How's my writing?

DHYNZY

I'd love some feedback on the work on my site that I put up..

danielhynes.net

fiction is up there if thats your cup of tea, or non-fiction if not!


I'm also looking to connect with other writers.. anyone else here blog regularly? Any tips on increasing traffic etc?

DHYNZY

here's a small sample of some of it. the other entries might be a bit too long to post!

Solitude
Sitting on cold, damp earth, listening to leaves rustle, whispering wave sounds.

Air smelling of fresh dirt and forest damp, and cold wind blowing past and through me, sending shivers up and down my body.

Eyes closed. Inhaling. Exhaling. Place hands on top of crossed legs. Inhaling. Exhaling. And again.

Slowly forget myself, and transient trifles.

Forget body, free mind. Hear everything. Leaves’ rustle, rabbit’s sprint, wind crashing on the bark of oak trees.

World peels back, only light in mind.

Fall into it. Find warmth there. Forgotten memories. Faces. More.

Spending time with them; they talk back, smiling. They never left.

kickarykee

Hi Daniel,

I like your piece here, but despite that there's one thing I'd like to tell you:
Don't worry too much about whether or not a small group of people think your writing is "good" or "not good".
Unless your writing stile is really bad and your ideas suck like hell (and I'm in no way saying that's the case, plus, if it was you could practise and get better!) you will always find your audience as long as you put all your heart into your work.
If you really like it, there will be others who really like it as well, plus I think that the most important thing about any kind of art is to love what you do, cause that's what art is all about: expressing oneself. In my opinion art that's made for the sole purpose of selling it will never have that special something to it that makes art unique in the first place.

So, no worries and keep going!!

DHYNZY

kickarykee wrote: »

Hi Daniel,

I like your piece here, but despite that there's one thing I'd like to tell you:
Don't worry too much about whether or not a small group of people think your writing is "good" or "not good".
Unless your writing stile is really bad and your ideas suck like hell (and I'm in no way saying that's the case, plus, if it was you could practise and get better!) you will always find your audience as long as you put all your heart into your work.
If you really like it, there will be others who really like it as well, plus I think that the most important thing about any kind of art is to love what you do, cause that's what art is all about: expressing oneself. In my opinion art that's made for the sole purpose of selling it will never have that special something to it that makes art unique in the first place.

So, no worries and keep going!!

Thanks! I'm always open to criticism though, in the long-term it's what makes writers even MORE themselves than they were initially, weeding out the unnecessary and enhancing the aspects that people like. Thanks for the feedback! Glad you liked it.

kickarykee

I absolutely agree! But I think you should always see criticism as a suggestion what you CAN change never as something that you NEED to change. Keep your style but improve it through criticism as you see fit, I'd say

alfa beta

DHYNZY wrote: »

Thanks! I'm always open to criticism though, in the long-term it's what makes writers even MORE themselves than they were initially, weeding out the unnecessary and enhancing the aspects that people like. Thanks for the feedback! Glad you liked it.

ok - if you're open to criticism, then here's some and hopefully you'll take it in the constructive way it's meant.

I read your poem and it wouldn't make me want to read another by you. Why? Because I didn't get anything from it that made me question / think / evaluate.

If you're gonna be a writer - and a writer of poetry at that - you need to go way beyond describing what it is you're feeling (ie Solitude) and instead you need to be exploring its subtleties, its nuances, its reality, its terrors, its beauty, its real effects on you as a person.....you need to be telling me, the reader, things I don't know about solitude, yet things I can just about grasp through your unique choice of words.....you need to avoid cliches and oddities ('transient trifles' sounds like the remnants of a fast-moving dessert menu and simply doesn't work as a choice of words)....you need to draw me in to your world in a way that's personal, engaging and utterly unique....you need to drop the yoga-like format that currently characterizes your descriptive lines and instead develop a real personality that's both engaging and genuine....I think you have the raw talent, but now I also think you need to do a lot of practice....

DHYNZY

alfa beta wrote: »

ok - if you're open to criticism, then here's some and hopefully you'll take it in the constructive way it's meant.

I read your poem and it wouldn't make me want to read another by you. Why? Because I didn't get anything from it that made me question / think / evaluate.

If you're gonna be a writer - and a writer of poetry at that - you need to go way beyond describing what it is you're feeling (ie Solitude) and instead you need to be exploring its subtleties, its nuances, its reality, its terrors, its beauty, its real effects on you as a person.....you need to be telling me, the reader, things I don't know about solitude, yet things I can just about grasp through your unique choice of words.....you need to avoid cliches and oddities ('transient trifles' sounds like the remnants of a fast-moving dessert menu and simply doesn't work as a choice of words)....you need to draw me in to your world in a way that's personal, engaging and utterly unique....you need to drop the yoga-like format that currently characterizes your descriptive lines and instead develop a real personality that's both engaging and genuine....I think you have the raw talent, but now I also think you need to do a lot of practice....

