The Newborn & Toddlers Off-Topic Chat Thread

Emmadilema123

Sligo1 wrote: »

Slightly bigger age gap between my two. 15 months. Also always get called Irish twins. It's tiring yes... But me and hubby are both still alive and both together. We were planning a 3rd 8 months ago.... But I got a promotion and decided to have a bit of a life. Lol lol. So maybe next year . As Millem said... People just have no filter. First baby was conceived between the time myself and OH got engaged and married. I remember an auld guy in work asking me was the pregnancy planned!!!! Lol

I've been asked that on all mine! On the first it was awkward because I wasn't married. The second was fine because she was planned and even though the 3rd wasn't planned I loved telling ppl that. I was basically bragging lol hey look at us we have 2 small children and were still having enough sex for it to result in an accidental pregnancy lol

fro9etb8j5qsl2

Omg it's such an awful question to ask! I had a mc before I got pregnant with my little boy and when I went to hand a sick cert into work, my manager looked at it and said 'Jésus, I didn't know you were pregnant, had ye been trying' :eek: I mumbled a reply and then he said 'don't worry it'll happen for you. I could hardly pass my wife on the stairs and she'd get pregnant' :rolleyes:

And then when I got pregnant with my little boy, I went to the manager above him because I didn't want to listen to whatever gems of wisdom he had. And that manager said to me 'oh ya, didn't you lose your first?' and proceeded to tell me about his wife's mc :eek:

Sligo1

Rayan Low Lambskin wrote: »

Omg it's such an awful question to ask! I had a mc before I got pregnant with my little boy and when I went to hand a sick cert into work, my manager looked at it and said 'Jésus, I didn't know you were pregnant, had ye been trying' :eek: I mumbled a reply and then he said 'don't worry it'll happen for you. I could hardly pass my wife on the stairs and she'd get pregnant' :rolleyes:

And then when I got pregnant with my little boy, I went to the manager above him because I didn't want to listen to whatever gems of wisdom he had. And that manager said to me 'oh ya, didn't you lose your first?' and proceeded to tell me about his wife's mc :eek:

Gosh people are just so tactless aren't they!?

Armchair Andy

I don't think it's tactless just people run their mouth off without thinking of what scenarios the other person might be in.

I remember when we were told we couldn't have kids a customer of mine asked me how many kids I had, when I said none he just rattled on how great kids were and so on so forth to the point where I broke down in front of him where he just apologised profusely as he hadn't suspected it was dominating my life at the time.

He was genuinely upset as was I so now I give people the benefit of the doubt unless blatantly deliberate on their behalf. People do be just talking and sometimes it's their way of getting out of a situation when deep down they might know something's up or not right.

Still doesn't make what that manager in the earlier post right, that was just an arsehole thing to say.

Lashes28

A mammy at the school asked me did we not have a tv on the house anymore!!! Hahaha . Love it people love to express their opinions especially when they are not wanted nor asked for.

Ah the miscarriage comments. They hurt most of all, but it's mainly out of people's uncomfort of the situation

ChewChew

Oh people be crazy alright. The things that have been said to me because we're 90% certain we'll just have the one is actually downright cruel and disgusting. It really is true that people think because you are pregnant/have a child that you're in need of opinions.

bp

My sister has two the same gender and she always gets: oh you must be disappointed or you will go again for the other gender won't you....

Emmadilema123

bp wrote: »

My sister has two the same gender and she always gets: oh you must be disappointed or you will go again for the other gender won't you....

My friend has 3 boys and gets that alot! She gets to be the queen of her castle! No chance in my house! My girl already runs the place and the one on the way is also a girl. A friend of mine has a teenage girl and the stories would be enough to turn your hair grey lol

madeinamerica

bp wrote: »

My sister has two the same gender and she always gets: oh you must be disappointed or you will go again for the other gender won't you....

I always think that is such a sad way to look at kids. Each is a little person to be loved in their own right, they aren;t collectors items! I know a guy who is the second son with a younger sister and his mum is just obsessed with his sister. I get the feeling he was overlooked a lot as a child once his sister arrived, and it is sad.

mirrorwall14

People do it about everything I think. I spent the whole pregnancy with people telling me life was over. Well I'm almost a year in with the baba and it's been awesome. Ok yes tiring, terrifying at times but totally amazing and wonderful.

