LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Lionel Messy

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I'm in an absolutely dark place at the moment. I genuinely wouldn't care if I was just roaming the streets. I know lots of people say this in this position and it sounds juvenile but my life as I knew it is over. Been through treatments, been through the system. It is depression now but only because everything in my life has led to this nothing. Being on a bus with secondary school kids I get the most desperate pain, almost unbearable thinking that less than 10 years ago I still had that hope and confidence and validity.

I'm just dragging my body around at this stage, that's how I'd sum up my life now and in the future.

I feel for you Jimmy. I hope you can find some positivity. I'm thinking of you and hope all is well.

Axel Lamp

Thank you for this thread.

DeVore

It is depression now but only because everything in my life has led to this nothing.

I told a friend of mine that not too long ago when I had a bad downward spell. He said "Good". When I kinda *looked* at him angrily he said "you recognise that you feel this way because of depression. Before you would tell me you felt this and cos it was true".
Its important to know that this is depression. Its not true, it may feel incredibly true today (and I would laugh internally at the fools who couldnt see it as the truth and told me what I considered to be vapid, vacuous nonsense to try and convince me otherwise) but tomorrow or next week you may well be looking back at this time thinking "pfff, what was I like?!".

You've taken a good step, telling us that you, like we, sometimes suffer from this *thing*. Recognise it for what it is. Don't believe its insidious lies. These days, if I feel like that, I like to observe it and say to myself "aww, its raining inside today, thats a pity" , just like when it rains outside.

Sorry I cant be much more help, but I hope you come back to the light soon.

Gi joe!

I'd also to echo thanks for this(now huge) thread. We need to get issue this out into the open, as a young male I still find it incredibly hard to be comfortable about my issues.

Personally I've been making a lot of progress since starting a course of CBT. Its funny and ironic that things aren't actually going that well in a lot of areas in my life, I'm getting knocked on my ass time and time again.

What's different is that I'm seeing these setbacks for what they are, small things that I can put behind me and find the courage to keep trying to better my life. Before my depression cast a shadow over everything negative, amplifying it and rendering me paralysed with fear and sadness.

I'm determined not to let it(or life for that matter) beat me.

Sierra 117

I've suffered from depression on and off over the past ten years. It's been affecting me pretty badly the past few weeks though. It's because I'm probably only going to get a pass in my ordinary degree and I've been very worried and anxious that it won't lead to a good job. It's even affecting my sleep.

Forest Demon

Sierra 117 wrote: »

I've suffered from depression on and off over the past ten years. It's been affecting me pretty badly the past few weeks though. It's because I'm probably only going to get a pass in my ordinary degree and I've been very worried and anxious that it won't lead to a good job. It's even affecting my sleep.

The fact that you seen it through and completed it is a huge achievement. Don't beat yourself up. I had a similar experience with a masters. It wont make a huge difference with a lot of employers.

Be proud of what you achieved. Nobody can take that away from you.

Sierra 117

I hope employers won't be too deterred by it. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who have pass degrees and got great jobs with them. Still, I just can't stop that part of my mind that's constantly dwelling on it.

delthedriver

Sierra 117 wrote: »

I hope employers won't be too deterred by it. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who have pass degrees and got great jobs with them. Still, I just can't stop that part of my mind that's constantly dwelling on it.

Banish it from your mind now!

On top of your degree I'm sure you also have bags of talent to bring to the table. Work experience, interpersonal skills,communication skills........................that is just a few. I am certain you can think of many more. Be positive!

Best wishes

DeVore

Sierra 117 wrote: »

I hope employers won't be too deterred by it. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who have pass degrees and got great jobs with them. Still, I just can't stop that part of my mind that's constantly dwelling on it.

Yeah.


I'm one of them.

Sierra 117

I think I should do some volunteer work. The way I see it, it would give me some structure in my day and keep me from getting lost in my own head, while also giving me some work experience and references to put on my CV.

Cliona99

Thanks again to everyone here. You've made me think about things very differently, more...eh...objectively? Or with a different perspective anyway. I feel slightly overwhelmed, but much more positive.

