Thinking of going back!

Mc Kenzie

hey guys,
just wandering is any one else or have you ever felt kinda awful coming back to london after Christamas,

Lately iv been thinking of moving to dublin. I know it sounds typical, but im starting to feel my life is in ireland and im working here!

Im looking at a few really big ifs in my life as my job has let us know there "might" be a chance we will be made redundant and i also have to move out of my flat by feb as the owner yet again " might be moving back,

ill prob give it a few days as i know im feeling it hard just back after christmas,,,but i miss dublin as i ustoo live there for a while dont want to move back to my home though,. not sure if this country girl is cut out for London city ,,i find it a bit harsh at times.

anyone any opinions

thanks

kenz

duffarama

How long have you been in London?

I only moved here 3 months ago and after 5 days in Dublin couldn't wait to be back, but had another 2 days to go! Then 2 days after getting back I felt out of sorts and out of place.

I think my major issue is culture shock as well as some mild homesickness, the fact that everyone speaks English makes me feel "at home" but it's still a different culture and rocks me now and again.

I've no desire to live in Ireland though, as lovely as it is

caesar

I haven't moved over yet but my sister went to London when she was around 19/20 about 20 years ago, stayed for 10 months and came home. The flights home were something like 200 pounds so I don't think she was home every few weeks like many are now. She said that she never really gave the place a chance and perhaps should have given it more time.

I'm not sure what your personal circumstances are but in my case I'm going over because I want to, I could stay here, but I've wanted to check London out since 3rd year in college (2008). I'll probably do a two to three year stint, minimum a year. If I don't like it I know it will be down to me - finding things to do and people to hang out with shouldn't be too difficult as long as I make the effort. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway.

I know when I lived in Spain, I was counting the days down to home, didn't like the part I was in at all, found it difficult as my Spanish wasn't the best and their English was poor. However, the Irish girls I met were a godsend. Overall, I learned a lot from the experience, was worth sticking it out.

I have a feeling you’re just having one of those moments, and I’d say the feeling will pass. Think about it, you are comparing London, a city which I'm assuming you haven't been in too long to Christmas time at home. I think you might have a rose tinted view of home. It might help to write down what you actually miss about Dublin. Some people would say their friends or whatever but in many cases their friends have left as well so it's a somewhat redundant point.

Mc Kenzie

thanks for the replies ,,, its great to here other views. i v been here 6 months now i know not initially that long but ..for me as its the first time to be living over seas .... it was a great challenge at first ,,,and im glad i took the leap made the change its just situations are changing for me ,,maybe i just need to settle back in ,,,

ill see,,,who knows ,,,thanks a mill

Fysh

Give it two weeks and make sure you do stuff in your free time - don't just sit at home and watch CSI repeats because the weather's pooey, it'll just make you feel worse

It's totally normal to feel that way right now - bear in mind, you're 6 months into moving to a different country so you're starting to get the hang of here but not yet so well established that it properly feels like home. On top of that, you've just been home for hols and seen friends/family for Christmas. And on top of that - it's January, generally the crappiest of months due to rubbish weather, too many days between Now and Payday, and the post-Christmas downer.

Get out, do some stuff that you couldn't do at home (free stuff like museum-crawling, if money's tight) and keep yourself busy. Also, watch stuff that you miss from home, whether it's Podge & Rodge or bits of The Panel on Youtube or whatever. It'll cheer you up and make you feel better.

If you're still feeling the same way by the start of february, then you might want to start working on an exit strategy.

r3nu4l

I'm seven and half years in England this year and am going back to England tomorrow with my wife and daughter. I'm dreading it! We both have great jobs, a really lovely house and my daughter was born in England but I really hate the thoughts of leaving my family and in-laws. It's the same every time I leave Ireland.

That said, I know from experience that by next week I'll be grand again and concentrating on work.

However, if I was financially secure I'd move home tomorrow, despite the economy and everything else.

ICANN

I'd love to move back but there's no point- while I loved being at home for Christmas and New Year I also realised that aaaalllll of my friends are now abroad. Even my sister is moving over now and my other sister is starting to a job in Scotland in February.

