but not your personality.

For Markie29. I hope you feel better today, try to get outside for some fresh air, no matter how hard it feels. Take care.

cloud493

Hope everyone else has had a reasonably ok weekend

SharpshooterTom

1ZRed wrote: »

And you're a virgin. So what. It doesn't make you any worse or less of a man. You have your own circumstances as to why that is and people will understand that -I'm positive of it. Nobody is that heartless and shallow and a good, kind and honest guy like you wouldn't attract anyone that negative anyway so I think you should put that aside and let the past sit there, and focus on you getting better. And when the time is right, and you're feeling like a new man, you will have all these things you wanted and more

I'm not sure if this helps, especially considering I'm crap at getting my point across through text (and I'm not very good at giving advice or reassurance) but at the very very least you have support here. Nobody is seeing you in this this negative light that you think you're in. I for one want you to be happy and to get what you want because you really do deserve them, no matter what you think buddy.

Nah its a great post and I really really appreciate it (and all the other posts). They're excellent reads.

I'll work hard to change some aspects of my life, try and become more social etc. But I think part of the problem is that I don't think any women would want me long term. So in my mind I think there's no chance I'll ever get girlfriend and so have to live with that for the rest of my life. I just suck socially and thats it. I don't come across as very confident and so I feel I'm a womens nightmare and doing them a favour by having them not to have me. Thats basically the crux of how I feel all my life.

Its not the way I look thats the problem, far from it, all my councillors are suprised I've never had a girlfriend, my female said I was a "good looking guy and had a lot going for me" "well above average" and all this but then again she would say that!

I'm convinced nobody wants me and convinced I'm loser, so start thinking all these thoughts about darwinism, natural selection etc I'm not meant to have my genes passed on. And its really hard to get out of that thinking pattern.

I got a book today, "Mind over Mood" recommended by my GP. I'm starting some CBT as well by writing stuff down, ranking moods out of 10 with different activities etc. Its quite interesting actually, seeing my thinking patterns in detail, what makes me happy, what doesn't etc. So I have to hand that in tomorrow to my councillor and discuss my activities etc and all this stuff in detail.

Turtwig

While you're at I suggest you read up on evolution. Lots of people have misconceptions about it. That said, we're an evolved social species, with our own set of social constructs; we shouldn't be looking to nature for examples on how to behave or act.

I would assume that women are just as apprehensive as guys when it comes to committing to the long term. But obviously I can only assume that. I know you'll get sick of hearing this but you need to stop thinking so negatively of yourself. You're just as capable as any other male of having a relationship. For one it seems you respect females by thinking of doing them favours, helping them out, lots of guys just want the girl for the benefits. Stop thinking that you're not good enough because I'd say no woman expects Mr Perfect. You've already showed that you're actually considerate. Probably for the wrong reason though.

bee_keeper

Gnobe wrote: »

Nah its a great post and I really really appreciate it (and all the other posts). They're excellent reads.

I'll work hard to change some aspects of my life, try and become more social etc. But I think part of the problem is that I don't think any women would want me long term. So in my mind I think there's no chance I'll ever get girlfriend and so have to live with that for the rest of my life. I just suck socially and thats it. I don't come across as very confident and so I feel I'm a womens nightmare and doing them a favour by having them not to have me. Thats basically the crux of how I feel all my life.

Its not the way I look thats the problem, far from it, all my councillors are suprised I've never had a girlfriend, my female said I was a "good looking guy and had a lot going for me" "well above average" and all this but then again she would say that!

I'm convinced nobody wants me and convinced I'm loser, so start thinking all these thoughts about darwinism, natural selection etc I'm not meant to have my genes passed on. And its really hard to get out of that thinking pattern.

I got a book today, "Mind over Mood" recommended by my GP. I'm starting some CBT as well by writing stuff down, ranking moods out of 10 with different activities etc. Its quite interesting actually, seeing my thinking patterns in detail, what makes me happy, what doesn't etc. So I have to hand that in tomorrow to my councillor and discuss my activities etc and all this stuff in detail.

why not head to australia or canada for a year on a working holiday , finding a wife will be the last thing on your mind over there , i sugested this to you already and you didnt reply

SharpshooterTom

bee_keeper wrote: »

why not head to australia or canada for a year on a working holiday , finding a wife will be the last thing on your mind over there , i sugested this to you already and you didnt reply

Sorry I should have replied and must have missed it.