I harnessed the optimism and made an appointment with the psychotherapist. It's tomorrow at 2pm and I'm terrified. I feel bad for her too because she has a lot to live up to- my first, and last, therapist was just fantastic, we really clicked. So fingers crossed this one will suit me

(to anyone in a bad place and thinking about posting here, just do it. You might be surprised at how much better you feel. Or if you don't feel comfortable writing in public, you can go unregged in Personal Issues, or just write for yourself. It helped me get my thoughts in order and see what I'm actually 'up against' if that makes sense).

Best of luck to all, and thanks again

DeVore

Sierra 117 wrote: »

I think I should do some volunteer work. The way I see it, it would give me some structure in my day and keep me from getting lost in my own head, while also giving me some work experience and references to put on my CV.

Sounds like a cracking idea. My counselor has suggested that before to me. Right now I'm kept very busy with my job and with SSF and also have gotten a dog which has been a huge benefit. Volunteering sounds like a good plan. What do you have to lose?

Full.Duck

Hi all, first time to post here. I do not suffer from depression but I have/had very bad anxiety over the last couple of years. Would just like to share my story here. Some people might relate to it, maybe not. But if one sad sod reads it and see's s/he is not alone it will help. Like it helped me.

I never really noticed myself having anxiety before but i can tell you to the day when it all started. I use to be a heavy weed smoker. I define heavy as having a joint at least once a day. Anyway one day i came home from work. Had just worked 3 days in a row doing 12 hour shifts and i was zonked. Rolled a big fat one and nearly smoked the whole thing in one go. i jump onto the pc and just started messing around. All of a sudden i started to get a panic attack. Before anyone asks no it was not a whitey or a ghosty, it was a full blown panic attack. Having never had a panic attack in my life before i freaked out even more. Thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest. Then afterwards the uncontrolable shakes for about 45 mins. I didnt get any sleep that night but just put it down to the weed. Bad batch, laced, overtired, who knows. Anyway the next day i decide ill have just a small one. But nope, it happened again and only after a few drags. What the hell was going on. I stopped smoking for a few days, gave it a rest. Then over in my mates maybe a week later i smoked again and again i got a panic attack. Since that day i gave up smoking because i never wanted another panic attack in my life, i would not wish them on my worst enemy.

Thats how is started. From then i started worrying about little things. Like from the panics attacks i started hoping my heart was ok. Id get a twinge in my chest and be like, oh crap something is wrong. Then id start worrying about my lungs, i was a smoker at that stage too. Maybe im going to get lung cancer, maybe i have it. Then maybe i think my tongue was swelling, i think i actually had some type of infection, but id freak out. I started grinding my teeth at night, clenching my fist and just worrying about my health. I had become a hypochondriac. It was not overly bad at this stage, i could manage these thoughts and was not overtaking my life. Yet.

Now i moved to Oz. I had to get xanax for the flight, i hate hate flying and because i had panic attacks i was freaking out i would have one on the flight so i went to the doc to get some. This was a BAD idea. I dont know what it is but they made me very very very bad after i had stopped taking them. I use to get very bad anxiety, on the verge of having a panic attack. I have had enough now that i know the signs of them coming on and can control them. But i would freak out. What the hell am i doing in Oz, my family are so far away, is this what i want. Oh god is my heart ok, what if i get sick over here and my family are at home. I dont want to do that flight again. Just thoughts running through my head constantly.

As it got progressively worse i started to feel my pulse. I would do it constantly every time i thought there was something wrong. It was more of a comfort thing but it made it worse again. Like i could have had a big meal, a night out, sex, my heart would be going faster, id feel my pulse and freak out cos i thought i was going to have a panic attack or heart attack and couldnt slow my heart rate down. This went on for a while till i went to see a doctor to get checked up. Guess what im fine, nothing wrong. From that point on i had an effort to try stop my anxiety. I researched and researched and researched. I started exercising, eating right, stopped smoking. Learning how to control my thoughts.

But then the worst happened. I had to fly again. I forgot about how bad i was with the xanax and took the again. I was never worse in my life. I worried 24/7 all day every day. It took over my life. I started getting these things i call intrusive thoughts. A thought would enter my head and would just run in a loop. Id freak out making it worse. Thoughts like lung cancer, aids, kicking someone off a bike, jumping off a bridge, pushing a dog, punching someone in the back of the head, stabbing someone. It was horrible. This thoughts i was having where like the COMPLETE opposite of who i was. They where my biggest fears in life running through my head and i could not get rid of them.

