Going to be a Dad for the first time...with twins

Rolli

So guys, I've been told I'm going to be a Dad for the first time, with twins.
In a way I'm really excited, but I'm more worried than anything. I suffer from depression and as a result of this I've started to drink (I hadn't drank in 8 years before this). I don't want my children growing up with a Dad with a alcohol and depression problem. We're also struggling with bills, really struggling. I can barely afford to run my car and we've already had a car repossessed. I've had my wages cut too. My parents have given us something to get us by for a while. We don't have to worry about paying it back but I've been trying to pay it back.
My parents have even offered to pay for essentials for the babies (car seats etc). As nice as it would be for my parents to pay for this I don't want them to be paying for this, it should be our job. We have already taken €5000 from them.

But, I'm trying to look on the bright side of things, I'm gonna be a Dad!
I was shocked when I heard twins!

We've decided to sell our 2nd home to raise some cash to pay back my parents, change the car, and be able to support ourselves.

To be honest, this wasn't entirely planned, or planned at all. Although we don't regret anything. I feel we could make good parents.

There's a guy on Boards who is going to be a Dad and he took a parenting
course when he found out he was going to be a Dad, so I'm considering it too.

I've got two questions;

1.) I'm 29, my OH is 28 (We'll be 30 and 29 when the twins are born). We're worried that we have left it too late. Have we left it too late ?

2.) Is it okay to be more worried than excited. I haven't told my OH I'm more worried than excited, I doubt I will.

Thanks a lot in advance for the help

MyKeyG

Rolli wrote: »

So guys, I've been told I'm going to be a Dad for the first time, with twins.
In a way I'm really excited, but I'm more worried than anything. I suffer from depression and as a result of this I've started to drink (I hadn't drank in 8 years before this). I don't want my children growing up with a Dad with a alcohol and depression problem. We're also struggling with bills, really struggling. I can barely afford to run my car and we've already had a car repossessed. I've had my wages cut too. My parents have given us something to get us by for a while. We don't have to worry about paying it back but I've been trying to pay it back.
My parents have even offered to pay for essentials for the babies (car seats etc). As nice as it would be for my parents to pay for this I don't want them to be paying for this, it should be our job. We have already taken €5000 from them.

But, I'm trying to look on the bright side of things, I'm gonna be a Dad!
I was shocked when I heard twins!

We've decided to sell our 2nd home to raise some cash to pay back my parents, change the car, and be able to support ourselves.

To be honest, this wasn't entirely planned, or planned at all. Although we don't regret anything. I feel we could make good parents.

There's a guy on Boards who is going to be a Dad and he took a parenting
course when he found out he was going to be a Dad, so I'm considering it too.

I've got two questions;

1.) I'm 29, my OH is 28 (We'll be 30 and 29 when the twins are born). We're worried that we have left it too late. Have we left it too late ?

2.) Is it okay to be more worried than excited. I haven't told my OH I'm more worried than excited, I doubt I will.

Thanks a lot in advance for the help

Can I give some advice as a non parent? It's just something caught my eye in your OP. I was raised by a parent who suffered from depression and anxiety disorder. It was quite a harrowing upbringing and it had a profound effect on all of us as children so much so that our development suffered greatly and we carry a lot of animosity towards my mother though we love the bones of her.

The depression and subsequent drinking is an issue that needs to be addressed immediately and with all your attention. Of course your financial position is important but at the very least you seem to be covered for a worst case scenario. I know it's not ideal to take money from parents but in the event you have to all that's really at stake is your pride.

All the financial security in the world won't mean squat if you're unable to provide for your children's emotional needs.

As for the age I don't see anything wrong in it. I'm going on 31 and I have every intention of having kids at some stage. So long as you deal with the drinking you should be around to see your grandchildren.

Orion

I was 33 when we had our twins - herself was 37. You're not too late at all

It's perfectly normal to be concerned. It's a big change - twins even more so. But you can look forward to it too.

As for courses - bollox. Every child is different - you will learn on the job regardless. Once you've changed one nappy you're an expert

The best parenting course you can do is with your own children and do your best by them. You'll be fine

nesf

Get a handle on the drinking immediately. Then get a handle on the depression if you can. But seriously, get a handle on your drinking it'll just make your depression worse. That and you sound as if you can't afford to be drinking anyway to be blunt!

Speaking from extensive experience here both personal and familial.

lynski

nesf wrote: »

Get a handle on the drinking immediately. Then get a handle on the depression if you can. But seriously, get a handle on your drinking it'll just make your depression worse. That and you sound as if you can't afford to be drinking anyway to be blunt!

Speaking from extensive experience here both personal and familial.

Absolutely agree. Full-stop on the drinking and get some help on the depression.
being scared is normal btw - i was terrified on my first and still scared - of different things - on the second, by the time the third arrived I think we have it cracked now.
CONGRATULATIONS! your life is about to get 100% better! there is no love like that of a parent for a child.
I disagree with the other poster on the course tho, see if you can get on a parenting course, it will give you the chance to think about how you want to deal with things inthe future. if not make sure you attend all your anti-natal classes and see if there are a few extra ones you can attend for twin parents to be.
Read read read, get all the books (except gina ford/tracy hogg/tizzie hall). Join your local library if you have not already.
There is an association for twins and multiple births that is great I believe.
Take ALL offers of help, ALL. Do not buy new anything - not even car seats if you know where they have come from IMHO you are fine. A mattress for the cot is about it, and there is strong reasons to believe that twins do better in one cot rather then separated. Every second house has baby things getting in the way.
Seriously talk to your partner about breastfeeding - it can save 100s in the first year - there are plenty of sites to help out.
Babies need food, nappies, a few babygros and parents arms for most of the first year. Anything else is a convenience for us.
Make sure you address yourself first before they arrive, but as you are looking for help, you are on the right road.