I spoke about this to my councillor and she was against it. She said that friendships in hostels tend to be very short term and being so far away with my mental state might not be a good thing right now when I need access to help etc.

I'm considering going on holiday to these countries though shortly (on my own) but just as a holiday.

SharpshooterTom

Jernal wrote: »

I would assume that women are just as apprehensive as guys when it comes to committing to the long term. But obviously I can only assume that. I know you'll get sick of hearing this but you need to stop thinking so negatively of yourself. You're just as capable as any other male of having a relationship. For one it seems you respect females by thinking of doing them favours, helping them out, lots of guys just want the girl for the benefits. Stop thinking that you're not good enough because I'd say no woman expects Mr Perfect. You've already showed that you're actually considerate. Probably for the wrong reason though.

I'll be honest with you.

The reason why I wanted to kill myself in the past, and haven't ruled it out in the future, say in 6 months/years time or whatever probably is because I'm not relevant to society anymore. I have no purpose to live, I'll never have friends, I'll never a girlfriend and I think in my mind if I was better off just dead as I have no relevance anymore.

I thought to myself if I was a tennis player (watching wimbledon at the moment) I would probably have my career, and then kill myself afterwards as I have nothing to live for. I can't make friends and I can't get girlfriends so I would serve no purpose to live after tennis. There's no point going through my life the way I am.

I had these thoughts about university, I thought well I try to get a first class honours and go out with a bang (and kill myself then) as I have nothing else to live for/offer afterwards as I suck socially and its too painful living with it. I was having these thoughts as young as 18 just before I started university, thinking I'll be dead in 4-5 years time anyway so lets try and get a "good degree" and die with some sort of pride.

Now I'm at a critical age now of where I've finished my degree and only got a 2.2 (I blame my depression/lack of motivation due to poor life prospects for that) and feel like a failure because of it, (I'm due to get a merit in my masters however).

But in my mind, I've served my purpose for life, I have nothing to live for, no life prospects, never going to be happy so I'll have to look into suicide at some point in the future. Say in 6-12 months. I've been thinking about a death timeline for 5-6 years now. So this is pretty much the crux of my thinking for my entire adult life so far if you like. Served my purpose, time to go sort of thing.

bee_keeper

Gnobe wrote: »

Sorry I should have replied and must have missed it.

I spoke about this to my councillor and she was against it. She said that friendships in hostels tend to be very short term and being so far away with my mental state might not be a good thing right now when I need access to help etc.

I'm considering going on holiday to these countries though shortly (on my own) but just as a holiday.

counscellors are always against bold independant moves which is something you need to make in the end anyhow , you need to prioritise actions aswell as words

sometimes you have to dive in at the deep ends in order to reinvigorate yourself , your stronger than you think , you just dont realise it , therapists are happy to wrap you in cotton wool for years

bee_keeper

Gnobe wrote: »

I'll be honest with you.

The reason why I wanted to kill myself in the past, and haven't ruled it out in the future, say in 6 months/years time or whatever probably is because I'm not relevant to society anymore. I have no purpose to live, I'll never have friends, I'll never a girlfriend and I think in my mind if I was better off just dead as I have no relevance anymore.

I thought to myself if I was a tennis player (watching wimbledon at the moment) I would probably have my career, and then kill myself afterwards as I have nothing to live for. I can't make friends and I can't get girlfriends so I would serve no purpose to live after tennis. There's no point going through my life the way I am.

I had these thoughts about university, I thought well I try to get a first class honours and go out with a bang (and kill myself then) as I have nothing else to live for/offer afterwards as I suck socially and its too painful living with the pain. I was having these thoughts as young as 18 just before I started university, thinking I'll be dead in 4-5 years time anyway so lets try and get a "good degree" and die with some sort of pride.

Now I'm at a critical age now of where I've finished my degree and only got a 2.2 (I blame my depression/lack of motivation due to poor life prospects for that) and feel like a failure because of it, (I'm due to get a merit in my masters however).

