LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

InReality

Wattle wrote: »

Lads does anybody have any tips about dealing with pressure? I'm doing a FAS course which is pretty intensive. We work hard during the day and have lots of upcoming assignments. A lot of evenings I either have work to do on assignments or I'll be thinking of work that's coming up. I'm finding that it's hard for me to switch off and I get worried that I'm just not good enough and aren't going to do well. I'm also a bit of a perfectionist which makes it hard for me to relax. Today I stayed in bed rather than go in and I feel a little bit pissed off with myself as I type this. I will go in tomorrow but I feel like a bit of a coward for not showing up today. Also long term it's not going to be good for me as it makes it harder for me to succeed. I wouldn't say I'm depressed about it just worried and a bit ashamed. Anybody have any idea how I can stop self destructing like this? I genuinely want to do well and move forward but sometimes the pressure just gets to me.

I'd often find it difficult to get into work in the morning. I try and take it day at a time. Also try and give myself a pat on the back whenever I manage to do something that is difficult for me. I try and ignore the voice inside that says ah that's easy , everyone can do that.

Would have a lot of the stuff you said as well like the perfectionist and the feeling pissed off with myself for not doing stuff.
Its an annoying condition to have !

Forest Demon

I am sick of pretending that I am ok. My family deserve better then me.

I just don't see any way forward.

Wattle

InReality wrote: »

I'd often find it difficult to get into work in the morning. I try and take it day at a time. Also try and give myself a pat on the back whenever I manage to do something that is difficult for me. I try and ignore the voice inside that says ah that's easy , everyone can do that.

Would have a lot of the stuff you said as well like the perfectionist and the feeling pissed off with myself for not doing stuff.
Its an annoying condition to have !

I think I'm probably thinking the wrong way about this stuff. My self esteem has never been great. If I do 9 things right and 1 thing wrong I focus on the 1 thing that's wrong. That's my pattern and I know I have to break that pattern. Staying in bed is making my life harder not easier and yes it is a very annoying condition.

JupiterKid

I've struggled with severe anxiety and moderate depression for about 6 years now. There have been times when all I can do is stay in bed at home as even the thought of going up to the local shop terrifies me.

It all stems from having to leave a good job due to workplace bullying and shortly thereafter my long-term relationship breaking down. I constantly dwell on the negative or "catastrophise" on worst case scenarios and my self esteem isn't good.

That said, when I can - I push myself to get up, get out and do things and definitely taking one day at a time helps. Small steps first before the bigger ones can be taken. Right this moment I spent all of today in bed but I am resolved to get up, go to the shops and make some dinner. At the end of the day help is available but ultimately you have to help yourself.

Turtwig

Bench Press wrote: »

every minute of every day is a living nightmare for me at the moment, I don't really connect with my gp on a personal level when trying to discuss mental help problems and always end up downplaying it and pretending something else is wrong with me. I haven't been at peace for at least 3 years now. It is no way to live for anyone.

See this section of your this post? Print it out and show it to your gp.

Esel

Bench Press wrote: »

Lads, where is the best place to get help for depression without everyone knowing? every minute of every day is a living nightmare for me at the moment, I don't really connect with my gp on a personal level when trying to discuss mental help problems and always end up downplaying it and pretending something else is wrong with me. I haven't been at peace for at least 3 years now. It is no way to live for anyone.

My advice would be to either open up to your GP, or else go to another GP and be sure you open up to them.

No one but you and your doctor (and possibly pharmacist) should know, unless you choose to tell them. If you live in or near a small town and are really worried about privacy, then consider travelling to the next town? Although we should all be trying to eliminate the stigma, not perpetuate it...

Don't be afraid of medication either. It can really help. Just don't expect it to work fast - the doc might tell you two weeks, but any of the current ones can take up to six weeks or more to really kick in.

Good luck, man. Things will get better for you once you get the ball rolling.

DeVore

I'm not a counsellor, hell I've struggled myself recently but I'll share what I've learned and take from it what works for you...

Wattle wrote: »

Lads does anybody have any tips about dealing with pressure? I'm doing a FAS course which is pretty intensive. We work hard during the day and have lots of upcoming assignments. A lot of evenings I either have work to do on assignments or I'll be thinking of work that's coming up. I'm finding that it's hard for me to switch off and I get worried that I'm just not good enough and aren't going to do well. I'm also a bit of a perfectionist which makes it hard for me to relax. Today I stayed in bed rather than go in and I feel a little bit pissed off with myself as I type this. I will go in tomorrow but I feel like a bit of a coward for not showing up today. Also long term it's not going to be good for me as it makes it harder for me to succeed. I wouldn't say I'm depressed about it just worried and a bit ashamed. Anybody have any idea how I can stop self destructing like this? I genuinely want to do well and move forward but sometimes the pressure just gets to me.