I also have one particular work colleague who has spent the whole year since I had him telling me that things will be better when they get to age 4 and that they didn't enjoy being parents of a baby. Wtf like??

Emmadilema123

mirrorwall14 wrote: »

People do it about everything I think. I spent the whole pregnancy with people telling me life was over. Well I'm almost a year in with the baba and it's been awesome. Ok yes tiring, terrifying at times but totally amazing and wonderful.

I also have one particular work colleague who has spent the whole year since I had him telling me that things will be better when they get to age 4 and that they didn't enjoy being parents of a baby. Wtf like??

I loved being a parent of a baby but I must admit , my son is 4 now and the fun factor has gone through the roof! We were at Disney this year and it was just amazing! Were watching films this Xmas that we both enjoy and its just great! Being a parent of a baby is lovely but it gets better and better as they get older!

My daughter is two and was such a daddy's girl as a baby and now that she is getting older she is giving me a lot more time! Its very selfish but I love when my husband isn't here so I can play with her. I'm not good at sharing!

It sounds like a terrible thing to say but I can kind of understand it. Its just so much easier when they get older that you have more time to enjoy the little people they are becoming .

dori_dormer

I get the baby thing! I'm totally not a baby person. I never really oohed and Ahhed over other Babies. They just cry and spit up and do awful stinky nappies! They are a ton of work lol! My boy was extreme with colic etc and very needy for the first 12 months. Was exhausting. Now there were moments of fun and joy but my memories of the first year are 90% stress and exhaustion. Now he's older and walking and really playing he's way more fun! Can actually DO things with him!

I'm due my next one in July and im the most anxious about how I'll survive the first year with a newborn and a toddler!

I think everyone will have different areas of parenting and their child's childhood that they will be more skilled at than others!

madeinamerica

I was totally not a baby person, they kinda scared me tbh. But once I had my own, I thought everything he did was just fascinating! Seeing him develop from a helpless little bundle to start to lift up his head or hold something or trying to touch a toy or figure out what he was looking at... it is mind blowing to watch a little person unfold in front of us. But I still find other people's babies boring lol

Diamond Doll

dori_dormer wrote: »

I get the baby thing! I'm totally not a baby person. I never really oohed and Ahhed over other Babies. They just cry and spit up and do awful stinky nappies! They are a ton of work lol! My boy was extreme with colic etc and very needy for the first 12 months. Was exhausting. Now there were moments of fun and joy but my memories of the first year are 90% stress and exhaustion. Now he's older and walking and really playing he's way more fun! Can actually DO things with him!

Funnily enough I was only thinking earlier today about how (theoretically) easy it was when my baby was less than a year old. He was so portable! Like I could go to any appointment or whatever and bring him along, safe in the knowledge he'd either sleep through or sit there quietly in his buggy. I have a voucher for a massage to be used in the next couple of weeks, I was just thinking that when he was maybe under six months, I'd happily book it and carry him in there in his car seat and he'd be grand for the duration of the massage. Not a chance in hell I could bring him along now that he's almost two! While on maternity leave, I had hospital appointments three times a week for a chronic condition and it was no bother bringing him along (even with two trains each way), definitely couldn't do that now.

He is SO much more fun now that he's a toddler, but definitely much, much harder work. It's so lovely watching him learn and discover new things, he's such a happy little dude who just loves to explore.

Lucuma

Emmadilema123 wrote: »

your body clock has already adjusted to motherhood and sleepless nights that 2 is very little difference to 1 when you have the small gap!

Oh my god MUSIC to my ears.
Thanks!

My age gap will be 1 yr 8mo

dori_dormer

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Funnily enough I was only thinking earlier today about how (theoretically) easy it was when my baby was less than a year old. He was so portable! Like I could go to any appointment or whatever and bring him along, safe in the knowledge he'd either sleep through or sit there quietly in his buggy. I have a voucher for a massage to be used in the next couple of weeks, I was just thinking that when he was maybe under six months, I'd happily book it and carry him in there in his car seat and he'd be grand for the duration of the massage. Not a chance in hell I could bring him along now that he's almost two! While on maternity leave, I had hospital appointments three times a week for a chronic condition and it was no bother bringing him along (even with two trains each way), definitely couldn't do that now.