But in my mind, I've served my purpose for life, I have nothing to live for, no life prospects, never going to be happy so I'll have to look into suicide at some point in the future. Say in 6-12 months. I've been thinking about a death timeline for 5-6 years now. So this is pretty much the crux of my thinking for my entire adult life so far.

trust me , your not all that unique , a sizeable number of people have no relevance and the world would not miss them if they were gone ( myself included ) but they find meaning in the small things

no offense but you come across as someone with high expectations despite your despair , most people never achieve spectacular success , its a bit of a disapointment but eventually we grow up and realise , life aint easy and we have to make do the best we can

DeVore

Gnobe, talking is good, and you can talk to us but I'm uncomfortable with casual references to suicide. Please listen to your therapist and talk to them because your judgement doesn't seem to be good at the moment and in those times I've found I need to go to someone I trust and say "I'm thinking this way, is that correct or baloney?".




To everyone else, I started this thread as a way of telling people my experiences so that I could share what I've learned (and am learning!) through those experiences. I would prefer if we steer away from saying "dood, you should totally do XYZ" as it may not be helpful and may not be the best thing for someone else and their situation. Share your experiences, tell your story, explain where you are, how you got there and especially what helped you and then let people take from it what they find useful. Thanks...

SharpshooterTom

I have a councillor appointment tomorrow at 2:30pm, my first since 15th of may since she was on holiday last week.

Tbh I would really like counselling much more frequently, its making me resort to coming on here and the internet too much and posting ramblings that people can't obviously help me with.

I have had six councilling appointments so far in 7 weeks, and only 1 mental therapist session but all he was doing was taking notes down, not offering any advice.

My psycologist meeting is on the 2nd of july so hopefully some sort of constructive help this time. At the moment I just feel 1 hour a week isn't really good enough for me and would like more hours in the week at the moment. I know some of its got to be my own work, but really I feel so lonely at the moment with it.

1ZRed

Gnobe wrote: »

I'll be honest with you.

The reason why I wanted to kill myself in the past, and haven't ruled it out in the future, say in 6 months/years time or whatever probably is because I'm not relevant to society anymore. I have no purpose to live, I'll never have friends, I'll never a girlfriend and I think in my mind if I was better off just dead as I have no relevance anymore.

I thought to myself if I was a tennis player (watching wimbledon at the moment) I would probably have my career, and then kill myself afterwards as I have nothing to live for. I can't make friends and I can't get girlfriends so I would serve no purpose to live after tennis. There's no point going through my life the way I am.

I had these thoughts about university, I thought well I try to get a first class honours and go out with a bang (and kill myself then) as I have nothing else to live for/offer afterwards as I suck socially and its too painful living with the pain. I was having these thoughts as young as 18 just before I started university, thinking I'll be dead in 4-5 years time anyway so lets try and get a "good degree" and die with some sort of pride.

Now I'm at a critical age now of where I've finished my degree and only got a 2.2 (I blame my depression/lack of motivation due to poor life prospects for that) and feel like a failure because of it, (I'm due to get a merit in my masters however).

But in my mind, I've served my purpose for life, I have nothing to live for, no life prospects, never going to be happy so I'll have to look into suicide at some point in the future. Say in 6-12 months. I've been thinking about a death timeline for 5-6 years now. So this is pretty much the crux of my thinking for my entire adult life so far.

Look, I'll tell you something I haven't told anyone before, but when I was about 16 and coming to grips with my sexuality, I really did consider suicide. I know it seemed desperate at the time but it's a very common thought for gay/bi guys at that age. I can't say I was terribly unhappy with my life, it's just this thing was holding me back, the thing that would make my life harder.
Sometimes I felt very overwhelmed because I was dealing with this secretly and trying to do my leaving cert at 16. I really did use the exams as a distraction but it kind of helped.
It's only afterwards that I told myself that it's easy to sit back, play the victim and feel sorry for myself. If I want my life to change I was going to have to take it by the balls and make what I wanted out of it.

