LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

delthedriver

DeVore wrote: »

Btw, I'm speaking at this : http://www.nationalemploymentweek.ie/#!dublin-mental-health-day/c1iw3
on Thursday.

I intend to have a serious giggle at it

Wishing you every success on Thursday.
The whole area of Depression and Stress in the workplace can bring out the best and worst in Employers. It is a very difficult issue mainly due to ignorance of what is perceived as the unknown
Looking forward to your feedback on your presentation which no doubt will be factual yet entertaining.!

itac

Gongoozler wrote: »

I don't know how you can have the attitude that everything will pass. Even if one thing does, there's always another crap thing around the corner.
I'd have thought having a friend, boyfriend and family, that you couldn't feel alone, but turns out it is possible. Down so much lately because of where I'm going with work, and not being able to get a job or decide on doing a course etc. And my job is utter sh*t. I need to feel I have support. But I don't. Can't see myself going to work tomorrow. I just have nothing.

A lot of the time, when I tell myself "this will pass" I don't believe it. It's just words that don't work, and they seem stupid and cliched and insincere. But what I know to be true is that all the ****tiest times in my life, all the times I thought I couldn't make it through another 24 hours of misery, I did. I got up, I cried, I pretended to be happy when I needed to be, and I got through another 24hrs.

Sometimes it was something stupid, something small, a kid pulling faces out the window of car passing by me on the motoroway made me laugh, watching a stupid soppy video online, reading things I'd written before, remind me that "I've been to where bad is, and this, is not it".

For me, my biggest support is myself. It's knowing I've come through some horrible crap, and knowing I'm still going, I'm still taking the crap that life throws at me. Sometimes I may be down and feel like I can't take anymore, and I remember what I've come through. Sometimes you gotta look back to look forward.

Make tonight about yourself, order a takeaway, curl up in a toasty bed with a book or movie, take a long bath/drive/walk, just do something for yourself and no-one else. The sun will rise tomorrow, and so will you. Look after yourself Gongoozler,XxX

delthedriver

Wurlitzer,

Delighted to read your most recent posts.

Wow, what major progress in the last few days.

Your positive mood is very truly inspirational

I am absolutely thrilled for you.

Keep up the good work.

Best wishes

PS .Yes the sun was shining today, I managed to get out to the beach and enjoyed the wonderful scenery and nature all about me.
I even managed to make a few phone calls and sent a few emails. The rest of the time was spent sitting in my chair looking up at the sun. What a great day.:)

grey_so_what

Your comments and positiveness made me smile del...........:):):)

delthedriver wrote: »

Wurlitzer,

Delighted to read your most recent posts.

Wow, what major progress in the last few days.

Your positive mood is very truly inspirational

I am absolutely thrilled for you.

Keep up the good work.

Best wishes

PS .Yes the sun was shining today, I managed to get out to the beach and enjoyed the wonderful scenery and nature all about me.
I even managed to make a few phone calls and sent a few emails. The rest of the time was spent sitting in my chair looking up at the sun. What a great day.:)

delthedriver

itac wrote: »

A lot of the time, when I tell myself "this will pass" I don't believe it. It's just words that don't work, and they seem stupid and cliched and insincere. But what I know to be true is that all the ****tiest times in my life, all the times I thought I couldn't make it through another 24 hours of misery, I did. I got up, I cried, I pretended to be happy when I needed to be, and I got through another 24hrs.

Sometimes it was something stupid, something small, a kid pulling faces out the window of car passing by me on the motoroway made me laugh, watching a stupid soppy video online, reading things I'd written before, remind me that "I've been to where bad is, and this, is not it".

For me, my biggest support is myself. It's knowing I've come through some horrible crap, and knowing I'm still going, I'm still taking the crap that life throws at me. Sometimes I may be down and feel like I can't take anymore, and I remember what I've come through. Sometimes you gotta look back to look forward.

Make tonight about yourself, order a takeaway, curl up in a toasty bed with a book or movie, take a long bath/drive/walk, just do something for yourself and no-one else. The sun will rise tomorrow, and so will you. Look after yourself Gongoozler,XxX

ITAC,
Well done!
An excellent post.
Thank you very much
Best Wishes

Gongoozler

the thing is, I do get up. I go to work, I talk to friends, I get on with things, until the next time something happens, and I just can't keep going on. It's like everything is working against me, no matter how hard I try to make things better. I've done 6years in college, and done work placements since I've finished, and I still can't get a job. I've made myself a better person, I do my best with people and still I have no one to talk to.
The best thing I can do is hurry up and finish the project i'm on at work so I can leave. It's doing me no use to be there. In fact I think I'd be better off with no job than being there. I want to get away from everything. Just be by myself by a lake on a nice warm day, with nothing and no one. not have to think about anyone, or the way I look, or how **** my options are.

