LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

molly09 · 18-01-2013 4:05am

Thanks so much for all the supportive posts. I am really going to try and work on myself this year and I am going to so some exercise. i am waiting on my first counselling sessions and although dreading it in one way looking forward to it also. i guess I am finding it difficult having toi be truthful to someone, like lay all my horrible thoughts on the table cause I do really care what people think of me. I know as her job she cant judge me but I guess I will be thinking about that anyway.

Drumpot · 18-01-2013 12:06pm

molly09 wrote: »

Thanks so much for all the supportive posts. I am really going to try and work on myself this year and I am going to so some exercise. i am waiting on my first counselling sessions and although dreading it in one way looking forward to it also. i guess I am finding it difficult having toi be truthful to someone, like lay all my horrible thoughts on the table cause I do really care what people think of me. I know as her job she cant judge me but I guess I will be thinking about that anyway.

Well done for taking a huge step and comitting to goto see somebody for help. Its amazing how speaking with a professional stranger can be empowering and relieving.

I remember my first councelling session when I was 19 (about 15 years ago - giving my age away!) and I was dreading it. I didnt think I would know what to say or how to start talking. I cried for the entire hour but felt like it was years of sadness that I had bottled up that just flooded out. I barely got to say much!

Your experience may be completely differant and you may or may not feel sure as to what you got (if anything) out of it afterwards. For me going in and expecting little meant I had no expectation. I compare it to going to a movie you are looking forward to see and maybe not enjoying it as much then if you went to the movie with no expectation at all.

Incidentally, you may find (if you continue to go) that the person you have to be most truthful to is yourself. Its amazing how our perception of our lives (or ourselves) can limit how we live or feel.

Sorry to waffle on (bore the crap out of my friends!) but good luck in your journey and if your up to it, please let us know how its going . .

delthedriver · 18-01-2013 2:22pm

molly09 wrote: »

Thanks so much for all the supportive posts. I am really going to try and work on myself this year and I am going to so some exercise. i am waiting on my first counselling sessions and although dreading it in one way looking forward to it also. i guess I am finding it difficult having toi be truthful to someone, like lay all my horrible thoughts on the table cause I do really care what people think of me. I know as her job she cant judge me but I guess I will be thinking about that anyway.

Well done you are thinking and moving in the right Direction!
Please use the opportunity when meeting your counsellor to unveil your thoughts, warts and all. You will feel better for it. The Counsellor certainly won't be judging you, and furthermore there is very little an experienced Counsellor has not come across before. Go for it! Perhaps the first couple of sessions may feel strange, talking about yourself, your thoughts and feelings, but that is what Counselling is about. You are the most important person in the room. Don't hold back, unload all those negative issues. There is nothing to be afraid or embarrassed about. Delighted to hear you have taken charge of the situation.please feel free to update on your progress or indeed at anytime. We are here to support each other.

DeVore · 18-01-2013 5:25pm

I remember when I was a lad thinking that the sins I was confessing in church must have made the priest think I was the most horrible terrible child (or person!) ever ... now I realise he had heard those all a million times before and certainly wasnt judging me. Counselling the first time is kinda like that.

My first session? I had done a lot of soul searching with a good friend of mine who has been through the wars and now has a really solid handle on his mental health for the last decade. He made me face a lot of things and it wasnt easy but the first session with my counsellor I sat down an went "Right, here's how things are..." and I really seriously and determinedly ranted and raved at him and told him absolutely everything in one HUGE rush and at the end he was sitting looking at me like: :eek: and I stopped and said "Oh. Yeah, it probably takes a little longer to get people to get people to say this stuff" and we both burst out laughing.

Its not always easy but it has always made me feel better and I've made huge huge improvements these last 12 months. Give it a shot, what do you have to lose? They arent going to judge you, for them its a *job*... they'll be focusing on their work, on what you are saying to them and what that means to their counselling and their profile of you.

Knockout_91 · 18-01-2013 7:31pm

Knockout_91 wrote: »

I've tried so many different psychologists down through the years (about 8 in total), and I found none of them in any way helpful. I felt as though they were more interested in the money than actually helping me. Sure I'm only 21 and I paid one of them €150 a shot for a 60 minute session every fortnight for several months. No result.

I am so tired. Tried medication, useless aswell.

Ok just to follow up I would just like some advice on this.

Despite having gone to my GP before and been referred to a psychologist which brought no improvement, I went to my GP again as people suggested.

This time it was a different GP as the other one retired. This new GP has referred me to another psychologist now. Cognitive therapy. She said she didn't want to put me on medication as I had been there and done that, to find no improvement, but also because she doesn't believe in medication for depression.

Anyway, I called the new psychologist to book an appointment. €130 is what she quoted me.

