The Newborn & Toddlers Off-Topic Chat Thread

Lucuma

Neyite wrote: »

. I do know mums who had no career - who went straight from college graduation to marriage and motherhood and were seemingly born nurturers and got walloped by bad PND too. In fact the worst PND that I saw was in two women who never worked, just went straight into being a SAHM.

There seems to be no rhyme or reason to PND so. I'm an expat living abroad and any women I come across here who get PND, the fact they are far from their family is blamed as NO.1 reason.
I was AT home with my mother, father, sister etc all under the same roof when I had my baby and I STILL got the worst PND of anyone I know! Also I've often seen a traumatic labour blamed, I had a textbook labour which ran as per my birth plan and I still got horrendous PND.

So in my case in looking for other things to blame I thought it was the fact I was a career woman etc.
Perhaps it is simply a hormonal crash which occurs and people look for reasons in their particular circumstances. If it is hormonal, that would certainly explain why women who have undergone IVF would be susceptible

iguana

Lucuma wrote: »

Perhaps it is simply a hormonal crash which occurs and people look for reasons in their particular circumstances. If it is hormonal, that would certainly explain why women who have undergone IVF would be susceptible

I suspect it's mostly physical. Either hormonal in many cases and perhaps also nutritional. I never had PND despite an extremely complicated birth and the first year of my son's life being absolutely horrendous for all reasons other than him. Parenthood was like the magic elixir that gave me strength and extreme happiness despite the mound of crap after mound of crap that the rest of my life was dealing with.

But when I was trying and failing to conceive, I experienced a very severe depression with near daily suicidal ideation. I put it down to misery over an earlier miscarriage coupled with failure to get pregnant again other than a series of chemical pregnancies. When I went to the doctor about trying to conceive I was lucky enough that he did a full physical work up as a first step and I was diagnosed as anaemic (due, as I later discovered, to ovarian endometriosis). Almost as soon as I started taking an iron supplement effectively (iron absorption is affected by your diet, so just supplementing isn't enough, you need to time it right compared to what else you eat) my depression disappeared. As it turns out a deficiency in iron is a common cause of depressive symptoms and an awful lot of women are anaemic post birth. And iron isn't the only mineral the lack of which causes depression. I firmly believe that anyone with depression symptoms needs to first and foremost ask for a full physical work up to see if there is a physical cause for their symptoms that can be diagnosed.

Neyite

Another reason that PND might be diagnosed more is that the maternity services are a lot more vigilant about discussing it with mums, spotting the signs and encouraging women to be proactive about tackling it.

Plus PND becoming more like just another mainstream post-natal health check, like when they check your stitches or your stomach muscles or your breastfeeding latch rather than a stand alone mental health issue. And I think that is a very clever way of grouping it - it normalises it the same way as any other post natal issue.

On day 2 when the baby was brought to neo-natal for tests, I was getting upset at the thought of it, and apologised for crying, but the midwife told me she'd be more worried about me if I wasn't emotional, that for her, it was a good sign I was a snotty red wet mess on her shoulder.

Our district nurse ran a fortnightly mums morning in the local clinic, 6 meetings over the first 12 or so weeks. You'd go, meet and natter with other mums, have a cuppa, a word with the PHN, and usually there would be a theme - one morning it was about slings, another was with a phyio, just mother or baby related stuff. I thought they were a great idea. For me, it forced me to get out of the house into The Big Bad World with my tiny newborn, which is very daunting the first few times for a lot of women, but it was also a good opportunity for the PHN to see if women were coping or not. Plus it was nice to meet other mums at the same stage as me.

Diamond Doll

Lucuma wrote: »

I had a 12 year career behind me before I had a baby and this was one of the things I found most difficult to handle. In work if there's a problem I use logic and experience to solve it. Problems have logical, clear, practical solutions. In my particular job anyway, all left brain stuff.
When I found myself with a newborn all my skills from that 12 year career were beyond useless to me. I needed a whole other set of skills - instinct, nurturing type stuff which I had no practice at. And for me that total lack of control was terrifying.

You know I was only talking to my counsellor about this earlier today (and yes, I'm still getting treatment for my post-natal mental health issues two years on!)