I've been looking at irishjobs.ie and fas for some jobs and the only jobs near me are in call- centres which I've done before and not planning on doing again!

I've done 6 months here and reckon I'll be here for at least another two years so I'm going to try and make the most of it- and I know I'll be home one day eventually

Head The Wall

I've just moved over a few weeks ago and didn't head home for the xmas as I wasn't long enough here to justify it. I know people here already so that helped out but thats not going to be the same for everyone. I did have my mind made up coming over that that was it, I was told I would have a job to come back to if things didn't work out but I wouldn't even entertain that notion as leaving a door open makes difficult months like january even more difficult.

It is a big step leaving your comfort zone and if you are still feeling this way after being here for 8-9 months well then it may not be for you, bear in mind though that is difficult for most people who leave their comfort zone and if you move back home you may just settle into the routine that you had at home. Would you be happy with that and you may also have to find new housemates to live with, new workmates to work with etc. A lot depends on why you moved here in the first place?

zookey

does anyone know what the procedure is for signing on dole after being out of the country for 6 months travelling?

Fysh

zookey wrote: »

does anyone know what the procedure is for signing on dole after being out of the country for 6 months travelling?

I'm really not sure how you think this has anything to do with the subject at hand. Your best bet is to go to the State Benefits forum, read the stickies and if you're still not sure, ask there.

ballsymchugh

gotta say, was in the uk for 7 years from 02 to 09, then dublin til last sept and now back again, and think this Christmas was the hardest one to come back after.

always found england to be fierce miserable in january, but the summer to look forward to (usually a few weeks in april!) is well worth the wait!

Mc Kenzie

coming back after christmas i felt awful ...was so sad..got my first day a work over not feeling too bad now back to usual ...Thanks for the suggestions got a few places in mind to visit now and catch up with freinds ....so not so bad ... but iv still alot of things to consider i never decided how long ill stay so ill go with the flow

Monkey61

I've been in London for 4 and a half years now. I absolutely hated it for the first year or so, every time I went back to Dublin I would be so happy, wish I was home etc. I nearly moved back a few times - got as far as sending all my possessions back once. But now I love it and I would never, ever move back to Ireland.

You have to give it a proper shot. London is hard until you get properly settled. It took me a long time to make friends (and to be honest I only have a handful now) and feel like this was my home. How did I do it?

For me, it took two things - the first, was starting to go out with an English girl. It was amazing the difference it made in me feeling at home here. Also, everytime I went to Ireland, I would look forward to coming back and seeing her.

The second (and probably the hardest) was actually deciding to make a proper go of it and throwing myself into it. That meant not constantly thinking "oh such and such is sooooo much better in Ireland", "Oh Irish people are soooo much more fun". Yes it may be true, but feck it. I live here. And the most important thing of all - not going home every few weeks/months. That allows you to have a life in Ireland and you can't let go when you are still pretending that your life is there. You have to accept the fact that your friends/family are going to get on with things and you are going to miss things - but that is just how it goes.

I now go for a weekend every 6 months/1 year and to be honest I can't wait to get back to London when I am there. Admittedly it holds less attraction now that friends have emigrated or their lives have moved on. But to really feel a part of London, you have to accept that it is where your life is, and live that life. I haven't even gone back to Dublin for the last 3 Christmasses!

Mc Kenzie

Monkey61 wrote: »

I've been in London for 4 and a half years now. I absolutely hated it for the first year or so, every time I went back to Dublin I would be so happy, wish I was home etc. I nearly moved back a few times - got as far as sending all my possessions back once. But now I love it and I would never, ever move back to Ireland.

You have to give it a proper shot. London is hard until you get properly settled. It took me a long time to make friends (and to be honest I only have a handful now) and feel like this was my home. How did I do it?

For me, it took two things - the first, was starting to go out with an English girl. It was amazing the difference it made in me feeling at home here. Also, everytime I went to Ireland, I would look forward to coming back and seeing her.