Which brings me to my question. I have been down this road so many times now. I'd say down through the years my parents and I have spent close to €9,000 on visits to psychologists/homeopaths. It's not gotten to the stage where I am not wanting to spend more money on them as I feel like I am throwing it down the drain. I'm only 21 as you can gather by my username and tbh I don't have €130 to fork out every second week or so to another psychologist.

What advice can anyone give me? I do want to be happy. I can't do it on my own. And I would love someone to be able to talk to. I can't open up fully to my family or any of my friends.

I assume people are going to recommend someone a lot cheaper than €130 but according to my GP this person is one of the best.

As I've already said I have been to plenty of "the best" before and nothing has worked. I just see them as people who are more interested in the money than actually helping people. I genuinely can't understand why they would charge such vulnerable people such insane amounts of money.

delthedriver · 18-01-2013 8:33pm

Knockout_91 wrote: »

Ok just to follow up I would just like some advice on this.

Despite having gone to my GP before and been referred to a psychologist which brought no improvement, I went to my GP again as people suggested.

This time it was a different GP as the other one retired. This new GP has referred me to another psychologist now. Cognitive therapy. She said she didn't want to put me on medication as I had been there and done that, to find no improvement, but also because she doesn't believe in medication for depression.

Anyway, I called the new psychologist to book an appointment. €130 is what she quoted me.

Which brings me to my question. I have been down this road so many times now. I'd say down through the years my parents and I have spent close to €9,000 on visits to psychologists/homeopaths. It's not gotten to the stage where I am not wanting to spend more money on them as I feel like I am throwing it down the drain. I'm only 21 as you can gather by my username and tbh I don't have €130 to fork out every second week or so to another psychologist.

What advice can anyone give me? I do want to be happy. I can't do it on my own. And I would love someone to be able to talk to. I can't open up fully to my family or any of my friends.

I assume people are going to recommend someone a lot cheaper than €130 but according to my GP this person is one of the best.

As I've already said I have been to plenty of "the best" before and nothing has worked. I just see them as people who are more interested in the money than actually helping people. I genuinely can't understand why they would charge such vulnerable people such insane amounts of money.

Your question is a difficult one to answer. I believe the medical professionals have your best interest at heart. There is no quick fix.
The money spent so far has not been a complete waste, on the contrary it has been a worthwhile investment in eliminating different approaches to help your situation.
All is not lost, may I suggest speaking with a Counsellor who may be the key to helping you. A good Counsellor should create the environment for you to offload all your issues in a very safe environment.
Counselling sessions usually cost €50 approx per session. Have a chat with your GP about this alternative. Indeed the GP may well be able to recommend a good Counsellor to help you.
Please keep us posted .
Best wishes

Wattle · 18-01-2013 8:50pm

Knockout_91 wrote: »

Ok just to follow up I would just like some advice on this.

Despite having gone to my GP before and been referred to a psychologist which brought no improvement, I went to my GP again as people suggested.

This time it was a different GP as the other one retired. This new GP has referred me to another psychologist now. Cognitive therapy. She said she didn't want to put me on medication as I had been there and done that, to find no improvement, but also because she doesn't believe in medication for depression.

Anyway, I called the new psychologist to book an appointment. €130 is what she quoted me.

Which brings me to my question. I have been down this road so many times now. I'd say down through the years my parents and I have spent close to €9,000 on visits to psychologists/homeopaths. It's not gotten to the stage where I am not wanting to spend more money on them as I feel like I am throwing it down the drain. I'm only 21 as you can gather by my username and tbh I don't have €130 to fork out every second week or so to another psychologist.

What advice can anyone give me? I do want to be happy. I can't do it on my own. And I would love someone to be able to talk to. I can't open up fully to my family or any of my friends.

I assume people are going to recommend someone a lot cheaper than €130 but according to my GP this person is one of the best.

As I've already said I have been to plenty of "the best" before and nothing has worked. I just see them as people who are more interested in the money than actually helping people. I genuinely can't understand why they would charge such vulnerable people such insane amounts of money.

You could try a support group like Aware. In Aware you are talking to fellow sufferers and everybody is more or less on the same level. It can be hard to open up at first but once you experience the honesty of others sharing it can give you the courage to open up too. I found it a great isolation breaker because we all know that this can be a lonely condition. Another great thing about Aware? It's totally free

delthedriver · 18-01-2013 9:07pm

Wattle wrote: »

You could try a support group like Aware. In Aware you are talking to fellow sufferers and everybody is more or less on the same level. It can be hard to open up at first but once you experience the honesty of others sharing it can give you the courage to open up too. I found it a great isolation breaker because we all know that this can be a lonely condition. Another great thing about Aware? It's totally free

Yes this is also worth giving serious consideration. Aware are a fantastic organisation. Give it a go !

RainyDay · 19-01-2013 11:56pm

Knockout_91 wrote: »

Ok just to follow up I would just like some advice on this.