Poetry definitely isn't my strong suit, and I really appreciate the feedback. I completely agree with what you said, and finding a distinct voice is what I'll be focusing on in the future. Although reading Eliot's Wasteland would make you want to give up and stop trying :rolleyes: Thanks again!

alfa beta

DHYNZY wrote: »

Poetry definitely isn't my strong suit, and I really appreciate the feedback. I completely agree with what you said, and finding a distinct voice is what I'll be focusing on in the future. Although reading Eliot's Wasteland would make you want to give up and stop trying :rolleyes: Thanks again!

here's an idea - read a bunch of modern american poets - anyone from robert lowell to elizabeth bishop to charles bukowski - whoever - just read a whole bunch of different poems by different poets (leave eliot out of the mix - he's too good!!!!) - read the poems once or twice, don't dwell too much on any of them and then relax and rewrite the poem you posted here (or write a completely new one if you like). Don't worry too much yet about 'finding your voice', that can come later, just let the words and the lines come - don't even tidy up your new poem too much - see what happens - you might get a pleasant surprise!

kynasmith

Writing is a good way to represent your thoughts and your views. Your writing is the mirror of your personality. In other words you can say it shows what kind of person you are? By writing you can make person smile or sad, you can make them feel zeal. How creative and interesting you are, you can show it by your own writing skills.

DHYNZY

alfa beta wrote: »

here's an idea - read a bunch of modern american poets - anyone from robert lowell to elizabeth bishop to charles bukowski - whoever - just read a whole bunch of different poems by different poets (leave eliot out of the mix - he's too good!!!!) - read the poems once or twice, don't dwell too much on any of them and then relax and rewrite the poem you posted here (or write a completely new one if you like). Don't worry too much yet about 'finding your voice', that can come later, just let the words and the lines come - don't even tidy up your new poem too much - see what happens - you might get a pleasant surprise!

I will be doing this. Great idea!! I'll post back in a while when I've learned some lessons.

DaneScott

Just had a look man, 20 year leap is neat! Really grim. Liked it.

DHYNZY

DaneScott wrote: »

Just had a look man, 20 year leap is neat! Really grim. Liked it.

thanks a lot!

Brian Lighthouse

Hi Daniel,

Some really basic rules:
1, don`t worry about critics.
2, release something only when you are happy with it.
3, write daily.
4, keep the reader interested.

One thing that will show you that you are improving as a writer is by re-reading old work. If you think last years stuff is complete crap, then you are improving. If you think last years stuff is okay, then it`s time to re-think about how you write.

Best of Luck with it.

DHYNZY

Brian Lighthouse wrote: »

Hi Daniel,

Some really basic rules:
1, don`t worry about critics.
2, release something only when you are happy with it.
3, write daily.
4, keep the reader interested.

One thing that will show you that you are improving as a writer is by re-reading old work. If you think last years stuff is complete crap, then you are improving. If you think last years stuff is okay, then it`s time to re-think about how you write.

Best of Luck with it.

I'm actually reviewing the last 50k words I've wrote for something I'm working on, entire passages are being re-drafted. And I can see the wisdom in number 2 as well!

thanks for the advice (:

Brian Lighthouse

Your Welcome,

Enjoy writing!

P. Breathnach

Brian Lighthouse wrote: »

...
One thing that will show you that you are improving as a writer is by re-reading old work. If you think last years stuff is complete crap, then you are improving. If you think last years stuff is okay, then it`s time to re-think about how you write.

When I read stuff I wrote a few years ago I am often surprised in a positive way: I think it's fairly good.

My point is that you can reach a point where there might not be a need to strive for further improvement in your writing. You have found your voice, and your concern should then be to think of something worth saying.

Daniel, I think you are nearly there. The piece of academic writing is good; it's a particular genre. I say nothing about "Solitude", because it is not my sort of thing. I am slightly irked by some of your other prose writing, because of what I see as slight lumpiness: there are places where I would want to take some sandpaper and smooth things a bit - things like small lapses in grammar, infelicitous choice of words, occasionally seeming to try too hard to be "writerly". Perhaps you should focus a little more on what you are saying, and a little less on how you say it.

Antilles

P. Breathnach wrote: »

My point is that you can reach a point where there might not be a need to strive for further improvement in your writing.

Every successful writer I've ever read disagrees with you on that point.

P. Breathnach

Antilles wrote: »

Every successful writer I've ever read disagrees with you on that point.

I might have overstated my point just a bit: I was reacting to the suggestion that one should consider last year's stuff to be complete crap.

It is quite possible to reach a point where one can say, with justification, "I can write". That does not mean the every first draft is a finished piece. It might well be that one might consider last week's stuff to be complete crap, because it is still a work in progress. But one might still believe that last year's finished stuff is rather better than crap.

Brian Lighthouse

Hi P. Breathnach,

I think you may have read me slightly out of context.
The original poster asked how his writing was. I suggested re-reading old material to assist in determining how good he felt. How far along the journey if you like.
There was no suggestion that all writers feel their old work is "complete crap". I do feel, however, that all writers who do re-read their work would find something to tweak.
I agree with your point on "finding a voice". The writer themselves will know when that moment arrives. Your point on first drafts is very true.

Here is my point again with the emphasis in bold:
"One thing that will show you that you are improving as a writer is by re-reading old work. If you think last years stuff is complete crap, then you are improving. If you think last years stuff is okay, then it`s time to re-think about how you write."

Writing, like all creative work is a personal experience for both writer and reader. Imagine a dull world, all of us laughing at the same jokes.
Art that pleases, and art to despise certainly proves Wilde`s point.

P. Breathnach

Fair points, Brian. I took a more inclusive view of "you" than was your intention. Thank you for the clarification. I hope that you did not feel that I treated you unjustly, for no offence was intended.

Brian Lighthouse

Hello P. Breathnach,

Thanks for the reply, all is good.

Brian