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LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!
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bee_keeper wrote: »therapists dont give you confidence , not the real lasting kind and talking about stuff forever is not a good idea , besides you could always continue therapy in australia , their all the same , they sit and listen while uttering standard occupational replies
your problems are lack of success with girls , you need to get out to where girls are in plentifull supply and where they dont know you or your past , thats overseas , trust me , when your out of your home enviroment , the real you will come bursting out , your young enough for this to still happen
that's a very general assumption. Different people respond to therapy differently.
I dunno if it's just me but I'm not comfortable with the advice you're giving out even though I know that you mean well.
I don't think Gnobe's problems are with girls as such. I think it has started with how he has viewed himself. Everything thereafter is a by product of it.
Jeez Gnobe, if I could give you a huge hug right now I'd squeeze ya tight!
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Join Date:Posts: 29920
This isnt counselling. We cannot possibly talk to someone elses situation. Just give your experience and leave it at that.
eg: Gnobe, I go once a week and it has taken a few months (4-5) to even begin to understand how much work I have to do but its given me great hope because I genuinely feel more on an even keel now. I needed to be willing to commit to the thought of change because otherwise I would just be throwing money at someone and then coming out thinking "what do they know".
I was utterly socially inept as a lad and a young man, still kinda am but the friends I have hard-won are still with me. You will find your stride I believe. And no, you arent annoying us
we've all been there. 0 -
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Just to let you know guys that I've changed my username (formally Gnobe), I changed it to my actual name which might sound a little strange giving that I'm posting all my problems but I'm comfortable enough with it. I figured theres quite a lot of people in Ireland with my name anyway. That Gnobe name was a bit silly it was just done as fun account originally and sounds a bit weird anyway.
My counsellors due to ring any second so going to have a half an hour session with her over the phone.0 -
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I just had my counselling session on the phone.
I told her how I felt yesturday in post #2058. I ended up agreeing with her that my view of the world is distorted and that I deep down know that not everyone is happy despite somehow seeing that way.
However what I am getting down about is the social aspect of my life. She was then going on about how it can become a self-fufilling prophecy reinforcing my negative views. Which is true, the only problem is I told her I had evidence to back this claim up, for example:
- I have never had a girlfriend
- I have never had a real friends since being an adult
So when people say, stop viewing yourself so negatively, its not as easy as that because I can then point to evidence aha see I have a reason to believe I'm odd, I'm lonely and feel the world completely hates me and I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life. And those two bullet points stick into my head and I find it hard to escape it everytime. Its not easy being a complete loner it really isn't.
She also said that she believes I need a long term mentor, in that her biggest worry is that I will be taken to a CPN for only once a month which is not good enough. Having counselling sessions will not change things by themeselves, I have to develop confident social skills over time, however I cannot force people to be my friend.
I also mentioned to her about my suicidal thoughts (which I have to be careful about mentioning here) in that I felt I was a bad set of genes, then started going about darwinism and natural selection etc and she was taken back by and said "a bad set of genes oh my god" almost upset herself. I didn't mean to be but sadly, in my head, I have a lifetime of evidence which points to how weird I am, sadly, and how much of a social failure I am.
One last thing, I apologise yet again by going and on and on about this on this thread but people need to realise that I have only 1 hour out of 168 hours a week with a counsellor, the other 167 are the lonely depressing hours which I have to live with.
- I can't keep going to my parents, as I will upset them/make them cry and they can't help me.
- I can't keep speaking to counsellors all the time exhausting them. All they do is calm me down and don't offer advice.
So thats the reason why I come on the internet a lot, one I'm lonely, two I need to speak to people and need to get things off my chest. I'm very sorry about mentioning this too often but I find this thread a great help, and really do love venting my very dark and deep feelings from time to time. I just so lonely. 0 -
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ThomasFlynn wrote: »I just had my counselling session on the phone.
I told her how I felt yesturday in post #2058. I ended up agreeing with her that my view of the world is distorted and that I deep down know that not everyone is happy despite somehow seeing that way.
However what I am getting down about is the social aspect of my life. She was then going on about how it can become a self-fufilling prophecy reinforcing my negative views. Which is true, the only problem is I told her I had evidence to back this claim up, for example:
- I have never had a girlfriend
- I have never had a real friends since being an adult
So when people say, stop viewing yourself so negatively, its not as easy as that because I can then point to evidence aha see I have a reason to believe I'm odd, I'm lonely and feel the world completely hates me and I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life. And those two bullet points stick into my head and I find it hard to escape it everytime. Its not easy being a complete loner it really isn't.