Despite having gone to my GP before and been referred to a psychologist which brought no improvement, I went to my GP again as people suggested.

This time it was a different GP as the other one retired. This new GP has referred me to another psychologist now. Cognitive therapy. She said she didn't want to put me on medication as I had been there and done that, to find no improvement, but also because she doesn't believe in medication for depression.

Anyway, I called the new psychologist to book an appointment. €130 is what she quoted me.

Which brings me to my question. I have been down this road so many times now. I'd say down through the years my parents and I have spent close to €9,000 on visits to psychologists/homeopaths. It's not gotten to the stage where I am not wanting to spend more money on them as I feel like I am throwing it down the drain. I'm only 21 as you can gather by my username and tbh I don't have €130 to fork out every second week or so to another psychologist.

What advice can anyone give me? I do want to be happy. I can't do it on my own. And I would love someone to be able to talk to. I can't open up fully to my family or any of my friends.

I assume people are going to recommend someone a lot cheaper than €130 but according to my GP this person is one of the best.

As I've already said I have been to plenty of "the best" before and nothing has worked. I just see them as people who are more interested in the money than actually helping people. I genuinely can't understand why they would charge such vulnerable people such insane amounts of money.

These guys specialise in affordable counselling, if you're in Dublin; http://mymind.org/

Strawberry Fields · 20-01-2013 2:01am

RainyDay wrote: »

These guys specialise in affordable counselling, if you're in Dublin; http://mymind.org/

Yeah if you show proof your on welfare it's 20 quid for an hour with a psychologist.

JupiterKid · 20-01-2013 2:18am

I've not been in a good way the past week. Spent most of the time in bed feeling low and very anxious. I have a chronic anxiety disorder so I do know why I'm feeling the way I do. I was very badly hurt by someone from my past before Christmas and this knocked me back badly. I've been dwelling on it ever since.

I've just no motivation at the moment. I'm seeing my psychiatrist next week so I'm looking forward to that. I just wish I didn't feel as flat as I do - and I'm also feeling guilty that I'm being selfish and lazy but I do know that I will come out if this fug. I just hope sooner rather than later.

PS: I would also vouch for Aware. I've got good help from their meetings in the past.

DeVore · 20-01-2013 2:47pm

JupiterKid... I can only sympathise. I dwell on things too. I've been using OLGA (Observe, Let go, Attend) which often works for me. There is no point in trying "snap out" of a low mood until you address the underlying issue. When someone hurts me or I get hurt by a situation, its important for me to recognise that and allow myself to be hurt, to acknowledge it and give it its due time and attention. But not more than that.

If I try to push it away it just drags me with it. It will keep popping up or it will make me just miserable from my subconscious. I cant dwell and linger on it either. I give it what time I feel it deserves and then I put it in a box marked "dealt with" in my head. If I try to do the second part first, part of me knows I am lying to myself and that I havent dealt with it and that brings it back out to play.

Once I have observed it (thoroughly), let it go (by putting it out of my mind and in the box marked "dealt with"), then I have to attend to something in the here and now. That brings me back to focus on the present and try to move on.

This has been a hard lesson for me this year but its one that was worth learning because I feel more "tooled up" to deal with such things.
I dunno if that will work for you but it has worked for me (not always but often!)

Drumpot · 21-01-2013 2:34pm

Knockout_91 wrote: »

Ok just to follow up I would just like some advice on this.

Despite having gone to my GP before and been referred to a psychologist which brought no improvement, I went to my GP again as people suggested.

This time it was a different GP as the other one retired. This new GP has referred me to another psychologist now. Cognitive therapy. She said she didn't want to put me on medication as I had been there and done that, to find no improvement, but also because she doesn't believe in medication for depression.

Anyway, I called the new psychologist to book an appointment. €130 is what she quoted me.

Which brings me to my question. I have been down this road so many times now. I'd say down through the years my parents and I have spent close to €9,000 on visits to psychologists/homeopaths. It's not gotten to the stage where I am not wanting to spend more money on them as I feel like I am throwing it down the drain. I'm only 21 as you can gather by my username and tbh I don't have €130 to fork out every second week or so to another psychologist.

What advice can anyone give me? I do want to be happy. I can't do it on my own. And I would love someone to be able to talk to. I can't open up fully to my family or any of my friends.

I assume people are going to recommend someone a lot cheaper than €130 but according to my GP this person is one of the best.

As I've already said I have been to plenty of "the best" before and nothing has worked. I just see them as people who are more interested in the money than actually helping people. I genuinely can't understand why they would charge such vulnerable people such insane amounts of money.

I recommend trying aware aswell. I only went to one meeting and heard about CBT (cognative behavioural therapy) that they were doing for free. It would be an opportunity for you to try two differant kinds of therapy (aware and CBT) for free.