He is SO much more fun now that he's a toddler, but definitely much, much harder work. It's so lovely watching him learn and discover new things, he's such a happy little dude who just loves to explore.

Ah see I rarely got to do things like that. Getting out to even the phn appointments was so much stress. He cried an awful lot. I tried and failed at breastfeeding. More stress! He had to be held in my arms to sleep. Could take an hour for just a 30 min nap. I don't think anything Was easy with him. He screamed in the car a lot too.

Once he turned 1 he got better at the naps. Real food was easier. He was more easily distracted so I could get things done!

I think baby number two will be easier as at least I'll have some clue what I'm doing lol! I really hope to enjoy the baby stage more

Emmadilema123

dori_dormer wrote: »

Ah see I rarely got to do things like that. Getting out to even the phn appointments was so much stress. He cried an awful lot. I tried and failed at breastfeeding. More stress! He had to be held in my arms to sleep. Could take an hour for just a 30 min nap. I don't think anything Was easy with him. He screamed in the car a lot too.

Once he turned 1 he got better at the naps. Real food was easier. He was more easily distracted so I could get things done!

I think baby number two will be easier as at least I'll have some clue what I'm doing lol! I really hope to enjoy the baby stage more

This is the mirror image of my life when my son was born! It was so hard! I swear Number 2 was an absolute doddle in comparison! I didn't know myself!

Diamond Doll

Emmadilema123 wrote: »

This is the mirror image of my life when my son was born! It was so hard! I swear Number 2 was an absolute doddle in comparison! I didn't know myself!

Apparently my older sister was a complete nightmare and screamed for most of her first couple of years.

I was born just over a year later, I'm told I slept 99.9999% of the time, dream baby!

I'm just surprised they went again after her! Let alone going several times again after that!

Emmadilema123

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Apparently my older sister was a complete nightmare and screamed for most of her first couple of years.

I was born just over a year later, I'm told I slept 99.9999% of the time, dream baby!

I'm just surprised they went again after her! Let alone going several times again after that!

My little one was the very same! Missed most of the 1st year of her life to sleeping lol ppl couldn't believe it! She went 7 to 7 from the week she was born! She wouldn't take a night feed for me so phn said to stop lifting her because she was having enough during the day lol I couldn't believe my luck!

Diamond Doll

My own boy was the same, always a great sleeper, still is!

I'd love another one, all I'd need is a sperm donor though!

moving_home

dori_dormer wrote: »

Ah see I rarely got to do things like that. Getting out to even the phn appointments was so much stress. He cried an awful lot. I tried and failed at breastfeeding. More stress! He had to be held in my arms to sleep. Could take an hour for just a 30 min nap. I don't think anything Was easy with him. He screamed in the car a lot too.

Once he turned 1 he got better at the naps. Real food was easier. He was more easily distracted so I could get things done!

I think baby number two will be easier as at least I'll have some clue what I'm doing lol! I really hope to enjoy the baby stage more

I found it got easier from about 4 months but the first 4 months were as you described. I would never have believed when my daughter was 6 weeks old and reflux-y, crying alot and impossible to settle that she could be the constantly smiling, happy baby she is now.

fro9etb8j5qsl2

My first wasn't bad, quiet baby/good sleeper, but I still found the first 4 months very difficult because it is such a lifestyle shock. I was totally bewildered that I had this little person completely dependant on me 24/7. One of the hardest things for me was getting used to the fact that I could no longer just go and do what I wanted, I had to think about my little boy first and what he needed before I thought about myself. Once he got a little more active and interactive, I found it a lot more fulfilling and rewarding and by then, we had slipped into a nice routine so it got easier. I knew the drill with number 2 and was pleasantly surprised to find that I didn't feel so overwhelmed and frightened after she was born. I think the type of labour you have adds a lot to how you feel in the early weeks too.

Diamond Doll

Rayan Low Lambskin wrote: »

I think the type of labour you have adds a lot to how you feel in the early weeks too.

I don't know ... I mean obviously I'd a sh*t labour and am still suffering the after-effects two years later, but on the other hand, I know loads of people who had way worse labours, going on for several days, ending up in sections, etc, and they're grand!

