A Gay Without A Scene.

DapperPete

Ahoy there,

Having been a proudly out and active gay for a few years now (I'm currently 20) I've grown incredibly tired of the club scene. The hideous music, the overtly campy atmosphere and the sorts of men one meets on "the scene" simply aren't my cup of tea.

I find myself rather lovelorn at this time in my life, and I'm curious to know if anybody else my age feels the same way. Is there a place for the young gays among us who simply enjoy a quiet drink, conversation, good movies, sports etc? Why are my contemporaries so desperate to fulfill stereotype.

I don't mean to sound scathing or cruel, I have several good friends who would be the first to dub themselves camp. It just really feels like I'm something of a square peg in a round whole when it comes meeting a guy.

Anyone else finding this problem?

Goodshape

Well I'm a few years older (28) but yeah, have always felt the same. Labeling a pub, club, gathering, whatever, as a Gay pub, club, gathering or whatever... and you usually know what to expect in terms of atmosphere and music.

Thing is though, straight people have their hook-up pubs and clubs too -- for the most part (imo) they're equally obnoxious. And if you want good atmosphere and good music, does it have to be "Gay"? Just go somewhere you actually like.

It's might not be as easy to "meet a guy" but it's not impossible . Gay folk all over the place these days! And if you do just want to pull, head to the George while the straights run off to Coppers for their last pint.

Annasopra

Some ideas here

www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=76451164#post76451164

Killer Pigeon

I'm 20 as well, don't know the "scene" really, as I'm not out, but generally the idea Lady GaGa blaring at 200 decibels in some gay-club would makes my insides curdle.

The link Mango Salsa is good though. Getting involved in some activity (sports, volunteering, etc.) where the main objective isn't to get laid. Probably the best way to get to know someone.

Conor30

DapperPete - lots of gay guys feel the exact same and many who are older than you too. I've always felt like that to a certain extent. At least you're only 20 - you've a lot to look forward to yet. It's VERY difficult to meet someone compatible in the gaysphere, no matter what age you are.

Davyhal

I'm kinda the same... I'm 24, and while I am out, my mates (including my gay mates) refer to me as "The Bad Gay", simply because I listen to rock music, hate skinny jeans, follow sports, and until earlier this week didn't know what a Kardashian was... So the gay clubs do not really appeal to me either. Musically, I prefer late bars with live bands for my nights out, cos I am a rock fan more than anything else... To make matters worse, I am recently single, and it is very hard to bounce back if the thought of heading out on the scene is not the most appealing! Also, not being from Dublin, the alternatives are limited :-(

teddansonswig

gave up on the scene a long time ago! keep going out though, dublins fairly mixed in my opinion, your almost as likely to meet someone you like in any bar!

in saying that, I resorted to manhunt and met an amazing guy! i think the trick is not to ask what there into...

Killer Pigeon

Davyhal wrote: »

I'm kinda the same... I'm 24, and while I am out, my mates (including my gay mates) refer to me as "The Bad Gay", simply because I listen to rock music, hate skinny jeans, follow sports, and until earlier this week didn't know what a Kardashian was... So the gay clubs do not really appeal to me either. Musically, I prefer late bars with live bands for my nights out, cos I am a rock fan more than anything else... To make matters worse, I am recently single, and it is very hard to bounce back if the thought of heading out on the scene is not the most appealing! Also, not being from Dublin, the alternatives are limited :-(

As in Kim Kardashian?

Slang_Tang

Davyhal wrote: »

I'm kinda the same... I'm 24, and while I am out, my mates (including my gay mates) refer to me as "The Bad Gay", simply because I listen to rock music, hate skinny jeans, follow sports, and until earlier this week didn't know what a Kardashian was... So the gay clubs do not really appeal to me either. Musically, I prefer late bars with live bands for my nights out, cos I am a rock fan more than anything else... To make matters worse, I am recently single, and it is very hard to bounce back if the thought of heading out on the scene is not the most appealing! Also, not being from Dublin, the alternatives are limited :-(

I think that says much more about your mates' stereotypical view of gay people, to be honest.