You think you have no purpose right now? I've been on the biggest waste of a year out ever! no jobs going after sending countless CVs out. I was even too young to go on the dole ffs! (I didn't want to but it was just typical:rolleyes:)
But everything happens for a reason and if there's one thing I can take away from this is that I understand myself a lot more and I value myself more. Best thing you did was to seek help and look after yourself.

You have endless possiblities at your finger tips man! You say you don't have any commitments here so do something crazy and fun and take off travelling for yourself. I know it's daunting but you need to live for you and not for your emotions because if you lean on them too heavily, you'll realise you're your own worst enemy. It's the same for everyone.

You think I couldn't have done better with my exams and stuff? I really could have but that's in the past and I don't like to look there any more-it's pointless.
I know I'm a strong guy and I have loads of potential so I'm going to steer my life to where I want and get what I want out of it. And I'm happier already because of it:)

Honestly dude why be your own emotions' bitch? You're way too good for that!:)
And I'd believe what your counsellor told you, you're a good looking well above average guy so don't forget that!

This sounds really stupid but when I was feeling that low a few years ago I looked down and said "If there's one thing I have left it's my size so **** it,I'm going to make someone else happy with this besides me. I'm not going to waste it!":D

So you're not someone worthless to society, if anything you have a lot to give from the impression I've gotten from you here. I'd really hate for you to cut it short and not have the life you want and will get eventually:)

bee_keeper

Gnobe wrote: »

I have a councillor appointment tomorrow at 2:30pm, my first since 15th of may since she was on holiday last week.

Tbh I would really like counselling much more frequently, its making me resort to coming on here and the internet too much and posting ramblings that people can't obviously help me with.

I have had six councilling appointments so far in 7 weeks, and only 1 mental therapist session but all he was doing was taking notes down, not offering any advice.

My psycologist meeting is on the 2nd of july so hopefully some sort of constructive help this time. At the moment I just feel 1 hour a week isn't really good enough for me and would like more hours in the week at the moment. I know some of its got to be my own work, but really I feel so lonely at the moment with it.

eventually you will have to stand on your own two feet , thats why i recomended taking a great leap forward approach , you take on your fears and insecuritys which are holding you back with gutso , endless therapy is the comfort blanket safe approach , raking over history with a therapist might seem attractive for a while but what are you achieving at the end of the day , i can tell your a bright enough fellow and your ambitions are standard wants and needs , i dont honestly think their is much wrong with you bar bog standard blues , i reckon if you done some travelling ( your the perfect age ) , you would experience an age of discovery and rebirth

what have you to loose

Turtwig

Bee keeper,

I know you mean well but, really, we're not in a position to make such judgements or give such advice. All we've read is Gnobe's words on an internet message board, we don't know him. He may very well be holding something back and with good reason. All we can do is support and listen to him.

SharpshooterTom

Jernal wrote: »

Bee keeper,

I know you mean well but, really, we're not in a position to make such judgements or give such advice. All we've read is Gnobe's words on an internet message board, we don't know him. He may very well be holding something back and with good reason. All we can do is support and listen to him.

Honestly I'm not, I letting it all out. I've been holding it all back for 10 years and finally have snapped for the past two months. I never mentioned any of this stuff when I first joined. Coming on the internet obviouly is much much easier to talk about it.

Does anyone think I need to have more therapy? Like up it potentially to more hours a week? I don't want to be coming here all the time annoying you guys. :P But for me 1 hour a week isn't sufficient at the moment, its a nice 'chat' but I need more than that.

Bee Keeper, I know what you saying, maybe I gain a little bit of confidence from therapists before I will do things on my own, I don't want to be in therapy forever anyway. I've considered going to Australia for a year, and may try it, but at the moment, my therapy is important temporarily as I've never spoken to anyone about these problems ever and just getting it out at least is a good thing.

bee_keeper

Jernal wrote: »

Bee keeper,

I know you mean well but, really, we're not in a position to make such judgements or give such advice. All we've read is Gnobe's words on an internet message board, we don't know him. He may very well be holding something back and with good reason. All we can do is support and listen to him.

i havent judged anyone , my advice is very general , not too disimilar to the bulk of recomendations on this thread

Turtwig

Gnobe wrote: »

I don't want to be coming here all the time annoying you guys.

You're in no way annoying us.