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LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!
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delthedriver wrote: »Crying your eyes out is a fantastic and most natural release valve.
I guess you feel a little bit better too!
An afternoon nap is like a tonic , 2 or 3 hours proper sleep helps rejuvinate me when I am feeing low. It helps lift the fog! Again this is natural to help the body and mind recover to face the ongoing issues.
We should treat ourselves with more care than we would treat an Aston Martin or a thoroughbred race horse. I am not suggesting wrapping ourselves in cotton wool, simply be much kinder to ourselves.
Dealing with all this stuff is a two fold approach 1. Being kinder to ourselves 2. Following through on the advice of our Medical advisors.
Remember Rome was not built in a day. So for all of us it is one day at a time,and make the most of every day as best we can. But in time this will all pass and we will put it behind us.
Life is for living, mind yourself!
Agreed . . .
Its hard to see the forrest from the trees when your stuck in a dark hole in the middle . . Its funny because I am learning to recognise when I start to feel down. Still not sure why or what the exact trigger is, but by accepting that sometimes Im just going to feel down I think it makes it oddly more palatable. .
One thing I am learning is that its hard to heal a sick mind with a sick mind. That is, if you are feeling unwell emotionally or psychologically, if you think about it rationally, its not very clever to presume that you are the only person capable of helping yourself feel better. Its not to say that you are incapable of picking yourself up, but I think if you keep going to the well and being self reliant it could very well eventually catch up on you.
The biggest problem is that you have been reliant on yourself fixing your own problem, if it comes to a stage where you cant find the answer its easy to then feel completely helpless and that there is nobody else who could help you.
I am learning to try and "take it easy" on myself and spend more emotional time to things that have always been important to me (things I neglected family/pets/certain hobbies) that I took for granted. Not just that, I think that the way society is today, I see many "sick" (my interpretation) people who live for work and live for small snippets of life (night out on the town) who really arent taking advantage of all the wonderful things that life can give. .
Dont get me wrong, Im not by any means perfect, but by knowing that I am not feeling well and being prepared to do whatever I can to find a reasonable solution (help from others, medication, sacrificing old habits), I have taken the first step to enlightenment which I hope will hopefully result in a more positive, fullfilling life . I have no doubt that if I continue making the progress I feel I have been making that I will eventually find the peace and serenity that I have craved for as long as I can remember. .
Incidentally, I had a nice little cry there. Not completely sure why, but it doesnt matter, I feel a little better . . Afterwards I thought of this thread and wanted to share my thoughts with you guys. . Its by no means easy and its not easy to articulate how I am feeling or how I think I might be able to recover, but for me thats ok . . That will come, the fact that I can share my ups/downs with you guys really helps me feel like a part of a community . .
The most important thing for me to do know is to spend some serious time working out if the goatee I am growing is going to make me feel as good as I think it looks on me ! Its not all doom and gloom so . .
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Are you actually home now? If not, when you do, it would be a good idea to go back to your doctor and fill them in on what happened and what your future hopes/plans are. It is possible that medication might be help a lot (seeing as it has before). If so, don't be afraid of staying on it this time, even if you feel at some point (as before) that you don't need it anymore.What I really want to KNOW from you, total strangers on the internet, is will I be able for it? Is it too soon? Is it too stressful? If I survive the course, will the job be too stressful? Will I fall apart again and hate myself even more and be even more in debt and even more of a disappointment to everyone who knows me? I hate not knowing. If I decide it's not for me, is that 'giving in' to depression, or is it 'recognising my limitations'? What are your experiences with depression and work?
And don't ignore those warning signs - if they re-appear!
See the bits I bolded? They are classic negative thoughts, and you can learn to deal with them effectively. Check out CBT. On a lighter note, you may well be more in debt, but that's nothing in the big scheme of things!
Seeing as I don't know you, it is impossible to give you realistic answers to your questions at the start of the section of your post that I quoted above.
