Bullying - no change after meeting with HR

redlik

Hi folks,
I would like to get some feedback from you on this one.
My wife has been a victim of bullying for few months, it started when one supervisor left and company assigned a lady that worked there the longest as a new one. She's absolutely no skills no supervise anyone, and unfortunately she picked my misses as the target to show off her 'skills'.
We've reported this to higher management, had few meetings, she's been promised things will change but until this day nothing changed.
She's off between xmas and ny but she's terrified of going back next week. I tried ringing few institutions but they closed as well.
She's thinking of quitting the job all together (after working almost 6 years) but we were told at the social welfare office she'll be subjected to a query why she left, was the bullying real on which they will contact the company (!!!).
Have any of you has gone through the same situation as she is now.
I'm trying to help her, but I'm not sure how at the moment.

Any feedback appreciated!
Happy New Year!

R.

krd

I think a lot of people have had that experience.

And it's hard to know what's really going on. I wouldn't be surprised if the senior management were behind the bullying. Trying to manage your wife out.

I know it must be awful for her, she should just relax over the weekend. And go back in. Make sure she gets a copy of all emails and documentation in relation to the meetings she's had over the bullying.

If she walks, she gets nothing. And the dole can decide to punish her for walking out on the job (the truth is they generally don't - and if you tell them you've been bullied out, they accept it, and they often won't call to check - these days they get to see a lot of shattered people - and they're too busy to do investigations)

Mrs OBumble

krd wrote: »

And it's hard to know what's really going on. I wouldn't be surprised if the senior management were behind the bullying. Trying to manage your wife out.

On the other hand, sometimes HR know that manager-X is doing a cr*p job, but to be fair they need to coach X into how do to it right, and that can take some time - and may fail. So while it may look like nothing's changing, the supervisor may well be receiving some performance feedback of her own, or could even be on the way to being demoted.

Only your wife can decide what she should do. In the current climiate, I'd generally advise toughing it out, while job-hunting at the same time. But not if the personal price is too high.

mikemac1

Records, records, records

Get a diary and record everything, every conversation and print copies of the nasty emails

When she goes to the meetings take notes for her records. Maybe she'll be allowed bring a witness?

These things can come down to who said what and under stress it can all become a blur.

A diary will help out. It's just for the wifes records but if there are denials and management asked for proof, well she has dates and times

I don't get bullied in work but I do this too, a cover my ass email folder

redlik

Thnx everyone for the help.
I keep record of all emails, text messages etc.' we don't keep the diary though.
The thing that really is depressing for my wife is when she has a meeting, she's being told all will be fine, we're going to do this and that and nothing happens after. And one more thing, there was never a meeting with her as well. Just my wife and someone from HR.
The fact that she may be "punished" for quitting the job is even more depressing.

R.

looksee

Is there any way she can make a new year resolution to stand up for herself a bit? If the supervisor is being obnoxious could she just stand there calmly and say 'would you like to rephrase that' or 'do you have a problem with what I am doing' or 'you know, you really don't have to speak to me like that'. No row, calm and reasonable.

The other thing is a bit more debatable, but are you overdoing the 'angry on her behalf' bit? Could you take it down a notch and be supportive without allowing it to be the only subject of conversation? Can you make it seem perfectly reasonable that she should stand up for herself, rather than just agreeing with her that the woman is a complete bully? Maybe you are doing this, I don't know.

Don't empower the bully by discussing her as evil. Maybe she is out of her depth, maybe she doesn't really know how to do the job, no consolation for your wife, but a bit of calm - even sympathetic - confrontation may help.

CricketDude

she should record ever meeting she has too a lot of times these days hr will only say things on the phone or in person .they try not to commit things that can be used against them to emails. so voice recording is your only answer. most phones have a record feature. just switch it on before you go to a meeting.

on the cover my ass folder. make sure you email the mails to your gmail account for safe keeping.. you would be surprised what goes missing off company servers when it needs to go missing.

mikemac1

Yeah all the same I'd be careful about sending company emails to a personal account
They can use that as an excuse to fire you
So be sure the emails are about you and only you. If there is client information on those emails you're a goner

It's true emails can disappear so print them off.

LegacyUser

Can she go back to h.r. and tell them that she is considering leaving her position due to the bullying if they don't take action? Is there a union she can get in touch with? She should also stand up for herself tell the bully that their behaviour is inappropriate and threaten to report it etc...

CricketDude

enchanter wrote: »

Can she go back to h.r. and tell them that she is considering leaving her position due to the bullying if they don't take action? Is there a union she can get in touch with? She should also stand up for herself tell the bully that their behaviour is inappropriate and threaten to report it etc...

Good idea. And she should record it with her phone in her pocket too.
If they dont do anything then they are headed down the constructive dismissal route

ongarboy

looksee wrote: »

The other thing is a bit more debatable, but are you overdoing the 'angry on her behalf' bit? Could you take it down a notch and be supportive without allowing it to be the only subject of conversation? Can you make it seem perfectly reasonable that she should stand up for herself, rather than just agreeing with her that the woman is a complete bully? Maybe you are doing this, I don't know.

Don't empower the bully by discussing her as evil. Maybe she is out of her depth, maybe she doesn't really know how to do the job, no consolation for your wife, but a bit of calm - even sympathetic - confrontation may help.

This jumped out for me too. You discuss most of the issue as we rather than she. This is her issue as such which she must address. Of course it indirectly affects you as you don't like seeing her suffer like this but I find it a little unusual that you so heavily involved (you attending the meetings, reporting to senior mgt, keeping the records etc - fine if it was your child being bullied at school but your wife is an adult and should learn to stand up for herself and not use you as a crutch as it suggests she cannot be more assertive by relying on you so heavily).

Support her in so far as giving advice on how to deal with the issue. eg the meetings with senior management where she is assured everything will be fine, suggest to her to to demand specifics as regards to what actions will be taken to address the situation and perhaps suggesting to her to compile and provide evidence of how past promises by senior mgt have been broken). By her acting more independently and assertively, she will be treated more seriously and with more respect at work.

Neyite

Do you work together? If not, why are you at the meetings, copying emails and keeping a diary with your wife? It seems strange and to be honest, makes your wife look as if she is incapable of being an adult and handling her own issues professionally, which could give the impression that she is also incapable of professionally doing the job she was hired to do.

She should be capable of documenting her issues herself, and if she needs a witness in a HR meeting then a union official is more appropriate. In any case, a witness should not be an active participant in the meetings, just there to jot down notes.

Can you give examples of the kind of bullying that your wife is soley the brunt of?

redlik

The reason of my involvement is simple, she has only basic english. What she's doing doesn't require language skills and she's been doing it fine for the last 4 years. It's only when this women was made a supervisor few months ago all problems started.

Thus I'm being her "mouth" during all the meetings. She's not the only foreigner in the team so I don't treat supervisor's behavior as "simple" racism or lack of tolerance.

I really appreciate your advises and help.
R.