Incidentally, I dont think any money spent on "fixing" how you feel is money down the drain. As delthedriver said, at least you know that particular therapy didnt work for you.

That said, I wouldnt be quick to write off an entire form of counselling because it may be that the therapist/councellor just didnt click with you (or wasnt good). .

Snowie · 21-01-2013 4:43pm

Knockout_91 wrote: »

Ok just to follow up I would just like some advice on this.

Despite having gone to my GP before and been referred to a psychologist which brought no improvement, I went to my GP again as people suggested.

This time it was a different GP as the other one retired. This new GP has referred me to another psychologist now. Cognitive therapy. She said she didn't want to put me on medication as I had been there and done that, to find no improvement, but also because she doesn't believe in medication for depression.

Anyway, I called the new psychologist to book an appointment. €130 is what she quoted me.

Which brings me to my question. I have been down this road so many times now. I'd say down through the years my parents and I have spent close to €9,000 on visits to psychologists/homeopaths. It's not gotten to the stage where I am not wanting to spend more money on them as I feel like I am throwing it down the drain. I'm only 21 as you can gather by my username and tbh I don't have €130 to fork out every second week or so to another psychologist.

What advice can anyone give me? I do want to be happy. I can't do it on my own. And I would love someone to be able to talk to. I can't open up fully to my family or any of my friends.

I assume people are going to recommend someone a lot cheaper than €130 but according to my GP this person is one of the best.

As I've already said I have been to plenty of "the best" before and nothing has worked. I just see them as people who are more interested in the money than actually helping people. I genuinely can't understand why they would charge such vulnerable people such insane amounts of money.

I would say, find your self a councilor and go with that route and you can talk about your problems and may be even find a solution counseling can be very rewarding like that and a decent professional should charge in the region of 50 to 60 euros per session.

Larianne · 25-01-2013 1:00am

Hi everyone,

I got an email about this talk and immediately thought of this thread. It may be of interest to people.

The third lecture in the School of Nursing and Midwifery ‘Tell Me About’ public lecture series takes place on Thursday 31st January and is entitled ‘Peer Support In Mental Health Recovery’ by Dr Mike Watts.

Mike Watts and his wife Fran have both recovered from mental illness, mainly through their involvement in the mutual help organisation known as GROW. As part of his own recovery Mike gained a BA in Psychology (1983), a Masters in Family Therapy (2002) and most recently his PhD (2012) under the supervision of Prof Agnes Higgins, Head of the TCD School of Nursing and Midwifery. Mike’s PhD is a narrative study involving 26 long term members of GROW in Ireland. The main emergent theme was that, given the right resources, recovery can be experienced as a re-enchantment with life, and not as a lifelong illness. Mike worked for GROW for 30 years as a fieldworker and then National Programme Co-ordinator. He was a service-user member of the first Mental Health Commission and has spoken and written widely about the processes involved in recovery and the unique value of peer support.

Event Details

Date: Thursday 31st January

Time: 5.15pm

Venue: School of Nursing and Midwifery, D’Olier Street

To book a place please email Jeni Ryan at ryanjen@tcd.ie.

The ‘Tell Me About’ public lecture series comprises of seven lectures and is presented as part of the School’s Civic Engagement Strategy.

For further information on this lecture series visit http://nursing-midwifery.tcd.ie/events-conferences/public_lecture_series.php

TheUsual · 25-01-2013 4:09am

Anybody not based around a major city or town, just ask your local Doctor/GP.

I went to a free voluntary service locally that my GP told me to try.
He said for health and piece of mind, everyone probably should go, including himself.

Very happy 6 months later (well it's a work in progress), but ask your GP/Doctor is the best advice.

Drumpot · 25-01-2013 8:28pm

Well, January has been a funny month for me. .

Feeling kind of normal and somtimes kind of not all there (lights on but nobody home kind of way) . .

Decided to change a few things which has most definitely effect my mood. For the first time in weeks I was anxious and not sleeping well (weds/thurs) and while I started getting into the "oh bollox, Im back where I started" mode, either my mood just shifted or trying to do things differantly helped me get through this mini rut. .

Stayed in bed most of Weds, but didnt beat myself up over it. Spent thursday just trying to get through the day, but was looking forward to 5aside that night so that helped.

One thing I did on thursday that I believe really helped, was that I planned what I would do before bed to try and give myself the best chance of sleeping. Take dogs for walk, read book, no tv in bed, if Im not sleeping get out of bed and try to do something (work) that would make me tired. . In the end I had no trouble sleeping (didnt even have to do any of the pre bed rituals I planned) and felt great today. But the key I am hoping was that I wasnt just letting myself think "well Im not going to sleep tonight so I will feel sh*tty tomorrow". . I was actively planning something to at least try and help me sleep.

I believe (and really hope) that this gave me a feeling of empowerment (I mightnt feel great now, but I can at least plan to do something to help myself sleep well later).

