Why do [some] guys cheat on their long term girlfriends - bored, or not in love?

Nothingbetter2d

would you eat a ham sandwich & nothing else every day for the rest of your life even if other food was freely available?

biko

jaja321 wrote: »

Men cheat. Women cheat. Mostly people cheat because they are unhappy with the person they are with for whatever reason. I think it’s incredibly insulting to men to say that men are ‘programmed that way’; that they have no self-control and can’t help but cheat. Just as insulting as blaming women’s liberation. For the most part, people cheat because they are unhappy in their relationship.

QFT

Jaxxy

Cheating happens and it happens a lot. The prevalence can be explained and excused in a plethora of different ways but personally I believe that the fault lies with the cheater, 100%.

If I'm unhappy in my relationship because I'm not being fulfilled sexually, because I'm not getting enough attention or because my relationship isn't balanced then it's my job to communicate that to my partner. If matters remain unresolved and I'm not getting what I need, I leave.

If I cheat it's my fault, not his. My boyfriend is of the same opinion. We share this little thing called respect, and from what I've observed it seems to be seriously lacking amongst friends in relationships and amongst some people posting here.

If you cheat it's your prerogative, but it's still all down to you.

stupidusername

I think people cheat because they're not happy, not because they're not happy with their relationship. How many who cheat are serial cheaters? It seems a little delusional to say it's down to the relationship of the person they're with solely.

Fear Uladh

Jaxxy wrote: »

Cheating happens and it happens a lot. The prevalence can be explained and excused in a plethora of different ways but personally I believe that the fault lies with the cheater, 100%.

If I'm unhappy in my relationship because I'm not being fulfilled sexually, because I'm not getting enough attention or because my relationship isn't balanced then it's my job to communicate that to my partner. If matters remain unresolved and I'm not getting what I need, I leave.

If I cheat it's my fault, not his. My boyfriend is of the same opinion. We share this little thing called respect, and from what I've observed it seems to be seriously lacking amongst friends in relationships and amongst some people posting here.

If you cheat it's your prerogative, but it's still all down to you.

This, times a trillion.

Logical Fallacy

cloptrop wrote: »

men are programmed that way

I've never really seen a decent argument for this opinion tbh. It's basically stating that biological drive can completely overcome sociological and psychological factors...which makes no sense. If it were true we'd all be killing each other a lot more.

People cheat because they want to **** someone and don't have the willpower or social grace to not do so.

It's really that simple.

MagicSean

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

would you eat a ham sandwich & nothing else every day for the rest of your life even if other food was freely available?

But why would you commit yourself to that ham sandwich if you knew you couldn't keep that commitment?

Gilldog

mmmm, infidelity ham.

recylingbin

Chuck Stone wrote: »

"God gave man a penis and a brain but only enough blood supply to run one at a time".

Robin Williams.

If there's a more sickening c*nt on the planet than robin williams...etc

Gilldog

recylingbin wrote: »

If there's a more sickening c*nt on the planet than robin williams...etc

you'll make him a ham sandwich?

Jake Rugby Walrus666

Fear Uladh wrote: »

This, times a trillion.

This, times 8,457.

stupidusername

Jake Rugby Walrus666 wrote: »

This, times 8,457.

This, plus one

Eric Cartman

Monogomy is an archaic idea drilled into us from centuries ago , people are inherintly polygamous, si its no surprise that prople 'cheat'

Human nature, primitive urges to ensure species doesn't die out, some don't act on the urges some do.

In many cases the long term girlfriends may be drab enough yokes not into the bjs etc so when a nicer looking thing comes along with a glint in the eye many would be tempted.

Benny_Cake

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Monogomy is an archaic idea drilled into us from centuries ago , people are inherintly polygamous, si its no surprise that prople 'cheat'

I think if people were inherently polygamous then more people would, in fact, be polygamous. Most people who want a relationship want it to be monogamous, but there will be some who will want to be monogamous but sleep with other people, which isn't really possible.

Jake Rugby Walrus666

stupidusername wrote: »

This, plus one

QFT.

recylingbin

cos some women are hotter thsn the one you settled for.

Scanlas The 2nd

People cheat for the very simple reason people do most things, because if feels good, at least initially, the very same reason people eat junk food.

Benny_Cake

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Monogomy is an archaic idea drilled into us from centuries ago , people are inherintly polygamous, si its no surprise that prople 'cheat'

RoverJames wrote: »

Human nature, primitive urges to ensure species doesn't die out, some don't act on the urges some do.

In many cases the long term girlfriends may be drab enough yokes not into the bjs etc so when a nicer looking thing comes along with a glint in the eye many would be tempted.

recylingbin wrote: »

cos some women are hotter thsn the one you settled for.

There are a lot of smooth pimp daddies on After Hours I see - what's the secret guys? :rolleyes:

recylingbin

Benny_Cake wrote: »

There are a lot of smooth pimp daddies on After Hours I see - what's the secret guys? :rolleyes:

I have a huge internet penis.