I have always had a successful career, so had a lot of confidence in my ability to achieve and succeed at whatever I wanted to, whether it was exams or job interviews or whatever. Having a baby - no different! If I learned all there was to know about pregnancy and parenting, if I read every article and knew all the theory, I'd succeed at motherhood just as well as I'd always succeeded in many other areas of my life.

The reality was so different, so much went wrong in the birth and in those first few days, my confidence was completely shattered and has yet to return.

And I mean, yeah, I was an adequate mother. He was certainly never neglected in any way, I did all the right things, and he was never emotionally neglected either - I loved him to bits from long before he was born, and we still have the best bond. But I wasn't anywhere near the perfect mother and partner I wanted and honestly expected to be, and I felt so much guilt over it, that my son was the most precious little person in the world and deserved better than I could ever give him.

Funnily enough though it wasn't PND for me, just a million other post-natal mental health issues. The depression didn't set in until much later. And even at that, it wasn't/isn't all that serious. It's all anxiety, panic disorder, PTSD etc.

Thankfully I'm finally getting the right help, but I just wish the doctors and everyone had listened to me when I repeatedly sought help in those six months after the birth. Things could be so much different now.

Lucuma

Diamond Doll wrote: »

You know I was only talking to my counsellor about this earlier today (and yes, I'm still getting treatment for my post-natal mental health issues two years on!)

I have always had a successful career, so had a lot of confidence in my ability to achieve and succeed at whatever I wanted to, whether it was exams or job interviews or whatever. Having a baby - no different! If I learned all there was to know about pregnancy and parenting, if I read every article and knew all the theory, I'd succeed at motherhood just as well as I'd always succeeded in many other areas of my life.

The reality was so different, so much went wrong in the birth and in those first few days, my confidence was completely shattered and has yet to return.

And I mean, yeah, I was an adequate mother. He was certainly never neglected in any way, I did all the right things, and he was never emotionally neglected either - I loved him to bits from long before he was born, and we still have the best bond. But I wasn't anywhere near the perfect mother and partner I wanted and honestly expected to be, and I felt so much guilt over it, that my son was the most precious little person in the world and deserved better than I could ever give him.

Funnily enough though it wasn't PND for me, just a million other post-natal mental health issues. The depression didn't set in until much later. And even at that, it wasn't/isn't all that serious. It's all anxiety, panic disorder, PTSD etc.

Thankfully I'm finally getting the right help, but I just wish the doctors and everyone had listened to me when I repeatedly sought help in those six months after the birth. Things could be so much different now.

Ah Diamond Doll that's rough. You poor thing. I really hope you start to feel better soon xxx It sounds like you are a brilliant, loving mother and trying your best

RentDayBlues

Question about the development checks, so under public health system it was at age 2 and age 3.

With the gp free care under 6, the gp now does a check at age 2 and age 5.

So has anyone has any of these checks recently? My 3 1/2 year old hasn't had her 3 year check and my 2 year old is due one of these checks. Going to call public health nurse to ask as well

Millem

RentDayBlues wrote: »

Question about the development checks, so under public health system it was at age 2 and age 3.

With the gp free care under 6, the gp now does a check at age 2 and age 5.

So has anyone has any of these checks recently? My 3 1/2 year old hasn't had her 3 year check and my 2 year old is due one of these checks. Going to call public health nurse to ask as well

We got the 2 year old one done by phn at around 19 months. It can be done from 18 months.

Mac0783

I was wondering about this, my daughter is 19 months, will I get a letter from PHN about it? So it could be any time from now until 2?

Millem

Gosh girls, just read a little 2 year old boy died from a chest of drawers crushing him in Northern Ireland. God love the poor family. It doesn't bear thinking about. Horrific. It doesn't say the ins and outs of it but I am guessing it tipped onto him.

I threw out ikea chest of drawers from my little guy's room after I heard of ikea tradegy during the summer. I replaced it with my OH's childhood one which is all solid no metal runners etc and painted it. I literally couldn't buy any solid ones anywhere, all the backs were like a board not thick solid wood.