The second (and probably the hardest) was actually deciding to make a proper go of it and throwing myself into it. That meant not constantly thinking "oh such and such is sooooo much better in Ireland", "Oh Irish people are soooo much more fun". Yes it may be true, but feck it. I live here. And the most important thing of all - not going home every few weeks/months. That allows you to have a life in Ireland and you can't let go when you are still pretending that your life is there. You have to accept the fact that your friends/family are going to get on with things and you are going to miss things - but that is just how it goes.

I now go for a weekend every 6 months/1 year and to be honest I can't wait to get back to London when I am there. Admittedly it holds less attraction now that friends have emigrated or their lives have moved on. But to really feel a part of London, you have to accept that it is where your life is, and live that life. I haven't even gone back to Dublin for the last 3 Christmasses!

hey thats sounds great glad you are happy,

i agree..this was my intension at the begining ,,however on a visit back home i met someone back home so now i do have ties and a "life" back home there is a few things as well. I understand your point but i think its my personal situation i have to figure it out. "its complicated"lol:rolleyes:

its funny as in the beginning my intension was to throw myself in make a life hers but its just what happens along the way .

later12

When I first moved to London I felt like you all the time OP. My connection to Ireland was also dating related, my girlfriend was in Dublin at the time. I would look at her life and my old friends back in Dublin and think 'what the Hell am I doing in a city where I'm so cut off?'.

In my case, it was solved by just sticking it out and making some excellent friends; I was also joined over here by some siblings after about a year, so that helped too. Is there anyone you know who has emigrated to London?

Even after a cumulative 5 years in this city, I still feel a little lost arriving in London. Especially at night. Descending over Heathrow at night-time, the whole city a vast carpet of lights, imagining the lives of all those millions of people underneath, is still a slightly intimidating experience. It always makes me want to bump into somebody I know!

ZygOte

I'll be about 2 years at the end of Feb, I was going back to Dublin 3 days a week for work initially when I first moved as I came over before fully sorting out a job here. So I guess full time imp about a year and a half living, working, eating and breathing London.

I have to say that I really honestly don’t ever see myself wanting to move back to Dublin, yes I miss it at times but I’ve found that usually when I go back I’m ready and happy to come back to London after a few days. Personally I love Dublin as a social city with friends & family etc its great. But as a place to live I cannot abide it, I always find its too small, threes not enough diversity in the way people think/behave etc also professionally work wise I wanted to leave as I couldn’t do the work I wanted to do at a large enough scale in Dublin, and while there are some great places to see and go etc most of the time it all revolves around a drink culture which I do enjoy but can tire of sometimes.

London, for me has changed my world, quite literally. Yes it’s culturally a little different but I’ve quite like the change and adapted well to it, I’ve made some really great friends here both on my own and acquired a staggering amount via my GF (who is English). But it’s the sheer staggering scale of London that does it for me, it’s huge, massive and daunting and that’s why I love it I think. Every now and again when I’ve had a few drinks too many I will feel a little homesick but that quickly passes when I think about the great times and friend and prospects that I have here. Also I have fairly regular visits from friends to London so that helps.

London can be a cold and rather anonymous place but that’s the nature of any large city I think, when you actually spend time with people here I've found them to be incredibly open, fun and welcoming. It’s not too hard to make friends, good friends at that. I think because it’s easy to get sucked into the London cycle that eats up all your time, when people choose to spend time with you its valuable and meaningful, because of this I've found that when you do make friends they will be good friends.

I went back home for a week over Christmas, my GF came over after me on Stephens Day and in contrast to everything I’ve just said I was for the first time a little reluctant to come back to London. But I realised that was because of the people I was with and not Dublin in itself, and although I was temporarily surrounded by all the people I know and love after the Christmas period that would quickly stop and the normal daily Dublin drudgery would kick back in.

Everything I says is purely my own personal opinion and not necessarily relevant to the OPs situation at all, but I would just suggest that you stop and think hard about what you really want, don’t be too quick to leave, yes is a scarily big city out there but it may also be the best thing that ever happens to you

bill_lehane

duffarama wrote: »

How long have you been in London?

I only moved here 3 months ago and after 5 days in Dublin couldn't wait to be back, but had another 2 days to go!