Scanlas The 2nd

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Monogomy is an archaic idea drilled into us from centuries ago , people are inherintly polygamous, si its no surprise that prople 'cheat'

To the best of my knowledge monogomy was designed by men to ensure every man could work hard and earn a wife. Men were the power base and they collectively figured "well one woman is better than none, at least in this system I'm pretty much guaranteed one woman". Of course the studs might not have been so happy with this arrangement but then studs were the minority so the power lay with your average Joe's.

I think for the majority of humans monogomy is not an equilibrium ( or natural long term) state to be in hence all the cheating and trouble that comes with it.

Benny_Cake

It should also be pointed out that given the roughly 1:1 ratio of males to females that has persisted throughout history, you could argue that monogamy I'd perfectly natural for humans.

Scanlas The 2nd

Benny_Cake wrote: »

It should also be pointed out that given the roughly 1:1 ratio of males to females that has persisted throughout history, you could argue that monogamy I'd perfectly natural for humans.

Fairly weak reasoning, find some animal that has roughly 1:1 ration with men/women and it would be natural to pair up monogomously.

Eric Cartman

Benny_Cake wrote: »

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Monogomy is an archaic idea drilled into us from centuries ago , people are inherintly polygamous, si its no surprise that prople 'cheat'

There are a lot of smooth pimp daddies on After Hours I see - what's the secret guys? :rolleyes:

Use your sociopathic tendancies to convince women your really a top bloke wholl be nice , pretend to have money and fancy up your job title , be a bit of a **** and never buy them anything or give off any impression that you want them there, then show them where the bus stop is in the morning after your done. :pac:

In reality i think while most people like the idea of monogomy , at some point inost peoples lives they give in to their urges and cheat on someone , it might just be kissing a co worker at an office do when your in your 20s , or full on cheating on your wife later in life , but most people do it at some point

Logical Fallacy

Benny_Cake wrote: »

It should also be pointed out that given the roughly 1:1 ratio of males to females that has persisted throughout history, you could argue that monogamy I'd perfectly natural for humans.

Not really a valid argument. That's more about there being a 50/50 chance of being born male or female.

ScumLord

cloptrop wrote: »

its the way of the world , women invented relationships , men arnt really that into them

I don't know where you would have gotten that out of as we had relationships before we where even human. I would say originally men and women had a great partnership, if you look at tribes in Africa men and women have very clear roles that revolve around hunting and gathering and there's very little sexual rules put on top of that, there's a lot of equality in the older tribal systems, women have real power and the men appreciate that.

Men have always been risk takers more than providers, for some reason women love men who can take risks and win. It's played out through hunting game. Most often men are unsuccessful and it's the women who are putting food on the table, but the reward of one kill is seen as worth it.

In reality women more than likely control the species, with men just jumping around creating all kinds of madness just for a females attention.

Nothingbetter2d

MagicSean wrote: »

But why would you commit yourself to that ham sandwich if you knew you couldn't keep that commitment?

how many decisions have you made as a young person that at the time sounded good but later with hindsight you now know to be completely stupid.


also OP why do you refer to only "Guys" that cheat........... women cheat far more often then men do... they are just better at lying about it.

Benny_Cake

Benny_Cake wrote: »

There are a lot of smooth pimp daddies on After Hours I see - what's the secret guys? :rolleyes:

I could say there are a lot of sad bastards trying to impress cyber ladies too
I said some folk etc etc, at no time did I suggest I'm like that or not.

MagicSean

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

how many decisions have you made as a young person that at the time sounded good but later with hindsight you now know to be completely stupid.


also OP why do you refer to only "Guys" that cheat........... women cheat far more often then men do... they are just better at lying about it.

If you're bored then leave your partner. Don't cheat on them and lie.

opinion guy

RoverJames wrote: »

I could say there are a lot of sad bastards trying to impress cyber ladies too
I said some folk etc etc, at no time did I suggest I'm like that or not.

Don't be silly, there are no ladies on the internet:pac:

Benny_Cake

RoverJames wrote: »

Benny_Cake wrote: »

There are a lot of smooth pimp daddies on After Hours I see - what's the secret guys? :rolleyes:

I could say there are a lot of sad bastards trying to impress cyber ladies too
I said some folk etc etc, at no time did I suggest I'm like that or not.

No need to impress anyone, happy in my monogamy here

No really, I am.

Nothingbetter2d

opinion guy wrote: »

Don't be silly, there are no ladies on the internet:pac:

sure there are.... but they weren't necessarily born ladies

recylingbin

because it's there?

RDM_83 again

So fcuking sick of the way people assume that humans don't have a natural tendency* towards monogamy (by the way I don't necessarily mean lifelong pair bonding which is a separate issue) with no evidence but think that holding that view is more rational because it goes against traditional social/religious morality is obviously the more modern/liberal/scientific opinion to hold.

Here's some biological evidence for humans general lack of promiscuity

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn21240-naked-mole-rats-make-deformed-sluggish-sperm.html

* I use the word tendency because there is an extremely wide range of behavior even by the same person at different times.


