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C&H Jizzlers Awards Ceremony 2011
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28-12-2011 9:06pm#1
Welcome (in a very broad sense of the word) to the C&H aleph-3rd or 4th or whichever annual C&H Jizzler Awards. I'm your host for some reason, probably my great charisma.
Those of you who are new are probably asking yourself "What the fúck are the Jizzlers?". To this I say that there is no reason to swear, even if it is accented so that it can be read in a more exotic manner. The answer is fairly obvious anyway, the Jizzlers are an award ceremony where we recognise the achievements of people in the community by placating them with meaningless awards. The winners are chosen based on a system of mob rule, a similar kind to that which almost destroyed Athens in the first millennium BC. This is of course the best system we have as panels of judges are usually filled with hacks anyway.
You may also be asking something more intelligent such as "Why can't you hand out all the awards at once or send them in an envelope?" or "What's a Jizzler?". To the former, I don't know. Some people get really offended when you don't go through all the pointless ceremonial stuff, we sort of just go along with it because they're bigger and stronger than us. To the latter I offer an illustrated tale:
Quite creative of me I do say, which gives you a hint as to the next award.31
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Duffy the Vampire Slayer wrote: »Me and Noel are here, dressed up for Best Couple...
We also had a cake designed for if we win..
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TheRealSquishy wrote: »
Oh, so it's that kind of party? I think I'm over dressed...
/takes clothes off0 -
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The more intelligent posters were probably able to harness the power of deductive reasoning and reach a conclusion as to what the first award shall be. If you guessed Best Beard, you were damn right. If you didn't then you are either thick or made the rookie mistake of assuming creative would point to creative poster. However more experienced puzzle solvers would have taken into account that award shows and ceremonies are mostly unreasonable and at best vaguely logical.
It's quite simple. Who are the most creative people? The answer: People with beards, though not the mighty beard you might expect from a 19th century communist or a Linux user. Bearded people are renowned for producing some of the most famous poets, writers, cartoonists, artsy-fartsy-weirdos and mathematicians. We'll be sticking to artsy-fartsyness later, which doesn't include poetry because poetry is really easy and thus is more fartsy because all you need is mad rhymes.
Anyhow the runners-up for Best Beard, from greatest failure to so-close-to-winning but ultimately still a failure are:
6th - Agnostic Mantis/Deise_Girl/Indiego
5th - eVeNtInE/Grindylow
4th - QueenofLeon
3rd - Pygmalion (Should be 1st but democracy doesn't work)
2nd - SarahBeep! Can grow two beards in one location.
The Winner of 2011's Best Beard is thus, considering all parameters:
soccymonster
http://i.imgur.com/T15dR.jpg
All image errors are not my fault.0 -
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lol, I just arrived on time...
AND OMG THANKS A MILL YOU GUYS!!!!
And also thanks a load to Fad. Fad you don't post here much but 3 years ago you noticed the potential in my beard and nominated me for my first jizzler in best beard where I joint won it with Pyggy.
And then won it again last year :cool:
And now this year. OH MY GAWD. THIS IS SO COOL
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The next award is Best Moderator. Moderators are those people who are supposed to keep the forum clean through completely benevolent policing. They do a good job of this too and are, in spite of rumours, not in any way similar to the intelligence angencies of the Soviet Union or the police force of Nazi Germany. There is absolutely no reason to stand up to the authority figures in this forum for they do nothing short of perfect work, and really dissident opinions are foolish to begin with anyway.
Only two moderators out of four three have been nominated. The reason as outlined in this Official Release from the Office of Administration is that one of these moderators was only appointed recently and was not eligible for nomination. The other has been incarcerated for offences against state order. There are only, and have only ever been three moderators.
And remember, whoever wins, everybody wins:
2nd - Aoibheann NB: Siding with her in the event of coup is inadvisable
Thus leaving our most benevolent overlord as:
Pigwidgeon
http://i.imgur.com/qnnPx.jpg
It's a test of allegiance, wake up sheeple0 -
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IHeartChemistry wrote: »Eeeeeeks. Ma cupcakes are in the oven! Anybody want one?
MEEEEE!! With icing please. 0 -
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I feel it is my duty to remind everybody that Squishy and Screaminmidget are scheduled to have a boob-off in order to win the prestigious award of Best Boobs which will be awarded after the real awards. The Winner will post pics if the winner is not Screaminmidget.
Anyhow the next award exists as a token award for those who we have not fully accepted into our clique of whiney angsty and short-tempered acne ridden crimes against nature. We have this award to disguise the fact that we actually dislike these people due to their unfamiliarity. As far as us established few are concerned these people are without any positive traits or personality. It is perfectly just to speak ill of them to their parents until they have sat in our presence long enough, at which point we all become friends just to make things less awkward.
I have no particular feelings toward announcing the winner of 2011's Best Newcomer:
5th/People to be wary of - DoBhrionn/JamJamJamJam
4th/People to suspect - cydoniac/Captain Graphite/IHeartChemistry/Ciara/
3rd/People - shadowninty/Aoifey!
2nd - RolandIRL/Cakesofrice/Conor108/Namlub
The winner of Best Newcomer for 2011 is somebody who apparently goes by the name of
_meehan_
http://i.imgur.com/3R0W8.jpg
Yes I know I'm being slow.0 -
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