Call Me Jimmy

Gongoozler wrote: »

the thing is, I do get up. I go to work, I talk to friends, I get on with things, until the next time something happens, and I just can't keep going on. It's like everything is working against me, no matter how hard I try to make things better. I've done 6years in college, and done work placements since I've finished, and I still can't get a job. I've made myself a better person, I do my best with people and still I have no one to talk to.
The best thing I can do is hurry up and finish the project i'm on at work so I can leave. It's doing me no use to be there. In fact I think I'd be better off with no job than being there. I want to get away from everything. Just be by myself by a lake on a nice warm day, with nothing and no one. not have to think about anyone, or the way I look, or how **** my options are.

And yet you know nothing is working against you. I'm the same as you, I think all the time like this and what's the point of anything if it's just going to continue to be 90% bad, but one thing I've learned now over the years (I don't know if this is appropriate mods feel free to remove) is that killing yourself is not as easy as we sometimes would like to think it is. And when you have been face to face with it, at the lowest point in your life and you still can't do it (by you I mean me lol) then ye have to start thinking, well if I can't do it then I may as well get as comfortable as possible when I can.

I hit a wall, when I was younger I felt something like suicide was an 'out' so I allowed myself to do certain things that you can do with that feeling. Now I know it is unlikely, no matter how much I want it sometimes, that I will ever be able to physically do it. So, even though I have the same attitude as you most of the time, to be comfortable is my only goal most days. Breathing, feeling etc.

On the job I would say there are a lot of people who would be better off health-wise to be on the dole or similar. I think there is a pressure once you get some job that it will be a neverending track to old age of constant stress. But if one can afford to quit a job that is causing them harm, take some time out and dream bigger it can be life-changing.

I haven't done it yet but I plan to.

itac

Gongoozler, is there any chance you can take some time off in the meantime before the project ends? Even a few days coming toward a weekend, or just two days hols, and just head off somewhere by yourself for a bit?

I'm from Sligo originally, and now and again, I just need to be alone beside the sea. It throws the world right side up again, if only for a few mins, but sometimes the memory of those few mins is enough to keep me going til the next time I get back there.

I find my work sometimes overwhelming, and it rarely leaves my mind from day to day, even during time off. But recently I've started doing mindfulness meditation, and have found it really helpful. The basic premise is that, instead of thinking "This is my time off-I'm trying to clear my mind-work-work-goddammit, I'm trying to clear my mind here!!" you think "I'm trying to clear my mind-work-yeah, there's work stuff coming in-ohh look, there's something else-oh, and something else...and I'm trying to clear my mind..."

I may not have explained it correctly there, but maybe google it and see what you think,xx

delthedriver

grey_so_what wrote: »

Your comments and positiveness made me smile del...........:):):)

Thank you so much for your kind words and reading my post,

The best things in life are free.whether it is the sun or wind

One thing I have discovered over the past few years is that money is not the most important thing. Mental and physical health is the number one priority.

Having spent a lot of time over the last few weeks under the weather including a short stay in hospital it is truly wonderful to feel the sun on my face and the wind in my greying locks. It was really a case of living in the moment.

No matter how bad I feel and believe me I know what it is like to be feeling rock bottom, I always try to find something to help me live in the now, even if it is drinking a mug of hot chocolate while in my pjs wrapped up in a duvet in front of the fire. Basically whatever it takes to get me through those dark moments.

Stay well

Call Me Jimmy

Itac how are you finding it? Have ye been disciplined? I find just reading Full Catastrophe Living gets me into a certain head-space but as of yet I have not had the discpline to really make a go of it.

delthedriver

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

And yet you know nothing is working against you. I'm the same as you, I think all the time like this and what's the point of anything if it's just going to continue to be 90% bad, but one thing I've learned now over the years (I don't know if this is appropriate mods feel free to remove) is that killing yourself is not as easy as we sometimes would like to think it is. And when you have been face to face with it, at the lowest point in your life and you still can't do it (by you I mean me lol) then ye have to start thinking, well if I can't do it then I may as well get as comfortable as possible when I can.