I saw the Holles St mental health consultant a few months after birth (for all the good it did me, but anyways!) He told me something interesting, that they're seeing a huge increase in patients presenting with post-natal depression and other mental health issues after IVF and other assisted fertility treatments. He found it very interesting, that it's a very significant trend he has noticed. (My pregnancy was accidental so didn't fit in that category, he just mentioned it incidentally.)

Emmadilema123

Lots of swearing at toys here tonight plus the classics like "why is there 10 thousand screws left" and "will you read the instructions for gods sake!" ×10

Its done and I just can't wait to see their little faces! Happy Xmas everyone 😀

RentDayBlues

Santa brought 2 of everything as with only 18 months between them it's easier, so why oh why are you both fighting over the same toy when there's a second one?!?!?!?!

fro9etb8j5qsl2

Am i naive to think that giving up the soother won't be a terrible ordeal? Our little fella will be 2 in february and for the last few months he only gets his dodie when going to bed or for a nap. We have been building up to taking it away completely, telling him about the dodie fairy and how he's a big boy now and doesn't need it etc. So we were planning on putting all of them out on the hedge in the garden tomorrow night for the fairy to collect and I thought it would be a good idea to trial run it by removing his dodie tonight when he was asleep and seeing how he did. He woke looking for it at midnight and wouldn't settle at all until I gave it back to him This is going to be harder than I thought

Diamond Doll

Rayan Low Lambskin wrote: »

Am i naive to think that giving up the soother won't be a terrible ordeal? Our little fella will be 2 in february and for the last few months he only gets his dodie when going to bed or for a nap. We have been building up to taking it away completely, telling him about the dodie fairy and how he's a big boy now and doesn't need it etc. So we were planning on putting all of them out on the hedge in the garden tomorrow night for the fairy to collect and I thought it would be a good idea to trial run it by removing his dodie tonight when he was asleep and seeing how he did. He woke looking for it at midnight and wouldn't settle at all until I gave it back to him This is going to be harder than I thought

Ah I think we'll have a very tough time getting rid of it altogether! Our boy is 2 in January but wouldn't understand the concept of a dodie fairy or anything like that. He only gets it at naps and at night and when he's upset. I'm thinking we'll probably just wait til he's almost three and leave it for Santa in exchange for his presents, at least he'll understand it better then!

bp

It will be a rough couple of nights of no sleep so if you do give yours selves some days of no work in the morning.

fro9etb8j5qsl2

Yeah, the reason I was planning it for today is because my OH is off work until Monday so I thought it wouldn't be too bad if we had a bit of sleep disturbance. I'm starting to chicken out a bit now :eek: Not sure if he understands completely but he definitely understands a bit. We've been watching elmo giving up his pacifier all week

Emmadilema123

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Ah I think we'll have a very tough time getting rid of it altogether! Our boy is 2 in January but wouldn't understand the concept of a dodie fairy or anything like that. He only gets it at naps and at night and when he's upset. I'm thinking we'll probably just wait til he's almost three and leave it for Santa in exchange for his presents, at least he'll understand it better then!

.

I agree! I waited until mine were old enough to reason with! Ppl often commented on the fact that the still head one but leaving it a bit later meant it was a lot less stressful for them and me!

Ms2011

My son was so attached to his soother that I thought he'd still be sucking it going off the college:D.
We decided when he was 2 to take it away & were prepared for a storm that never came, he just kind of accepted it, he was a bit confused the first few times we didn't give it to him but then he just got on with it, we were amazed!!
Consistency I'd say is the key, from once you make the decision don't go back on it.

fro9etb8j5qsl2

I'm flapping a bit now and wondering if I should leave it off for another while :eek: I think you're right ms2011, consistency is definitely the key. Part of the reason I want to get rid of it completely is because daddy isn't as consistent as me and where I will make sure that my little boy only gets the dodie at bedtime, my OH will crack and want to give it to him at the first sign of crankiness for a quiet life :rolleyes: Fine while he's at work most of the time but he's been off over christmas and wrecking my head over it :rolleyes:

Ms2011

At the same time there is no hurry, we did it at 2 because he was making some changes himself (not wanting his bedtime bottle, wanting to sleep in a bed as apposed to a cot) so we decided to strike while the iron was hot & did the soother too.
I think you just get a vibe yourself when they are ready for these changes.

