Maintenance and Inappropriate Comments by Judge

Davidian_ie

Was in Court today regarding maintenance for my child and to say it was a bizzare experience is an understatement.

Don't want to go into all the details but am currently unemployed and attending College through Springboard anywhere between 2-4 days per week. The course is excellent and is really giving me hope that I may find work when I complete it.

My son lives with his Mother full time and I get access to see him 2 days per week 10am-6pm. She refuses to allow him to stay over with me.

My ex partner is working in a well paid full time job and has her Mother living with her full time also, who doesn't work (also responsible for why we don't live together anymore). When we split up she refused to sign guardianship and I had to apply through the Court and do self representation. She was summoned, never showed up and it was granted. So next week I get a summons for maintenance.

I have never dodged any responsibility for my child, he is the most important thing in the world to me. Anything the Mother asked for I get and most of my family are in the States and send a lot of stuff over for him. I buy full on groceries twice per week for him, which includes all his nappies etc. To reduce my cost of living I moved back to my home place as my Mother spends a lot of time abroad and it is a little cheaper to travel to college.

Bottom line is I get euro 188 per week. I have to borrow a car to collect my son and it costs me euro 40 on fuel to just collect him and bring him back home. My travel to Dublin can be anything from euro 25 to 45 per week. Then there are costs of books,printing, etc. I applied for a medical card months ago and never received it and have been told to forget about it until at least next February. Want to know the costs of inhalers? When my son comes to spend the day with me, I have to ensure that the place is heated and he is well fed. I don't get fuel allowance or food allowance. I scrounge money from sisters to help make up the shortfalls to buy his other grocery shops for when he is not with me. I keep receipts for everything and my financial commitment is unquestionable.

I decided to turn up for court and represent myself again, as I believed that it would be straight forward and the Judge would see I was doing my absolute best for my child.

Wow was I wrong. Immediately the Judge took umbrage with me for turning up without a solicitor. I explained that I was unemployed and couldn't afford one. His dislike of me continued unabated. He refused to look at any of my expenses or money receipts I had for expenditure on my child. I tried in vain to then explain them to him and he just had no interest in listening to me. I told him about my travel expenses to collect my son, he said I was driving the wrong car and should buy a diesel one. I told him I can't afford a car and borrow the one I use. He said I should think about getting a motorbike. I said I don't want to buy a motorbike, as I don't know how to ride one or have the ability to afford one. He said I would then need to get a bicycle and I asked him did he think it was appropriate in this weather to bring a 2 year old child on an 80km round trip on a bicycle, especially in this weather. He said there were people doing it. I said in 6 months I had yet to pass someone on the motorway cycling with a child in tow.

This was the general tone from start to finish.

After trying to convey my situation to him, he proceeds to tell me if JP McManus was in front of him today all he could grant him to pay was a maximum of euro150. WTF!!???!!! He then grants an order of euro 100 against me, tells me that it costs euro 300 per week to maintain a child. At this stage all I could do was laugh, I thought it was a wind up. I asked him did he think this was just and how did he think I was going to A) be able to collect my son and take care of him on my access days and continue to go to College. I told him this was completely illogical and made no sense. I can't go to my sisters and say give me money to give my ex, they will refuse and it would be unfair to even consider asking them.

The contribution from my ex's solicitor during the whole case was 'We don't want Mr.XXXXX bringing groceries to the house'.

So I said to the Judge his recommendation basically amounted to me either packing in College or seeing my son. It would be just totally impossible for me to manage, let alone have any provision for myself.

The Court Clerk told me originally when he looked at my situation that i would have to pay probably euro 30 to 40 per week. I know guys working that are paying euro 60. I'm really stressed out by this whole process and have had chest pains all evening. I want to work so my son wants for nothing but now I'm faced with the prospect of being trapped on the dole or leaving the country. The latter prospect would break my heart and I wouldn't be able to deal with being away from my son. I don't even think my ex expected this and has probably gone home thinking she has won the Court lottery. If she looked at the bigger picture she would see the way this is headed, that no matter what I end up paying is all going to end up in some solicitor's pocket. Surely it is in her interest that I finish College and get into work asap.

I will obviously appeal this and get it extended so that legal aid can hopefully fight my case, for the record, I'm on a waiting list for Legal Aid since June and have been told it will be late January before I will be seen.

Also can I request a different Judge to hear my appeal?

Forgive all typing mistakes. I'm stressed.