On the cheating thing, I presume its because they can get away with it and have a real lack of respect for their OH

BraziliaNZ

I'd like to say I'd be in a relationship some day where I wouldn't cheat if given a no strings opportunity. But if you can get away with it and no one is hurt and you have no conscience or guilt about it, there's nothing like a bit of strange IMO.

sensibleken

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I'd like to say I'd be in a relationship some day where I wouldn't cheat if given a no strings opportunity. But if you can get away with it and no one is hurt and you have no conscience or guilt about it, there's nothing like a bit of strange IMO.

so basically its fine as long as your partner doesnt find out. lovely. I presume youre comfortable with the idea of your partner doing the same to you?

BraziliaNZ

sensibleken wrote: »

so basically its fine as long as your partner doesnt find out. lovely. I presume youre comfortable with the idea of your partner doing the same to you?

In all honesty, I don't even care about that anymore, if that's what they want that's what they want. I think you can both love each other to bits and still have a bit on the side every now and again if you feel like it tbh.

desertcircus

PseudoFamous wrote: »

If you want to know more stories like this, there are hundreds of news articles with women being found innocent of such crimes as manslaughter and murder, due to being on their period and unaccountable for their actions. I'd consider that imbalanced.

Evidence. Now. There's not a single hit on the first page of Google searches for "innocent murder period". If you're going to make such a dramatic claim, the onus is upon you to provide at least some evidence.

On the thread topic itself: I don't think there's a need to overly complicate the analysis. Sometimes people cheat while happy with their relationship because they get enjoyable sex with someone they're attracted to and (if they're careful) at no cost to their relationship. Sometimes they cheat because they're not happy with their relationship. Sometimes they do it because they have the worrying combination of charm and poor impulse control.

Incidentally: I don't think there's enough evidence either way to say whether we're naturally monogamous or polygamous, particularly since it's so hard to unpick the sociological factors. It certainly seems likely that if we are wired monogamously, we're not, as a species, wired fantastically well.

suicide_circus

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

there's nothing like a bit of strange

Agree 100%.
Problem is, once one of you plays away, even if the other never finds out, something is lost and things are never the same.

pragmatic1

RichieC wrote: »

Opportunity. :pac:

That is exactly it.

pragmatic1

Because they can and because sex with the same person get stale, no matter how good looking they are.

billymitchell

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

In all honesty, I don't even care about that anymore, if that's what they want that's what they want. I think you can both love each other to bits and still have a bit on the side every now and again if you feel like it tbh.

This saddens me.

Tweet0004

Okay, did not want to admit it. But, i was cheated on, and yes, i did kick him to the curb. I know girls cheat just like guys, and it they seem to get away with it, where as men get a bad rap.
But my question my more -
Why just be honest and leave the relationship.
In long term relationships, you are looking more to building a future together, so if cheating goes on and you are not aware of it, you could end up marrying the person guy/girl and then you are screwed if they cheat, as kids may be involved.:eek::eek:

hondasam

desertcircus wrote: »

Sometimes people cheat while happy with their relationship because they get enjoyable sex with someone they're attracted to and (if they're careful) at no cost to their relationship. Sometimes they cheat because they're not happy with their relationship. Sometimes they do it because they have the worrying combination of charm and poor impulse control.

This
not everyone who cheats is unhappy at home.Mistakes happen or lust happens which ever but if no one gets hurt then move on forget about it.

hondasam

Tweet0004 wrote: »

Okay, did not want to admit it. But, i was cheated on, and yes, i did kick him to the curb. I know girls cheat just like guys, and it they seem to get away with it, where as men get a bad rap.
But my question my more -
Why just be honest and leave the relationship.
In long term relationships, you are looking more to building a future together, so if cheating goes on and you are not aware of it, you could end up marrying the person guy/girl and then you are screwed if they cheat, as kids may be involved.:eek::eek:

Did he just have a one night stand or did he have an affair?
It is possible to stay together, some people cheat once and never do it again.

Borat_Sagdiyev

“It is better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be.” Brigitte Bardot

Sonics2k

Because no woman, anywhere, ever, would cheat on their boyfriend.

MagicSean

Tweet0004 wrote: »

Okay, did not want to admit it. But, i was cheated on, and yes, i did kick him to the curb. I know girls cheat just like guys, and it they seem to get away with it, where as men get a bad rap.
But my question my more -
Why just be honest and leave the relationship.
In long term relationships, you are looking more to building a future together, so if cheating goes on and you are not aware of it, you could end up marrying the person guy/girl and then you are screwed if they cheat, as kids may be involved.:eek::eek:

Sorry Op. I think people have missed the point of your thread.

WoollyRedHat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mo40aTe_3JM

To cause heartbreak and anguish

Tweet0004

Did he just have a one night stand or did he have an affair?
It is possible to stay together, some people cheat once and never do it again.

We broke up for a few months, and he met up during this time, and when we got back together we moved in together. When he went home every few weeks he saw her - think they were FWB. Found the emails. So that was why i was wondering, one night stand is one thing. Judging by the emails, he has told her pretty much everything about himself, career, his family, friends etc.. Of course saying things were not working out with us.