LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Gongoozler

And another brick wall... because I've never had anything I wanted to do. Never.
Trying to find things I'm good at is difficult when I don't see myself as good at anything. To me it's a reality, to everyone else it's just negativity.

Call Me Jimmy

Gongoozler wrote: »

And another brick wall... because I've never had anything I wanted to do. Never.
Trying to find things I'm good at is difficult when I don't see myself as good at anything. To me it's a reality, to everyone else it's just negativity.

Acting? Did ye ever watch a film and think 'that'd be class to be doing that?'

delthedriver

Gongoozler wrote: »

Thanks Jimmy, I get what you're saying don't worry.
Thing is I'm just not that passionate about it. I've been mediocre since the very start. I have a medium interest in doing stuff myself, but because of my anti depressants my concentration isn't what it was, so I find it hard to do anything by myself, without structure direction etc.

I have to give up on it. I know I do. It's just sad cause I have nothing else.

Perhaps you need to give yourself a bit of breathing space and rest and time to recover or rediscover yourself
You are quite obviously a very intelligent person with a degree in IT.
Can you consider putting your IT degree to use in some other way?
I'm thinking along the lines of being a Tutor to adult groups..........
If IT Sales is not your thing any longer, can you put the skills you have learned over the last 3 years to use in another sector?
Perhaps you are being very hard on yourself Be kind to yourself and give the medications a chance to really kick in. Liaise regularly with your GP to ensure the meds are doing there work or may need tweaking?

Gongoozler

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Acting? Did ye ever watch a film and think 'that'd be class to be doing that?'

Nope. only thing i ever think that about is working with animals. but even that,i still don't want to study the biology of them and all that stuff that you'd have to do.

Gongoozler

delthedriver wrote: »

Perhaps you need to give yourself a bit of breathing space and rest and time to recover or rediscover yourself
You are quite obviously a very intelligent person with a degree in IT.
Can you consider putting your IT degree to use in some other way?
I'm thinking along the lines of being a Tutor to adult groups..........
If IT Sales is not your thing any longer, can you put the skills you have learned over the last 3 years to use in another sector?
Perhaps you are being very hard on yourself Be kind to yourself and give the medications a chance to really kick in. Liaise regularly with your GP to ensure the meds are doing there work or may need tweaking?

The most stupid person i ever met was in my course and got a grade just below me. I'm not that intelligent.
it's not IT sales. and no i don't have any patience with people learning things.
I'm on my 6th med,no settling in needed,thanks for the reply though.

Call Me Jimmy

Well the thing I have only truly understood this week on an emotional/experiential level is that everything requires the work that you don't want to do. But Dublin Zoo I think take volunteers, as I'm sure do a lot of organisations that involve animals.

delthedriver

Gongoozler wrote: »

The most stupid person i ever met was in my course and got a grade just below me. I'm not that intelligent.
it's not IT sales. and no i don't have any patience with people learning things.
I'm on my 6th med,no settling in needed,thanks for the reply though.

Have you received Couselling or met with a Psychiatrist.? What has been the outcome ?

You are only 29, so what would you like to do?

Gongoozler

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Well the thing I have only truly understood this week on an emotional/experiential level is that everything requires the work that you don't want to do. But Dublin Zoo I think take volunteers, as I'm sure do a lot of organisations that involve animals.

Not just that i don't want to, that i don't have the capacity to.
volunteering doesn't pay the bills.

Gongoozler

delthedriver wrote: »

Have you received Couselling or met with a Psychiatrist.? What has been the outcome ?

You are only 29, so what would you like to do?

I'm on my 3rd or so bout of counselling,psychiatrist only deals with drugs. no outcome really. i understand more but the effort i do make seems to do very little

delthedriver

Gongoozler wrote: »

I'm on my 3rd or so bout of counselling,psychiatrist only deals with drugs. no outcome really. i understand more but the effort i do make seems to do very little

OK, it is early days. Take it easy and live one day at a time:)

Gongoozler

delthedriver wrote: »

OK, it is early days. Take it easy and live one day at a time:)

Early days??

delthedriver

Gongoozler wrote: »

Early days??

