behavior problem with 11 yr old

popebenny16

i am worried about my 11 year old (just gone 11 in november). I discovered last week that he had a blade from a pencil sharpener under his pillows, along with other sharp things like screws and a drawing pin. i asked him how they got there, he replied that he didnt know.

monday evening i took him to the shops and when i was bringing him back to his/his mothers house I brought him in and a packet of playing cards fell out of his school jumper. he paniced and said that someone had shoved them up there. he knew the game was up and admitted that he stole them. he was hysterical about it, i just sent him to bed no tea. lucky enough my wife is ad idem regarding these things so it didnt lead to a row, but it has got me worried.

he is very sensitive/prone to getting into hysterica about anything if it goes wrong/or he doesnt get his way. I have literally seen him banign fists into walls in anger and during the summer I saw he had written on his bedroom wall about how much he hates mammy and daddy.

I am starting to think there may be a form of adhd in him, but we missed it. our daughter has adhd and oppositional behaviour syndrome and i hope to get treatment started in the new year but this is doing my head in as i never saw it coming.

any tips?

padraig91

i use to collect stuff like that and keep it with stink bombs and what not in a little box so did most my friends when i was that age
and most my friends when we were younger would steal the odd thing i never really stole stuff however. i think he is acting the same way 90% of kids act

popebenny16

padraig91 wrote: »

i use to collect stuff like that and keep it with stink bombs and what not in a little box so did most my friends when i was that age
and most my friends when we were younger would steal the odd thing i never really stole stuff however. i think he is acting the same way 90% of kids act

he has always been orally fixated, i think he is eating these things. three years ago he was hospitalised after eating magnetix blocks and balls which got stuck in his intestines, and my brother was joyfully pointing out photos of him as a toddler when he would ahve anything in his mouth, including my golf clubs :eek:

so i think it is more than just collecting things, although he is very obsessive about colelcting things too.

he also likes to write stories and draw comics about "the day i died" which depict his friends killign him in various forms. Recently he has started on edgar allen poe, so its all of a theme.

The Lovely Muffin

I would bring him to the GP and have him checked out/get some test done.

I have no/little experience with eleven years old's but I don't think it is normal to eat things like magnetic blocks etc.

It may just be a phase he is going through, but can't do any harm to have the doctor have a look at him.

As for not telling your wife - I really think you should tell her. What if he is out with her some day and takes something and the alarm goes off? She would be mortified, at least if she knew he had stolen before, she would be able to keep a closer eye on him when in shops etc.

padraig91

Deleted post due to it being unhelpful.

Any more useless posts to this board and there will be an infraction.

samina

I have 2 boys and the things I find lying around my house I could build another house with. Screws, iron bars anything you would never think of. My sons have tempers and can throw tantrums too. You wouldn't believe the self inflicted wounds I've had them in hospital with. 1 of them stole something once and I brought him back to the shop and let them deal with him, which they did very well. But do you know what they are happy healthy boys. My point is boys and girls are very different, is it possible he may just be a perfectly normal boy who your judging based on your experience with your daughter?

CrazyRabbit

Sharp objects, possibly for use as weapon of for self-harming. Or maybe just some kind of OCD for collecting of sharp objects. Maybe it's just normal collecting of junk, which I did quite a bit.

Highly sensitive & prone to outbursts. Can indicate that he has difficulty in expressing his feelings, and feels 'alone'. Everything builds up inside, and eventually comes out in bursts of anger/frustration/aggression.

Attention seeking (the stealing can be a sign of this). Can also be done for 'comfort'. Possibly a 'cry for help'.

Is he being bullied in any way? Do you ever have non-confrontational chats with him about how he is feeling, or to ask if anything is troubling him?

I would explain to him that he is not in any trouble for having the blade/screws etc, but that you were concerned. Re-assure him that he can talk to you about anything, will not get in any trouble and that you can/will help if possible.

cynder

Is he self harming?

The best bet is to have a chat with your gp and get him referred for a psychological assessment. Its not as scary as it seems, my youngest has had 3 of those already and his only 5.

If his using the stuff under his pillow to self harm he needs to be seen, check his body under his t-shirt and tops of his legs and see if you can spot anything. If his eating them its called pika and is very very dangerous, my little guy had pika but grew out of it.