Moonbeam

Wow that sounds harsh.
Did she have costs saying it costs 300 euro a week to maintain the child?
I have 2 kids and they want for nothing and they do not cost me near 300 euro a week.
Talk to your local td,talk to free legal aid,talk to anyone that can help.
I am not sure what happened but it sounds crazy.

confused08

feel so sorry for you but from what i know of the court system , once you lodge an appeal the order granted by the judge is frozen until your appeal is heard , depending on your area it could take 6 months for an appeal to be heard , also different judges sit on the circuit court than the district court so it will be a different judge and you will get a full hearing and more time to plead your case

gcgirl

Free legal aid yourself and go to the HSE over your medical card their fooking idiots when it comes to stuff like that, monkeys are more capable of doing a decent job, but the max you should pay is €25 the judge sounds like a knob have every bill for your out goings and get back in ASAP

aujopimur

Why did you not apply for free legal aid as you are entitled to do, I strongly advise that you do so, as you can see representing yourself is not a good idea

CrazyRabbit

Get free legal aid. The judge may think you were taking the piss by not having legal representation and that influenced his decision. Not a good idea to piss off a judge.

Orion

aujopimur wrote: »

Why did you not apply for free legal aid as you are entitled to do, I strongly advise that you do so, as you can see representing yourself is not a good idea

CrazyRabbit wrote: »

Get free legal aid. The judge may think you were taking the piss by not having legal representation and that influenced his decision. Not a good idea to piss off a judge.

Ummm....

Davidian_ie wrote: »

for the record, I'm on a waiting list for Legal Aid since June and have been told it will be late January before I will be seen

So the legal advice would be to get legal advice. But he's on a waiting list to get that legal advice and the judge was pissed because he had no legal advisor to give him the legal advice that everyone is advising he needs. I think my brain just exploded.

IOW people - let's not jump to conclusions. Davidian_ie is on a waiting list. He has applied. Telling him he needs legal advice is not helping - it's already apparent and pending.

Davidian_ie

Davidian_ie wrote: »

I'm on a waiting list for Legal Aid since June and have been told it will be late January before I will be seen.

Understand that I'm going to need Legal Aid before I enter the court room again because Judge has no interest in engaging with me. Got the impression this was about putting me in my place and that I should not be upsetting the Legal gravy train. A few months prior to the Guardianship case a Guard advised me to call a certain solicitor that deals with Legal Aid cases and who would 99% be dealing with mine, to call them and ask if they could help me at the time because there was a possibility of a flight risk before the guardianship case. I called the solicitor in question and she told me that yes I would be entitled to legal Aid but she wanted e750 to take the case on at that time. I asked her would she be claiming money through the Legal Aid also and she replied 'Yes'. I just hung up the phone. So you can see why I'm a little sceptical of the whole free legal aid process as well. I am now from a position of 256 on the waiting list, up to 26th but will be end of January.

Moonbeam

Is it possible that you have confused the weekly amount with monthly?
unless you have huge savings it makes no sense otherwise?

confused08

As far as i know you cant get free legal aid if you're making the appeal , really hope i'm wrong but you should check it out . i know this is prob a really bad idea but if i was in your position i would carry on as before and not pay maintainance , you would then be brought back to the district court , you can get a letter from the legal aid board stating that your on a waiting list and the court would have to adjourn the case . Been through the court system for over a year and it totally sucks

Wantobe

Family law hearings are held 'in camera' and discussing them without the consent of all parties can be a contempt of court...so be very careful OP, you have disclosed quite a lot of information which could identify the parties.

And BTW what you've said about the solicitor you contacted is very confusing. Did you contact a private solicitor or the legal aid board?

Fittle

As another poster said - is it possible that you have confused the 100e being a monthly payment?

I was in court with my sons father recently and was awarded 75e per week from a man who has a very well paid job. I can't imagine a judge would award 100pw from somone on the dole - it's very confusing

Davidian_ie

Thanks for all the replies and it is very definitely e100 per week and that is why I asked for advice here. I had a panic attack after I left the courthouse. First time in my life I have experienced anything like that. All I could see was all my effort so far this year in College being wiped out with the stroke of a judge's pen. It is obviously in my son's best interest if I am back in work and thought it really unfair that the Judge completely disregarded my costs for travelling to Dublin and having to pay all costs associated with my education. I was not eligible for BTEA. I'm not looking to shirk my responsibilities in anyway or weasel out of payments. I just want what is fair and my child at this stage definitely wants for nothing.