The poor family. All that type of furniture needs to be mounted.

fro9etb8j5qsl2

That's terrible We used to have a solid pine chest in our bedroom and I was always a terror for overloading the drawers and stuffing them full. Had my little boy in the room one day when he was around 10 mths old and he crawled over and started to pull out the middle drawer. There was so much stuff in it that it started to tip the chest. Thankfully the bed was so close to the chest that it stopped it tipping completely. I got an awful fright :eek:

Millem

Rayan Low Lambskin wrote: »

That's terrible We used to have a solid pine chest in our bedroom and I was always a terror for overloading the drawers and stuffing them full. Had my little boy in the room one day when he was around 10 mths old and he crawled over and started to pull out the middle drawer. There was so much stuff in it that it started to tip the chest. Thankfully the bed was so close to the chest that it stopped it tipping completely. I got an awful fright :eek:

It's so so scary. The hemnes one we got is all solid on front but not at back and would tip very very easily. It is empty at the mo up against the bed until be finish our room but we will defo mount it. I got rid of my billy bookcases in sitting room because our guy was a devil for trying to pull himself up on them. We also mounted tv over fireplace because he pulled it down from stand and it is a thin smart tv.

Diamond Doll

Millem wrote: »

Gosh girls, just read a little 2 year old boy died from a chest of drawers crushing him in Northern Ireland. God love the poor family. It doesn't bear thinking about. Horrific. It doesn't say the ins and outs of it but I am guessing it tipped onto him.

That's terrible.

I moved the chest of drawers from my son's room into ours after reading this story.

He couldn't even climb out of his cot at the time - still can't - but you just can't be too careful.

nikpmup

Jesus, those stories are horrific. My oh is always slagging me for being over-cautious - for example, tonight, the fancy-arsed video monitor he insisted on buying isn't working because the WiFi is down, and I'm freaking out slightly - but reading stuff like that makes me glad I am super careful. The chest of drawers in his room is a really crappy one, but he doesn't get left alone up there, and as soon as I think he can climb out of the cot, its going in the bin.

madeinamerica

awful stories, give me shivers. chests of drawers and shelves and things can be attached to the wall to stop them toppling over. I know ikea will send you a free wall attachment kit to go with their furniture.

IvyTheTerrible

I don't think it's a problem being over-cautious about stuff like that. I do think it's important to spread those stories, some people don't realise things like that can be dangerous.

For example, when I was pregnant last time, a friend of mine burnt the hand of her new baby. She was drinking a hot drink while breastfeeding her, and the cup slipped. The baby had to have surgery to ensure the scar tissue wouldn't impede hand growth. I had never even realised that you shouldn't drink hot drinks while feeding a baby. So when my son was born I was extra careful. If that hadn't happened to her, I would have been drinking tea all the time.

Neyite

It's always good to be aware of dangers, and incorporating good practices into your routine.

Like, I always get the toddler to unplug the bath, its his Job when bathtime is over - in your rush to get them dried and dressed you can forget that there is a half filled bath and a toddler could easily topple in if they return and saw a toy they wanted in there. But by building it into our routine, its a non-issue.

My OH initially used to knot the blind cords up, thinking that would be safer for the baby until I pointed out that the two hanging ones ARE safer than a looped cord. Now he's obsessive about untangling them when they get tangled.

Lucuma

Neyite wrote: »

It's always good to be aware of dangers, and incorporating good practices into your routine.

Like, I always get the toddler to unplug the bath, its his Job when bathtime is over - in your rush to get them dried and dressed you can forget that there is a half filled bath and a toddler could easily topple in if they return and saw a toy they wanted in there. But by building it into our routine, its a non-issue.

My OH initially used to knot the blind cords up, thinking that would be safer for the baby until I pointed out that the two hanging ones ARE safer than a looped cord. Now he's obsessive about untangling them when they get tangled.

Our place is full of Venetian blinds and my OH had said ''they'll have to go when the baby comes'' but my mother, practical as Always pointed out no - you just need to untie the cords so there are 2 loose cords hanging down, i.e. no lasso so that's what we've done

fro9etb8j5qsl2

I am paranoid about the bath at all times after reading this awful story:

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/tragic-girl-4-drowned-bath-6168174

I saw an american news story recently where a little boy got himself tangled in the blind cords. His mother was in the room making a video of her other child and when she turned around to see where the boy was, the cord was wrapped around his neck. Thankfully, she untangled him and called 911 and he was ok. They showed the actual video footage to raise awareness of the danger. Very scary to watch. You can get safety things for blind cords in mothercare, they're only a few euro.

