MATURE STUDENT ADVICE!!!!

dougiex06

I'm applying to DCU as a mature student. The course I'm applying to is "physical education with biology". I was wondering If you guys could have a look at my personal statement below and see if its enough or too little? i don't want to bore them to death with it but want them to know what I've done since leaving college. While I was in sallynoggin college I done alot of Anatomy and Physiology - do you think i should put all that in because it relates to the course or will a brief overview do and then when the interview comes along i can elaborate more? I've applyed to other colleges and courses but this really really is the big one and all the other courses i applied to are going to be stepping stones for this one. If anyone has the time to reply with advice that would be great.


"Why I wish to pursue a Degree in Physical education and Biology in DCU.

I’ve always known in some way that I wanted to pursue a career in the education department. After finishing secondary school, I was still unsure as to what my next step should be. Career guidance counsellors noted that my interests tended to be dominated by sport and fitness and ergo suggested I go and complete a certificate in leisure management and fitness instruction in Sallynoggin College of Further Education. They reasoned that the course would open up doors to a variety of different degree programs and whilst completing the two year certificate, I could take the time to decide where exactly I wanted to go in life. During a four week placement on this course, I came to the conclusion that I wanted to teach. Using contacts from my old school, St. Brendan’s, I secured a four week placement shadowing a physical education teacher. After three weeks assisting her and seeing how to structure a class, she allowed me to take control of her classes for a week and I enjoyed it so immensely, that it served to reaffirm to me that this was exactly what I wanted to do as a career. She gave me a list of courses to look into after I left Sallynoggin, and yours was the one that clearly stood out to me above the rest.
I feel I possess a lot of excellent qualities that will allow me to succeed in your course:
• A passion for sport and exercise
• Excellent knowledge of the anatomy and physiology of the body
• A willingness to help and teach others
• An eagerness to keep learning
Looking at the course structure, I feel very excited and eager to join your course - I feel I will excel in all aspects, from the practical side of physical education, to the intellectual side of education studies.
I really feel that this course is the right one for me, and will be fundamental to giving me the skills I need to move forward and pursue my ideal career, and that is why it’s my top choice for September 2012."

Thanks in Advance

Adam

miss molly

Hey Adam, Your statement is very good, only parts I might change is that the part about the guidance counselor, you make it sound like they pushed you into sports and that it wasnt your first choice. maybe put in why you like sports so much and why this course appeals to you and then maybe at the end I would put in something about understanding that course is going to be difficult and you are prepared to work hard to achieve your deserved results etc.. but feel you will excel.... good luck with the application.

extopia

I agree - looks good and your motivation is obvious, as is your experience. Only minor advice would be to avoid statements like "I’ve always known in some way that I wanted to pursue a career in..." as this is a bit of a cliché and doesn't add anything important. I second mollie's comments: your narrative should suggest that you have been in charge, making the choice at secondary school to pursue the Sallynoggin course as part of your overall strategy to qualify for the DCU course.

Also: make sure someone proofreads your statement and your overall application. While it's not part of your statement, a sentence like "I done alot of Anatomy and Physiology" might not do you any favours.

Best of luck with it.

dougiex06

Cheers guys, taken both these on board and im in the middle of an update. I have got a couple of past teachers and managers on board to write me up a few recommendations so hopefully that will be enough to get me to interview!

thanks again

dougiex06

Hey Adam, Your statement is very good,

miss molly wrote: »

only parts I might change is that the part about the guidance counselor

,

Hay, thanks for your reply, i've made a few changes, do you think this looks better or worse than the last one?!


Why I wish to pursue a Degree in Physical education and Biology in DCU.

Since completing secondary school I’ve wanted to pursue a career in the education department. The impact some teachers have had on my life was more than enough inspiration to go ahead and look for courses and paths to acquire the skills necessary to get a job in this field. After finishing secondary school, I decided I would complete a two year course I had been looking into in Leisure Management and Fitness instruction in Sallynoggin college of Further Education. My reason behind this is that it would open up doors to a varity other degree programs while gaining relevant knowledge with modules such as; Anatomy and Physiology, Nutrition, Fitness class structuring and professional conduct, during the two year certificate.
By far the most important module for me was work experience – it was during this that I came to the conclusion that I wanted to teach. Using contacts from my old school, St. Brendan’s, I secured a four week placement shadowing a physical education teacher. After three weeks assisting her and seeing how to structure a class, she allowed me to take control of her classes for a week and I enjoyed it so immensely, that it served to reaffirm to me that this was exactly what I wanted to do as a career. When talking to the teacher about what my goals were after the course she gave me a list of courses to look into after I left Sallynoggin, and yours was the one that clearly stood out to me above the rest.
I feel I possess a lot of excellent qualities that will allow me to succeed in your course:
• A passion for sport and exercise
• Excellent knowledge of the anatomy and physiology of the body
• A willingness to help and teach others
• An eagerness to keep learning
Looking at the course structure, I feel very excited and eager to join your course - I feel I will excel in all aspects, from your practical biology module , to your microteaching and teaching preparation module.
I really feel that this course is the right one for me, and will be fundamental to giving me the skills I need to move forward and pursue my ideal career, and that is why it’s my top choice for September 2012.

thanks again for all the help

extopia

Don't be afraid to fix the typos :-)

But also don't be afraid to go around the written application and meet with the course chair or other school staff. Put your face in front of them, ask for advice but also make the case for them selecting you. As a mature student you can usually get away with this kind of forwardness. It's a game!

best of luck