Believe it or not, you come across as a strong person, who was brave enough to do some very challenging / stressful things. You should acknowledge that as being a very positive thing.
Thanks for being brave enough to post here, and I sincerely wish you the best in the future.Not your ornery onager
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This is embarrassing, but some of these responses have actually made me cry. (quite a feat since my anti-depressants dried up all my tears. Seriously, I tried one day to *make* myself cry, couldn't do it. It's weird). Thank you all so much.
To answer some questions, yep, I'm home now. Hasn't been the magical cure I expected it to be, but I'm definitely feeling less...desperate and hopeless than I was. I have been to my (amazing) GP, I'm back on my old anti-depressants (and xanax, sleeping tabs, omega-3, B vitamins, I'm on a waiting list for the psychiatrist and I, literally just now, emailed the counsellor my GP recommended. I feel there is hope. I have been worse before and survived!
In case I wasn't clear, THANK YOU so much for posting, (and the thousand posters before me), I am not expressing myself well but it really means a lot that strangers would be bothered. This place is incredible.0 -
Hey Cliona, I'm going to break your post down into nuggets.I suffer from depression. First 'major depressive episode' at 19, two more since then, neither as bad as the first, and then I had two happy, stable, normal years. I thought I was cured and would never be depressed again. My doctor agreed and we worked out a schedule to wean off the medication. Six months later, I was free and clear. Felt totally fine. Totally normal. (Didn't miss the yawning, peeing, sweating side-effects in the slightest!)
Maybe you were cured? If you got pneumonia when you were four and didn't get it again till you were six or sixty, would you say your pneumonia wasn't cured? I know that was a physical health analogy, but mental health isn't really any different. Depression can have many causes and what factors caused the first episode might not necessarily cause subsequent episodes.I had a major life change coming up. Moving to a new country and starting a college course. Uh, I was trying to make this anonymous a bit, but I'll just say it... I wanted to be a midwife. More than anything else in the world. As in, if I won the lotto I'd still go and do the course and become a midwife. I was really, really, really into it.
Going to college is very tough. Moving to a new country is very tough, trying to manage these together is very very very very tough. Curious thing about the Lotto, one year after winning it the people who win it are just a likely to be as a happy or sad as they were before winning it. It helps make a distinction between what gives a person pleasure and what makes a person happy. Having the level of conviction for your goal of being a midwife is truly admirable. But here's why I mention the Lotto. Why do people want to win the Lotto? And why do you want to be a midwife? No need to answer the latter question, but think about it yourself, will being a midwife give you pleasure or will it make you happy and why?Looking back, I underestimated the stress that comes with moving countries. And starting college again. (and so old!) And trying to make friends. And living with fifteen strangers. And having no money. It's also likely that I ignored all the warning signs and tried to put them down to being homesick. I should have figured it out and got help sooner. But I didn't.
Hindsight is a truly wonderful thing. Rationalisation and denial of depression is something that's makes this illness the evil bastard it is. So,please, do yourself a favour don't be harsh on yourself. Several people each day perceive themselves as making the same errors of judgement you do. The thing is you're here, you've already discussed it with
And I know that's a very hard thing to do, but you've come through one episode so you know you have the resolve within you to come through a second one.
Remember the "lotto"? Would going home really have been the magical cure? And in relevance to your career decision, will midwifery be any different?I was fantasising about getting hepatitis or HIV, or losing a hand, or getting pregnant so that I could go home. All my thoughts and energy were focused on going home. It was all I wanted and all I could think about. I thought I'd be magically cured if I could just go home, curl up in bed and not see anyone or talk to anyone for a while. I just wanted to be left alone.