+1 on that! I thought it was great to see everyone but depressing at the state of the old country, whereas London is as vibrant as ever. Perhaps you have a touch of the January blues as well as 'homesickness' if that's still a word? I always think the first week of the year is a toughie.

duffarama

bill_lehane wrote: »

+1 on that! I thought it was great to see everyone but depressing at the state of the old country, whereas London is as vibrant as ever. Perhaps you have a touch of the January blues as well as 'homesickness' if that's still a word? I always think the first week of the year is a toughie.

It's my first time living away from Dublin so I'm fairly sure it was a mix of homesickness and sense of displacement maybe, I don't really get the January blues, I lost my job last year on the 21st of January and don't remember being TOO upset!

It's all behind me now, very swiftly got back into the swing of things thanks to a couple of Irish friends and chats with my flatmates, all of whom are from abroad and been through the same things in the past.

bill_lehane

Well, good to hear!

ICANN

I'll be the first to admit that when I first left I couldn't wait to see the back of Ireland, really believed I'd never want to go back but then I learned what I really love about the place and the reasons I needed to leave also.

I want to love London but don't ever want to call this place home and decide never to go home. I suppose it's a case of being open to it.

Fysh

ICANN wrote: »

I want to love London but don't ever want to call this place home and decide never to go home. I suppose it's a case of being open to it.

TBH home is anywhere you're happy to hang your hat for a while, in my book.

Don't get me wrong in asking this, but...why are you worrying about "deciding never to go home"? You're an hour away and at most a couple of hundred euro by plane from whatever airport suits you best, and you can be there within 24 hours of deciding you want to be there.

Never mind what you do in five years time - get on with enjoying the stuff you can do here and now in London that you wouldn't be able to do back home. If you get tired of it, you can move somewhere else easily enough - whether that's in the UK, in Ireland, or anywhere else.

ICANN

Fysh wrote: »

TBH home is anywhere you're happy to hang your hat for a while, in my book.

Don't get me wrong in asking this, but...why are you worrying about "deciding never to go home"? You're an hour away and at most a couple of hundred euro by plane from whatever airport suits you best, and you can be there within 24 hours of deciding you want to be there.

Never mind what you do in five years time - get on with enjoying the stuff you can do here and now in London that you wouldn't be able to do back home. If you get tired of it, you can move somewhere else easily enough - whether that's in the UK, in Ireland, or anywhere else.

http://www.menofarlington.com/#!trailer I watched that documentary a few months ago and it gave me the fear of ending up old and lonely in London as has happened to lots of people. I know times have changed since the 60s and 70s but it's still something I think about. And I'm working on enjoying the present- that's a flaw I've had my whole life.

Mc Kenzie

Thats somerthinh ivthaught about lately also

Fysh

ICANN wrote: »

http://www.menofarlington.com/#!trailer I watched that documentary a few months ago and it gave me the fear of ending up old and lonely in London as has happened to lots of people. I know times have changed since the 60s and 70s but it's still something I think about. And I'm working on enjoying the present- that's a flaw I've had my whole life.

Oh, come on, you really can't compare what happened to those poor old men to what's likely to happen to you in 30 or 40 years time, and any pretence otherwise is to go out of your way to pretend otherwise.

It is easier and cheaper than it has ever been, in history, to get to and from ireland. Global communications networks have enough penetration both here and at home that meaningful relationships with loved ones do not suffer from the separation of being resident in the UK anything like as much as they would have done 40 years ago. Contemporary culture and racial awareness has evolved such that while racism still raises its ugly head quite a lot, the attitude that the Irish are "white ****" is thankfully largely consigned to the dustbin of history.

Stop seeking reasons to be mopey and enjoy yourself here

Sam V Smith

I would love nothing more than to be able to work in field from Ireland. There are just so many more opportunities here in the UK that it doesn't make sense.

That said, I don't feel like there is much for me in Ireland. I like the place... but I can't help but find it a little small and insignificant when I'm there.

I have just turned 23. I left straight after school at 18 to go to Uni in Manchester. I stayed on until the new year after graduating (a bit over a year ago) and went back home in Feb of last year. Had some work come up but decided to move back over and set up shop in London Nov just gone as it's the best place to progress career wise.