Hello! Meet your brother over here! *waves*. You could be describing me!
What works for me is to "open the box". Theres a big horrible growly scary monster in the box and you just want to hide in the corner away from it, right? You're under pressure with lots of assignments and work and all that. Take one hour and write it all down, make a list of EVERYTHING. Pour it all onto paper and lay it all out there. Open the big scary box and lets see how big the nasty fangs on this monster are

Address the problem in its entirety as best you can and timetable it all as best you can, dump all your fears, your concerns, your worries down too. Lay it all out. I'm betting when its let out of its box, this monster isnt as big and scary as you think. Fear makes everything scarier.

Now, I hate doing this hahah. But do it. Face the monster and if it DOES transpire that its too much for you to fight... thats ok, now you know that in advance, you can address that too. Really go through every last thing and schedule, timetable, address etc.

Then you have given it its due time and attention, your thoughts and plans are there, waiting for you and you can go back to it whenever. Then dump it from your thoughts and try to relax.

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Had a couple of weeks without even looking in the mirror. I stupidly did today (in the middle of exam week) and every time it's like the bottom falls out of me. Every time it's like my whole brain just switches off to anything good possibly happening and as the years go by I become genuinely unimpressed with what's in store for me in life. It is what you make it and all that but there's something about my configuration of neurons that doesn't even want to make anything of it given the ****ing state of me. Sickening.

I do this too. Its dumb and I know its dumb but I do it anyway. Try not to listen to the thoughts of negativity that you know are wrong. You are not your thoughts, you are your thinking around your thoughts, if that makes sense to you.

Bench Press wrote: »

Lads, where is the best place to get help for depression without everyone knowing? every minute of every day is a living nightmare for me at the moment, I don't really connect with my gp on a personal level when trying to discuss mental help problems and always end up downplaying it and pretending something else is wrong with me. I haven't been at peace for at least 3 years now. It is no way to live for anyone.

Theres a whole list of people who can help/listen at the bottom of the first post. The next bit (below) can apply to you too...

Forest Demon wrote: »

I am sick of pretending that I am ok. My family deserve better then me.

I just don't see any way forward.

Good. *Get* sick of pretending. Nothing is going to change while you pretend that you are ok. You have to get sick to the back teeth and say "FNCK THIS" and it sounds like you are there. You're saying you want to find a way, but you don't know how. Thats a big big step from either "I dont have a problem" or "Theres no point".

There IS a way forward, there always is. Plus you have family you care for and who I am guessing care for you.

Talk to them. Give them value by showing a vulnerable side of youself. Nothing gives people a sense of worth more than someone saying "I need help and I chose you". Don't look at this like "I'm a burden on my family"... look at it as a time when you can grow closer to them.

If you cant bring yourself to talk to them (and it doesnt have to be a big drama remember, you can do it in small meaningful ways) then book a counselling session. Many are cheaper than a trip to the GP.

But the good news is you want to get better. Good for you. Literally! It wasnt until I was really struggling to keep everything together that I just got really really freakin' sick of pretending and I just frackin' stopped. You know what, the world kept turning and everyone who loved me went on loving me and things got better and I find a lot more peace now. Stop holding on to what is slowly choking the life out of you. Thats all I can offer.

delthedriver

Wattle wrote: »

Lads does anybody have any tips about dealing with pressure? I'm doing a FAS course which is pretty intensive. We work hard during the day and have lots of upcoming assignments. A lot of evenings I either have work to do on assignments or I'll be thinking of work that's coming up. I'm finding that it's hard for me to switch off and I get worried that I'm just not good enough and aren't going to do well. I'm also a bit of a perfectionist which makes it hard for me to relax. Today I stayed in bed rather than go in and I feel a little bit pissed off with myself as I type this. I will go in tomorrow but I feel like a bit of a coward for not showing up today. Also long term it's not going to be good for me as it makes it harder for me to succeed. I wouldn't say I'm depressed about it just worried and a bit ashamed. Anybody have any idea how I can stop self destructing like this? I genuinely want to do well and move forward but sometimes the pressure just gets to me.

Firstly you need to stop beating yourself up. You are an intelligent person otherwise you would not have a place on your course.
There is nothing wrong with being a perfectionist, however by having such high expectations, perhaps you are blaming yourself or worrying about things outside your control.
You need to live one day at a time. Live in the Now! You appear to be thinking about your course 24hrs a day.
Can you introduce some hobby or exercise into your day. Get out for a walk for an hour. Sure it is cold outside, wrap yourself up. It will help take your mind off things. Also watch your diet,we are all guilty of eating too much over Christmas. Introduce fresh fruit , cut back on the stodgy food.
Tomorrow is a new day, get back to your course with your normal enthusiasm. Do not feel ashamed or worried about today. We are all human and can have an off day. Looking forward to your feedback tomorrow evening. Enjoy life!