Digs

Ms2011 wrote: »

My son was so attached to his soother that I thought he'd still be sucking it going off the college:D.
We decided when he was 2 to take it away & were prepared for a storm that never came, he just kind of accepted it, he was a bit confused the first few times we didn't give it to him but then he just got on with it, we were amazed!!
Consistency I'd say is the key, from once you make the decision don't go back on it.

We had the same experience actually. Took a deep breath when she was just over two and went cold turkey. Fully expecting battle ahead. She was sad about it for a day (felt like the worst mother in the world) and then she just got over it. We had one bad night and that was it! Consistency definitely key, if I'd cracked on that first nap we'd have been toast!

fro9etb8j5qsl2

I chickened out in the end His last tooth is almost coming through so I'm adamant that once it's down, the dodie is going. Might start going in during the night and removing it while he sleeps just to get him used to it. Have to find somewhere to hide the present that the dodie fairy was going to bring now :pac:

Lucuma

Diamond Doll wrote: »

I saw the Holles St mental health consultant a few months after birth (for all the good it did me, but anyways!) He told me something interesting, that they're seeing a huge increase in patients presenting with post-natal depression and other mental health issues after IVF and other assisted fertility treatments. He found it very interesting, that it's a very significant trend he has noticed. (My pregnancy was accidental so didn't fit in that category, he just mentioned it incidentally.)

That's really interesting & actually I think I can kind of understand why......the mothers prob tend to be older, so they've had their freedom for longer and/or have been career women for longer (prob have to be to afford IVF in Ire). Therefore the change in lifestyle is bigger, the head**** is much greater! Plus they've spent so much time & energy into wanting this they've had no time to prepare for actually getting what they want. The 'dream' has had so much time to grow as they've craved it for so long and so hard that the reality vs dream divide is probably greater!

Ms2011

Anyone else finding their child has turned into the anti christ over Christmas?!
If ever I believed that routine & boundaries make life with a 3.5yr old easier it's been affirmed for me over the last 2 weeks.
We've been a little slack with bedtimes, letting him have more treats, giving in a little bit more than we would because it's Christmas but boy are we paying the price...back answering, telling us 'no' when asked to do something, just generally misbehaving:rolleyes:
Roll on Monday when badass Mammy will be making a reappearance

Neyite

Lucuma wrote: »

That's really interesting & actually I think I can kind of understand why......the mothers prob tend to be older, so they've had their freedom for longer and/or have been career women for longer (prob have to be to afford IVF in Ire). Therefore the change in lifestyle is bigger, the head**** is much greater! Plus they've spent so much time & energy into wanting this they've had no time to prepare for actually getting what they want. The 'dream' has had so much time to grow as they've craved it for so long and so hard that the reality vs dream divide is probably greater!

There tends to be a misconception about IVF mums that they are women who put off motherhood in order to have a career, and in my experience, none that I know fit the stereotype of the career driven woman in her 40's that is the general perception. They are usually normal women who have jobs and struggle to pay their bills from time to time and usually have to borrow heavily from the credit union or the like to fund having their family via IVF. It's far more likely that women throw themselves into their job as a welcome distraction from their constant disappointment every month. Even the couple I know who have had excellent careers both started TTC when their careers were just getting off the ground. And to both of those women, if you'd offered them a baby or a career back then, they would have grabbed the chance for a family over their career. They may have been 40 when they had their babies but had been trying since their twenties or early thirties. Its hurtful to suggest that a woman who has gone though IVF has PND because she misses some sort of career-woman lifestyle of shopping trips for handbags and socialising.

I'd attribute any possible increases in IVF mums having PND to be more likely to be arising from the fact that they have had years and years of disappointment while TTC, likely experienced losses along the way, then head first into gruelling hormonal treatment which forces her body into an artificial menopause, quickly followed by accelerated ovulation induction, and all the hormone chaos that brings. Then there is the constant poking an prodding of medical staff throughout the cycle. Then, if the 56 days of IVF cycle worked, they are immediately plunged into pregnancy hormones and all the side effects that brings. And because its a 'miracle' pregnancy, they probably feel they shouldn't moan about their morning sickness, or their fatigue, or stretch-marks or SPD like other mums-to-be can. That they should suck it up and feel lucky that they finally got pregnant, and stayed pregnant unlike the other women they met along the way that still have to experience it for themselves. Then before you know it, you are giving birth, and experience the baby blues and PND just like other women.