Slang_Tang

OP, if you're loveless, you could try online dating. You'll see from this thread, the idea that gay men just love endless clubbing is a myth. Lots -- myself included -- prefer long-term intimacy.

If you use Gaydar, for example, and make it clear you are looking for dates and not just one-night stands, you'll be surprised by the reaction you'll get. Lots of guys are in the same position. Just be careful, be prepared to search for a little while, and it will work out for you. I met my ex-boyfriend there and we went out for two years.

Best of luck with it.

Barna77

Davyhal wrote: »

I'm kinda the same... I'm 24, and while I am out, my mates (including my gay mates) refer to me as "The Bad Gay", simply because I listen to rock music, hate skinny jeans, follow sports, and until earlier this week didn't know what a Kardashian was... So the gay clubs do not really appeal to me either. Musically, I prefer late bars with live bands for my nights out, cos I am a rock fan more than anything else... To make matters worse, I am recently single, and it is very hard to bounce back if the thought of heading out on the scene is not the most appealing! Also, not being from Dublin, the alternatives are limited :-(

Killer Pigeon wrote: »

I'm 20 as well, don't know the "scene" really, as I'm not out, but generally the idea Lady GaGa blaring at 200 decibels in some gay-club would makes my insides curdle.

Hear, hear!

Kardashians... are they some race out of Star Wars?

Wearing skinny jeans should be a criminal offence.

And don't get me started on fecking Gaga... :mad:

Slang_Tang

I'm 25, and I don't go out on the scene in Dublin much. I've never felt the need to.

But I need to ask the guys above who also say they don't visit gay bars where they're getting their ideas of gays on the scene from? I mean Lady GaGa, Kardashians, etc. Are you just picking up on stereotypical views of gays from the media? How do you know if you haven't done the scene? Do some people think that a certain type of gay -- the Über-camp, Madonna-obsessed twink -- is much more prevalent than in reality?

I'm genuinely curious.

Killer Pigeon

Okay guys, let me get this straight. When you say "Kardashians" are you talking about Kim Kardashian, or something related to her, or are you talking about something completely different? If so, what?

Barna77

I don't have a clue who they are. I've heard talk about them on the radio (sound like the usual z-list parasites), and even Gervais joked about it.

I'm not googling it, I'm happy not knowing the truth

Slang_Tang

I was talking about the celebrities? Sorry, "celebrities". I'm pretty sure that's what everyone else was talking about. Unless I'm so out of touch that it's some sort of slang I'm not familiar with.

Slang_Tang

Barna77 wrote: »

I don't have a clue who they are. I've heard talk about them on the radio (sound like the usual z-list parasites), and even Gervais joked about it.

I'm not googling it, I'm happy not knowing the truth

OK, but if you don't know who they are -- like most gay guys on this thread don't seem to know who they are -- why do you think they're a stereotypically gay thing to like? That's what my question was earlier.

Where are these ideas coming from? They're just outdated stereotypes, no?

Davyhal

I was talking about the reality show, and Kim Kardashian etc. And it is not a stereotypical view of gays that I am referring to, I am referring to my actual gay mates, who are the ones who joke about these things with me! It's not offensive to anyone, and I do really love my gay friends, but they do fit far more into the stereotypes. I am not basing my view on the media etc, I am basing it on my friends and experiences. Also, my view of gay bars is also based on experiences... I go regularly as my gay mates drag me along, at least once a month... but the fact is i dont enjoy them, and especially dont like the music. In a rock bar etc, I would on the dancefloor all night. Whenever I go out on the scene, I always just end up out in the smoking area for the night

Barna77

Slang_Tang wrote: »

OK, but if you don't know who they are -- like most gay guys on this thread don't seem to know who they are -- why do you think they're a stereotypically gay thing to like? That's what my question was earlier.

Me? I never said that....

Slang_Tang

Barna77 wrote: »

Me? I never said that....