Yes, If you have had only 3 Counselling sessions

Gongoozler

delthedriver wrote: »

Yes, If you have had only 3 Counselling sessions

It's my 3rd bout - as in my 3rd counsellor ,but it's actually my 4th

Random word

Hi,

New here. Don't know exactly what to say. I am in my early 40's and suffer from depression, yet feel like I am not allowed to even say this. Was probably depressed from childhood but was not aware; had insomnia, bad migraines and fainting fits....doctors at the time put it down to nothing really and my parents shrugged. In my 20's things came to ahead and was hospitalised, on my own volition. I think I was in a bad way but don't remember much as I was given ECT because the antidepressants were not working too well and it seemed like I was not really sleeping at all. This worked for a while but also created new problems...I really don't think I trust many things or people since the ECT. Anyhow I had another stay in hospital about two years later, at the behest of my boyfriend at the time, to find drugs that might work.( I had VHI) The psychiatrist put me on older type tricyclic drugs. On top of the usual depressed feelings at this stage I was going through some difficult issues and overdosed on my medication twice; the second time I almost didn't pull through. I was out of hospital at this stage and I don't think the private psych doctor cared anymore as my insurance was not going to cover his fees. I was rolled into the public outpatient system again and was juggled between different doctors every week who either didn't read my file or didn't care to and didn't want to prescribe me new medication because I had overdosed...yet kept subscribing valium anyway. Naturally, I withdrew and tried to just look after myself. That was almost ten years ago. In that time I went back to college briefly but suffered a lot of setbacks and withdrew more. For the last five years I have barely left the house. I know I must be strong because I am still here. My brother, who also suffered depression took his own life two years ago and I am left just obsessing about this.
I know this is something I should probably be getting help with but because I feel badly bitten by health professionals, I just feel too scared. Plus, My inner voice is always saying 'There's nothing wrong with you; you're just bad, lazy, weak etc...' I know I can't keep going like this..

deco nate

Random word wrote: »

Hi,

New here. Don't know exactly what to say. I am in my early 40's and suffer from depression, yet feel like I am not allowed to even say this. Was probably depressed from childhood but was not aware; had insomnia, bad migraines and fainting fits....doctors at the time put it down to nothing really and my parents shrugged. In my 20's things came to ahead and was hospitalised, on my own volition. I think I was in a bad way but don't remember much as I was given ECT because the antidepressants were not working too well and it seemed like I was not really sleeping at all. This worked for a while but also created new problems...I really don't think I trust many things or people since the ECT. Anyhow I had another stay in hospital about two years later, at the behest of my boyfriend at the time, to find drugs that might work.( I had VHI) The psychiatrist put me on older type tricyclic drugs. On top of the usual depressed feelings at this stage I was going through some difficult issues and overdosed on my medication twice; the second time I almost didn't pull through. I was out of hospital at this stage and I don't think the private psych doctor cared anymore as my insurance was not going to cover his fees. I was rolled into the public outpatient system again and was juggled between different doctors every week who either didn't read my file or didn't care to and didn't want to prescribe me new medication because I had overdosed...yet kept subscribing valium anyway. Naturally, I withdrew and tried to just look after myself. That was almost ten years ago. In that time I went back to college briefly but suffered a lot of setbacks and withdrew more. For the last five years I have barely left the house. I know I must be strong because I am still here. My brother, who also suffered depression took his own life two years ago and I am left just obsessing about this.
I know this is something I should probably be getting help with but because I feel badly bitten by health professionals, I just feel too scared. Plus, My inner voice is always saying 'There's nothing wrong with you; you're just bad, lazy, weak etc...' I know I can't keep going like this..