I thought i was going crazy. That is my biggest fear, going completely bonkers. These thoughts end up in a loop in my head. Going round and round and round.

Since then i went back to trying to control it. I started running again, playings sports, still have not smoked, eating better, drinking less alcohol, less coffee. Trying to control my thoughts and have nothing to fear about. Show my brain i am in control, not my thoughts. Not connecting fear to every thought i have and being happy. Telling people about my problem, not keeping it to myself. recognising it is anxiety, trying to untie the links my brain has made to make me fearful of unfearful situaltions I write down everything that happened in the day and from 0-10 how bad i was. It is amazing to see the progress. Maybe 4 weeks ago i was on 6/7/8's out of 10. The last two weeks have been 0/1/2's out of 10. Which to me is amazing, i have never felt so much better in my life. I have made an appointment to see a psychologist just to get a professional opinion and see if the work i am doing towards it is the right way forward. I do believe i will be better and going to kick this things ass. It also turns out i might have a from of OCD called Pure-o but thats for my doctor to say not me, if i do so be it not to worry

Thank you for reading, just wanted to tell the world and not just my friends.

DryScalpCare

I decided to go un-reg for this as I know quite a few people on this and don't feel comfortable sharing all my thoughts just yet!

I was diagnosed with atypical depression a number of years ago. My depressive episodes had being happening for quite a few years before that. In some ways I think I was in a perpetual state of depression for many years and had just learned to accept it.

I'd try a new medication, get some CBT, reach a state of mild contentment, then stop everything and let myself spiral back into a state of quiet despair.

On the outside everything might have appeared ok. I'd go home to my parents and put on a brave face, was doing moderately well in work, take the holidays etc. I put up a false face to others. But I was becoming increasingly isolated.

I reached a low point before Christmas. Eternal greyness. My depression isn't sadness. I don't cry. I get up. I just live a life that doesn't mean anything. I exist. There is no tremendous sadness. It's a colourless world. You get lost in the depths of your own thoughts. It's a selfish place, but one that you automatically go to.

You want to experience the things that you believe others are experiencing. Genuine friendship, companionship, interests, concentration, fulfilment.

I started to drink heavily. Every night. I'd drink until drunk. I'd wake up in the morning and tell myself that this couldn't keep happening. That I was developing a genuine problem on top of my depression. I'd then leave work and buy more alcohol. I'd keep the visage of normality up.

On the 4th of January I visited a new doctor. Someone I'd never met before. I ended up crying like a lost child. I've lost people close to me in the past few years and couldn't even muster up the emotion to cry. I was sad, but I couldn't cry. I'd reached some sort of line in the sand.

I was put on a new medication (well, one of the oldest anti-depressants of all). Nothing changed for the first few weeks. On Tuesday, the 29th of January I woke up and felt that something had changed. Something small. I couldn't describe it accurately, but instead of getting on the bus and falling immediately asleep (another thing; no matter how much I slept I was never anything but tired), I stuck in my earphones and listened to the radio.

Today was one of the most glorious days of my life that I can remember. Nothing happened. I just felt perfectly content. My mind isn't racing any more. I experienced the coldness while waiting for the bus, the joy of reading a book as I commuted, being able to chat to a colleague and fully appreciate what they were saying; the taste of the food I was eating, the vividness of the colours, being able to sit on the couch and relax. Small and wonderful things.

I'm going to get some therapy as well. I've always visited a therapist when in the depths of despair and nothingness. Now that I've finally discovered a medication that has finally thrown off the clock of 18 years I can finally speak to someone about how to truly make my life be one worth enjoying.

I feel happy. It's lovely.

Sierra 117

Things have been pretty bad for me over the past couple of days. I haven't been able to sleep properly and when I do sleep, I wake up not longer after and immediately start to feel anxiety and almost have a panic attack. I just can't stop worrying about this pass degree. I'm completely miserable.

I went to Dublin yesterday, in the hopes that a change of scenery would help but it didn't. I went to the cinema to watch Django Unchained and I left 20 minutes into the movie because of how distracted/anxious I was feeling.

I've made an appointment with my GP for tomorrow. I'll probably have to go back on anti-depressants.

delthedriver

Sierra 117 wrote: »

Things have been pretty bad for me over the past couple of days. I haven't been able to sleep properly and when I do sleep, I wake up not longer after and immediately start to feel anxiety and almost have a panic attack. I just can't stop worrying about this pass degree. I'm completely miserable.