The bottom line is I will appeal the decision and continue to support my son with all his necessities, which will also enable me to receive help from family in doing so. Will wait then and see how Legal Aid advise me to proceed.

Regarding the contact with the solicitor. I was told off the record by a member of the Garda to contact the solicitor as she would with 99% probability be dealing with me on free legal aid. They said to contact her and explain my situation and that she MIGHT make an exception and deal with my case, as there was a strong possibility of a flight risk. The Solicitor said she would deal with it but would want e750 from me. I asked would she still be claiming payment through the Legal Aid services for this and she said yes. As previously stated, I hung up the phone.

Cavehill Red

Start here: http://www.flac.ie/

planetX

I was on the other side, but had an equally bizarre court appearance. My ex represented himself and was given all the time. I sympathise entirely with anyone who has to face a judge as rude and petty as I now know are out there.
Having said that... I would be very annoyed to get groceries instead of cash maintenance, there's a nasty side to that.

Davidian_ie

planetX wrote: »

I was on the other side, but had an equally bizarre court appearance. My ex represented himself and was given all the time. I sympathise entirely with anyone who has to face a judge as rude and petty as I now know are out there.
Having said that... I would be very annoyed to get groceries instead of cash maintenance, there's a nasty side to that.

I know exactly where you are coming from regarding the groceries but this goes beyond that and there are trust issues also. If I told you that I regularly at the end of the month get calls for a loan to buy food, would that not ring alarm bells as to what is going on with her salary? Remember I'm on social and going to college and she is calling me for loans. I end up doing shops for her and buying her groceries to get to her pay packet. My spend on my son is everything from groceries, toys, toiletries, clothes to medicines. Not counting the regular parcels that arrive from the States for him. There is no mechanism in place to ensure I know that my money would be spent directly on my child. At least this way I can sleep easy knowing my child has nourishment.

qwertytlk

Wow thats shocking. I dont even know what to say as iv never been in the situation. So just wanted to say im so sorry for you. And 300 to maintain a child? Thats totally ridiculous and absurd. I have a 6 month old and id say he costs me between 30-50 per week.
As for the inhaler, they are between 8 and 10 euro. This is just buying them from chemist with no prescriptions left, which is called an emergency prescription (with prescription on med card it costs 50 cent per item!)

go to hse, explain your situation. A few years back i was in a similar situation, bar the court business, and was waiting for med card for months, which was leaving me broke having to pay 100 per month for doc and prescription so went into hse and they gave me the number for the place they process the med card applications. Got talking to a woman who was kind enough to give me the medical card number which was enough for me to see doc for free and get Prescriptions. So try that. F that fails i think you can get a temporary card or an emergency one but i think there are certain criteria attached to this option. Hope this helps. If your stuck with no inhaler and feeling wheezy go into the bathroom with window/door closed, but shower on full heat and sit there for a while breathing in the steam. Really helps open up the chest. Bowl of boiling water with towel over your head does the same job, just not as good. Best of luck with it all. Hope you can resolve the maintenance/access issues soon.

groovyg

Davidian_ie wrote: »

I told him about my travel expenses to collect my son, he said I was driving the wrong car and should buy a diesel one. I told him I can't afford a car and borrow the one I use.
He said I should think about getting a motorbike. I said I don't want to buy a motorbike, as I don't know how to ride one or have the ability to afford one.
He said I would then need to get a bicycle and I asked him did he think it was appropriate in this weather to bring a 2 year old child on an 80km round trip on a bicycle, especially in this weather. He said there were people doing it.

Op I'm wondering did he spend the morning in the pub ? he suggests you buying a diesel car when you say you can't afford that, he suggests a motorbike and then getting a bicycle. Dunno of many people cycling 80km with a kid on the back ..what an idiot. I really hope your situation gets sorted.

cynder

Our inhalers cost between €50 and €60 per inhaler we have 2 on flixotide and one on seretide and 3 on Ventolin. Wish our inhalers only cost €8.00, then €10.00 for each prescription payable to the gp.


If it were me in that position i would love to go to the papers showing them my income of €188 and maintenance order or €100 per week.

cynder

groovyg wrote: »

Op I'm wondering did he spend the morning in the pub ? he suggests you buying a diesel car when you say you can't afford that, he suggests a motorbike and then getting a bicycle. Dunno of many people cycling 80km with a kid on the back ..what an idiot. I really hope your situation gets sorted.

I dont even think kids are allowed on the back of motorcycles!