this is a strange post.no feeling in
it just words,very strange one.plus
first post.anyway best to talk to
some one.anyone that will not judge you.imo,i was in that boat.

have to say the drugs i was put on did not help,in fact they made me
so much worse.

hope you find peace but your post
needs more feelin,
and yes i think im gonna get
hammered for sayin it.

just remember on here
you are anon..

deco nate

Random word wrote: »

Hi,

New here. Don't know exactly what to say. I am in my early 40's and suffer from depression, yet feel like I am not allowed to even say this. Was probably depressed from childhood but was not aware; had insomnia, bad migraines and fainting fits....doctors at the time put it down to nothing really and my parents shrugged. In my 20's things came to ahead and was hospitalised, on my own volition. I think I was in a bad way but don't remember much as I was given ECT because the antidepressants were not working too well and it seemed like I was not really sleeping at all. This worked for a while but also created new problems...I really don't think I trust many things or people since the ECT. Anyhow I had another stay in hospital about two years later, at the behest of my boyfriend at the time, to find drugs that might work.( I had VHI) The psychiatrist put me on older type tricyclic drugs. On top of the usual depressed feelings at this stage I was going through some difficult issues and overdosed on my medication twice; the second time I almost didn't pull through. I was out of hospital at this stage and I don't think the private psych doctor cared anymore as my insurance was not going to cover his fees. I was rolled into the public outpatient system again and was juggled between different doctors every week who either didn't read my file or didn't care to and didn't want to prescribe me new medication because I had overdosed...yet kept subscribing valium anyway. Naturally, I withdrew and tried to just look after myself. That was almost ten years ago. In that time I went back to college briefly but suffered a lot of setbacks and withdrew more. For the last five years I have barely left the house. I know I must be strong because I am still here. My brother, who also suffered depression took his own life two years ago and I am left just obsessing about this.
I know this is something I should probably be getting help with but because I feel badly bitten by health professionals, I just feel too scared. Plus, My inner voice is always saying 'There's nothing wrong with you; you're just bad, lazy, weak etc...' I know I can't keep going like this..

this is a strange post.no feeling in
it just words,very strange one.plus
first post.anyway best to talk to
some one.anyone that will not judge you.imo,i was in that boat.

have to say the drugs i was put on did not help,in fact they made me
so much worse.

hope you find peace but your post
needs more feelin,
and yes i think im gonna get
hammered for sayin it.

just remember on here
you are anon..

neemish

Random word wrote: »

Hi,

New here. Don't know exactly what to say. I am in my early 40's and suffer from depression, yet feel like I am not allowed to even say this. Was probably depressed from childhood but was not aware; had insomnia, bad migraines and fainting fits....doctors at the time put it down to nothing really and my parents shrugged. In my 20's things came to ahead and was hospitalised, on my own volition. I think I was in a bad way but don't remember much as I was given ECT because the antidepressants were not working too well and it seemed like I was not really sleeping at all. This worked for a while but also created new problems...I really don't think I trust many things or people since the ECT. Anyhow I had another stay in hospital about two years later, at the behest of my boyfriend at the time, to find drugs that might work.( I had VHI) The psychiatrist put me on older type tricyclic drugs. On top of the usual depressed feelings at this stage I was going through some difficult issues and overdosed on my medication twice; the second time I almost didn't pull through. I was out of hospital at this stage and I don't think the private psych doctor cared anymore as my insurance was not going to cover his fees. I was rolled into the public outpatient system again and was juggled between different doctors every week who either didn't read my file or didn't care to and didn't want to prescribe me new medication because I had overdosed...yet kept subscribing valium anyway. Naturally, I withdrew and tried to just look after myself. That was almost ten years ago. In that time I went back to college briefly but suffered a lot of setbacks and withdrew more. For the last five years I have barely left the house. I know I must be strong because I am still here. My brother, who also suffered depression took his own life two years ago and I am left just obsessing about this.
I know this is something I should probably be getting help with but because I feel badly bitten by health professionals, I just feel too scared. Plus, My inner voice is always saying 'There's nothing wrong with you; you're just bad, lazy, weak etc...' I know I can't keep going like this..