Looking forward to the weekend, hope everybody has a good one . .

wurzlitzer · 25-01-2013 10:52pm

Hi all
First time poster in this forum. I recognised two weeks ago that I was suffering from depression. I was feeling numb but sad unresponsive & total despair & feeling what's the point to everything. Total mixed bag

Four years ago my father got diagnosed with terminal cancer one year to live then a year later my seven year relationship ended, while my father was seriously ill. My father died eleven months later. Five months afte the fog lifted, I felt human again. Then I met someone again who made me feel happy whom I trusted. His mother passed away four months after we started seeing eachother, from a terminal cancer, the fog descended again.

He decided to make a round the world trip, & we kept contact & I visisted him twice on his travels. During this time I had highs & lows. Not going into any detail. But he returned in December everything seemed okay we started seeing eachother until he broke up with me saying he did not want a relationship & cut all contact. Then I plunged into a dark mood the fog feels denser now & I have fallen into despair. All I do is go to work come home & sit in my room. I cry first thing in the morning,on my way home & before I go to bed at night.

A week ago I broke down in front my mother & sister saying that I felt so alone that I could not see any future that all I felt was pain. That I was tired of putting a brave face on. My mother has mood swings & my sister was diagnosed with clinical depression ten years ago but managed to get help with medication & counselling so talking to her helped. My mum thinks I need bereavement counselling.

During the week I went out with close friends but found myself aggressive & irritable in their company, at the end of the night I broke down wishing everyone would leave me alone.

So today I contacted a counselling service They got back to me saying they would be in contact with me tomorrow.

I have only broke down before to my sister seven months after the first hard break up & four months before my father died. The rest of the time I coped, not well but well enough.

Exercise has helped me, after my fathers death to cope i started yoga & running, I well recommend it, but also now I acknowledge that I need help, but I am not sure if counselling will work but I am willing to give it a try.

I wad bullied for a long time when I was a teenager, & I was sexually assaulted in my mid twenties. I always believed that I was strong, but I am tired of being strong it feels like my soul is being chipped away. I just want to wake up in the morning minus the despair.

My job is okay not challenging, & I feel my skills are not used to their full potential. I have four third level degrees. It has been noticed in work that I am not my usual cheery self, but nothing has been said directly to me, just looks of concern.

Sometimes I feel like I am ungrateful, guilty that I feel this way & for the things I have said & done.
Sorry for rambling but I hope, which I try to do when I can that the fog will lift again, but I find it hard to motivate my self to lift my mood. I always compartmentalise & can be compulsive too. Not good I know.

I know there are highs & lows, but I feel I have reached an all time low.
Sorry if I have ranted

I have posted in personal issues which I have found so useful.

Thanks for this thread, I hope everyone that posts here all the best & to keep the chin up

delthedriver · 25-01-2013 11:45pm

wurzlitzer wrote: »

Hi all
First time poster in this forum. I recognised two weeks ago that I was suffering from depression. I was feeling numb but sad unresponsive & total despair & feeling what's the point to everything. Total mixed bag

Four years ago my father got diagnosed with terminal cancer one year to live then a year later my seven year relationship ended, while my father was seriously ill. My father died eleven months later. Five months afte the fog lifted, I felt human again. Then I met someone again who made me feel happy whom I trusted. His mother passed away four months after we started seeing eachother, from a terminal cancer, the fog descended again.

He decided to make a round the world trip, & we kept contact & I visisted him twice on his travels. During this time I had highs & lows. Not going into any detail. But he returned in December everything seemed okay we started seeing eachother until he broke up with me saying he did not want a relationship & cut all contact. Then I plunged into a dark mood the fog feels denser now & I have fallen into despair. All I do is go to work come home & sit in my room. I cry first thing in the morning,on my way home & before I go to bed at night.

A week ago I broke down in front my mother & sister saying that I felt so alone that I could not see any future that all I felt was pain. That I was tired of putting a brave face on. My mother has mood swings & my sister was diagnosed with clinical depression ten years ago but managed to get help with medication & counselling so talking to her helped. My mum thinks I need bereavement counselling.

During the week I went out with close friends but found myself aggressive & irritable in their company, at the end of the night I broke down wishing everyone would leave me alone.

So today I contacted a counselling service They got back to me saying they would be in contact with me tomorrow.

I have only broke down before to my sister seven months after the first hard break up & four months before my father died. The rest of the time I coped, not well but well enough.

Exercise has helped me, after my fathers death to cope i started yoga & running, I well recommend it, but also now I acknowledge that I need help, but I am not sure if counselling will work but I am willing to give it a try.

I wad bullied for a long time when I was a teenager, & I was sexually assaulted in my mid twenties. I always believed that I was strong, but I am tired of being strong it feels like my soul is being chipped away. I just want to wake up in the morning minus the despair.