Hopefully, by now, you'll have noticed I tried to respond to your "point" in the above nuggets as well. Maybe it's just me but this "Oh God" makes it seem like your sorry for writing such a long post? Don't be so harsh on yourself.Oh, god, this has gone on and on and on and I haven't even got to the point yet. I'll try. I talked to an academic advisor, she gave me a week off and said, go home, get your head together, don't make any rash decisions. Decided to defer. They're keeping a spot for me next September. The world may have grown a fondness for "ADD" like media soundbytes and headlines, but a wall of text never did anyone any harm. There's nothing intimidating about it, so please don't apologise for just writing about how you feel. That's probably the depression in you telling you that you're being a burden by writing such a long post.
I can only speak personally for myself but I find writing to be extremely liberating. It's a way to get rid of emotions that'd otherwise build up inside me like a hot pressure cooker waiting to burst.What I really want to KNOW from you, total strangers on the internet, is will I be able for it? Is it too soon? Is it too stressful? If I survive the course, will the job be too stressful? Will I fall apart again and hate myself even more and be even more in debt and even more of a disappointment to everyone who knows me? I hate not knowing. If I decide it's not for me, is that 'giving in' to depression, or is it 'recognising my limitations'? What are your experiences with depression and work?
Unfortunately, I can't really answer any of those questions. College is stressful. You won't really know about the job until you try it (although I presume in a course like that you'd have some work experience prior to its completion.)
I can answer one question though. Will you be a disappointment to everyone who knows you? Only if you let yourself be. I'd wager that you're not a disappointment to anyone, that's just the dastardly depression talking.
Whatever a person's illness, too many people in my view, make the mistake that making a concession because of an illness is a bad thing. It's not; it's just managing the condition. Above all else, you want as high a quality of life as you can possibly get. Only you know your limits, we could guess what those are? But only you know. In the end, you have to be able to content yourself with that whatever decision you make you'll be satisfied regardless of the outcome. Have a read of this poem and a look at the artists interpretations of it.
I'm at the stage in my life where I have to make a really similar decision to yours. Everyone around me consistently tells me I'm cut out for academia but I'm starting to seriously doubt if my health allows me to be comfortable in such an environment. I haven't made up my mind yet, like you I have several months to think it through and I plan on doing just that.
Hope this helps and hang in there, even though they may seem like mere words just now, there will be better days ahead of you.:)0 -
This is embarrassing, but some of these responses have actually made me cry. (quite a feat since my anti-depressants dried up all my tears. Seriously, I tried one day to *make* myself cry, couldn't do it. It's weird). Thank you all so much.
To answer some questions, yep, I'm home now. Hasn't been the magical cure I expected it to be, but I'm definitely feeling less...desperate and hopeless than I was. I have been to my (amazing) GP, I'm back on my old anti-depressants (and xanax, sleeping tabs, omega-3, B vitamins, I'm on a waiting list for the psychiatrist and I, literally just now, emailed the counsellor my GP recommended. I feel there is hope. I have been worse before and survived!
In case I wasn't clear, THANK YOU so much for posting, (and the thousand posters before me), I am not expressing myself well but it really means a lot that strangers would be bothered. This place is incredible.
Dear Cliona,
Absolutely no need to feel embarrased. We are here for you, we are all going or have gone along this road.
I am delighted to hear you are home, which has taken one pressure away.
Furthermore I am thrilled that you are attending your GP and following through on the medications and are making an appointment with a Counsellor.
The appointment with the Psychiatrist is equally important, so please follow up on seeking an early appointment.
You have survived worse and I am very confident that you have the intelligence and inner strength to come through this temporary setback.
Please be kind to yourself, banish negative thoughts about disappointng others. You are the most important person in the world right now. Please take great care of yourself. Spoil yourself.
We are all here for you.
Sincerely
Del0 -
This is embarrassing, but some of these responses have actually made me cry. (quite a feat since my anti-depressants dried up all my tears. Seriously, I tried one day to *make* myself cry, couldn't do it. It's weird). Thank you all so much.