It is harrowing to read things like this because nobody likes to think that these accidents can actually happen but I agree that it's better to know the dangers and be cautious than to shy away and avoid the stories.

Makapakka

I'm looking at going on a sun holiday this year and just looking at prices now. My daughter will be three when we go. Does it depend on the compnay how they charge for a child, or is it the same price as an adult? There will be four people going, and I will be paying for my child obviously. But doing it online won't give the child's price, so I don't know if i'm calculating the adult price right.. if you get what i'm saying?

Lucuma

Rayan Low Lambskin wrote: »

I am paranoid about the bath at all times after reading this awful story:

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/tragic-girl-4-drowned-bath-6168174
.

Oh my god!

sillysocks

Rayan Low Lambskin wrote: »

I am paranoid about the bath at all times after reading this awful story:

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/tragic-girl-4-drowned-bath-6168174

That's just awful. Once while I was sitting in the room watching her my daughter who was maybe 2 ish at the time, slipped backwards and ended up lying under the water. It was only a couple of seconds at most but I'll never forget her face looking up at me in such panic from under the water. If I'd even gone to get a towel it could have been disastrous. Very scary.

Xdancer

Makapakka wrote: »

I'm looking at going on a sun holiday this year and just looking at prices now. My daughter will be three when we go. Does it depend on the compnay how they charge for a child, or is it the same price as an adult? There will be four people going, and I will be paying for my child obviously. But doing it online won't give the child's price, so I don't know if i'm calculating the adult price right.. if you get what i'm saying?

Once a child is over 2 years of age, they require their own seat so you pay full price for them (same as the adult fare). I'm not aware of any airlines that charge less for children over 2.

sillysocks

Xdancer wrote: »

Once a child is over 2 years of age, they require their own seat so you pay full price for them (same as the adult fare). I'm not aware of any airlines that charge less for children over 2.

If you book direct with an airline it's full price over 2, but I have noticed in a few brochures for packages they have a child rate that's a bit cheaper, I can't remember exactly but think that might have been for under 12.

fro9etb8j5qsl2

Just got home from ikea to discover that my little boy is minus a shoe Wouldn't mind but we only bought them at Christmas and they cost a small fortune :rolleyes: I'll give them a ring tomorrow to see if they have it in their lost and found but does anyone know how likely it is that they'll post it back to me if they find it? We're a 2 hour drive away so not worth it to go all the way back.

Emmadilema123

Rayan Low Lambskin wrote: »

Just got home from ikea to discover that my little boy is minus a shoe Wouldn't mind but we only bought them at Christmas and they cost a small fortune :rolleyes: I'll give them a ring tomorrow to see if they have it in their lost and found but does anyone know how likely it is that they'll post it back to me if they find it? We're a 2 hour drive away so not worth it to go all the way back.

I've heard great things about Ikea's cs! Really above and beyond stuff so I'd say your chances are good!

Millem

I agree if they find it they will Defo send it to you! Sure they even have nappies in case you forget!!

Failing that I am sure if someone on here was going to ikea they would post it to you

Ocean Blue

Can anyone advise where i would find toddler wellies (siza 4)?? Thanks in advance!

tickingclock

Ocean Blue wrote: »

Can anyone advise where i would find toddler wellies (siza 4)?? Thanks in advance!

Dunnes, Heatons, Clarks or any shop that sells children's clothes and shoes

Millem

Ocean Blue wrote: »

Can anyone advise where i would find toddler wellies (siza 4)?? Thanks in advance!

Ocean blue I found it very hard to get wellies to fit my guy properly. I ended up getting crocs wellies and they are fab but don't know if they do a size 4. I used €15 off €30 next code but they are selling them off on Amazon. He needed a size up in crocs wellies


I need to get waterproof/splash trousers for my guy. Any ideas on the best ones? They are for outdoor play at minders.