Wattle

delthedriver wrote: »

Firstly you need to stop beating yourself up. You are an intelligent person otherwise you would not have a place on your course.
There is nothing wrong with being a perfectionist, however by having such high expectations, perhaps you are blaming yourself or worrying about things outside your control.
You need to live one day at a time. Live in the Now! You appear to be thinking about your course 24hrs a day.
Can you introduce some hobby or exercise into your day. Get out for a walk for an hour. Sure it is cold outside, wrap yourself up. It will help take your mind off things. Also watch your diet,we are all guilty of eating too much over Christmas. Introduce fresh fruit , cut back on the stodgy food.
Tomorrow is a new day, get back to your course with your normal enthusiasm. Do not feel ashamed or worried about today. We are all human and can have an off day. Looking forward to your feedback tomorrow evening. Enjoy life!

Thanks for the advice and yes I will check in here tomorrow and let you know how I get on but you know I already know how it's going to be because I've gone through it so many times. It will be scary for about the first hour then I will finish up the day thinking to myself 'what the hell was i so scared of'? I went to bed last night thinking fearful negative thoughts and they were with me when I woke up so I turned off the alarm and went back to sleep. Maybe I just get so wound up about everything that my mind and body get overwhelmed and have to take time out. I'm kinda sick of extremes really.....

Oh and in regard to exercise and diet I'm very good with those at the moment. Being fit is one of the ways that I manage to cope with things. I simply have to burn off my negative energy by exercising every day.

Anyway time to wind down and try to get some sleep. I know tomorrow will be better.

Wibbs

DeVore wrote: »

Address the problem in its entirety as best you can and timetable it all as best you can, dump all your fears, your concerns, your worries down too. Lay it all out. I'm betting when its let out of its box, this monster isnt as big and scary as you think. Fear makes everything scarier.

Now, I hate doing this hahah. But do it. Face the monster and if it DOES transpire that its too much for you to fight... thats ok, now you know that in advance, you can address that too. Really go through every last thing and schedule, timetable, address etc.

Then you have given it its due time and attention, your thoughts and plans are there, waiting for you and you can go back to it whenever. Then dump it from your thoughts and try to relax.

+1000 and good advice for anyone with the crap building up.

If you're under what seems like insurmountable crap, break down the "oh shít!!" into manageable chunks and it makes it sooooo much easier. OK, think of it like this; (apologies to the vegetarians ) imagine the juiciest steak you ever saw. Mouthwateringly good and you're damn near drooling at the thought of eating it. Then I tell you that you have to eat it all in one mouthful. 1) you'd batter me for suggesting it 2) you'd think me completely daft for good reason and 3) you just couldn't physically do it and you'd sicken yourself trying. You have to take a knife and fork and cut it up into small easy to chew slices. mouthful by mouthful. Just like life. And this imaginary steak is something you would otherwise enjoy, yet to eat it in one bite would be impossible. Feck Forrest Gump, life is more like a juicy steak, there's some lovely flavours, but there's also some gristle and fat and maybe a bit of bone and the only and best way to approach it is to realise you have to take your time and break it down into bite size pieces, dealing with and discarding the yucky bits along the way. That way you get to enjoy the whole experience.

But the good news is you want to get better. Good for you. Literally! It wasnt until I was really struggling to keep everything together that I just got really really freakin' sick of pretending and I just frackin' stopped. You know what, the world kept turning and everyone who loved me went on loving me and things got better and I find a lot more peace now. Stop holding on to what is slowly choking the life out of you. Thats all I can offer.

+1000 on this too. The world will keep on turning and those that care will continue to care and those that don't? Well, they're the gristle and bone in your steak. You hear that a problem shared is a problem halved and there's defo truth in that, but I would add that a problem realised is a problem that's well on it's way to extinction.

delthedriver wrote:

Firstly you need to stop beating yourself up. You are an intelligent person otherwise you would not have a place on your course.
There is nothing wrong with being a perfectionist, however by having such high expectations, perhaps you are blaming yourself or worrying about things outside your control.
You need to live one day at a time. Live in the Now! You appear to be thinking about your course 24hrs a day.

Again great perspective and again great perspective for anyone under similar stress.

TeddyTedson

I had a long post typed out here, but I deleted it. Basically this is one of the worst days I've ever gotten. I feel like the walking dead. Zombies display more emotion than me today.
I'd love to leave.

L.Jenkins

I love the advice being given out and find the ideas provided extremely helpful. My issue is taking on way too much work and when the pressure becomes overwhelming, I am incapable of communicating. I find that I was incredibly anxious and panicked way too much. That essentially drove me down from a high, to a state of deep depression.

With that in mind, I've seen my GP last week and have been put on medication to treat Bipolar Disorder and as it's helping, I've been able to see what has been causing problems for me in pretty much everything in my daily life. I know medication won't help everyone, but the advice given so far certainly will. I see it as a shovel to help people dig themselves back out of a rut again!

Mam of 4

Hi, I don't have depression or anxiety or panic attacks, but my 18yr old does.

