Baby going to childminder

christy02

Hi,

We are looking for some advice regarding our 9 month old going to a childminder. She is due to start after christmas with a lovely childminder who we picked out several weeks ago. We started 3 weeks ago bringing her up for a few hours to get used to her.
The problem is that she cried the whole time she was with her. As we have no family living local, she tends not to be with anyone but us two most of the time.
It will only be partime, but we really need her to go as we cant be taking time off work to come home and pick her up because she is crying.
We are also worried that the childminder will change her mind about taking her due to this.
We were wondering if anyone has had similar problems and could offer advice about how to deal with this?
She is due to start on the 3rd and we wont be here for xmas period.

Thanks

Moonbeam

Does she cry if you leave her with anyone else?
Mine cried at first going to creche but only for the 1st 2 minutes,same with the little guy that I mind he cried for a minute util mammy goes and is fine 2 minutes later.

christy02

The only person she will really stay with is my partners mother. We left her with other family before and she cried constantly, we had to come home from the wedding we were at. We thought that was just a phase at the time.
She cries for the whole time she is with childminder. Over two hours the last time.

Goodne

Get the minder to call to your house a few times so that she becomes familiar to the baby in the babys own surroundings. When you left her with family before was it in your house or theirs? Maybe she just want to be at home?

Moonbeam

That complicates tax and payment and insurance.

It might be separation anxiety,at least you know it is everyone and not just the childminder if it was it would be a different issue.

christy02

Moonbeam wrote: »

That complicates tax and payment and insurance.

It might be separation anxiety,at least you know it is everyone and not just the childminder if it was it would be a different issue.

It was in family's house she was left before. She will stay anywhere with my partners mother though.
It is probably our fault that we didn't get her to stay with others sooner, just that we don't have family local.
Should we just let her cry on the first day until she gets used to it ?
Don't have the time to get her down to our house as we need her to start straight after Xmas.

Moonbeam

I am not an expert:(
My eldest had never been left with anyone except me before she started creche and we didn't have the same issues.
I think you need to leave her there for an hour or 2 every day to get her used to it and after a week see how it goes.
Does the minder have other kids?

January

Are you there the whole time or do you leave her with the minder for the hour or two?

Lola92

This might seem a little obvious but do brought her to the minders how did you go about introducing her? Were you there the whole time or did you just bring her in and then leave?

It would probably be worthwhile to call down for an hour and stay with her in the minders so that she gets used to the people and the place. Go out of the room for 5/10 mins and return so that she starts to understand that you will be coming back. If possible try do this and stretch out the time you are out of the room/ house and work it up to a few hours.

Also did you bring anything from home for her? Her favourite toys/blanket/comforter might give her some sense of security in the minders as she obviously wouldn't be used to the surroundings yet.

Hope some of that might help you! I know it is heartbraking to hear them cry when you leave but it will get better

christy02

Lola92 wrote: »

This might seem a little obvious but do brought her to the minders how did you go about introducing her? Were you there the whole time or did you just bring her in and then leave?

It would probably be worthwhile to call down for an hour and stay with her in the minders so that she gets used to the people and the place. Go out of the room for 5/10 mins and return so that she starts to understand that you will be coming back. If possible try do this and stretch out the time you are out of the room/ house and work it up to a few hours.

Also did you bring anything from home for her? Her favourite toys/blanket/comforter might give her some sense of security in the minders as she obviously wouldn't be used to the surroundings yet.

Hope some of that might help you! I know it is heartbraking to hear them cry when you leave but it will get better

We tried most of those things already. The first time we didn't leave at all. The second time we left for couple of hours and she cried the whole time. Next time the same. Don't have any time for more practice runs as we are away for Xmas and will be starting on the third jan. this will be only for one day though. She has no other children at present but has own kids in school so they will be around that day. Don't know if she cries all day should we leave work and collect her, or will that just give the message that if she cries then she gets to go home ? Have brought plenty of toys up with us. Very worrying as we need to both work so need her to go to the minders. Has anyone else had this experience ?

Moonbeam

Does she have a teddy or comfort blanket?

christy02

Y

Moonbeam wrote: »

Does she have a teddy or comfort blanket?

She has a teddy but we brought that up and it didnt help.

Moonbeam

Aww:(
I think that it is going to be tough but you need to start leaving her more in preparation:(

I cried more then my daughter did leaving her at 1st.

caprilicious

Some babies just take that little bit longer to settle than others unfortunately.
I worked for several years in childcare, mainly with the baby age group.
A lot of babies would settle within 3-4 days, but the odd time there would be the child that would take 1-2 weeks to settle in and get over that initial anxiety.
I never in my time came across a child that didn't settle, but I know how difficult it must be for you as it is horrible seeing your own child so upset

Over the Christmas if you're visiting family/friends, could you leave her with other family members/friends for short periods of time to get her used to being around other people?

She is at an age where babies are prone to making strange, but it does pass. My daughter started nursery at 6 months and settled brilliantly (I was the one crying the first day, not her!) but at 9 months or thereabouts she did start to grumble a bit in the mornings going in and cling on to me.
I know she was ok though as by the time I got to the car I could see through the window that she was playing away/no tears.


I hope she settles soon for you. And try not stress about the childminder. Any professional childminder worth their salt wont turn away a child because they're taking that bit longer to settle, they will understand that these things take time.

nicstan

hi christy. hows your lo getting on at the childminders? my lo wont stay with anyone but me or her daddy and im due back at work in april. we have tried everything but she ends up getting so upset that shes sick. i just dont know what to do. xx

christy02

nicstan wrote: »

hi christy. hows your lo getting on at the childminders? my lo wont stay with anyone but me or her daddy and im due back at work in april. we have tried everything but she ends up getting so upset that shes sick. i just dont know what to do. xx

Hi nicstan,

We were the same and didn't know what to do. The couple of days she had trial runs, she cried all the time she was there. The first day she went for real she cried for about an hour and was ok after that. She still cries when she is left but is fine after a few mins. We are so relieved.
My advice would be to introduce slowly over next few weeks so at least she is familiar with childminder. It's almost like they know that you have to do this. Is ways excited to see us at the end of the day as well. Good luck with it and try not to worry. It will be ok.

nicstan

thanks for your reply, im glad your lo has settled. im just so worried about my lo going its making me feel poorly!! i know she will scream but i know i have to do it. i will keep you posted!