Welcome to the thread and fair play to you for posting. It's hard to put the whole thing into words. I agree that dealing with psych is hard work BUT there are good psychiatrists out there. The best help I get is from my psychotherapist and GP - they work in a different way to psych docs and I find that easier.
You're NOT not NOT bad, lazy, weak....whatever else is going through your mind. You're in pain and that's a completely different thing altogether. Keep posting! I think it helps to put the thoughts in persepctive sometimes.

lighthouse

Vuzuggu wrote: »

I'll try get myself back on track today but it's doubtful. I'm just annoyed as I was feeling good and well for 2 weeks once I started medication and now I'e just hit rock bottom.

Is it actually possible to beat depression for good or will there always be crap moods at times?

It is possible to beat depression but it's a long painful journey. See my TV3 interview here http://www.thomasroddy.com

efb

bad day today. feel very alone sometimes.

delthedriver

efb wrote: »

bad day today. feel very alone sometimes.

Understand where you are at the moment. Just take it easy, be kind to yourself. Try and get lots of rest. Tomorrow is another day, the low mood feelings will pass, don't worry.:)

delthedriver

efb,

Hope you are feeling a bit brighter today.

Recovery takes a little bit of time and patience.

Your friends on this thread wish the best for you.

Ensure you are eating some food and drinking tea coffee and lots of water. No alcohol, as it can only make you feel worse. It is important
that you stay hydrated.

A little exercise? If you are feeling up to it a gentle stroll around your garden or neighbourhood, will reduce the sense of cabin fever.

Please let us know how you are progressing, sometimes I find it hepful to express my feelings in written form,when I am feeling low rather than face to face communication .

Most important of all, live in The Now, ie one day at a time:)

Drumpot

efb wrote: »

bad day today. feel very alone sometimes.

I hear you . .

I have been dealing with several personal issues (some mentioned here) on an ongoing basis and slowly but surely I am learning to view the world differantly. This is not easy and to be honest if I wrote down what I have known since Day 1 of my therapy it would not resonate with most people here simply because hearing how to can possibly get well is of little help if you are unable to feel its benefits. Its extremely difficult to see any chance of happiness when I am in the depths of regular depression..

I cant tell you that I am not "cured" because I dont think there is a cure to depression, but there is a way of learning to live with it. That sounds nasty - "Live with depression", but its not really. I suffer from depression but over the last 2.5 months have had some of the most amazing, eye opening and enjoyable moments of my life. None of this happened from me looking for something to "pick me up" - medication, money etc . .

Its not even a secret, but one of the most important factors in my rehabilitation has been an unquenching desire to be happy and my willingness to put my faith in somebody else. I changed GPs, who recommended a Cognative behaviourial therapist and have been 100% comitted to what I have been advised. I havent second guessed or even flinched at things they recommended I quit or change and as such I feel like I can no longer only rely on myself as the "pilot of my life". Its liberating to feel like somebody has your back and that your whole life is not simply dependent on my ability to keep me happy!

I am since much healthier physically and in body, get great sleep (without tablets) , off the anti depressants (dont miss them) and other medication. I cant and will not speak for anybody else and will not pretend that my route to a balanced life will work for everybody, I can only speak of what has worked for me.

My CBT has worked wounders and by looking critically at myself and starting with myself (intead of looking for external factors to cheer me up - family, money, partner etc) to improve how I feel. Many people think that filling in bits of their lives with unquenched desires (wife/husband) will sort them out or make them feel better. It might make them feel better but in many cases they will find something else that makes them upset because the inner conflict or pain was never truely addressed.

I could go on, but all I can say is that I am having ridiculous ups and downs and I have a long way to go before dancing in the streets, but what I can say, from my experience, is that no matter what your circumstances you have the strength within to start the healing process.