Orion

Ludicrously there is no age limit in Ireland.

http://news.motorbiker.org/blogs.nsf/dx/young-motorcycle-pillion-riders-and-the-european-laws.htm

Fittle

I'm also surprised that the judge seemed annoyed that you didn't have a solicitor. In my own experience (and I'll reiterate, this is my personal experience of being in a district court for maintenance, 6 times in 9 years), I only had a solicitor once, as did my childs dad. Twice when we didn't have a solicitor, the judge commended us both for representing ourselves.

As someone else said, contact FLAC - they will provide you with free legal advice until you get your legal aid sorted.

I certainly wouldn't be paying 100e per week in the interim however - I would stop buying groceries, and provide your child with the most you can afford until you get back to court and in front of a more sensible judge.

Davidian_ie

Thanks for all the replies yet again and they really helped me to get a perspective of what just happened to me. It was like I had been in a car crash. Was probably in a state of shock when I originally posted. I'm not trying to make myself out as some martyr for the cause. I'm just a Dad who loves his son to bits and have got sucker punched by the whole legal system in this country. Looking at it now, it's just a game to solicitor's etc. involved but this is real life and where they make money decisions, I make ones that are in the best interest of my child. If the e100 was taken from me, it would completely cut me out of my child's life. I get no input in any decisions as it is and am never given information as to what he does on days he is not with me. I know the grocery thing would annoy a lot of women but it gives me a) Peace of mind that my son has most of his necessities provided every week and b) He sees me buying stuff for him. I know that that may sound ridiculous but imagine every time my child visits and I haven't even the price of an apple, a bag of Tayto or a juice. What kind of impression does my kid form of me then?

Anyway, I asked his mother to please consider a mediator and I would be very favourable to her terms. She said 'yes' but I would have to give her the e100 per week. I tried to explain that this was not possible and that obviously I would be lodging an appeal. I also stated that if we keep going in and out of court, all the money will just end up in solicitor's pockets. Not interested. I reminded her of the times I bailed her out over the last few months but she brushed that aside. I told her that once this goes to appeal and the outcome is not what she wants, it will probably see a total breakidown of any working relationship between us. I asked her, is this the environment and atmosphere she wanted to raise our son up in. Again not interested. I also explained my exams are in March and I am optimistic that I will be in employment soon after them and that is obviously in her interest as well as our child's that I am working. Not interested, as that was my problem.

Bottom line is I now have to go out and play a game. My policy of being honest and trying my best has no place in this system. I was advised months ago by a female friend who works in Citizen Information to go straight into 'Bastard Mode' regarding my situation, to stop buying anything for my son and offer no assistance whatsoever. I couldn't get my head around what she was trying to advise me to do or as to what such action would achieve. I understand perfectly now but it was just not in my nature to do so. Looks like I am backed into a corner now and my options are forced on me. Sadly I will probably become very cynical when this whole process ends and hate to think of developing a massive chip on my shoulder against the world at the end of this.

Am still really annoyed that the Judge made those ridiculous comments and have enquired about making a complaint against him for making wreck less statements. Brick wall. Just have to hope he is not sitting on the appeal. It might be a joke to him but this is real life and real people that he is affecting.

Fittle I'm also surprised that the judge seemed annoyed that you didn't have a solicitor. In my own experience (and I'll reiterate, this is my personal experience of being in a district court for maintenance, 6 times in 9 years), I only had a solicitor once, as did my childs dad. Twice when we didn't have a solicitor, the judge commended us both for representing ourselves.

This boiled down to a bad start. He kept dwelling on the fact that I was solicitorless, I answered him with straight forward replies to this at the start and then told him that it was my right to represent myself in any case. The umbrage began here. He kept on about it and my final say on it was, that I would not reply to his statements about this anymore because he would probably not appreciate my honest opinion on the matter. This seemed to rile him even more. I know some people are good at pandering and nodding but I just can't do bull****. That is why I will most definitely have someone representing me on my next visit.

PS Inhalers are stupidly expensive and my doctor has me on what he calls the cheap ones and they cost me e60 for two of them.

I also went to HSE yesterday and the lady there said I must have got the amount mixed up. I told her I was 1000% sure that was the figure because I had just picked up the Appeal form and the Court Clerk who quipped that my e100 order starts on Friday. She told me that I would definitely have strong grounds to appeal it.

cynder

Good luck with it davidian. Hope it works out in the end. Try fight it any which way you can.