To answer some questions, yep, I'm home now. Hasn't been the magical cure I expected it to be, but I'm definitely feeling less...desperate and hopeless than I was. I have been to my (amazing) GP, I'm back on my old anti-depressants (and xanax, sleeping tabs, omega-3, B vitamins, I'm on a waiting list for the psychiatrist and I, literally just now, emailed the counsellor my GP recommended. I feel there is hope. I have been worse before and survived!
In case I wasn't clear, THANK YOU so much for posting, (and the thousand posters before me), I am not expressing myself well but it really means a lot that strangers would be bothered. This place is incredible.
Ive posted this before so sorry for repeating myself . .
When I was younger I suffered from terrible anxiety, depression and felt a terrible numbness consistantly that made my life hollow and made it difficult to get excited about anything. . I went to councelling. . This is the summary of how the last 15 years have gone:- Partner - I thought this would get rid of my lonliness and help me feel better. This helped but soon I went back to my original depressing state.
- Home - I thought having a home with my partner would give me more stability and help me feel more confident and ultimately help me get rid of my depression. It was great for awhile, but the dark clouds returned
- Children - Ah, this is what was missing, once I fill my home with children with the woman I love, I couldnt but fail to live the fullfilling life that I have always imagined. . But in time it got even harder, especially as I wasnt able to get alot of rest which made me feel like a narky, nasty person and a terrible parent when Im feeling down (which I know Im not!).
- Lotto - Ah, if I had loads of money I could focus on family, get proper rest and I could look at jobs that I might enjoy without the worry of finances . .
I have a family and children and great friends, yet for long periods of time I felt like the loneliest person in the world. A person with no friends or family would be craving what they would perceive me to have but in truth I was no better off. If anything , having a partner and feeling lonely is worse then not having a partner and feeling lonely because at least without a partner you know there is a good reason why you feel lonely and you have a visible target. There is no obvious answer to the riddle of what exactly a person who feels lonely should do if they are married, with kids and have loads of friends/family who love them dearly. .
In relation to your post, coming home has been a good step in my honest opinion but there is a strong chance that whatever makes you feel down is still hovering around you like a dark cloud waiting for the right conditions for it to return. This isnt a reason to fear it, its a reason to respect it, awknowledge it and realise that its just a part of your life. The I embrace who I am (good/bad) the more I feel that I am dealing with the downs aswell as the ups.
I am coming off specific medication and my mood swings are ridiculous. One minute I am happy with life and not thinking about "what external forces (lotto) could I do with to make me feel better now!", Im enjoying the moment. The next minute Im focusing on everything that upsets me (work - solution lotto, car broker - solution lotto , tired need a break/holida - solution winning lotto) and my entire thought is focused on all the negatives or even small inconveniences that can be solved with one simple bit of luck. . But in truth they cant and wont be solved by winning the lotto because something else will make me feel just as down if I win the lotto. Its an illness of the mind that I have that makes me feel depressed, irrespective of the importance or triviality of whatever is bothering me. . Remember rich people can get depressed! (or at least thats what I read).
I will leave it at that cause I could waffle on forever (some of the poor readers on this thread know what I mean), but coming here has been a huge help for me. I find it so empowering at least being able to share my story and read other peoples path to peace/serenity. For me the pursuit of happiness is worth trying for, but I dont believe that there is one person ever alive that has had a life without feeling down or depressed at some stage.
Incidentally what I am learning is to completely downgrade the imporance of what Profession I am in or what job I would like. I am prioritising what I enjoy in life (time with my children, refilling bird feeder, taking dogs for walk, trying out new things - archary , thinking about joining up courses (psychology) and then allowing my work to fit in around it. Work is not important to me. Dont get me wrong, I work hard for my clients (im self employed) but the more I make it less important the better quality work I find myself doing (because Im not as stressed and I am able to make decisions and give more accurate advice that is not just about "the sale"). I am finding that focusing on myself and allowing myself to feel down and allowing myself little pleasures, little pockets of rest (eg daydream for a minute), that my life is slowly but surely becoming so much more rewarding.
Sorry . .Will stop there . . Short and sweet . .:p0 -
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