In terms of my loneliness, I can tell you I have learned to open up to my family and they are all extremely surprised at what I have to say. They are shocked at how lonely I felt and I am finding that I feel so much more close to some members by being the person I am, instead of the person I felt others wanted me to be . .

I am not better/worse off now then I was 3 months ago in terms of Financial status, family, friends, job etc . . The ONLY thing that has changed is that my view on life has changed completely, I see things that I couldnt see before and I have a renewed confidence that , with professional support (backed up by family/friends support) I can find a level of balance and serenity to my life. Relying on friends/family only has not worked for me, but I see why. They care greatly but lack the tools that a professional trained in a specific field can give me.

delthedriver

Drum pot,

Well done!

Stay well.

Regards

Delthedriver

cazzak79

Can depression and anxiety affect things like concentration and memory and making decisions

neemish

cazzak79 wrote: »

Can depression and anxiety affect things like concentration and memory and making decisions

God, ya. At one stage I lost the ability to reverse park. Can't read a novel anymore- the words float on the page and by the time I finish a paragraph, i've forgotten what the first sentence was. I'm told it improves again though

cazzak79

Thanks think I need to take visit to gp
Depression effecting work can't afford to loose my jobs

KyussBishop

cazzak79 wrote: »

Thanks think I need to take visit to gp
Depression effecting work can't afford to loose my jobs

Yes definitely; I'd say this is one of the bigger hidden costs of depression and other illnesses, where they cause enough trouble to destabilize everyday life, and may make it hard to properly keep job security long-term if not managed well.

I'm lucky in that I've got very flexible working conditions, but if I had to keep a more dead-set routine for work, it would be hard for me to manage that.

nesf

neemish wrote: »

Can't read a novel anymore- the words float on the page and by the time I finish a paragraph, i've forgotten what the first sentence was. I'm told it improves again though

It definitely improves. I went through a long phase of that. Now I'm finally back to being able to binge read again.

wurzlitzer

Drumpot wrote: »

I hear you . .

I have been dealing with several personal issues (some mentioned here) on an ongoing basis and slowly but surely I am learning to view the world differantly. This is not easy and to be honest if I wrote down what I have known since Day 1 of my therapy it would not resonate with most people here simply because hearing how to can possibly get well is of little help if you are unable to feel its benefits. Its extremely difficult to see any chance of happiness when I am in the depths of regular depression..

I cant tell you that I am not "cured" because I dont think there is a cure to depression, but there is a way of learning to live with it. That sounds nasty - "Live with depression", but its not really. I suffer from depression but over the last 2.5 months have had some of the most amazing, eye opening and enjoyable moments of my life. None of this happened from me looking for something to "pick me up" - medication, money etc . .

Its not even a secret, but one of the most important factors in my rehabilitation has been an unquenching desire to be happy and my willingness to put my faith in somebody else. I changed GPs, who recommended a Cognative behaviourial therapist and have been 100% comitted to what I have been advised. I havent second guessed or even flinched at things they recommended I quit or change and as such I feel like I can no longer only rely on myself as the "pilot of my life". Its liberating to feel like somebody has your back and that your whole life is not simply dependent on my ability to keep me happy!

I am since much healthier physically and in body, get great sleep (without tablets) , off the anti depressants (dont miss them) and other medication. I cant and will not speak for anybody else and will not pretend that my route to a balanced life will work for everybody, I can only speak of what has worked for me.

My CBT has worked wounders and by looking critically at myself and starting with myself (intead of looking for external factors to cheer me up - family, money, partner etc) to improve how I feel. Many people think that filling in bits of their lives with unquenched desires (wife/husband) will sort them out or make them feel better. It might make them feel better but in many cases they will find something else that makes them upset because the inner conflict or pain was never truely addressed.