My boys were on cheap inhalers at first and they didnt help we had to keep upgrading till we found something that did. Hope you get the medical card ASAP...

cynder

Orion wrote: »

Ludicrously there is no age limit in Ireland.

http://news.motorbiker.org/blogs.nsf/dx/young-motorcycle-pillion-riders-and-the-european-laws.htm

:eek: shocked!

planetX

Davidian_ie wrote: »

I know exactly where you are coming from regarding the groceries but this goes beyond that and there are trust issues also. If I told you that I regularly at the end of the month get calls for a loan to buy food, would that not ring alarm bells as to what is going on with her salary? Remember I'm on social and going to college and she is calling me for loans. I end up doing shops for her and buying her groceries to get to her pay packet. My spend on my son is everything from groceries, toys, toiletries, clothes to medicines. Not counting the regular parcels that arrive from the States for him. There is no mechanism in place to ensure I know that my money would be spent directly on my child. At least this way I can sleep easy knowing my child has nourishment.

Now this sounds even more like control. You have no right to choose her groceries in lieu of maintenance. If you are spending on groceries, toys, toiletries, clothes and medicine, that's a lot of money that you could be paying. Bags of groceries are not the same as a reliable amount that can be budgeted into paying important bills. If as you claim she is neglecting the child, gather your evidence and bring it to court. Maintenance is not 'to be spent directly on the child' - it's to maintain the child... housing, heating, electricity, these things are more important than toys and clothes.
If she is using emotional blackmail to get money from you at the end of the month that is despicable, and you shouldn't fall for it. Your son is not going to go hungry - unless she's a complete sociopath.

Whynotme

Did you get your ex's affidavit of means? If so go through it with a fine tooth comb. Maintenance is based on the child costs. As your ex works I imagine she has childcare costs which can cost €800+ per month. Check her costs and ensure that she has halved them, her mother is responsible for her half. Any unreasonable costs, ask for proof.

On an aside, unfortunately you got a bad judge on a bad day and made it worse for yourself by standing up for yourself. Sometimes it pays to let things roll over you. Hard but true.

I hope you have filed your appeal, you only have a very short period of time to appeal it.

Fittle

I know that in the early days of my son being abandoned by his dad, I was very negative towards him and became conscious that those who knew me only ever heard my side of the story (none of it lies, but still, his dad obviously has his own 'story' that helps him cope with getting on with his life while ignoring his son), and we are obviously only hearing your side of the story here OP - I'm not saying it's not true, but I think it's important to at least acknowledge that your childs mother has her reasons for not wanting groceries sent to the house for your child (for example).

Davidian_ie wrote: »

The bottom line is I will appeal the decision and continue to support my son with all his necessities,

You have already been asked by the solicitor, not to provide 'necessities' for your son - so you need to stop choosing what 'groceries' you send to him. There are many costs associated with feeding and clothing and caring for a child - your childs mother has to pay heating and household bills etc, to keep a roof over his head - she's working, so has childcare costs. The money you give her will contribute to the upkeep of your son - as someone else says, she is feeding and clothing him - so you need to pay cash, and not decide what he eats.

Davidian_ie wrote: »

I know the grocery thing would annoy a lot of women but it gives me a) Peace of mind that my son has most of his necessities provided every week and b) He sees me buying stuff for him. I know that that may sound ridiculous but imagine every time my child visits and I haven't even the price of an apple, a bag of Tayto or a juice. What kind of impression does my kid form of me then?

This paragraph I just do not understand. Firstly, why would the grocery thing bother us 'women' particularly And you have a two year old - how on earth can he 'see' you buying stuff for him, or be 'impressed' upon because you don't have Tayto or juice Kids need love, hugs and attention at that age (and at all ages!) and two year olds don't have the capacity to judge their parents for not having money for tayto.

planetX wrote: »

If she is using emotional blackmail to get money from you at the end of the month that is despicable, and you shouldn't fall for it. Your son is not going to go hungry - unless she's a complete sociopath.

The above, I agree with. And I think she is using emotional blackmail from what you have posted. But how you deal with that is anybodys guess.


'My son lives with his Mother full time and I get access to see him 2 days per week 10am-6pm. She refuses to allow him to stay over with me.'

I meant to pick up on this earlier. Is there a relevant reason she won't let him stay with you overnight? At 2, he is obviously not in school and as he lives so far away from you, have you offered to take on some of the childcare - one overnight a week would make a huge impact on your life with him (and on hers). I think I read before that you have court ordered access - if you don't, would you consider going back to court for overnight access? As you are only in college 2/4 days per week, could you not make a case for having him overnight???

