Chat up lines

stacexD

Probably been done a million times but...
What's the best/worst/funniest/weirdest chat up lines you've ever heard?

Weirdest for me was (lad talking about this girl his friend was chatting up)

"I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire... I'd piss on you though"

RichieC

would you like to go for a drink some time?

Sindri

The worst chat up line I have ever heard was when I was 11 and a 13 year old asked did I want to shift her in her caravan.

Yakult

.....Did you fart?

.....Because you just blew me away.

• Success rate - 0%

Sindri

Yo babes, you's hot, you wanna fashizzle my nizzle.

stupidusername

Most of mine have been normal I think.though I haven't experienced a whole load.

It was once roared at me to consider getting a tan,it may have been a pick up attempt,it's hard to know sometimes.

shrewdness

Was your father a thief?

Because you look like a knacker

stacexD

Does your father work in jacobs? Cuz you're a cracker..

Gandalph

Man: You're pretty
Woman: Piss off.
Man: Don't interrupt, You're pretty... ugly, you fat bitch

Sindri

TBH men like me (alpha males) don't need chat up lines.

They're for nerds.

http://i298.photobucket.com/albums/mm257/tucuman_77/simpsons/nerd-homero-universitario.jpg

Doctor Jimbob

''Does this rag smell like chloroform?''

Nemanja91

How do you like your eggs in the morning, fertilised?

Kylo Ren

You have 206 bones in your body. Want one more?

Oranage2

'F*ck me you dirty slut' - haven't tried it yet so feedback welcome but im pretty confident of its success come the weekend.

Sindri

Keno 92 wrote: »

You have 206 bones in your body. Want one more?

Sorry but the idea that there is a bone in the male penis when it is erect is an urban myth.The only man who could possibly have one is wolverine, and effectively, every time he used it, he'd be cutting the mickey of himself. So you are wrong and I am superior to you in every way.

old_aussie

Me....G'day young lady, do you fancy an Aussie kiss?

Young lady......what's an aussie kiss?

Me...It's like a french kiss, but down under.

Kylo Ren

Sindri wrote: »

Sorry but the idea that there is a bone in the male penis when it is erect is an urban myth.The only man who could possibly have one is wolverine, and effectively, every time he used it, he'd be cutting the mickey of himself. So you are wrong and I am superior to you in every way.

WTF people actually believe that? It was just a chat up line.

Sindri

Keno 92 wrote: »

WTF people actually believe that? It was just a chat up line.

I was taking the piss, not literally, in case you mistake that as well. I referenced wolverine in my post, why would you take it seriously.

Kylo Ren

Sindri wrote: »

I was taking the piss, not literally, in case you mistake that as well. I referenced wolverine in my post, why would you take it seriously.

Because I always take Wolverine seriously. Wolverine is serious ****ing business.

MrStuffins

Sindri wrote: »

Sorry but the idea that there is a bone in the male penis when it is erect is an urban myth.The only man who could possibly have one is wolverine, and effectively, every time he used it, he'd be cutting the mickey of himself. So you are wrong and I am superior to you in every way.

Stop giving girls logical come backs!

Sindri

Keno 92 wrote: »

Because I always take Wolverine seriously. Wolverine is serious ****ing business.

As do I, as do I.

If there was one guy I could gay it up with, he would certainly be on my top 20 list.

Kylo Ren

Sindri wrote: »

As do I, as do I.

If there was one an I could gay it up with, he would certainly be on my top 20 list.

Yep along with Morgan Freeman and Ryan Gosling.

Sindri

Keno 92 wrote: »

Yep along with Morgan Freeman and Ryan Gosling.

Aww yeah man, Gosling I'd say is an absolute demon in the sack. He was home schooled so you know he's got issues.









Disclaimer:May not actually enjoy anal sex.

Doctor Jimbob

MrStuffins wrote: »

Stop giving girls logical come backs!

Hehehe.

Babybuff

Hi usually works, rubbing my head like a retarded donkey doesn't work as good. It happens a lot.

TEMPLAR KNIGHT

I used to be a very charming lad, but then I took an arrow to the knee...

Doctor Jimbob

Babybuff wrote: »

Hi usually works, rubbing my head like a retarded donkey doesn't work as good. It happens a lot.

Babybuff

Doctor Jimbob wrote: »

I blame alcohol myself (and the fact that I've very short hair and people feel the need to constantly touch it)

Doctor Jimbob

Babybuff wrote: »

I blame alcohol myself (and the fact that I've very short hair and people feel the need to constantly touch it)

I assumed you meant you were rubbing your head like a retarded donkey. This makes much more sense :pac:

dave3004

Do you work in NASA?

Coz you're a lil rocket !

dave3004

I'm a pirate hunting for treasure…..May I check your chest?

I noticed you noticing me. So I just wanna put you on notice, that I notice you too.

massdebater

Me: How much does a polar bear weigh?
Girl:
Me: Enough to break the ice.....:cool:





































Girl: Piss off, you ugly hoor.
Me:

Sindri

massdebater wrote: »

Me: How much does a polar bear weigh?
Girl:
Me: Enough to break the ice.....:cool:


Girl: Piss off, you ugly hoor.
Me:

Try that one on me.

BarackPyjama

stupidusername wrote: »

I haven't experienced a whole load.

Did that work?

Hank_Jones

"Hold my pint while I go for a shit."

Golden.

Guill

Have you ever had your boobs weighed?

*Grab boobs*

Weehaaaayyyyy

dipper.meath16

Me: See My mate over there
Her: Yea??
Me: Well he was wondering if ya will give me the shift!

smash

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Capt'n Midnight

Keno 92 wrote: »

You have 206 bones in your body. Want one more?

Humans don't have a baculum. So you are in effect saying you aren't human and can't get up without a splint.

Humans are the most well endowed of all the primates. So you are also saying it's tiny.

Since you aren't human you may also be implying that you are only sexually active at certain times of the year.

AeoNGriM

Sindri wrote: »

As do I, as do I.

If there was one guy I could gay it up with, he would certainly be on my top 20 list.

Sounds like you've given this quite a bit of thought. Good. Good for you.

Nothingbetter2d

Yakult wrote: »

.....Did you fart?

.....Because you just blew me away.

• Success rate - 0%

should lay off the yakult then

The Snipe

"Just walk with me and don't scream and I won't shoot"


Or,


"GET IN THE ****ING CAR BITCH!"

Mr Benevolent

TEMPLAR KNIGHT wrote: »

I used to be a very charming lad, but then I took an arrow to the knee...

I don't get it.

Feeona

stacexD wrote: »

"I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire... I'd piss on you though"

:pac::pac::pac:

He probably thought he was charming the socks of ye!

Reminds me of that episode of friends where Chandler is breaking up with Kathy.

Kathy : I tell you what, why don't you ring me when you've grown up?
Chandler : Yeah, don't expect that to happen anytime soon!

(His face is priceless when he realises what he's actually said)

edgecutter

Have you tried an Austriallian Kiss, it's like a French kiss, but down under!

Works all the time, 60% of the time.:D

dipper.meath16

Is that a ladder in your thights or my stairway to heaven?

Standard Toaster

Pardon me Miss, would it be frightfully innapproiate of me to insert my erect phallus in your bum?

TheZohanS

You don't sweat much for a fat chick.

dancesatnight

roses are red
violets are blue
i have a knife get in the van

dancesatnight

walk up to two girls and ask the one u dont want to dance
when she says yes say then go over there i want to talk to your mate
if she says no
then just call her a dyke and walk off lol

Antomus Prime

Guy: Fancy a game of rape?
Girl: No...
Guy: Thats the spirit!