I think that a) seeking treatment for PND is thankfully much more acceptable these days, or b) an IVF mum would have been documenting and discussing her moods in relation to her hormones for far longer during her IVF treatment that she may feel more practised at discussing her moods with a nurse or her doctor and more likely to seek help when they need it, or c) they've had severe hormonal upheaval for a lot longer (years in some cases) than non-ivf mums and their body feels the resultant crash more.

Emmadilema123

Ms2011 wrote: »

Anyone else finding their child has turned into the anti christ over Christmas?!
If ever I believed that routine & boundaries make life with a 3.5yr old easier it's been affirmed for me over the last 2 weeks.
We've been a little slack with bedtimes, letting him have more treats, giving in a little bit more than we would because it's Christmas but boy are we paying the price...back answering, telling us 'no' when asked to do something, just generally misbehaving:rolleyes:
Roll on Monday when badass Mammy will be making a reappearance

I am right there with you! The kids have been horrendous and my patience is wearing thin! I put the foot down in a big way yesterday! Banned treats and put some lost rules back in place! Got the house back in order because I find an untidy house can really stress them and contribute to the chaos! I did think it was going to take a few days but it was business as normal today thank the lord!

Lucuma

Neyite wrote: »

Its hurtful to suggest that a woman who has gone though IVF has PND because she misses some sort of career-woman lifestyle of shopping trips for handbags and socialising.

Yeah I'm sure all those things you mentioned are also reasons why IVF Mums would get PND.

On the working thing, shopping trips?! God no....nothing to do with shopping whatsoever. I meant that in work you can control things, whereas a newborn situation means a total lack of control.
I had a 12 year career behind me before I had a baby and this was one of the things I found most difficult to handle. In work if there's a problem I use logic and experience to solve it. Problems have logical, clear, practical solutions. In my particular job anyway, all left brain stuff.
When I found myself with a newborn all my skills from that 12 year career were beyond useless to me. I needed a whole other set of skills - instinct, nurturing type stuff which I had no practice at. And for me that total lack of control was terrifying.
That's what i meant, nothing to do with handbags!

Neyite

Lucuma wrote: »

Yeah I'm sure all those things you mentioned are also reasons why IVF Mums would get PND.

On the working thing, shopping trips?! God no....nothing to do with shopping whatsoever. I meant that in work you can control things, whereas a newborn situation means a total lack of control.
I had a 12 year career behind me before I had a baby and this was one of the things I found most difficult to handle. In work if there's a problem I use logic and experience to solve it. Problems have logical, clear, practical solutions. In my particular job anyway, all left brain stuff.
When I found myself with a newborn all my skills from that 12 year career were beyond useless to me. I needed a whole other set of skills - instinct, nurturing type stuff which I had no practice at. And for me that total lack of control was terrifying.
That's what i meant, nothing to do with handbags!

I know, sorry - I was having a general rant really, not aimed at you! I do agree that nothing prepares you for a newborn. I don't have that kind of career but I felt similar to you in the newborn days. I do know mums who had no career - who went straight from college graduation to marriage and motherhood and were seemingly born nurturers and got walloped by bad PND too. In fact the worst PND that I saw was in two women who never worked, just went straight into being a SAHM.

moving_home

Neyite wrote: »

There tends to be a misconception about IVF mums that they are women who put off motherhood in order to have a career, and in my experience, none that I know fit the stereotype of the career driven woman in her 40's that is the general perception. They are usually normal women who have jobs and struggle to pay their bills from time to time and usually have to borrow heavily from the credit union or the like to fund having their family via IVF. It's far more likely that women throw themselves into their job as a welcome distraction from their constant disappointment every month. Even the couple I know who have had excellent careers both started TTC when their careers were just getting off the ground. And to both of those women, if you'd offered them a baby or a career back then, they would have grabbed the chance for a family over their career. They may have been 40 when they had their babies but had been trying since their twenties or early thirties. Its hurtful to suggest that a woman who has gone though IVF has PND because she misses some sort of career-woman lifestyle of shopping trips for handbags and socialising.