I hit a wall, when I was younger I felt something like suicide was an 'out' so I allowed myself to do certain things that you can do with that feeling. Now I know it is unlikely, no matter how much I want it sometimes, that I will ever be able to physically do it. So, even though I have the same attitude as you most of the time, to be comfortable is my only goal most days. Breathing, feeling etc.

On the job I would say there are a lot of people who would be better off health-wise to be on the dole or similar. I think there is a pressure once you get some job that it will be a neverending track to old age of constant stress. But if one can afford to quit a job that is causing them harm, take some time out and dream bigger it can be life-changing.

I haven't done it yet but I plan to.

Jimmy,
Well done!
Gongoozler, please take great care of yourself. Give yourself some time out.
For what it is worth I took some time out alone. I spent a week on my own to allow my head get some space. I spent my days alone, dined alone, and had early nights, to catch up on sleep and give my broken head rest
The benefit was , I managed to get perspective on things and prioritised what was actually important to me and found the energy to move on.

Gongoozler

At this point I wouldn't mind getting away for a few days by myself. but no I can't afford it. I can't afford anything. I'm doing an internship, and the project I'm doing, I'm doing it by myself. I can pretty much work at my own pace. I don't even mind doing it, I just want to be left alone. It's not like I'd be losing a lot to leave. At least I wouldn't feel like the skivvy. Unpaid skivvy.

I know you all think this is just a mindset, and maybe it is, but there is real experience behind it. It's not a matter of being positive or just getting through it. This is my life. I have no support. Which makes the ****ness much harder to take.

Jimmy, I'm the same. I genuinely don't think I could actually kill myself. Which makes me feel infinitely trapped.

delthedriver

Gongoozler wrote: »

At this point I wouldn't mind getting away for a few days by myself. but no I can't afford it. I can't afford anything. I'm doing an internship, and the project I'm doing, I'm doing it by myself. I can pretty much work at my own pace. I don't even mind doing it, I just want to be left alone. It's not like I'd be losing a lot to leave. At least I wouldn't feel like the skivvy. Unpaid skivvy.

I know you all think this is just a mindset, and maybe it is, but there is real experience behind it. It's not a matter of being positive or just getting through it. This is my life. I have no support. Which makes the ****ness much harder to take.

Jimmy, I'm the same. I genuinely don't think I could actually kill myself. Which makes me feel infinitely trapped.

Gongoozler,

I can sense your pain and frustration.
Yes it is your life and you have identified lack of support as one of your main causes of frustration in your life.Have you support from a partner, family ,friends whom you can seek assistance from ,be it emotional or if necessary some financial help to get you through this bad patch?
Believe me things will change, if they don't they will stay the same.
However you need to be the instigator of change.
You are obviously a very intelligent person, but there is no harm in asking those closest to you for help. Perhaps your nearest and dearest are unaware of what you are going through.There is no need to face this bumpy road all alone. If you know what you want out of life tell someone closest to you and seek their support.

Best Wishes:)

Otis_taylor2

now im free...free fallin'..fallin'

Cereal Number

Otis_taylor2 wrote: »

Based on the fact that i have lost most of my close friends (in school and college) because of my attitude and my behavior towards them, i know i have to change my attitude. But i can't really pinpoint (or understand) as to what i really need to change. anyone been in a similar position?...Any advice?

Funny I feel the same, got on good and made a close friend, now they have ditched me, kinda upset, to paraphrase IT Crowd, people are such bástards, and then I think maybe its me is the one to blame?

Cereal Number

PS Lexapro kiss my fanny

Esel

^ Looks like those posts are deleted (or edited?) now, Del?

Otis_taylor2

delthedriver wrote: »

Posts 2869, 2870, 2871????????????.Reported to Mods .
This is a very sensitive subject, not one to be taken lightly.
Are you sure you have posted in the right area.
Suicide and Depression are not laughing matters!

I was being serious. and i suppose the other poster was stating his experience. why would you think otherwise?

handbagmad

went to the doc yesterday afternoon. got something to take the edge off the anxiety. I have a MASSIVE DECISION to make and two weeks to make it.

Thing is this decision may not make a certan person happy. Although it will not affect our circumstances financially for the next 3 years.
So do I go on as is worrying and making myself more ill or do I bite the bullet and go for it and suffer someones misgivens and moods for a short time?