aodhan2

Rolli wrote: »

So guys, I've been told I'm going to be a Dad for the first time, with twins.
In a way I'm really excited, but I'm more worried than anything. I suffer from depression and as a result of this I've started to drink (I hadn't drank in 8 years before this). I don't want my children growing up with a Dad with a alcohol and depression problem. We're also struggling with bills, really struggling. I can barely afford to run my car and we've already had a car repossessed. I've had my wages cut too. My parents have given us something to get us by for a while. We don't have to worry about paying it back but I've been trying to pay it back.
My parents have even offered to pay for essentials for the babies (car seats etc). As nice as it would be for my parents to pay for this I don't want them to be paying for this, it should be our job. We have already taken €5000 from them.

But, I'm trying to look on the bright side of things, I'm gonna be a Dad!
I was shocked when I heard twins!

We've decided to sell our 2nd home to raise some cash to pay back my parents, change the car, and be able to support ourselves.

To be honest, this wasn't entirely planned, or planned at all. Although we don't regret anything. I feel we could make good parents.

There's a guy on Boards who is going to be a Dad and he took a parenting
course when he found out he was going to be a Dad, so I'm considering it too.

I've got two questions;

1.) I'm 29, my OH is 28 (We'll be 30 and 29 when the twins are born). We're worried that we have left it too late. Have we left it too late ?

2.) Is it okay to be more worried than excited. I haven't told my OH I'm more worried than excited, I doubt I will.

Thanks a lot in advance for the help

listen man, your whole life from now is gonna get a lot better! i was same age as you when i had little one. two years on i could imagine another life! to me it seems you know your drinkin to much so first thing get to a local aa meeting , i know it sounds a bit much but i had a cousin who went and he hasn't looked back. also when you have twins im pretty sure you hungover will be no help! from experience it takes the two of you on the same page with one baby so probe even harder with two!
best advice i can give you is to accept help from everyone, clthes , chairs everything! buy clean second hand stuff..don't buy anything like changing tables and other crap! takes up space and costs money, the other thing i would say is everyone is an expert , all you will hear is do this do that , wear this and that. just smile say thanks and do what you think,tbh it comes so naturally .
on the financial stuff i was a sparks and couldnt get work for ages.if your working then make sure you get your entitements for two kids, plus visit your local community welfare officer , if your struggling then they can give you a few bob. also get in touch with mabs and citizens advice.then go the social welfare make sure your getting what your entitled to!its a bit of work but its a big help!
and just chill out , kids pick up on how your feeling, so cut down on the gargle and enjoy the next while oh and get loads of sleep!

cynder

I grew up with a dad who was an alcoholic and it ruined our lives. Get help for the depression see your gp but please dont drink it makes matters 1000 times worse.

As for you age your the same age as my parents when i was born, age is just a number, the best help you can be to your twins is to give up the alcohol and get treatment for the depression.

You have something good to look forward to but of course your going to worry about things, but dont let worry overwhelm you. If you think your worrying is getting out of hand speek to your gp sooner rather than later. Its good to get lost in excitement, be there for the scans/for the birth for the first smile and the first tooth and so on.


Enjoy!

How Strange

Congratulations. I'd agree with everyone about your drinking. You need to deal with it as soon as possible. When your babies are born your life will completely and utterly change for the better. They wikl bring you joy and happiness you never thought possible. However the first year is tough and stressful at times especially when either or both of you ate sleep deprived so you don't want to add alcohol into that.

Breastfeeding is definitely something to consider. It's twice the work with twins but everything is and you'd save a fortune in formula, bottles etc. I know it's not for everyone but just consider it as a possibility.

A parenting course is a good idea as unfortunately most of us aren't born with the necessary skills to be parents.

As others said, accept all offers of help etc and take every second hand item offered. Refuse nothing especially cooked meals.

There's very few of us in this country with enough money anymore but babies need very little in the first year do dont go crazy buying things in advance. Look up second hand websites for things like buggies and cots.

OldmanMondeo

MODS might want to look at this...

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056496069

Rolli

OldmanMondeo wrote: »

MODS might want to look at this...

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056496069

MOD's did look at it and its been resolved, so kindly féck off!

OldmanMondeo

Rolli wrote: »

MOD's did look at it and its been resolved, so kindly féck off!

Didn't know that, presumed it wasn't due to the fact it is still locked. And I never kindly feck off , Happy new year.

charlemont

Your worrying far too much, Parental instinct is natural so follow your own heart, I was an utter disgrace of a bloke when I became a dad at 19 but the love I have for my son changed my life completely and he has never once seen me drunk either. I still suffer from depression but I'v never let it affect my relationship with him.

Rolli

OldmanMondeo wrote: »

Didn't know that, presumed it wasn't due to the fact it is still locked. And I never kindly feck off , Happy new year.

Clearly states at the end of the thread, I asked for it to be locked

Morag

OldmanMondeo you'd prolly be best off reporting posts to the mods.

nesf

OldmanMondeo wrote: »

MODS might want to look at this...

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056496069

Report the posts. Doing like you did here just drags threads off-topic and creates bad blood.

Orion

Closing thread as OP has requested his account closed. Rolli: if you have changed your mind about closing your account and want this thread reopened please PM me.