I read every post on this, think it's really helping me to help my son, if that makes sense.
He's doing well,seeing a councellor,on medication,much better than last year, occasional meltdowns but nothing in comparison to what they were.

Not saying everything's brilliant for him,it's not but he's getting there.

Think I really wanted to say thanks for the support I've gotten from lurking here
and to everyone on this forum,keep going,find the pleasure in small things, try find at least one thing a day that made you smile,you'll get there. My son found that helped. Enough rambling, but thank you all..

DeVore

Communication, lack of judgement and feelings of security and capacity to talk are very important. I'm sure you already know this
He's 18, everything will change every year for him now and it sounds like you have him on the right track. And as for doing something that makes you smile, I definitely agree. Also, doing something new, or in a new way seems to help me to get out of that "rut" feeling which is a trigger for me.
Glad your son is doing better, sounds like he has a great mam behind him..

Mam of 4

DeVore,thank you, you're first line is what I live by!! Luckily he does talk about his feelings and emotions to me,always has,am lucky I know. 9 out of 10 nights would be spent talking about how he felt, 3,4,5 am in morning He's a great child, we'll both get there.
He's actively looking to get back into education as he had to leave early because of the depression, so all positive steps!
Sorry for hijacking thread but I needed to say thanks and to stay stong to everyone.

Drumpot

Itzy wrote: »

I love the advice being given out and find the ideas provided extremely helpful. My issue is taking on way too much work and when the pressure becomes overwhelming, I am incapable of communicating. I find that I was incredibly anxious and panicked way too much. That essentially drove me down from a high, to a state of deep depression.

With that in mind, I've seen my GP last week and have been put on medication to treat Bipolar Disorder and as it's helping, I've been able to see what has been causing problems for me in pretty much everything in my daily life. I know medication won't help everyone, but the advice given so far certainly will. I see it as a shovel to help people dig themselves back out of a rut again!

Good for you and look look on your path to better . . .

Ive posted many times on this thread and read inspiring and heart breaking posts that I both relate and empathise with on many levels. For me, 6 weeks ago I had a moment of clarity that has opened up my mind to so many possibilities that I could never of imagined -

• Enjoying moments with my wife/children
• Enjoying other simple pleasures
• Not limiting my life to what I know/think - By that I mean not having a view on something that is absolute to the point where I get uncomfortable or physicaly upset if anything/anybody tries to alter this view
• Tackling the perfectionist in my head (always setting myself up for a fall and never satisfied even when I do things right - i might get a nice sale but I still focus of how a meeting might not of gone the way I had pictured it would go in my "perfectionist" mind
• Not Accepting that this is as Good as it gets. Decades of just "getting by" emotionally and thinking that this is just life and Im just weak or useless made me feel like the problem was just me and that I was cursed with an inability to live my life with any satisfaction or happiness no matter what I do.
• I am trying to value myself more. This I still find hard, I consider myself to be like a teenager (emotionally) trying to figure out the way of the world because I am learning something alien to me.
• I am learning to live in the now instead of worrying about what is on front of me or behind me.
• I am trying to cutoff the moments I start to fall off the cliff. Simple, small things can disrupt my mood or enjoyment of things and instead of letting them pass I go straight into meltdown and in many cases it can ruin my day(s).

There are plenty of other things I could write but its nothing that all the wise boardies havent already posted here. Feeling alone and being alone are two completely differant things. The mind is the most powerful thing in each of our lives and it effects how we interact and view the world (positively or negatively).

When people think of the word "insane" they think of a seriel killer or somebody doped up on meds in a mental instition. People can have moments of insanity - driving above a safe speed limit, knowingly eating or drinking too much of a substance that could make them ill, take a chance on something where the potential benefits are outweighed ridiculously by the probable disasterous consequences. .

I think that I drive myself insane. I constantly put myself down for things I did in the past and things that I worry I might do ("Knowing me I will prob f**k up that meeting") . I go to bed expecting not to sleep and I am dissapointed when I dont . . Its like over eating everyday at every meal and getting upset when you put on weight . .

Some people say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting differant results. Well putting myself down, setting ridiculously high targets for myself, thinking that not feeling anything is just part of my life and expecting my life to continue numb is in my opinion insane.

I know I will re-read this post at some stage in the future (when I am feeling down) and wonder how I could be so patrionising or confident at speaking about myself. But I accept that my mood will change like the weather and that if I can learn to "piss in the wind" instead of against it I may be able to enjoy life more. Work with myself and my mind to come to an understanding where I spot the warning signs and do what i can to avert a disaster. Learning about myself has been one of the biggest eye openers in my life. . The problems are not always me, sometimes its my surroundings , circumstances or other people and do you know what thats ok. . I cant control all external factors, but I can try and learn to control how I react to each situation (however little or large) that will ultimately decide how much of an impact this has on my wellbeing (mental state). .