I know what is clearly in my mind the best option but im scared of confrontation

delthedriver

Otis_taylor2 wrote: »

I was being serious. and i suppose the other poster was stating his experience. why would you think otherwise?

Apologies,

Forgive me for overreacting.the post number 2871 IMHO was rude, which I accept was nothing to do with you but rather another Op which arrived within minutes of your post.

Anyway let us draw a line in the sand and move on.
.....................................................................................................
Ok I accept you are having difficulties relating to friends due in school & college due to attitude and behaviour towards them.
What is the cause of this problem? How do you get on with people in general?
Have you any difficulty dealing with parents or siblings?
What exactly do you mean when you say attitude and behaviour? What emotions do you display?
How do you get on with your teachers and lecturers?
Have you any medical issues physical or emotional which are causing you any worry?
I know I am asking a lot of questions, but I am genuinely trying to help.
Please feel free to reply and we shall do our best to help.
Sincerely
Best wishes:):)

delthedriver

handbagmad wrote: »

went to the doc yesterday afternoon. got something to take the edge off the anxiety. I have a MASSIVE DECISION to make and two weeks to make it.

Thing is this decision may not make a certan person happy. Although it will not affect our circumstances financially for the next 3 years.
So do I go on as is worrying and making myself more ill or do I bite the bullet and go for it and suffer someones misgivens and moods for a short time?

I know what is clearly in my mind the best option but im scared of confrontation

It is your life, you have to do what is best for you.
Sure you are concerned about the other party and the impact on your relationship. My advice is to bite the bullet , there is no point in making yourself ill. The sooner you discuss the issue the better, you may be surprised, the other party may well be most supportive of your decision.
You won't know unless you talk about the issue
Get on with it!:)

delthedriver

Cereal Number wrote: »

Funny I feel the same, got on good and made a close friend, now they have ditched me, kinda upset, to paraphrase IT Crowd, people are such bástards, and then I think maybe its me is the one to blame?

How would you describe your personality?
How do you get on with people in general?
How do you get on with family?
Why did your friend ditch you? What was the cause?
How do you feel since being ditched by your friend, angry, upset,..........?
Have you any medical issues , physical or emotional which may be causing you concern?
Perhaps by chatting in greater detail we may be able to give you some pointers.
There is a wealth of knowledge in this forum which may be of assistance to you.
Best wishes:)

Gongoozler

delthedriver wrote: »

Gongoozler,

I can sense your pain and frustration.
Yes it is your life and you have identified lack of support as one of your main causes of frustration in your life.Have you support from a partner, family ,friends whom you can seek assistance from ,be it emotional or if necessary some financial help to get you through this bad patch?
Believe me things will change, if they don't they will stay the same.
However you need to be the instigator of change.
You are obviously a very intelligent person, but there is no harm in asking those closest to you for help. Perhaps your nearest and dearest are unaware of what you are going through.There is no need to face this bumpy road all alone. If you know what you want out of life tell someone closest to you and seek their support.

Best Wishes:)

I have some support from my boyfriend and maybe one friend.
couldn't ask anything of my family.
The problem with instigating change is I've nothing to change to. if i had interests I'd know what area to work towards studying for a job.

Turtwig

Gongoozler wrote: »

I have some support from my boyfriend and maybe one friend.
couldn't ask anything of my family.
The problem with instigating change is I've nothing to change to. if i had interests I'd know what area to work towards studying for a job.

Having no interests can actually be an advantage. All you have to do, and I appreciate this may be very difficult, is try something new. Even if we live for 1,000s of years we're never going to get to experience everything life has to offer. So just pick something, anything, first thing that comes into your head that you've never done before and try it! To take one example, have you ever sketched a picture using only a pencil? Think of it of as trying a new food, it doesn't look that appetising at first, but it's only when you taste it do you know whether you like it or not. Who knows you may even find new people to dine with too.

I wrote a Novel (well sort of:o) last November. Even though I was incredibly sick it was probably the most fun thing I did last year. Not sure of career chances of being a novelist though, but the sense of escapism it provided was unreal!

Try something new, take it forward in very small steps and who knows you may just find a career interest developing in you.

Cereal Number

delthedriver wrote: »

Please delete the above post. It appears somewhat offensive in this forum.

I am sure no harm was meant.

It was me, venting at the side effects of a drug, how can that be offensive??