My job is okay not challenging, & I feel my skills are not used to their full potential. I have four third level degrees. It has been noticed in work that I am not my usual cheery self, but nothing has been said directly to me, just looks of concern.

Sometimes I feel like I am ungrateful, guilty that I feel this way & for the things I have said & done.
Sorry for rambling but I hope, which I try to do when I can that the fog will lift again, but I find it hard to motivate my self to lift my mood. I always compartmentalise & can be compulsive too. Not good I know.

I know there are highs & lows, but I feel I have reached an all time low.
Sorry if I have ranted

I have posted in personal issues which I have found so useful.

Thanks for this thread, I hope everyone that posts here all the best & to keep the chin up

Thank you for your post Well done!
You have taken the first step towards recovery, counselling is the way forward. May I suggest also keeping your GP in the loop.
You are dealing with a lot of issues both past and more recent.
It is important that you be kind to yourself. Delighted to see you are taking exercise, consider your diet also and make sure you get plenty of rest.
You are a very intelligent individual and very bright academically., take one day at a time and Live in the Now!
Wishing you every happiness and good health!
Best Regards

DeVore · 26-01-2013 1:36am

delthedriver wrote: »

Thank you for your post Well done!
You have taken the first step towards recovery, counselling is the way forward. May I suggest also keeping your GP in the loop.
You are dealing with a lot of issues both past and more recent.
It is important that you be kind to yourself. Delighted to see you are taking exercise, consider your diet also and make sure you get plenty of rest.
You are a very intelligent individual and very bright academically., take one day at a time and Live in the Now!
Wishing you every happiness and good health!
Best Regards

Absolutely what DelTheDriver said, you've taken a HUGE HUGE first step and thats good. Very good. Things might seem like they are even crazier than usual in the next few weeks as stuff surfaces but you ARE strong, stronger than maybe even you know. I can identify with a great deal of what you posted, including being irritable and ratty with my friends... the fog, the feelings of despair, the sense of hopelessness... but you are doing exactly the right things (including exercise and talking!) and thats very good.
Wishing you the very best and write here or in private if you feel you need to.

L.Jenkins · 26-01-2013 1:54am

In the hospital tonight with my fiancee to attend the 24 hour psychiatric services. To get her some help. She had a little break down like myself a couple of days ago.

delthedriver · 26-01-2013 2:12am

Itzy wrote: »

In the hospital tonight with my fiancee to attend the 24 hour psychiatric services. To get her some help. She had a little break down like myself a couple of days ago.

Folks, well done!

You are in the right place and are taking the first steps to making your lives better. Be kind to each other and take one day at a time.
Wishing you good health and happiness.

L.Jenkins · 26-01-2013 2:24am

She was there for me in my time of need, so it's only right that I'm there for her.

Esel · 26-01-2013 3:57am

wurzlitzer wrote: »

Hi all
First time poster in this forum. I recognised two weeks ago that I was suffering from depression. I was feeling numb but sad unresponsive & total despair & feeling what's the point to everything. Total mixed bag

Four years ago my father got diagnosed with terminal cancer one year to live then a year later my seven year relationship ended, while my father was seriously ill. My father died eleven months later. Five months after the fog lifted, I felt human again. Then I met someone again who made me feel happy whom I trusted. His mother passed away four months after we started seeing eac hother, from a terminal cancer, the fog descended again.

He decided to make a round the world trip, & we kept contact & I visited him twice on his travels. During this time I had highs & lows. Not going into any detail. But he returned in December everything seemed okay we started seeing each other until he broke up with me saying he did not want a relationship & cut all contact. Then I plunged into a dark mood the fog feels denser now & I have fallen into despair. All I do is go to work come home & sit in my room. I cry first thing in the morning, on my way home & before I go to bed at night.

A week ago I broke down in front my mother & sister saying that I felt so alone that I could not see any future that all I felt was pain. That I was tired of putting a brave face on. My mother has mood swings & my sister was diagnosed with clinical depression ten years ago but managed to get help with medication & counselling so talking to her helped. My mum thinks I need bereavement counselling.

During the week I went out with close friends but found myself aggressive & irritable in their company, at the end of the night I broke down wishing everyone would leave me alone.

So today I contacted a counselling service They got back to me saying they would be in contact with me tomorrow.

I have only broke down before to my sister seven months after the first hard break up & four months before my father died. The rest of the time I coped, not well but well enough.

Exercise has helped me, after my fathers death to cope i started yoga & running, I well recommend it, but also now I acknowledge that I need help, but I am not sure if counselling will work but I am willing to give it a try.

I wad bullied for a long time when I was a teenager, & I was sexually assaulted in my mid twenties. I always believed that I was strong, but I am tired of being strong it feels like my soul is being chipped away. I just want to wake up in the morning minus the despair.