IvyTheTerrible

Millem wrote: »

Ocean blue I found it very hard to get wellies to fit my guy properly. I ended up getting crocs wellies and they are fab but don't know if they do a size 4. I used €15 off €30 next code but they are selling them off on Amazon. He needed a size up in crocs wellies


I need to get waterproof/splash trousers for my guy. Any ideas on the best ones? They are for outdoor play at minders.

I find even as an adult, it's better to wear wellies with good thick socks. They just don't fit the same as shoes, ever!

Millem

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

I find even as an adult, it's better to wear wellies with good thick socks. They just don't fit the same as shoes, ever!

Yeah I bought him "welly socks" to go with them. I don't know why we had such trouble tbh as my niece just has frozen ones in dunnes and they are grand! I brought my guy to cripps after trying ones on in penneys and tesco. Even the startrite ones were too sloppy on him.

sillysocks

I've terrible problems getting wellies for my daughter too. She looks hilarious trying to walk around in most of them. She has a narrow foot and they're usually too wide. I found its trial and error, even in the same shops two pairs can be very different. I got her a Clarks pair last year and they were reasonable enough I think.

Millem

sillysocks wrote: »

I've terrible problems getting wellies for my daughter too. She looks hilarious trying to walk around in most of them. She has a narrow foot and they're usually too wide. I found its trial and error, even in the same shops two pairs can be very different. I got her a Clarks pair last year and they were reasonable enough I think.

Silly socks I was actually going to try clarks if I had no joy in cripps! From memory they were only €14 in clarks whereas disney ones etc could of been €10+ in dunnes etc. my guy has a wide foot. Cripps only had one colour in crocs whereas next had loads of colours

There is a website http://www.purpletag.ie that had them a little cheaper than clarks around €11 and it was free delivery and returns. Don't know though if they still have them.

sillysocks

Yeah about 14 sounds right, definitely remember being surprised at how reasonable they were in comparison with other places. Have no wellies yet this year and keep thinking I must go but get lazy hopefully snow won't hit anytime soon!

fro9etb8j5qsl2

Millem I bought a fab set of waterproofs with jacket and dungarees from rainbusters.ie during the summer, they were on special offer for €29 at the time. I bought them in a size 2-3 and a half. They were a bit big for him at the time and there is still loads of room in them now. No harm in having them too big because the dungaree straps hold them up and the bottom of the legs have ski pants straps so they'll be tucked into the welly.

Millem

Rayan Low Lambskin wrote: »

Millem I bought a fab set of waterproofs with jacket and dungarees from rainbusters.ie during the summer, they were on special offer for €29 at the time. I bought them in a size 2-3 and a half. They were a bit big for him at the time and there is still loads of room in them now. No harm in having them too big because the dungaree straps hold them up and the bottom of the legs have ski pants straps so they'll be tucked into the welly.

Mrspostman thanks a mil is it this one? https://www.rainbusters.ie/product-information/see-all?page=shop.product_details&flypage=gk_flypage.tpl&product_id=34&category_id=3

My guy wearing 2-3years in next. Will they fit?

fro9etb8j5qsl2

Millem wrote: »

Mrspostman thanks a mil is it this one? https://www.rainbusters.ie/product-information/see-all?page=shop.product_details&flypage=gk_flypage.tpl&product_id=34&category_id=3

My guy wearing 2-3years in next. Will they fit?

Yeah we got the navy ones. So cute and they have reflective strips on them too Our fella is in 2-3 in next too and there is still loads of room in the waterproof suit. I'll pm you a pic

Millem

Rayan Low Lambskin wrote: »

Yeah we got the navy ones. So cute and they have reflective strips on them too Our fella is in 2-3 in next too and there is still loads of room in the waterproof suit. I'll pm you a pic

Brill and then will order are bottoms lined? I was thinking of getting navy and red

fro9etb8j5qsl2

No they're not lined so you will need to layer up with clothes underneath in this weather but it means that they're still great to use in summer when it's warm but wet outside.