I could go on, but all I can say is that I am having ridiculous ups and downs and I have a long way to go before dancing in the streets, but what I can say, from my experience, is that no matter what your circumstances you have the strength within to start the healing process.

In terms of my loneliness, I can tell you I have learned to open up to my family and they are all extremely surprised at what I have to say. They are shocked at how lonely I felt and I am finding that I feel so much more close to some members by being the person I am, instead of the person I felt others wanted me to be . .

I am not better/worse off now then I was 3 months ago in terms of Financial status, family, friends, job etc . . The ONLY thing that has changed is that my view on life has changed completely, I see things that I couldnt see before and I have a renewed confidence that , with professional support (backed up by family/friends support) I can find a level of balance and serenity to my life. Relying on friends/family only has not worked for me, but I see why. They care greatly but lack the tools that a professional trained in a specific field can give me.

Drumpot you seem to doing great. I can't wait to be where you are now.

This is my second post on this thread, I too have a desire to be happy. I am four weeks seeing a counsellor for my depression. After the last session, I suffered my first anxiety attack & I text my ex in this agitated state but he did n't reply. So now I feel like a stalker. Friday I was fine, my sister said that she could hear it in my voice. But then I met friends for drinks on Friday evening came home early, & have been in bed since. I only get up to go to the bathroom or to get something small to eat. I am watching pointless tv, Internet and crying. I also gave up smoking last thursday so don't know if that's plunging me further into this depression. The last two days I have done nothing but cry. Can't seem to get a handle on things I have no motivation to do anything. I know the break up spurred all this but i think it's grief after my dads death too that I never dealt with. I want to be happy I can't remember when I last was happy.

All I do is cry, I am sure if my sister heard my voice now she would hear sadness & loneliness

Drumpot I
Admire your
Strength

delthedriver

wurzlitzer wrote: »

Drumpot you seem to doing great. I can't wait to be where you are now.

This is my second post on this thread, I too have a desire to be happy. I am four weeks seeing a counsellor for my depression. After the last session, I suffered my first anxiety attack & I text my ex in this agitated state but he did n't reply. So now I feel like a stalker. Friday I was fine, my sister said that she could hear it in my voice. But then I met friends for drinks on Friday evening came home early, & have been in bed since. I only get up to go to the bathroom or to get something small to eat. I am watching pointless tv, Internet and crying. I also gave up smoking last thursday so don't know if that's plunging me further into this depression. The last two days I have done nothing but cry. Can't seem to get a handle on things I have no motivation to do anything. I know the break up spurred all this but i think it's grief after my dads death too that I never dealt with. I want to be happy I can't remember when I last was happy.


All I do is cry, I am sure if my sister heard my voice now she would hear sadness & loneliness

Drumpot I
Admire your
Strength

Wurlitzer,
You are also making progress, even though you are at a low point now.
You are attending your Counsellor which is working.
You are crying, nature's release valve, nothing whatsoever to feel bad about, indeed to the contrary it is helping you start your journey to recovery.
You are also getting the physical rest you need by staying in bed.
You are also getting something to eat no matter how small, enough to prevent stomach problems.
You have also made great progress by documenting your thoughts here, your fellow Boardsies want the very best for you
You have given up smoking which is a crutch you don't need.
You are now living in the now. I am pleased you have got to this stage where your focus is on you and doing whatever you need to do to look after yourself.
There is no need for despair, these lonely times will pass, days will get brighter, you are taking the first steps towards recovery.
Apologies for constantly emphasising the YOU word, but this is all about you.
For the first time in your life you are taking real care of your self both emotionally and physically. Perhaps for the first time ever you are putting yourself ahead of anyone else.
Wurlitzer, well done! You are on the way back, it is important that you now continue to be gentle and kind to yourself. You are very precious, like a living tree, and will blossom again with this Spring. You will be happy again.
Remember live in the Now! One step at a time.
Please keep us updated on your progress.:)
Very best wishes to you.