Its both great (and sad) to see so many people coming here to share their stories. I hope you are getting the same sense of connection I have with this thread whereby while I sometimes still feel alone, I feel like there are pockets of people in their own islands (in the mind) who equally feel like I do and are searching for a way back to the mainland . . You may feel alone, but you are not alone in how you feel . .

blahfckingblah

Great thread, saw it a while back an didnt read it. I searched for it today just reading it helps haha sometimes you need to remember you arent some kind of freak.

Wattle

Went back into the course today. Felt self conscious for about an hour. Always have that feeling that people have been talking about me or noting my abscence in some way but of course nobody says anything. So I just got on with my work the best I could. Still kinda feel like I'm getting left behind a bit but also took the initiative in some ways too and did some things of my own volition. By the end of the day I was delighted that I went in. I took note of what some people were saying last night about an outlet of some sort so I went to the gym and had a good workout, then in the evening went to the local pub to watch the Man United game. I think I managed to break the obsessive thinking about the course for a few hours at least. I have a particularly scary task next week that I am worried about but I have a plan in mind to prepare for it. It's still a little tough to switch off the worry thoughts. Exercise definitely helps. Maybe I need to do some meditation or something similar.

delthedriver

Wattle wrote: »

Went back into the course today. Felt self conscious for about an hour. Always have that feeling that people have been talking about me or noting my abscence in some way but of course nobody says anything. So I just got on with my work the best I could. Still kinda feel like I'm getting left behind a bit but also took the initiative in some ways too and did some things of my own volition. By the end of the day I was delighted that I went in. I took note of what some people were saying last night about an outlet of some sort so I went to the gym and had a good workout, then in the evening went to the local pub to watch the Man United game. I think I managed to break the obsessive thinking about the course for a few hours at least. I have a particularly scary task next week that I am worried about but I have a plan in mind to prepare for it. It's still a little tough to switch off the worry thoughts. Exercise definitely helps. Maybe I need to do some meditation or something similar.

Well done! I am very pleased for you. You may clap yourself on the back.
By the way no one missed you at the course, the world keeps turning. They have their own worries and anxieties to deal with.
Delighted you allowed yourself some time for exercise at the gym and relaxation watching watching the match.
Hey, you are getting back on track again. Yoga is good to help relieve anxiety and stress. Your post this evening reads much more upbeat.
Leave the negative thoughts behind, concentrate on the positives and live One Day at a Time.
Agree it can be hard to get rid of the worry thoughts, but you appear to have a plan to deal with next weeks asignment.Don't worry too much , you have not yet received the assignment. You will be ready for it when arrives.
I am genuinely delighted for you that you have been the instigator in improving your lot. Remember, if it is to be it is up to me!Tomorrow is a new day so plenty of rest and face with your renewed confidence whatever comes your way tomorrow. Keep up the great work
Very Best Wishes,
Del

molly09

Just cant sleep at all thsse last few nights. there is a ball of anxiety in my stomach, just thinking about the future, am in my 30's single, very few frineds, well I wont even start on the list of negatives in my life and other thans walking and talking which I know I should be grateful I cant think of any other thing
Dont even know why I am posting this, I guess its so lonely in the middle of the night,
Everyone says things never stays the same, but for me they have dn I have tried so hard to change things within my crontrol in my life but yet its the same crap for me.

delthedriver

molly09 wrote: »

Just cant sleep at all thsse last few nights. there is a ball of anxiety in my stomach, just thinking about the future, am in my 30's single, very few frineds, well I wont even start on the list of negatives in my life and other thans walking and talking which I know I should be grateful I cant think of any other thing
Dont even know why I am posting this, I guess its so lonely in the middle of the night,
Everyone says things never stays the same, but for me they have dn I have tried so hard to change things within my crontrol in my life but yet its the same crap for me.

Firstly, it is vital that you get your sleep back into a normal pattern, otherwise you will become physically ill. Secondly you need to get rid of that anxiety, try yoga or swimming.
The past is behind you,if it contains negative issues leave them there where they belong and forget about them. They are exactly the past
You cannot control the future.However you can live in the Now!
You certainly need to get out more, may I suggest joining a running club in your area. I know a lot of people who are joining running clubs to improve their fitness. As a result they have found they are making lots of new friends, it often happens boy meets girl!
There are lots of other sports if running is not your thing like hillwalking clubs. None of these cost a fortune either and promote healthy living and attract a nice bunch of people.
Outdoor activities bring you closer to nature and help promote positive thinking. Remember the best things in life are free.
You are way too young to be in a panic about the future. Life is for living , go out there and embrace living. Live in the Now! Live one day at a time. Life is for Living! Enjoy! Most of all be kind to yourself.
Remember if things don't change they will stay the same!
And if it is to be it is up to me!
Go girl! You make change happen!
Looking forward to hearing of your progress over coming months, that is if you have time to talk.
Sincerest best wishes in your New Life, which starts Now!
Best Regards,
Del

Drumpot

molly09 wrote: »

Just cant sleep at all thsse last few nights. there is a ball of anxiety in my stomach, just thinking about the future, am in my 30's single, very few frineds, well I wont even start on the list of negatives in my life and other thans walking and talking which I know I should be grateful I cant think of any other thing
Dont even know why I am posting this, I guess its so lonely in the middle of the night,
Everyone says things never stays the same, but for me they have dn I have tried so hard to change things within my crontrol in my life but yet its the same crap for me.

