Making Friends

Studunne

Hello Everyone

I just finished my first semester in UCD studying science, and I haven't made any "real" friends.

I talk to people in lectures, labs and tutorials as best i can (mainly girls) and have not made any friends. It might be just me, but many of the lads in the course seem to act like assholes, and try to be popular by teasing other people. I really want my time in college to be the best it can be, id like a group of people to hang out with, but I'm finding it hard to get to know people on my own wavelength.

Did anyone else feel the same when they first started ? Is their any advice to get to know everyone better ?



Thank you

Stu

Crow92

Have you joined any clubs/societys? Seems to be a great way to make friends, common interest and what not. Are there any class nights out? another great way to get to know people.

I study architecture so am in studio with 60 people 40+ hours a week, so I got a chance to get to know people really quickly so can't really give advice specific to more lecture based courses.

uppishhauk

when i started back in 08 there was a boards meet up which was a bit hit and miss but i made a small few friends/associates.
It was with a society that i made real friends.

I suggest checking out the clubs and societies to see if there is any that match your interest and just let the friendships take their course

saa

Hey there I didn't make any real friends until 3rd year, was unfortunate there was a bad group dynamic in my year and a few frosty characters.

If I could go back I would join one or two clubs and stick with them, I used to feel like I didn't know anyone there so I wouldnt go back but if i stayed then I would of got to know some people there.

So eventually I put myself forward for vice rep and went for training with Rep, a girl I had just talked to a bit.. we sat beside each other for the training, went to lunch. and when she hopped on the bus and looked for seats for both of us I felt more like friends, it was the dinner and drinks that made the difference after the training..

In the SU or clubs its important to be open to going to social events they are doing and get out there so what you may not know the people around you that well yet or there may be a group it doesnt mean youre excluded or not good enough.. clubs and SU are far more welcoming than some arséholes in your year.

parker kent

I think what you are feeling is pretty common. In the first semester in first year it can be difficult to meet people. Some people feel too shy, some are too immature, some are putting on a false persona etc. The people you are chatting to in class or those that seem to have made friends might be feeling the same as yourself.

There's a few ways I think you could try and make friends. Talking to people in classes, tutorials, labs etc like you are doing is OK, but it might not lead to making actual friends. I find that you tend to make friends away from class over lunch, nights out etc.

Like the others have suggested, I would say clubs or societies are a decent way to meet people. There will be a chance to do so again at the start of the second semester.

You should also suggest going for lunch with people in your class sometime. If you are in any group projects you could ask them too. If you are about to hand in an assignment, you could suggest doing something to celebrate. You could also contact your class reps and see if they are having any nights out for your year (or some other group activity, it doesn't always have to be a night out).

A class night out really helped me gel with one of my years before, I had made no "proper" friends before that night and it was a great way to meet classmates in a relaxed atmosphere. You soon realise that many of the people in your class are very similar to you and friendships are natural (they will obviously have had an interest in science too and may be similar in other ways to you).

I'd also suggest that you could chat to your student advisor if you felt you needed further advice or support. You'll be able to see the contact details for your advisor here: http://www.ucd.ie/advisers/advisers/index.html

OneOfThem Stumbled

Studunne wrote: »

Hello Everyone

I just finished my first semester in UCD studying science, and I haven't made any "real" friends.

I talk to people in lectures, labs and tutorials as best i can (mainly girls) and have not made any friends. It might be just me, but many of the lads in the course seem to act like assholes, and try to be popular by teasing other people. I really want my time in college to be the best it can be, id like a group of people to hang out with, but I'm finding it hard to get to know people on my own wavelength.

Did anyone else feel the same when they first started ? Is their any advice to get to know everyone better ?



Thank you

Stu

If you want to join socs/clubs you should keep refreshers day in mind (should be like the first or second week of term)

errlloyd

Trips are important. Spending prolonged periods of time getting to know people. Its where most of my friendships come.

Jack Bracken

I'll second (third? Fourth?) the suggestion to join a few clubs or societies, especially some of the smaller ones as I've found them to be a lot more social and friendly. And make sure you actually go to meetings!

Studunne

Thanks everyone for you kind replys

I think I will take the general advice to join a club or society during the refreshers week, it was my biggest regret not joining one at the start of the year.

As for the class trips and nights out, our reps say there will be a few this coming semester so ill be going !! hopefully not sitting on my own !

I dont find it difficult talking to new people, but just asking someone to go for a pint or lunch can feel awkward, but i suppose everyone feels the same. I just need to bite the bullet.

Heres to a good second semester !

Thanks again to everyone, really ment a lot

sh1tin-a-brick

Ah sure I'm the same myself. It's awfully hard when you're not on campus and in particular, if you start the year being under 18! Can do nothing in Dublin without ID Sure people always gel sooner or later.. :P

Sinfonia

Don't think I've ever (in my life I mean) actually made 'a group' of friends, I'd always tend to get on with one person well, hang out with them, and then it would sort of branch out from there..
So I'd say don't worry about making friends as such, but if there's even one person that you get on well with, hang out with them and form a proper friendship; the rest will come when they come.