Gongoozler

Thanks jernal. problem is right now i haven't got the money to try out things. or much time.i like animals, that's my only interest. But there's nothing near the city that i can do

delthedriver

Gongoozler wrote: »

I have some support from my boyfriend and maybe one friend.
couldn't ask anything of my family.
The problem with instigating change is I've nothing to change to. if i had interests I'd know what area to work towards studying for a job.

Hi Gongoozler,
Thank you for keeping us updated.
Yes I hear your pain about change.
Why are you continuing to persevere with an Internship which is making you so dreadfully unhappy?
What is the alternative? Would you be happier working at something else or studying for something else. Would your emotional health if you resigned and take a break before looking for something else?
Have you spoken with your boyfriend and or friend about how you feel?
What additional support do you need from them?
Have you discussed these issues with your GP and Counsellor?
What was the outcome? Have they recommended any additional solutions?

Perhaps some other OPs could assist here please, any ideas , suggestions I am sure will be greatly appreciated.

Meanwhile take it easy, be kind to yourself, eat well ,get lots of rest and avoid alcohol! Alcohol when one is feeling low does not improve mood , but instead make it worse.:)

Gongoozler

delthedriver wrote: »

Hi Gongoozler,
Thank you for keeping us updated.
Yes I hear your pain about change.
Why are you continuing to persevere with an Internship which is making you so dreadfully unhappy?
What is the alternative? Would you be happier working at something else or studying for something else. Would your emotional health if you resigned and take a break before looking for something else?
Have you spoken with your boyfriend and or friend about how you feel?
What additional support do you need from them?
Have you discussed these issues with your GP and Counsellor?
What was the outcome? Have they recommended any additional solutions?

Perhaps some other OPs could assist here please, any ideas , suggestions I am sure will be greatly appreciated.

Meanwhile take it easy, be kind to yourself, eat well ,get lots of rest and avoid alcohol! Alcohol when one is feeling low does not improve mood , but instead make it worse.:)

I'm persevering because I want to finish the project I'm on, so that I've gotten something from my time there.
The alternative is being at home all day by myself doing absolutely nothing, having nothing to focus on only finding a job. I can't afford to study something else unless it's funded by FAS. And the problem even if I could, is that I don't know what I would do. I wouldn't do another degree at this point.
I've spoken with my boyfriend. Not so much my friend. I don't know what I need from them. I suppose I'm getting all I can from my bf. I haven't discussed with my GP, she'll just suggest counselling. I'm seeing a low cost counsellor. I'm working through some other stuff for now. I suppose it's kind of linked. it's confidence and assertion mostly.

delthedriver

Cereal Number wrote: »

It was me, venting at the side effects of a drug, how can that be offensive??

Cereal Number,
You are quite correct, venting at the side effects of a drug is not offensive.
My apologies , I have been that soldier too.
Take good care of yourself.
Incidentally , has that drug been replaced by something with less side effects?
Hopefully the replacement drug helps you feel better
Keep in touch
Sincerely
Del:)

McChubbin

I missed taking my medication for the last few days and I'm beginning to experience the onsets of mania creeping up on me. Fortunately I can usually pre-emmpt any symptoms before it turns into a full blown attack. It's my own fault, though. My short-term memory is so fried these days that I have to be constantly reminded to take my medication even though I myself know I'm worse off without it.
Sometimes I deliberately let it slip because I resent the fact I'm likely to be be relient on anti-psychotic meds for the rest of my life. I hate the feeling of having 6 purple pills a day be the controlling force behind my mood swings. Try not to rebel against it but giving that I always had some latent control freak tendencies I hate the idea of being so relient on something that curbs my creativity so much.
Still, I try to stay pro-active. I read up a lot on my condition to keep on top of it and I go to therapy classes at least once a week. The trick is to keep my mind occupied so I don't over analyse or get stuck on the one subject.

BTW, on the subject of good books to read: I recommend the "For Dummies" books on Cognative Behavioral Theraphy and Bipolor Disoder.
"You Don't Have to Be Famous To Be Manic Depressive" is also an excellent resource that I highly recommend, especially for anyone who is somewhat skeptical/wary of reading self-help books.

Currently a bit hyper at the moment but I'm going to see if I can still take my night medication and, if needed, my additional emergency dose of hadroperidol to calm the racing thoughts. Bipolor affective disorder is a helluva disorder to live with but after three years I'm learning to come to terms with it.