I went to Dublin yesterday, in the hopes that a change of scenery would help but it didn't. I went to the cinema to watch Django Unchained and I left 20 minutes into the movie because of how distracted/anxious I was feeling.

I've made an appointment with my GP for tomorrow. I'll probably have to go back on anti-depressants.

Sorry to hear you are feeling low. Delighted to read your post and understand your feelings. I am confident your meeting with your GP will be extremely worthwhile. It is important you regain your sleep pattern. Meanwhile try and relax, easier said than done, I know. Be kind to yourself.

delthedriver

Sierra,

Just a thought, when you are feeling a bit better, would it be worth giving a bit of thought to putting your degree to work. Would it be possible to give some grinds to Students in advance of their oncoming exams. It may help you focus on the value of your achievement and provide a purposeful outlook each week.
You are obviously an intelligent person, with lots of skills which need to be tapped into. I think it would help your confidence enormously. Food for thought?
Delthedriver

Turtwig

Sierra I know you may be thinking otherwise now, but in about ten years time no one is really going to give a rats ass what your primary degree was or what quality it was. Once you get your foot through the door and gain a couple of years of work experience the degree will mean tosh. Think of it this way : Nobody cares about your Junior Cert now, nor do they really care all that much about your Leaving Cert (Unless it's Accenture:pac:). Remember too, that education is mostly an experience. I'll bet there are other things you learned during your degree that were never officially credited but will stand to you in life.

You may be disappointed with your own performance and that's something that's not easy to overcome but if you're really confident you've learned from the experience then procuring a post grad might be the way to go. Even though education is expensive, If you got a masters relevant to the job you want few would really care about the quality of the primary degree. But more to the point, getting a good masters may be your way of easing your conscience about your previous degree's performance. There are also numerous free education courses online that you can do. They might not be worth much to employers but to you they might be something you could pride yourself on.

Also, a great job isn't necessarily the job with the most money or qualifications required; it's the job that gives you comfort in life. That isn't always the high specifications technical experience required job.

delthedriver

Sierra 117 wrote: »

Things have been pretty bad for me over the past couple of days. I haven't been able to sleep properly and when I do sleep, I wake up not longer after and immediately start to feel anxiety and almost have a panic attack. I just can't stop worrying about this pass degree. I'm completely miserable.

I went to Dublin yesterday, in the hopes that a change of scenery would help but it didn't. I went to the cinema to watch Django Unchained and I left 20 minutes into the movie because of how distracted/anxious I was feeling.

I've made an appointment with my GP for tomorrow. I'll probably have to go back on anti-depressants.

Hope the meeting with your GP went well and that you are feeling a bit brighter.
Stay well

Siuin

I decided to shut down my facebook today because I realised that looking at other people's lives (or at least, what they choose to show us of them) is making me depressed, yet has become strangely addictive for me.

I'm hoping to spend the time I now have offline doing something productive and improving myself as a person. For too long I've relied on 'internet friendships' yet they simply don't provide the support and personal interaction a person needs.

herisson

I have been doing ok the past few weeks. I had a bit of a rough start with my counsellor as she was annoying me to no end.

But the past week ive actually been happy enough, happier than i have been for a while. I still have my days where i am a little down but i havent seen one for a while.

And i had a breakthrough with counselling the other day, which just made me feel like im actually progressing. So im just better than i was months ago

The lot's been getting at me something serious lately. I managed to scrape into this year of college after lots of ****-ups and am kicking ass despite making **** all effort and getting assignments done at the last possible second using adrenaline. :pac: It's another frustration really, knowing that I'm pretty damn good at something but wondering how good I'd be if I did more than the bare minimum.
Then there's my so-called friends. Had a row with one around Christmas and he decided to be a drama llama about it, pretty sure it's down to someone else putting crap in his head and said at one point that because he thought I was depressed again he didn't think we should talk for a while. A1 ****ing friendship there.

**** it, I'll run away and join the circus soon and it'll all be good.

delthedriver

Spending the night here in hospital.

Ongoing stress and depression has caused my digestive system to kick off.

Stress resulting in higher than normal amounts of acid being produced in my stomach, causing symptoms of vomiting, burning sensation in my digestive tract and tummy ache. Not a pleasant experience.