Please understand I am not a professional and I am only trying to give you an insight in how I try to deal with things in your post I can relate to. .

I cant say I know how YOU feel but I can relate to all you posted here. I am in my thirties, married, with two kids and have plenty of friends. . Yet, I feel like the loneliest person in the world at times. . I am not saying this to make you feel better/worse, what I am trying to say that having friends or a family wont neccessarily solve how you feel.

Sure it might help you tick things off your life list (things you would like it your life), but for me I find it extremeley difficult to deal with the fact that I have pretty much everything I have every wanted from a family and friends and yet I dont feel any better. I struggle with insomnia, depression and other things and I know friends/family who ask me what exactly I have to be "ill" about and it sometimes makes me feel even worse. .

I have a couple of people close to me, in their thirties and single. One hasnt too many friends and the other feels isolated from their friends because all their friends are married with kids and they cant help but have some sort of resentment for what their friends have (not in a nasty way, just a sad feeling sorry for themself way).

Both of them talk about my situation and wonder how I could have so much negativity and mental anguish when I have so much. Its not about what you have, its about how you live with yourself and how you perceive yourself in this world that can have the biggest influence on your enjoyment of life.

I am not saying dont worry about not having a family or many friends, I am saying that the one thing you can try to help improve is your mental health. This may involve opening up to the few friends/family that you have or looking for outside help through a GP or specialist.

I find that things stayed the same for me for years/decades because I got stuck believing that this was as good as it got. I got used to a certain way of living and believed that not even god himself could improve my life. I thought having a partner would "fix me". . Then I thought having a home would "fix me" . Then I thought having children would "fix me . . To a degree I then thought having money would "fix me" . . Still havent got the money, but what I have stopped doing is looking for something else to "fix me". There is no external factor that can sort out all my problems. Sure these things can make me feel better . . For a time . . But eventually I find I need something else to help me feel better again .

This is where the hard part has begun for me (Im only starting my journey). . I am looking at myself and trying to work with myself to find a life balance whereby I am not constantly looking for whats around me to make me feel better. . This may sound like I am finding it a piece of piss but to be honest there are days when I take two steps forward and the next day its two steps back. Indeed I will be visiting my GP in the next hour to discuss my "progression" which has been erratic, but Im going to discuss the possibility of changing one or two things. I have comitted to being a part of my rehabilitation. I dont just let Dr or therapist tell me "this is what to do", I actively engage , ask questions and get involved in my rehabilitation. This has a knockon effect whereby I feel a little bit more in control of my life because I amnt just waiting for somebody else or an external factor to "sort it out" for me. I am working with what I have externally and trying to build back up the pieces internally. .

By the way, I am learning more and more that doesnt matter what "everybody" says, the only thing that matters is what I think and how I decide to feel about it. I can only control how I feel (I try not to worry about "everybody" else) and sometimes when I cant make sense of why I feel a certain way (or I get stuck in an emotional rut) I tend to look at external things (money/job etc) to fix how I feel when in truth I need to focus on what I have and work with it, instead of trying to find something else to makeup for how I feel now. .

There are plenty of good posters here who offer great advice . . Post here whenever you feel most comfortable, doesnt matter if its day or night.

Doctor_Socks

Felt like absolute crap over the Christmas. I came to the realisation that when i'm bored and doing nothing my mind starts wandering and I start dwelling on the awful parts of my life (finances, lonely in terms of both relationships and friends moving away, luckily i'm only 24 so i'll be able to sort those things out over time) and that I only have 9 months left to finish my postgrad, filled me with anxiety and made me feel like I couldn't do anything right.

When I got back to college and got into my daily routine I perked up again. I could happily play my guitar or keyboard all night after college and then relax before bed by reading a book. Reading lord of the rings now so that will be a long haul!

My advice to anyone reading this thread now who feels like crap is to try and find new hobbies that you really enjoy, it can take some time and personal discovery to find out what you really like but it's worth it! My counsellor helped me realise that I was spending all of my time focusing on just the engineering postgrad side of my life which is all numbers, calculations and constant analysis of results. She told me that the otherside of my brain needed to be released and allowed do what it was capable of, i've always been a very creative person that thought outside the box but that wasn't something I ever focused on in engineering. Once I started expressing my depression and other feelings in music and art I realised that I didn't constantly feel anxious and useless and it also made it much easier to reach out to people when I felt like crap.

