C&H Jizzlers Awards Ceremony 2011

Screaminmidget

IHeartChemistry wrote: »

I think I shall dance to keep us all entertained!

Nekkid?

Davidius

For anybody complaining about slow posting: The program is set up to achieve completion in exactly 24 hours, and the posting rates are made to reflect that.

Anyhow the next part is fairly simple. All we have to do is see who is the smartest and by (field) extension the most handsome/busty of C&H posters. Now I should remind everybody that just being nominated for this award means the user has made some incredible academic achievements and wowed many women with their knowledge of peano arithmetic and Lebesque integration. It also points to an understanding of all things that relate to biochemical studies, physics, computer science. Usually mathematics, but that's generally reserved for the best of the best.

So I now present the award for the poster with biggest nerd-peen:

Nerdiest Poster
6th - Soccymonster

5th - Conor108/Colm!

4th - Slow Show

3rd - Pygmalion

2nd - conorstuff

Hence it is trivial to show that the nerdiest poster in C&H as chosen by decidedly unscientific and illogical means is:

Davidius
Objective assessment by the institute of people with IQs greater than a standard deviation above the mean reveals that Pygmalion and conorstuff rank higher but lol **** that.


Somebody kill that crocodile.

Aoifey!

IHeartChemistry wrote: »

I think I shall dance to keep us all entertained!

*throws flowers*

floutingmaxims

IHeartChemistry wrote: »

I think I shall dance to keep us all entertained!

I have something better. No offence

How awesome is this dog??!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBluUZ4NnZg

Jackobyte

randylonghorn wrote: »

0_o

Now, here's a teaser to go with the jizzlers ... of the two mentioned above, who has the powah to kick whom out of this forum? :P :pac:

Big thanks to all my fans, and to the breweries / distilleries who supplied the alcohol they had obviously consumed before voting! >_>

Commiserations to QoL though, I expected her to fare much better in the Best Beard award .... it was always going to be Soccy's, but QoL would definitely leave Pygmalion and Co. in the ha'penny place.

Oh, and Grindy ... worst thing is, I can absolutely believe you as Kanye West!

Now ... where's the champagne?!

Jack / Colm ... ?

Professey Chin

Aoifey! wrote: »

*throws flowers*

/throws single dollar bills >_>

soccymonster

I'm fairly sure deise_girl was nominated for nerdiest poster?
Clearly she's the real winner and Davidius exzempted her to take the winner's prize...

>_>
<_<


Last place. Thanks for the votes everybody.

IHeartChemistry

Screaminmidget wrote: »

Nekkid?

Why? What have you heard? >.>

Aoifey! wrote: »

*throws flowers*

YAAAAAAAAY!

The Great Chinholio wrote: »

/throws single dollar bills >_>

I will take all cash donations!

decisions

soccymonster wrote: »

I'm fairly sure deise_girl was nominated for nerdiest poster?
Clearly she's the real winner and Davidius exzempted her to take the winner's prize...

>_>
<_<


Last place. Thanks for the votes everybody.

Your welcome...So when do I get the brown envelope..?

ohthebaby

Oooh I have only arrived! Congratulations to everybody so far, woooooo Jizzlerssss

Luno

NEEDS MOAR AWARDS!

Colm!

AWARD! AWARD!

Davidius

This award goes to those who people in the future would write about if they were not distracted by mind-numbing nonsense like Even-Angrier Birds and the iHivemind. Most people who are not me often look to others as heroes, putting them on pedestals and making stain-glass imagery of their endeavours. As the people that knew them die their memory becomes corrupted and they become deified or worse, are portrayed as somebody who isn't morally grey.

Anyhow the point is that some people really like other people, enough to make a bunch of silly symbols about them and teach their children to wear their clothes so they might know courage like the Hero of Legend.

They're basically localised Jesuses.

So here's the award for Most Inspirational:
7th/People your Dad knew - Pigwidgeon/Grindylow

6th/People your family know - djcervi/brummytom

5th/jumpguy - slow show/jumpguy

4th/Local Hero - IHeartChemistry

3rd/National Hero - ohthebaby/insect overlord

2nd/Hero of Mankind - Konata

This leaves us with the Optimus Prime/Batman of C&H, who was alleged to go by the name of

cloud493

http://i.imgur.com/m6h7D.jpg

Aoifey!

Well done cloud

IHeartChemistry

Local hero you say? :cool: Congrats Cloud!