She also said that she believes I need a long term mentor, in that her biggest worry is that I will be taken to a CPN for only once a month which is not good enough. Having counselling sessions will not change things by themeselves, I have to develop confident social skills over time, however I cannot force people to be my friend.
I also mentioned to her about my suicidal thoughts (which I have to be careful about mentioning here) in that I felt I was a bad set of genes, then started going about darwinism and natural selection etc and she was taken back by and said "a bad set of genes oh my god" almost upset herself. I didn't mean to be but sadly, in my head, I have a lifetime of evidence which points to how weird I am, sadly, and how much of a social failure I am.
One last thing, I apologise yet again by going and on and on about this on this thread but people need to realise that I have only 1 hour out of 168 hours a week with a counsellor, the other 167 are the lonely depressing hours which I have to live with.
- I can't keep going to my parents, as I will upset them/make them cry and they can't help me.
- I can't keep speaking to counsellors all the time exhausting them. All they do is calm me down and don't offer advice.
So thats the reason why I come on the internet a lot, one I'm lonely, two I need to speak to people and need to get things off my chest. I'm very sorry about mentioning this too often but I find this thread a great help, and really do love venting my very dark and deep feelings from time to time. I just so lonely.
My heart goes out to you it really does.
I think the key to your recovery will be learning to value yourself more than you do at the moment. Your post is littered with statements that show a lack of self worth. You say you feel like you're bothering your parents or exhausting your counsellors. What you need to learn over time (and it takes a lot of time, believe me!) is that in such matters as these the most important person is YOU, not anyone else. I doubt your Mam and Dad would be happy to know you're feeling so bad and were keeping it all to yourself just for their sakes. Likewise your counsellors only want to help you, you should never, ever feel bad about that. Its their job!
You are a valuable person with feelings that are valid and thoughts and emotions that deserve to be heard and expressed in whetever way you can. Don't ever apologise again for coming onto this wonderful thread which I have read for a long time now from afar.
Listen to the gems of wisdom that so many kind and experienced people have posted here. Even by posting here you are doing yourself the world of good, believe me. I used to picture my inner self like a massive knot (like my earphones everytime I take them out of my pocket!), impossible to unravel, imposible to even figure out how to begin fuguring out. But the more I talked and expressed my feelings (written or verbal) the easier it became. I started counselling 8 months ago. I'm by no means fully "fixed" (if such thing even is possible) but I am begining to understand myself a little better - why I felt so bad for so long, what I really want in life and what I need to do to exorcise the demons of my past.
You should make a conscious effort to try and check in on this threaed every day, even if its just to rant or rave about how shíte the weather is. It WILL help.0 -
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ThomasFlynn wrote: »I had evidence to back this claim up, for example:
- I have never had a girlfriend
- I have never had a real friends since being an adult
I have a wife, a lovely family and have really great friends. But I dont feel the same connection or feeling of empathy from them as I do with the people here. Its not to say my friends and family dont care or even that they dont try to understand. Here I feel I am among friends. Maybe not friends in the normal sense, but people who share a common, very personal trait with me.
Even if you find what you consider real friends (not being condescending, everybody has their own view on what a real friend is) or a real girlfriend it doesnt necessarily mean things will get better. I can honestly say that the only thing I have wanted since I was a young teenager was a family of my own and a partner who loves me. I really though once I had that my other problems would sort themselves out. My Problems didnt dissapear, I just found something else that worries or depresses me as much as being alone did and now I feel even worse sometimes (because I have the most important thing I ever wanted and Im still not right, WTF is wrong with me!!!!!).
I cant say it would be the same for you, but my point is that focusing on yourself and allowing yourself to be imperfect is important. I still beat myself up for trivial things, but try and stop, take a few deep breaths and remind myself that I am a good father, husband and friend to others and that what I am beating myself up over is being unfair on myself!). Having a goal to eventually make friends and have girlfriends is good incentive, but working on valuing yourself as a person is in my opinion an important part of getting what you desire.