I'd attribute any possible increases in IVF mums having PND to be more likely to be arising from the fact that they have had years and years of disappointment while TTC, likely experienced losses along the way, then head first into gruelling hormonal treatment which forces her body into an artificial menopause, quickly followed by accelerated ovulation induction, and all the hormone chaos that brings. Then there is the constant poking an prodding of medical staff throughout the cycle. Then, if the 56 days of IVF cycle worked, they are immediately plunged into pregnancy hormones and all the side effects that brings. And because its a 'miracle' pregnancy, they probably feel they shouldn't moan about their morning sickness, or their fatigue, or stretch-marks or SPD like other mums-to-be can. That they should suck it up and feel lucky that they finally got pregnant, and stayed pregnant unlike the other women they met along the way that still have to experience it for themselves. Then before you know it, you are giving birth, and experience the baby blues and PND just like other women.

I think that a) seeking treatment for PND is thankfully much more acceptable these days, or b) an IVF mum would have been documenting and discussing her moods in relation to her hormones for far longer during her IVF treatment that she may feel more practised at discussing her moods with a nurse or her doctor and more likely to seek help when they need it, or c) they've had severe hormonal upheaval for a lot longer (years in some cases) than non-ivf mums and their body feels the resultant crash more.

Excellent post. And hugs.

ChewChew

Neyite wrote: »

I do agree that nothing prepares you for a newborn.

Omg! This!! 100% this!! I had my baby in May and have a ten year career before I had her but I never felt so out of control and overwhelmed about something I thought I *should* know everything about! I felt like that tool in a toolbox that everyone has but no one ever used!

Alicemoon

Excuse me if I sound smug and I totally understand if anyone feels like giving me a slap but my wee girl is so easy to care for she was 3 weeks old when she started sleeping through the night and she loves her bottle. Colic and reflux have never troubled us as parents and she is quite happy to sleep over background noise.

Neyite

moving_home wrote: »

Excellent post. And hugs.

I'm one of the lucky ones who only had 2 rounds of Clomid, and months of fertility appointments rather than the full gauntlet of IVF meds to get my baby. But I've looked into IVF for #2, and I'll freely admit that for me, I'm nowhere near ready in my head to start it yet.

yellow hen

Neyite wrote: »

I'm one of the lucky ones who only had 2 rounds of Clomid, and months of fertility appointments rather than the full gauntlet of IVF meds to get my baby. But I've looked into IVF for #2, and I'll freely admit that for me, I'm nowhere near ready in my head to start it yet.

Hi neyite, I hope you don't mind me asking but had you no luck with clomid this time?

bp

Alicemoon wrote: »

Excuse me if I sound smug and I totally understand if anyone feels like giving me a slap but my wee girl is so easy to care for she was 3 weeks old when she started sleeping through the night and she loves her bottle. Colic and reflux have never troubled us as parents and she is quite happy to sleep over background noise.

Grrr good for you!

Neyite

yellow hen wrote: »

Hi neyite, I hope you don't mind me asking but had you no luck with clomid this time?

No, no luck, unfortunately. I was so hopeful because the first round it worked on the third month so I reckoned the 6 month prescription was plenty, but it didn't work the second time. Still think its an amazing medication though!

yellow hen

Neyite wrote: »

No, no luck, unfortunately. I was so hopeful because the first round it worked on the third month so I reckoned the 6 month prescription was plenty, but it didn't work the second time. Still think its an amazing medication though!

It didn't work for me first time and I actually fell pregnant a while later. I did conceive on it second time round though so I'm on the fence about it. I knew there was a chance we might have to go IVF route and like you, I just couldn't get my head around it.

Emmadilema123

Neyite wrote: »

I know, sorry - I was having a general rant really, not aimed at you! I do agree that nothing prepares you for a newborn. I don't have that kind of career but I felt similar to you in the newborn days. I do know mums who had no career - who went straight from college graduation to marriage and motherhood and were seemingly born nurturers and got walloped by bad PND too. In fact the worst PND that I saw was in two women who never worked, just went straight into being a SAHM.

First baby is terrible hard! I didnt have PND but I def had baby blues for the first week or two! I cried the whole way home from the hospital and when I got home everything just felt so unfamiliar! My house smelled different , everything looked different and I was so overwhelmed! I kept thinking what would I be doing at this time if I didn't have the baby and would start doing that. It didn't work! Everything I did before felt different!

The good news.... Second baby I came home popped her in the co sleeper and finished cleaning the fridge I was cleaning when I went into labour! It was like nothing happened and she had always been there!