Sorry, I misread your message. I think the Kardashians have confused everyone.

Goodshape

Slang_Tang wrote: »

But I need to ask the guys above who also say they don't visit gay bars where they're getting their ideas of gays on the scene from?

Similar to Davyhal, from gay friends and from being out on the scene on occasion.

I'd have plenty of gay friends that don't fit the sterotypes as easily but certainly lots of them do. Obsessed with Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Spice Girls, whatever rubbish is on E! or MTV. Love the guys and all but christ, there's only so much of that I can take.

Barna77

How could I forget about this! I have the pleasure of sharing with the ultimate fag hag. And we can't stand each other. I'm the straight gay.

But she already has her own...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HK9VBxDlQOE

Actually two of them

There's a struggle for power in my house. But when you play the Game of Homos, you win or you die...
:pac:

Barna77

Well, I lost the battle.

Fúcking cúnts.

plein de force

i'm the same, 19 and have met nothing but stereotypes out on "the scene" but OP we're young and plenty of other ways to meet people. gay or straight i don't really think clubs/bars of any genre are the best way to meet people

floggg

plein de force wrote: »

i'm the same, 19 and have met nothing but stereotypes out on "the scene" but OP we're young and plenty of other ways to meet people. gay or straight i don't really think clubs/bars of any genre are the best way to meet people

At your age, your my likely to met stereotypes as the more "conformist" gays are most likely still in the closet/confused.

Give it a few years and you'll find the rest of us

Barna77

Last night I had an intensive course on Queens of the Fag Scene Cliques. Things I learnt:

- Bitchiness
- Shallowness
- Two facedness
- Twisted minds
- Rejection
- Any small talk that doesn't involve Lord Gaga or Beyonce is considered boring, rude and uncomfortable. So don't open your mouth at all.
- Disappointment

So basically if you don't fit in Fagland, you are left in a corner. In your own house.

Fag Squad 1.0


They can go and **** themselves.

Annasopra

Barna77 wrote: »

Last night I had an intensive course on Queens of the Fag Scene Cliques. Things I learnt:

- Bitchiness
- Shallowness
- Two facedness
- Twisted minds
- Rejection
- Any small talk that doesn't involve Lord Gaga or Beyonce is considered boring, rude and uncomfortable. So don't open your mouth at all.
- Disappointment

So basically if you don't fit in Fagland, you are left in a corner. In your own house.

Fag Squad 1.0


They can go and **** themselves.

ok fair enough you don't like the scene - really no need for such bitterness or insults

Slang_Tang

Barna77 wrote: »

- Any small talk that doesn't involve Lord Gaga or Beyonce is considered boring, rude and uncomfortable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rk6cLlq7WVI

We all face rejection, man. Don't take it personally.

Barna77

mango salsa wrote: »

ok fair enough you don't like the scene - really no need for such bitterness or insults

If only you knew what's going on, fúcking unreal. As a I share with a gay guy and a fag hag, I have the scene at home.

I'm entitled to be bitter.

We all face rejection, man. Don't take it personally.

The actual word "rejection" was used last night.

Needless to say, the house hunting has just began

Barna77

double post....

Slang_Tang

Barna77 wrote: »

If only you knew what's going on, fúcking unreal.

Start a new thread and tell us? Maybe someone could give helpful advice.

jaffacakesyum

Mr.S wrote: »

The gay club "scene" is awful.

I've always thought its horrible how gay people feel the need to go too gay bars/clubs to have fun/meet people.

Your limiting yourself so much. I understand people who aren't out that feel more comfortable in gay clubs, but really once your out, you can pretty much go anywhere you want, don't feel the need to stick to gay clubs. Would choose a ""normal"" club over a gay one any day.

Well it's probably cos it's a LOT harder to meet gay/bi girls and guys outside of the scene. That's one of the reasons I go out on the gay club scene.

I much prefer ''normal'' clubs with better music, better crowd etc. but what can ya do. Sometimes you just need to meet other gay/bi people