As you said, easier said then done, but one of the things it involved for me was doing innocent things for myself. Allowing myself to goto the cinema (when I prob should be doing work - I work for myself!) when I hadnt planned to as a bonus for myself. Taking a break for a cup of coffee and drinking it down on the beach while listening to music/radio. Take my dogs out for a walk. Making my wife a cup of tea (shes shocked when I do it, but it makes me feel good about myself) . . Trying to give any advice I can here (not sure if it helps anybody, but I feel good for having good intentions). Etc, small things mean alot to me so I try to do small things that make me feel good. It gives me a boost and makes me want to get better and be happier. When I am feeling down, sometimes I cannot do anything to pick myself up, but I am learning that I will feel better sometime and this is better then thinking/feeling that you will always feel like sh*t.So when people say, stop viewing yourself so negatively, its not as easy as that
because I can then point to evidence aha see I have a reason to believe I'm odd,
I'm lonely and feel the world completely hates me and I'm going to be like this
for the rest of my life. And those two bullet points stick into my head and I
find it hard to escape it everytime. Its not easy being a complete loner it
really isn't.
Spot on . . Its like people saying after the death of somebody close to you "in time you will get over this". They dont mean to sound uncaring, but nobody can understand how you feel or how you will respond to something that might be intended to make you feel better. I constantly focus on the negatives, but I am trying to focus more on the now, because I cannot change what has happened up to now and I cant guarantee what will happen in the future.She also said that she believes I need a long term mentor, in that her biggest
worry is that I will be taken to a CPN for only once a month which is not good
enough. Having counselling sessions will not change things by themeselves, I
have to develop confident social skills over time, however I cannot force people
to be my friend.
No you cant force people to be your friend, but it is harder to make friends when you are so down on yourself (and insecure in how you feel about yourself). Its a differant scenario when you have friends becasue I dont want to be constantly putting all my problems on their shoulders (even though they always ask) and dont want to be the friend who always brings a cloud around with them! This is why I tried to find innocent things that I enjoy that didnt impact on my existing friendships. And I try to applaud myself in my head and say, "do you know what, this time 2 years ago you would be beating yourself up for doing that, well done" .. Im serious, I mentally pat myself on the back and it usually drowns out that voice thats trying to put me down or make me feel bad for doing something for myself!
I also mentioned to her about my suicidal thoughts (which I have to be
careful about mentioning here) in that I felt I was a bad set of genes, then
started going about darwinism and natural selection etc and she was taken back
by and said "a bad set of genes oh my god" almost upset herself. I didn't mean
to be but sadly, in my head, I have a lifetime of evidence which points to how
weird I am, sadly, and how much of a social failure I am.
I have thought about suicide and been in situations where I though "what if I just jumped or crashed", but in all case (I can remember) I felt that it wasnt for me . . I consider my suicidal thoughts (I dont even think that I would do it) are more a cry for help in my case.
I feel alien to this world . . I dont comprehend some ridiculous things that are passed off as part and parcel of life (lieing politicians, banks getting taxpayers money etc). I understand why these happen, I just cant understand why humans are so stupid to let blatant corruption continue (I always have a speech for Enda when Im in the shower, I imagine what I would say to him). But these things upset me, they really do, the lack of social justice in society gets me down. But when I talk seriously with friends/family they pass it off as just the way of the world, it really gets to me. This makes me feel weird, like Im taking crazy pills and just not seeing the logic acceptance people make for corrupt principles!One last thing, I apologise yet again by going and on and on about this on this
thread but people need to realise that I have only 1 hour out of 168 hours a
week with a counsellor, the other 167 are the lonely depressing hours which I
have to live with.
You do not need to apologise, I think I speak for everybody when I say this is exactly what this thread is for , my boardsie friend . .
- I can't keep going to my parents, as I will upset them/make them cry and
they can't help me.
- I can't keep speaking to counsellors all the time exhausting them. All they
do is calm me down and don't offer advice.
So thats the reason why I come on the internet a lot, one I'm lonely, two I
need to speak to people and need to get things off my chest. I'm very sorry
about mentioning this too often but I find this thread a great help, and really
do love venting my very dark and deep feelings from time to time. I just so
lonely.
I dont goto my parents all the time, but sometimes I share how I feel with them. They dont have answers or solutions much of the time, but its nice to get a hug from those who love me most!
I dont look to Councellors for solutions, I look to them to get things off my chest and release my thoughts. I was watching a programme on the Eden channel about volcanos and I think my mind can be compared to one. My mind fills up with thoughts (some conscious, some subconscious) that eventually erupt now and again. When they erupt, its controlled in a councelling enironment, but when it erupts on my own its a bit of a disaster and people get hurt (usually me!). Thats just my way of looking at it!
I can be surrounded by people who love me and still feel terribly lonely. If anything the fact that my loved ones dont really understand what I am going through makes me feel even more inadequate because whats wrong with me ? Everybody else can deal with the things that upset me , why do I go into a spiral ?0
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