The things he writes is there any chance you can show them to the gp, to be obsessed with his own death at such an age is a concern. It may be his way of venting something inside of him.

good luck.

ann26

hi

im not sure if my reply will help but ill give it a shot.

frstly as your daughter has adhd i would bring him to gp to have the possibilty looked in to. also my oldest son has adhd and i seem to devote a lot of time to him being honest ud need to but i also have another son who does not have adhd and recently he was acting up being very hard to mannage ect

when all came to all thats when i relised i was givingg the boy with adhd more attention than the bot without this was the root to my problem any way i try to devide my time equaly now and find tings better

every ones happy maybe ur son feels he ist getting enoufgh attention im not for one min saying u favour ur daughter i understand how easy it is to do that bit extra for her

i hope i didnt offend

Scruffles

grindelwald wrote: »

Is he self harming?

The best bet is to have a chat with your gp and get him referred for a psychological assessment. Its not as scary as it seems, my youngest has had 3 of those already and his only 5.

If his using the stuff under his pillow to self harm he needs to be seen, check his body under his t-shirt and tops of his legs and see if you can spot anything. If his eating them its called pika and is very very dangerous, my little guy had pika but grew out of it.


good luck.

agree,pica is quite rare with neurotypical people but very common with people who have developmental & learning disorders/disabilities such as ADHD or autism.
sometimes the things chewed and eaten symbolise what the child/adult can be short of,eg a vitamin.
am twenty seven and have severe autism with pica.
sensory integration,building what autism specialists called a sensory diet,feeling settled in a safe and predictible environment has all slowly calmed the crazy impulses greatly,they also lock away everything that woud be highly likely to use but there is no point in banning someones pica without working on why they do it first.

there are a lot of good safe chew toys designed for people with autism/ADHD/additional sensory needs,woud recommend looking into these, just search 'chew toy ADHD' or 'sensory toys',a popular one have seen a lot of kids and adults with is this:
http://www.specialneedstoys.com/eu/squidgy-toys/46-chewy-tube-blue.html
have never used that one before but have ordered equipment from them [TFH] on the english side.

definite agreed on getting the pysch assessment,the sooner the better so this does not start to cause even bigger problems for him at school as it will take a while to sort out support for him.


-by the way,its hard to see he coud have real hate for his mum and dad,
a lot of kids say that but it isnt true,dont feel are bad parents.

some do it for reaction or to make mum or dad feel bad for making the kid feel bad,some do it because they dont like or dont understand something their mum or dad has done,they may not be able to understand what they feel and only know how to transfer hurt.
ask him to paint/draw based on various stages throughout the day, or how he feels there and then,it might explain better than what he can in words.

TheLynx

a good paddling

January

TheLynx wrote: »

a good paddling

Advocating violence is not accepted here.

Pretty Polly

I would speak to his teacher in school (if he is not being home schooled). The teacher may have noticed a few things about his behaviour and the teachers comments and observations may be insightful.

Maeki

First of all, an official and clinical diagnosis is very important because it will determine your course of action. Adhd in pre-teens/teens is a struggle specially to the parents because it the rebellious stage of your child's life. They want to be independent and yet they don't know the difference between right and wrong and peer pressure is the major cause of their screw up. And whats worst about it is that adhd makes the situation even more complicated. Thats why there are programs for teens with adhd, it helps them deal with their peers, school, family and their own self. Programs such as counseling, therapy that also involves the family, support groups, therapeutic camps and school. I think you should consider enrolling your child on those programs.

popebenny16

thank you for the very helpful and supportive replies, there is a lot of information there so will shift through it with care, the gas thing being that many of the ideas and suggestions have gone through my own head at one point, and it is good to know that i am not just jumping to conclusions.

Maeki

popebenny16 wrote: »

thank you for the very helpful and supportive replies, there is a lot of information there so will shift through it with care, the gas thing being that many of the ideas and suggestions have gone through my own head at one point, and it is good to know that i am not just jumping to conclusions.

glad to be able to help..

flowerchild

Give him lots of love and kisses. Try to make sure that his home life is stable. Take the objects away, explaining why (sharp things are dangerous in bed) and explore over time why they might have been put there. Get professional help but do it together as a family with someone with high empathy where 'the going there' is something that he might end up looking forward to. Love and kisses, stability, open conversations, no secrets. Let him know that this is just something that you will all work through, with support. And that everyone has issues - some are just more visible than others.