Surgeon has arranged a gastroscope for first thing tomorrow morning. Hopefully all will go well.

My advice is to watch your physical health while also looking after your psychological health.

Be kind to yourselves.

jaffacakesyum

Had a very productive day today but once I stop working or studying that's when it hits the most. The evenings are just horrible.

Hope you all have a better weekend than I'm having anyway

jaffacakesyum

delthedriver wrote: »

Spending the night here in hospital.

Ongoing stress and depression has caused my digestive system to kick off.

Stress resulting in higher than normal amounts of acid being produced in my stomach, causing symptoms of vomiting, burning sensation in my digestive tract and tummy ache. Not a pleasant experience.

Surgeon has arranged a gastroscope for first thing tomorrow morning. Hopefully all will go well.

My advice is to watch your physical health while also looking after your psychological health.

Be kind to yourselves.

Oh God that sounds horrible. Take care of yourself

delthedriver

Siuin wrote: »

I decided to shut down my facebook today because I realised that looking at other people's lives (or at least, what they choose to show us of them) is making me depressed, yet has become strangely addictive for me.

I'm hoping to spend the time I now have offline doing something productive and improving myself as a person. For too long I've relied on 'internet friendships' yet they simply don't provide the support and personal interaction a person needs.

Siuin, you are very welcome to join this forum. You are very welcome to post here at any time. We are all experiencing similar issues and provide a crutch for each other along this road. Equally feel free to PM if you wish. Thank you for joining us. I know you are a very intelligent person and may have a lot to offer and discuss. Sincerely,

Gockers

delthedriver wrote: »

Siuin, you are very welcome to join this forum. You are very welcome to post here at any time. We are all experiencing similar issues and provide a crutch for each other along this road. Equally feel free to PM if you wish. Thank you for joining us. I know you are a very intelligent person and may have a lot to offer and discuss. Sincerely,

It's really heartwarming to see how helpful you all are.

i just joined this thread and posted in another one: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=83138455

I hope this helps someone.

And yes, about the earlier point on taking care of your physical health, I totally agree. Mind and body go hand in hand. They say your stomach is your second brain, something i found out when I had to get a scope last year. They found nothing physically wrong with me, it was stress and anxiety. Remember guys, don't accept stress. It can make out very sick if you don't keep a handle on it.

delthedriver

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Had a very productive day today but once I stop working or studying that's when it hits the most. The evenings are just horrible.

Hope you all have a better weekend than I'm having anyway

Try and develop some exercise activities to utilise your time when not working or studying.

Apart from developing your physical fitness, the physical activity will release positive hormones in your brain which will help overcome negative thinking.

Give it a try. Nothing to lose.

delthedriver

Pixie-Fairy wrote: »

I have been doing ok the past few weeks. I had a bit of a rough start with my counsellor as she was annoying me to no end.

But the past week ive actually been happy enough, happier than i have been for a while. I still have my days where i am a little down but i havent seen one for a while.

And i had a breakthrough with counselling the other day, which just made me feel like im actually progressing. So im just better than i was months ago

Well done. Keep up the good progress.

delthedriver

Deleted User wrote: »

The lot's been getting at me something serious lately. I managed to scrape into this year of college after lots of ****-ups and am kicking ass despite making **** all effort and getting assignments done at the last possible second using adrenaline. :pac: It's another frustration really, knowing that I'm pretty damn good at something but wondering how good I'd be if I did more than the bare minimum.
Then there's my so-called friends. Had a row with one around Christmas and he decided to be a drama llama about it, pretty sure it's down to someone else putting crap in his head and said at one point that because he thought I was depressed again he didn't think we should talk for a while. A1 ****ing friendship there.

**** it, I'll run away and join the circus soon and it'll all be good.

No, please don't run away to the circus.

Please examine your life at present. What is important to you? I guess getting through your course to achieve your academic goals. So keep going.

As for your so called friends, how important are they to you.? Any friend who does not consider it worthwhile talking to you during a period of depression, in my opinion is not worth calling a friend. A true friend would be there for you when you are depressed or not.

Concentrate on getting yourself well, get on with your studies and appreciate the friends who support you.

By posting here you have just made a pile of new friends who support each other. We are here for you , so please keep posting. Best wishes.