Aoifey!

Lads, between these 2 threads my F5's gonna be worn down in no time

Davidius

Now we have to give an award to the person who has the greatest chance at being president. As mentioned before the method of polling is not an actual rigorous measure of probability or a statistic. Looking at these results here I see that there is very little in the way of proper presidential voting. That is to say that these don't reflect an adequate number of soundbites and empty promises that fit any person running for political office. A very strange turn of events. I'm sure as you all age you will become lazy and start going for the candidate that makes everything seem less horrible than it is.

Most likely to be president
6th - slow show/Davidius/jackobyte/soccymonster/jumpguy

5th - deise_girl/shadowninty/grindylow/duffy the vampire slayer/the great chinholio -

4th - cakesofrice


3rd - unknown13

2nd - almostnever/Aoibheann/insect overlord

This can only mean that our (next )^n president is none other than
Colm!

http://i.imgur.com/lMFIF.jpg

This man is a well-known socialist and woman-hater. Vote Davidius 20XY.

Pigwidgeon

See, I told you I was going to win all the awards.

I honestly don't know how I'm going to carry them all home (put them all in my signature without getting the SigPo on my áss)

JamJamJamJam

Aoifey! wrote: »

Lads, between these 2 threads my F5's gonna be worn down in no time

So is the part of my phone screen where the 'refresh page' button appears.

Stupid lack of decent internet access...

Screaminmidget

I was nominated for that award and all...

soccymonster

Thanks for voting for me everybody.

Much love.

Insect Overlord

Joint second. Getting closer. :pac:

Aoifey!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iH3oOVKt0WI

JamJamJamJam

Pigwidgeon wrote: »

See, I told you I was going to win all the awards.

I honestly don't know how I'm going to carry them all home (put them all in my signature without getting the SigPo on my áss)

You can borrow the trailer I brought for my awards. It appears that there may be some space available in it.

Colm!

I'd write a speech, but I'll just say it simply.

Thank you, ye legends. When I lead my revolution, you shall all be granted positions of power.

-El Presidente!

Insect Overlord

Colm! wrote: »

I'd write a speech, but I'll just say it simply.

Thank you, ye legends. When I lead my revolution, you shall all be granted positions of power.

-El Presidente!

First motion - to clean up the "likes" pages on Facebook!

Aoifey!

Colm! wrote: »

I'd write a speech, but I'll just say it simply.

Thank you, ye legends. When I lead my revolution, you shall all be granted positions of power.

-El Presidente!

You should make a youtube video acceptance speech...in between serving drinks

Davidius

If I've already handed out this award then it was intentional. I did not forget which awards I'd given out.

Now we have to recognise people for being bored enough to spend their time. We call it a Lifetime Achievement award but it is common knowledge that the award changes owners on an annual basis and that none of the winners have achieved a single lifetime in any Mario game, at least none of those on the NES. The people who were nominated for this award are important because they've wasted a lot of time here, most likely trying to improve the place without realising it is ultimately futile as the power of S-pam grows ever stronger.

Anyway here's placements for this achievement thing.

Lifetime Achievement award for services to C&H

5th - konata/brummytom/jefreywithonef/Aoibheann

4th - Iheartchemistry/The Great Chinholio

3rd - soccymonster

2nd - Pigwidgeon

This leads me to conclude that the Lifetime Achievement award for 2011 goes to
Captain Graphite/KnifeWRENCH

http://i.imgur.com/Pc6S9.jpg

Captain Graphite is a surprising choice this year, an unknown who has somehow climbed the political ladder in his short time here. He is not KnifeWRENCH.

Cakes.

Woooo Congrats Everyone!



Award for Most disturbing Rage Comic.

Colm!

Aoifey! wrote: »

You should make a youtube video acceptance speech...in between serving drinks

When I get home, I actually probably will do a proper acceptance speech. A few days late...

QueenOfLeon

Colm! wrote: »

I'd write a speech, but I'll just say it simply.

Thank you, ye legends. When I lead my revolution, you shall all be granted positions of power.

-El Presidente!

Needs to be given from Youtube tbh.

IHeartChemistry

How many awards are left? Me is gettin shleeeeepy.

Aoifey!

IHeartChemistry wrote: »

How many awards are left? Me is gettin shleeeeepy.

Best jumpguy is all I can think of.

bluejay14

So what'd I miss???

TheRealSquishy

Aoifey! wrote: »

Best jumpguy is all I can think of.