DeVore

Doctor_Socks wrote: »

Felt like absolute crap over the Christmas. I came to the realisation that when i'm bored and doing nothing my mind starts wandering and I start dwelling on the awful parts of my life (finances, lonely in terms of both relationships and friends moving away, luckily i'm only 24 so i'll be able to sort those things out over time) and that I only have 9 months left to finish my postgrad, filled me with anxiety and made me feel like I couldn't do anything right.

When I got back to college and got into my daily routine I perked up again. I could happily play my guitar or keyboard all night after college and then relax before bed by reading a book. Reading lord of the rings now so that will be a long haul!

My advice to anyone reading this thread now who feels like crap is to try and find new hobbies that you really enjoy, it can take some time and personal discovery to find out what you really like but it's worth it! My counsellor helped me realise that I was spending all of my time focusing on just the engineering postgrad side of my life which is all numbers, calculations and constant analysis of results. She told me that the otherside of my brain needed to be released and allowed do what it was capable of, i've always been a very creative person that thought outside the box but that wasn't something I ever focused on in engineering. Once I started expressing my depression and other feelings in music and art I realised that I didn't constantly feel anxious and useless and it also made it much easier to reach out to people when I felt like crap.

Thats really good advice...

TeddyTedson

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I had a long post typed out here, but I deleted it. Basically this is one of the worst days I've ever gotten. I feel like the walking dead. Zombies display more emotion than me today.
I'd love to leave.

Yesterday.
Today I feel amazing!
I was laughing to myself at all sorts of things on my drive home from work!!
Amazing really, I can't imagine feeling like what I was like yesterday, because I sort of forget. You don't remember the next day really just how bad you were feeling.

Anyway, last night I got about 4 hours sleep, whereas I'd usually get around 6.
I've noticed though on days where I get very little sleep, well around the 4 hours mark, I tend to feel great the next day...I wonder is it anything to do with it?

Wattle

TeddyTedson wrote: »

Yesterday.
Today I feel amazing!
I was laughing to myself at all sorts of things on my drive home from work!!
Amazing really, I can't imagine feeling like what I was like yesterday, because I sort of forget. You don't remember the next day really just how bad you were feeling.

Anyway, last night I got about 4 hours sleep, whereas I'd usually get around 6.
I've noticed though on days where I get very little sleep, well around the 4 hours mark, I tend to feel great the next day...I wonder is it anything to do with it?

It's nice that your feeling good there Teddy but watch out for extremes of mood. I don't know if this is a pattern for you but maybe you should mention it to your GP or a health professional. I'm no expert but it sounds a bit like Bi-Polar. Don't want to spoil your good mood but I've been through similar myself and if you are at opposite ends of the spectrum (very high or very low) it can lead eventually to exhaustion and a big crash.

Ando's Saggy Bottom

Drumpot wrote: »

Good for you and look look on your path to better . . .

Ive posted many times on this thread and read inspiring and heart breaking posts that I both relate and empathise with on many levels. For me, 6 weeks ago I had a moment of clarity that has opened up my mind to so many possibilities that I could never of imagined -

• Enjoying moments with my wife/children
• Enjoying other simple pleasures
• Not limiting my life to what I know/think - By that I mean not having a view on something that is absolute to the point where I get uncomfortable or physicaly upset if anything/anybody tries to alter this view
• Tackling the perfectionist in my head (always setting myself up for a fall and never satisfied even when I do things right - i might get a nice sale but I still focus of how a meeting might not of gone the way I had pictured it would go in my "perfectionist" mind
• Not Accepting that this is as Good as it gets. Decades of just "getting by" emotionally and thinking that this is just life and Im just weak or useless made me feel like the problem was just me and that I was cursed with an inability to live my life with any satisfaction or happiness no matter what I do.
• I am trying to value myself more. This I still find hard, I consider myself to be like a teenager (emotionally) trying to figure out the way of the world because I am learning something alien to me.
• I am learning to live in the now instead of worrying about what is on front of me or behind me.
• I am trying to cutoff the moments I start to fall off the cliff. Simple, small things can disrupt my mood or enjoyment of things and instead of letting them pass I go straight into meltdown and in many cases it can ruin my day(s).

There are plenty of other things I could write but its nothing that all the wise boardies havent already posted here. Feeling alone and being alone are two completely differant things. The mind is the most powerful thing in each of our lives and it effects how we interact and view the world (positively or negatively).

When people think of the word "insane" they think of a seriel killer or somebody doped up on meds in a mental instition. People can have moments of insanity - driving above a safe speed limit, knowingly eating or drinking too much of a substance that could make them ill, take a chance on something where the potential benefits are outweighed ridiculously by the probable disasterous consequences. .

I think that I drive myself insane. I constantly put myself down for things I did in the past and things that I worry I might do ("Knowing me I will prob f**k up that meeting") . I go to bed expecting not to sleep and I am dissapointed when I dont . . Its like over eating everyday at every meal and getting upset when you put on weight . .