Emmadilema123

Millem wrote: »

Brill and then will order are bottoms lined? I was thinking of getting navy and red

I think puddle ducks do lined ones! They do great wellies aswell

tickingclock

I got waterproofs from Next last summer with the vouchers €15 off. It was in their school shop section and I got aged 2-3. There so handy as she can get dirty and wet outside but still stay dry. I searched on the Next site and inserted the code in their search engine but their not available. Lidl and Aldi often have them also.

Millem

tickingclock wrote: »

I got waterproofs from Next last summer with the vouchers €15 off. It was in their school shop section and I got aged 2-3. There so handy as she can get dirty and wet outside but still stay dry. I searched on the Next site and inserted the code in their search engine but their not available. Lidl and Aldi often have them also.

I am raging I missed aldi and. Lidl. Some of the other kids have them and they are fab defo going to get them the next time they are doing special

How Strange

Check out this place
https://m.facebook.com/pages/Borderland

They will post things out to you. They've a huge selection of waterproofs for kids

Millem

my head is absolutely wrecked looking at health insurance plans!!!! There are too many and all different

First option is no hospital excess or second option is €50 excess day or €150 overnight but claim back €300 day to day (speech therapy, gp, dentist, consultant, optician etc etc)

I have given myself a headache trying to figure it out.

Just realised I do t think there is any excess on second option for public hospitals!??? Need to ring them again tomorrow.


On a positive note the weight has fallen off me 22lbs in 9 weeks no fatty belly anymore thank god!!!

dori_dormer

Your child should be automatically put on your own health insurance until renewal time. But I'd go with the second option. 300 excess isn't that much, and hospital stays are unlikely i think. My first time overnight in a hospital was when I had my son 2 yrs ago. For my sisters it was tonsils as teens.

I think with a baby you are much more likely to be at the gp, dentist etc. although if your doc does the free under 6 scheme that could make a difference

Millem

dori_dormer wrote: »

Your child should be automatically put on your own health insurance until renewal time. But I'd go with the second option. 300 excess isn't that much, and hospital stays are unlikely i think. My first time overnight in a hospital was when I had my son 2 yrs ago. For my sisters it was tonsils as teens.

I think with a baby you are much more likely to be at the gp, dentist etc. although if your doc does the free under 6 scheme that could make a difference

Dori he is 2!!!so this is his 3rd batch of health Insurance.
I think I will go with that one too seriously though they make it soooo complicated !!!

Dori he has a gp under 6 card and it was very hard to find a doctor I eventually got one. He made it to almost his second birthday without seeing a doctor or having antibiotics!!

cyning

If you haven't already have a look at the hia.ie website it's great!

I'd go for the one with outpatient expenses but seeing as I claimed back for €1000 worth of expenses last year probably biased! But I have S on a v expensive policy also get 75% of all expenses back with a €1 excess and no excess on being admitted and they cover my parking when she's admitted to hospital

Congrats on the weight loss that's amazing!

Emmadilema123

cyning wrote: »

If you haven't already have a look at the hia.ie website it's great!

I'd go for the one with outpatient expenses but seeing as I claimed back for €1000 worth of expenses last year probably biased! But I have S on a v expensive policy also get 75% of all expenses back with a €1 excess and no excess on being admitted and they cover my parking when she's admitted to hospital

Congrats on the weight loss that's amazing!

I have that plan as well! Find it brilliant! Very lucky to have work pay for it especially because they pay for the whole family and the 5th family member is on the way . There is no way I could afford it myself!

Millem

cyning wrote: »

If you haven't already have a look at the hia.ie website it's great!

I'd go for the one with outpatient expenses but seeing as I claimed back for €1000 worth of expenses last year probably biased! But I have S on a v expensive policy also get 75% of all expenses back with a €1 excess and no excess on being admitted and they cover my parking when she's admitted to hospital

Congrats on the weight loss that's amazing!

I would say I have been on the hia website 250 times!!! The Problem is not knowing the names of corporate plans!!!
You need to know the names of them for the companies to discuss them!
That one that I was thinking was laya simply connect. Claim back €300 per person day to day €1 excess.
Would prefer €1000 though
What is the name of your plan?

thanks a mil

cyning

It's total health select with laya: I'm not on it just my two girls we are all on separate plans. It's too expensive for all of us to be on it!