My job is okay not challenging, & I feel my skills are not used to their full potential. I have four third level degrees. It has been noticed in work that I am not my usual cheery self, but nothing has been said directly to me, just looks of concern.

Sometimes I feel like I am ungrateful, guilty that I feel this way & for the things I have said & done.
Sorry for rambling but I hope, which I try to do when I can that the fog will lift again, but I find it hard to motivate my self to lift my mood. I always compartmentalise & can be compulsive too. Not good I know.

I know there are highs & lows, but I feel I have reached an all time low.
Sorry if I have ranted

I have posted in personal issues which I have found so useful.

Thanks for this thread, I hope everyone that posts here all the best & to keep the chin up

Excuse me for bolding parts of your post, but they were the bits that jumped out at me. Not that there is not a lot more important stuff there...

You have come through many heart-breaking and terrible experiences, some in combination like a boxer's one-two. You are still here, and still functioning (it might not seem like it, but you are).

You are a strong person. You have had to be! Congratulations for that, seriously.

The part of your post which I bolded and italicised tells me that you will come out of the fog again.

It might sound trite, but fog (physical or mental) is always very confusing. Vision is seriously impaired, and it is easy to lose direction and perspective (almost certain, I would say). I hate reversing my car when the side windows are fogged up - I have to open the front and rear windows on the vulnerable side, even when making a manoeuvre which I have done hundreds of time before. It is not so easy at all to open windows or improve clarity when the fog is mental!

The same thing applies when, for example, hill-walking in fog. Even with a map and compass, perspective is still totally blown. You take a bearing on a boulder which you think is 50 paces away, then find you have you have reached it in 10 paces! You think WTF? But you take the lesson on board, keep navigating and counting paces, and eventually you reach your objective.
_____________

When (or before) you meet your counsellor, ask if they use CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). It is not the be-all and end-all, but it is good.

Also, do not be slow to talk to your GP. Anti-depressant medication does have its place, and can help to cut through the 'fog'. Obviously, I am not advising you to go this route, but do not exclude it without adequate consideration.

Regarding your job: my 2c is to look on the lack of challenge as a bonus in your current, temporary, situation. Ask for more challenges later.

___________________

Back to my hill-walking analogy... when you are lost in the hills, the biggest and easiest mistake to make is to 'make the terrain fit the map' (it sounds innocuous, but it can be the opposite). Fog is not a necessary component in this scenario.

You 'think' you are in a particular area, so you (or more accurately your mind) tries to convince itself that the slight hump to the west (terrain) is a particularly prominent point on the map. To 'confirm' this, you may further convince yourself that the small stream you can see is the river (i.e. not really a stream) that is shown on the map - even though if it was that river, there would be a bridge visible (which there is not...). You convince yourself that the bridge was washed away / demolished after the map was printed.

The problem if you actually have 'make the terrain fit the map' is that you will then proceed in what you think is the correct direction (from the map).

"Ah heyore, leave ih ouh" I imagine you say, and you are probably right at this point in my post.
________________________

TL/DR @OP: You are strong. You will come through this.

L.Jenkins · 26-01-2013 6:48pm

Just had my worst ever panic attack. It was so bad that I collapsed and almost blacked out. Never experienced something so bad and been so scared in all my life.

delthedriver · 26-01-2013 7:05pm

Itzy wrote: »

Just had my worst ever panic attack. It was so bad that I collapsed and almost blacked out. Never experienced something so bad and been so scared in all my life.

It can be quite a frightening experience. You have had a lot of stress over the last few days, initially your own health and last night your fiancée. Please ensure you are in a safe place and seek whatever medical attention you need. Stay calm, be kind to yourself. Take plenty of rest, these horrible moments will pass and you will recover. Please keep us updated on your progress.
Best wishes
Ps It would be worthwhile getting some advice on breathing and relaxation techniques, which will help you enormously in the event of panic attack

L.Jenkins · 26-01-2013 7:19pm

I'll keep all of you in the loop. Was first diagnoses with Bipolar back in 2005, but after a year of medication, I stopped thinking I was better. With my new job last year and some additional stress, I started to experience stress at it's worst in years. I was always tired, angry over nothing, couldn't do my job correctly and was falling asleep in the mornings at the wheel as I had to leave at 6.30 every morning for work in Dublin from Athlone. I just reached a point where I couldn't cope with the stress, anger, exhaustion and fluxuating moods on an almost daily basis.

So when I sought treatment and a referral from my GP, I was put on Prozit, 20mg a day. Because of how I behaved with Bipolar while untreated, I was fúcking up a simple job in work quite a bit over the last month and was too anxious to communicate with people as things got bad. I found that the anxiety I experienced was extremely bad and tonight, I had the worst panic attack in my life.