Some people say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting differant results. Well putting myself down, setting ridiculously high targets for myself, thinking that not feeling anything is just part of my life and expecting my life to continue numb is in my opinion insane.

I know I will re-read this post at some stage in the future (when I am feeling down) and wonder how I could be so patrionising or confident at speaking about myself. But I accept that my mood will change like the weather and that if I can learn to "piss in the wind" instead of against it I may be able to enjoy life more. Work with myself and my mind to come to an understanding where I spot the warning signs and do what i can to avert a disaster. Learning about myself has been one of the biggest eye openers in my life. . The problems are not always me, sometimes its my surroundings , circumstances or other people and do you know what thats ok. . I cant control all external factors, but I can try and learn to control how I react to each situation (however little or large) that will ultimately decide how much of an impact this has on my wellbeing (mental state). .

Its both great (and sad) to see so many people coming here to share their stories. I hope you are getting the same sense of connection I have with this thread whereby while I sometimes still feel alone, I feel like there are pockets of people in their own islands (in the mind) who equally feel like I do and are searching for a way back to the mainland . . You may feel alone, but you are not alone in how you feel . .

Good to hear you doing well Drumpot. We chatted on here when I was under a different username a while back and you helped me an awful lot. Things have gotten bette for me than I could ever have dreamt the lst few weeks and this thread was a great source of help to me in the dark times.

Drumpot

Pete Campbell wrote: »

Good to hear you doing well Drumpot. We chatted on here when I was under a different username a while back and you helped me an awful lot. Things have gotten bette for me than I could ever have dreamt the lst few weeks and this thread was a great source of help to me in the dark times.

Thanks Pete, thats great to hear that things have gotten better for you. .

I could waffle on but hearing that something I said helped in anyway has really made my night , thanks a million for that . .

TeddyTedson

This may sound like a bit of a stupid question, but, does everyone suffer from depression at times.
I'm sure most people have had suicidal thoughts at some stage.
In particular though, the haze thing. Is that something most people would not experience at times, even if quite rare?
I'm fairly certain that as a kid everyday I woke up I was so happy.
Even when it was raining I used to never feel soulless and always felt like I had a lot of life inside me.
Is it perhaps now that I hate my job, circumstances ect that bring this haze on from time to time, unexpectedly which is odd? But then again, most days despite not liking my job I'm in a good mood!

I wouldn't imagine it's bipolar at all in my case, as I never really experience real lows so to speak. It's more just felling foggy and wanting to hide away from everything. I wouldn't get the urge to kill myself or anything. That just comes with alcohol withdrawal, ha.

My aim in a perfect world would to be able to feel like I did as a kid. Waking up and being excited about the whole day. Getting 110% out of my day and feeling exhausted by the end of it and falling to sleep within minutes of hitting my pillow. Nostalgic

Turtwig

TeddyTedson wrote: »

This may sound like a bit of a stupid question, but, does everyone suffer from depression at times.
I'm sure most people have had suicidal thoughts at some stage.
In particular though, the haze thing. Is that something most people would not experience at times, even if quite rare?
I'm fairly certain that as a kid everyday I woke up I was so happy.
Even when it was raining I used to never feel soulless and always felt like I had a lot of life inside me.
Is it perhaps now that I hate my job, circumstances ect that bring this haze on from time to time, unexpectedly which is odd? But then again, most days despite not liking my job I'm in a good mood!

I wouldn't imagine it's bipolar at all in my case, as I never really experience real lows so to speak. It's more just felling foggy and wanting to hide away from everything. I wouldn't get the urge to kill myself or anything. That just comes with alcohol withdrawal, ha.

My aim in a perfect world would to be able to feel like I did as a kid. Waking up and being excited about the whole day. Getting 110% out of my day and feeling exhausted by the end of it and falling to sleep within minutes of hitting my pillow. Nostalgic

Worse thing you can do is try to self diagnose yourself. Your reports here about mood and change in sleep patterns would indicate that you need to talk to a professional.

Most of us try to think of our younger selves as happier and enthusiastic. But if you think it about it, would your brain hang onto those days when you were the stubborn child reluctant to face the day? Mine certainly wouldn't.

The only way I can answer your question is that everybody got gets sad. Sadness and depression are two wholly different things. You might not be depressed, you may be anxious, or something completely different again, but the important thing is that if you think you have an issue deal with it. Don't let it tell you that it's probably nothing - that's depression 101 and why it can be such a crippling illness. If something is causing your life to start functioning in a more debilitating form whatever it may be then you have to try to be proactive about it. I know that's not easy and there is a certain amout of cost and embarrassment at stake. But try to look at it this way, you're not being one bit silly if you think there's something wrong that needs to be checked up and if you let the problem run without treatment then the charge for the GP is going to seem like pittance pay if it turns out to be a very real and serious problem.