I also second the club/society thing; I studied music so I shared a common non-academic interest with my classmates anyway, but for a science degree - especially at undergraduate level - there's probably not a whole lot of casual science-based conversation.
I'm not sure when Refreshers day is (I'm pretty sure it's just a day rather than a week), but you needn't wait - you can usually join a society at any time, just drop them an email.

One more thing about societies actually - if you're looking to make friends, I'd avoid the glitz and glamour (:P) of the large societies (L&H, C&E, Lawsoc etc.) as their membership bases deal in volume, and there's no real common interest. A society that has a specific interest, and a smaller number of active members would be best imo (MusicSoc/DramSoc/JazzSoc/some of the language societies would be good, provided you have the interest in the area yourself).

Einhard

Studunne wrote: »

Thanks everyone for you kind replys

I think I will take the general advice to join a club or society during the refreshers week, it was my biggest regret not joining one at the start of the year.

As for the class trips and nights out, our reps say there will be a few this coming semester so ill be going !! hopefully not sitting on my own !

I dont find it difficult talking to new people, but just asking someone to go for a pint or lunch can feel awkward, but i suppose everyone feels the same. I just need to bite the bullet.

Heres to a good second semester !

Thanks again to everyone, really ment a lot

Hey Stu,

I'd also recommend getting involve din some sort of club or society. It's not enough just joining- you have to take part as well. My wallet is literally bulging with all the society cards I picked up during Fresher's Week (free candy floss nyom nyom nyom), but that's not enough to get to know people.

Also, you can join a club or society any time you want. The smaller ones in particular are always crying out for people to take part and help in their running. If you have an interest in something, check whether there's a club or society for that, and get in touch. As a bonus, the smaller ones often have drinks receptions for members and smaller membership=more drink for everybody (free drink nyom nyom nyom ).

Clegg

Just off-topic here but I have to ask, who are the small societies? I'm in Law Soc and thats pretty big. I don't actually know what the small societies are.

Doug89

Hey!

So, for the entirety of my first year in UCD I hated the place with a firey passion. I'd go in, go to lectures, eat lunch on my own, and come home. Luckily I'm from Dublin, so I had my outside of college friends, but if I had moved up I would have been rightly fúcked.

Thankfully in second year I said feck it, and got involved with societies - namely Frenchsoc, the LGBT and taequondo. The whole 'hi I'm new' thing is crap, and taxing, but totally worth it.

I do Commerce and French, I'm not your typical Quinn school type, I felt totally out of my depth and pure ALONE.

So take the plunge, Refreshers' day is Thursday of Week 2, if I remember correctly. Societies will by crying out for your €2s! You really do just need to put yourself out there, people join clubs/socs as they have a common interest, whereas on courses people are a lot more diverse, and even if you do click with someone, it might be weeks before you bump into them again. You're not the only one feeling like this, I guarantee it.

PM me if there's anything else, and if you do join the LGBT let me know, I'm on the committee!

Ps - LawSoc hold debates, run nights out, and have the odd speaker in. If you're doing Law they're great to get involved with - great for your public speaking, and ability to argue anything, espically things that you don't agree with.

Doug89

Feck I forgot about the small societies bit.

Erm, basically any of the small non-corporate sponsored ones really.

Any of the language societies - French, Spanish etc etc, RusssianSoc are supposed to be amazing craic, and they all seem really sound. GameSoc, NetSoc, LGBT, DramSoc aren't THAT small, but again they're very friendly and great for getting involved in, JazzSoc, Juggling, Sci-FiSoc, and they're just the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

Here's a full list of societies actually - http://www.ucd.ie/socs.htm A good few of the websites on there are VERY out of date, if you type whateverSoc UCD into facebook you should find most of them.

errlloyd

Think that list is pretty out of date.

Technically small societies are ones with less then 500 members.

So all the political parties
All the languages
All the religious societies
A lot of the faculty societies (classics, maths, actuary and finance, history ect)
Niche hobbies (tatoo and piercing, gamesoc, potholing, netsoc, comedy, juggling)
Charities and Volunteer organisations (UCDSVP, VO, Amnesty)
Niche academic (Student legal services)
Minority groups (LGBT - thought that could be big, IPA, whatever you call the one for internationals)

All of those are great for friends, because once you show an interest they put you straight on committee, no hierarchy or ass licking or networking or elections. I assume, though I'm only one small society committee.

The big ones are the ones that appeal to everyone and usually have two tiers of involvement, running events, and attending events. So for example, you would never really join juggling to attend an event, you'd join to take part.

Lawsoc
L&H
Dramsoc
C&E
Artsoc
Qsoc
Dancesoc

ect

Lawsoc and L&H bring guests and debates that require membership to enter. You can get on those committees if you wish. (And if you do wish banter me a private message and I'll set you up, and by set you up I mean there is an election in a couple of weeks I'll get you on a team, you'll meet loads of people, be hated by everyone in the arts block but its a bitta craic). But mainly people join just to attend their events.

Dramsoc I guess have three levels, an active committee who run it, people who act and direct are below that committee and then there are just audience.

Dancesoc is like drama, but there is more of an overlap between committee and dancers.

The rest just run club nights and balls that you need to be a member of the society to attend.