And best taste is music...aint that right Davidius :P

Best poster?

Slow Show

I simply cannot wait for best music taste. If something were to come along and ruin this for me, well, I just don't know what I'd do...

Aoifey!

TheRealSquishy wrote: »

And best taste is music...aint that right Davidius :P

Best poster?

So 3 then? It could be more, I have the worse memory

TheRealSquishy

Slow Show wrote: »

I simply cannot wait for best music taste. If something were to come along and ruin this for me, well, I just don't know what I'd do...

Die, you would die! We would all die! The whole of humanity rests on that being announced! God, I'd hate that kinda pressure.

Pigwidgeon

All I can say for certain is that I did not forget to gather the results/make a sig for any of the awards. These events did not happen

>.>

<.<

Davidius

After much dragging things out pointlessly and me not being slow at typing at all, we are coming toward the end of the awards.

Is it probably custom to leave Best Poster until last. As such I can offer to bump up the Best Award in this entire show. The award for Best jumpguy. To be a good jumpguy one must learn to control one's own demons and words similar to that. To be frank I don't think anybody can really say for sure what it is that makes a jumpguy. Obvious factors are determination, an optimistic/pessimistic outlook, a voice like Clint Eastwood, a blog like Dingosatemybaby and an avatar like jumpguy's.

The award in question has gone unrecognised in part because of how few are willing to recognise the popular vote. Everybody wants to be jumpguy, not everybody can. It's not jumpguys, it's jumpguy. Other times it's because people insist that the j must be capitalised to reflect its status as an award. But now we've all grown up or grown some balls, and finally there will be an official 2011 Best jumpguy award.

Here are the results for Best jumpguy:
5th - QueenOfLeon

4th - jackobyte/insect overlord/Aoibheann/Dingosatemybaby

3rd - shannon_tek/eVeNtInE/Davidius

2nd - jumpguy

And so I reluctantly announce 2011's Best jumpguy, as decided by popular vote and loose thinking:

not jumpguy/Jumpy

http://i.imgur.com/PghpJ.jpg

Now I am not one to promote violence, but a perfectly just reaction here would be a Civil War.

Salty

Woo best newcomer!:p Thanks a mil guys:D:o

jefreywithonef

I'm a bit bored, might go raid the bar read some Tolstoy now.

Jumpy

TheRealSquishy

@Davidius Don't make SlowShow cry.....:(

jumpguy

Yesss, me in a parallel universe tied with my arch-rival (and best friend in an alternate universe) for first!

Captain Graphite

Davidius wrote: »

Captain Graphite is a surprising choice this year, an unknown who has somehow climbed the political ladder in his short time here. He is not KnifeWRENCH.

Yeah but no-one else figured that out yet!
Thanks everyone for voting for me. I was gonna abandon this place and never speak to any of you people ever again.....but I might reconsider now. :pac:

Oh and grand bit of hosting there, Davidius.

Pigwidgeon

And now a message from wikipedia C&H co-mod Aoibheann. She would like to whole-heartedly apologise for her absence at these awards tonight, but she was far too upset about not winning best mod, and is currently in hiding, biding her time until she returns when her shame has subsided.

>.>

Although she did actually send her apologies for her absence!

Davidius

The 2nd last official reward is the one for people who are really good at hearing things with their mouths apparently. You people are a strange bunch and it does not surprise me that some of you have gained the power to taste the vibrations produced by instruments.

I have no idea how people manage to put up with the kind of music you listen to, I will offer the following substitute:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dwOzOGwl-8

If that does not culture you then nothing will.

So here are the results for that award that nobody forgot existed at all. They are presented just as planned.

Best Taste in Moo-sick
6th - decisions/agnostic mantis/Aoibheann

5th - bythewoods/conorstuff/namlub/ohthebaby/Jay P/jumpguy/cawcheen/knife WRENCH/soccymonster/pseudo famous

4th - jumpguy/duffy the vampire slayer/M&S*/deise_girl/cheesefiend/yourtexthere

3rd - insect overlord/jako8

2nd - jefreywithonef/Slow Show

So the person who knows how to hear things correctly must be

Colm?

http://i.imgur.com/jbXql.jpg

seanbmc

I'm a bit late :pac:

Grats to all the winners, reading through the thread apparently I'm one of the meanest bastards on C&H.

soccymonster

It's ok Slow Show.. I'll help you get through this loss...