Because of my actions in work, I'm on a performance review plan and HR are looking into it, with a possible dismissal in the works. I brought my condition to their attention and was referred to the Occupational Health Nurse for a medical opinion. Now with the go ahead from my GP also, I'm off until the 11th of next month at the earliest to have medication adjust and get help that I need. So now I'm just waiting to see Psychiatry and their own opinions on what I need as well as medication.

The thing is, my Fiancée also suffers from Bipolar and I had to bring her to the hospital last night for help. So she was put on another medication, but I'm not sure what it is. We both intend on seeing a Psychologist to help us cope with each others low moods, as her lows have scared me alot recently.

delthedriver · 26-01-2013 9:29pm

Itzy wrote: »

I'll keep all of you in the loop. Was first diagnoses with Bipolar back in 2005, but after a year of medication, I stopped thinking I was better. With my new job last year and some additional stress, I started to experience stress at it's worst in years. I was always tired, angry over nothing, couldn't do my job correctly and was falling asleep in the mornings at the wheel as I had to leave at 6.30 every morning for work in Dublin from Athlone. I just reached a point where I couldn't cope with the stress, anger, exhaustion and fluxuating moods on an almost daily basis.

So when I sought treatment and a referral from my GP, I was put on Prozit, 20mg a day. Because of how I behaved with Bipolar while untreated, I was fúcking up a simple job in work quite a bit over the last month and was too anxious to communicate with people as things got bad. I found that the anxiety I experienced was extremely bad and tonight, I had the worst panic attack in my life.

Because of my actions in work, I'm on a performance review plan and HR are looking into it, with a possible dismissal in the works. I brought my condition to their attention and was referred to the Occupational Health Nurse for a medical opinion. Now with the go ahead from my GP also, I'm off until the 11th of next month at the earliest to have medication adjust and get help that I need. So now I'm just waiting to see Psychiatry and their own opinions on what I need as well as medication.

The thing is, my Fiancée also suffers from Bipolar and I had to bring her to the hospital last night for help. So she was put on another medication, but I'm not sure what it is. We both intend on seeing a Psychologist to help us cope with each others low moods, as her lows have scared me alot recently.

Well done! You are talking about the issues which is extremely important.
Your health and that of your fiancée are of paramount importance at this point.
Work issues are of much less importance, this will get sorted out. It is most important that you follow the advice of your GP , Psychologist and Psychiatrist. Remember these people are in your corner and are looking after you and your Fiancée in getting your lives back on track.
Yes , these issues will pass, get sorted, and life and work will resume again .
Right now, it is one day at a time. Be kind to yourself. Plenty of rest and follow the advice from your doctors. I am delighted you are taking the steps towards your recovery.
Best wishes and good health to you both.

steddyeddy · 26-01-2013 11:10pm

Itzy wrote: »

I'll keep all of you in the loop. Was first diagnoses with Bipolar back in 2005, but after a year of medication, I stopped thinking I was better. With my new job last year and some additional stress, I started to experience stress at it's worst in years. I was always tired, angry over nothing, couldn't do my job correctly and was falling asleep in the mornings at the wheel as I had to leave at 6.30 every morning for work in Dublin from Athlone. I just reached a point where I couldn't cope with the stress, anger, exhaustion and fluxuating moods on an almost daily basis.

So when I sought treatment and a referral from my GP, I was put on Prozit, 20mg a day. Because of how I behaved with Bipolar while untreated, I was fúcking up a simple job in work quite a bit over the last month and was too anxious to communicate with people as things got bad. I found that the anxiety I experienced was extremely bad and tonight, I had the worst panic attack in my life.

Because of my actions in work, I'm on a performance review plan and HR are looking into it, with a possible dismissal in the works. I brought my condition to their attention and was referred to the Occupational Health Nurse for a medical opinion. Now with the go ahead from my GP also, I'm off until the 11th of next month at the earliest to have medication adjust and get help that I need. So now I'm just waiting to see Psychiatry and their own opinions on what I need as well as medication.

The thing is, my Fiancée also suffers from Bipolar and I had to bring her to the hospital last night for help. So she was put on another medication, but I'm not sure what it is. We both intend on seeing a Psychologist to help us cope with each others low moods, as her lows have scared me alot recently.

Fair play for posting about it Itzy. I hope things look up for you and your partner in the future. Do you mind me asking how you feel about your diagnosis? I ask because I hated being diagnosed as having ptsd and depression

I didn't want it to define me.

L.Jenkins · 26-01-2013 11:28pm

steddyeddy wrote: »

Fair play for posting about it Itzy. I hope things look up for you and your partner in the future. Do you mind me asking how you feel about your diagnosis? I ask because I hated being diagnosed as having ptsd and depression I didn't want it to define me.

Thank you all for the support. Getting help means I have an idea what my problem is and how I can go about fixing it. The same would be the case for my fiancée.

LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

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