You seem like a good dad OP, and although I am in the opposite scenario to you, I am just playing devils advocate by saying that she obviously has her side of the story too - I hope you understand that, and don't think I'm trying to get at you - this whole shared parenting/parenting alone situation is such a massive challenge to those of us who have been through it and I really hope you can work things out here.

daltonmd

Davidian_ie wrote: »

Was in Court today regarding maintenance for my child and to say it was a bizzare experience is an understatement.

I'm going to go against the grain on this one. There was another recent discussion regarding this issue where I annoyed some people. Trust me that is not my purpose and I am not a bitter ex, as I have been accused of being in the past.

As well as having personal experience of this issue I have, in the course of my work, sat in on these cases and can tell you that if you seen the amount of men (and a small number of women in more recent times) stand up and try to explain away their reasons for failing to pay child support you would understand why the judge behaved the way he did.

Please remember that this is nothing personal, I don't know you, this is not about how you are as a father, I am sure you love your child and do the best but this is from the Judges point of view and his allegiance and his legal obligation is first, fore-mostly and only to your child.

The most common mistakes that people make with regards to this issue is not seeking advice from the various agencies posted here.
The next most common is separating from the partner and not paying any maintenance whatsoever. This is like a red flag to a bull and judges are bone weary of this failure by parents at this stage.
The next mistake is deciding what to buy and trying to claim that it is maintenance or should be classed as maintenance.
Next is dragging family members into it and offering those gifts as part of the deal or as part of your contribution to the child's basic needs.
Next is claiming that the ex "has a good job and earns lots of money" - unless your ex is seeking maintenance from you for her then her income has nothing to do with your financial obligation to your child.
By virtue of the fact that she is providing a roof over the child's head and paying all the costs associated with all that this entails, then she is supporting her child financially, if you were not paying child support then you were not supporting your son.

While I agree that 100 per week is perhaps a little excessive - the Judges main aim is to look after the welfare of the child - when he said that if JP McManus stood in front of him that the max he could order him to pay was 150 Euro this was telling you clearly that if you better yourself and find a well paying job that you would not be paying based on your earnings. You are paying based on what your child needs.

In trying to put your expenses to the judge what you are really saying, to him anyway is - "I need to look after my needs first before my son" - to a judge that is simply not acceptable.

In explaining your housing situation to him this also said " I need to look after my needs first before I look after my son" another no-no I'm afraid.

What a judge would fully expect you to do is:

A)Appeal.

B} Claim your entitlements, such as rent allowance and a payment of 29.80 on top of your dole for your dependent child.
C) Move closer to your child.
D) Get some kind of part time job.

As I said I am sorry if this seems a bit harsh, I am sorry if this seems unfair but the judges in these cases see so many children and their parents struggling to bring up children alone, without any help from their absent parents. They have heard every excuse but they cannot deviate from their responsibility to the child.

Also, if a judge heard from a father that the mother of the child, earning lots of money was asking that father for a loan each month to buy food (not saying that you said this) then the alarm bells going off in his head would be that this mother was struggling because she wasn't receiving adequate regular maintenance....

In reference to those who think that it doesn't cost 300 per week to raise a child.
The parent living with the child has to pay:
Rent/mortgage, ESB, Gas - those 3 things alone would safely add up to 300 per week.

Child maintenance is a payment from one parent to another to help with the everyday costs of raising children.
This is a roof over their heads and a standard of living that is equivalent or close to what that child could have expected if the parents were still together.
That they are apart should not (in reality) impose a detrimental lifestyle to any child.

Moonbeam

both parents should pay half so in that case it should cost 600 euro a week to raise a child and having 2 kids I can tell you it doesn't,many families life on less and this is supposed to be to maintain one child.

Unless he has special needs or the op is not telling us the full story then the judge is trying to use him as an example by completely taking the piss.

Op do you have an access agreement? I would be after one with over nights if I was you and there is no good reason that he can't stay over.

lrushe

Op my partner was in court a couple of days ago on a divorce related issue. He too didn't have a solicitor as his divorce is straightforward (no kids, property, both consent etc.) he got an officer of the court to submit his paperwork for a fraction of the price. Long story short the judge adjurned his case until he got a trival piece of paperwork. The guy that prepared my OH's paperwork said in 20 years he's never need said paperwork and that judges were coming down on people representing themselves in court as solicitors were complaining that they were losing money.
While I don't know if this is the reason your judge acted the way he did he sounds just as arogant and petty as the judge we saw the other day. I hope you get things sorted soon!