Pregnant and alone

Janet1986

Hi guys,

Just looking for advise.

Found out at xmas time i'm pregnant. (first baby)

The guy i was seeing has a family already.

If he wants nothing to do with the baby do i have to accept this?

Or do i have to go to court for maintenance etc?

Thanks for your help.

January

You can bring him to court for maintenance if he refuses to pay it.

Janet1986

Thanks,

I'm currently 8 weeks, he wants me to have a termination.

I'm not sure myself what to do.

dark crystal

Firstly, congratulations on the pregnancy

Secondly, you can't make the guy want to be involved, that is totally up to him. Have you talked to im about the pregnancy yet?

If he decides not to be involved,there are wonderful supports for single parents such as Onefamily.ie: http://www.onefamily.ie/

Do you have supportive friends and family around you? They can also be a great help.

As for maintenance, he has a legal responsibility to pay towards the child you made together. You can get the information you need here: http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/separation_and_divorce/maintenance_orders_and_agreements.html

Best of luck to you, whatever happens OP

January

Janet1986 wrote: »

Thanks,

I'm currently 8 weeks, he wants me to have a termination.

I'm not sure myself what to do.

Contact one of the crisis pregnancy agencies (www.positiveoptions.ie), they're not just for teenagers, they're for every type of crisis pregnancy. Don't let him force you into something you do not want to do, if you want to keep the baby and go it alone, he does still have a legal responsibility towards paying for the child's needs.

Best of luck x

chirogirl

Hi, Congrats on your pregnancy.

I was in your shoes 12 months ago. When I found out I was pregnant, The father told me he didn't want to be involved with any of it. However, he didn't once suggest a termination. I decided to go ahead and have the baby on my own. I now have a beautiful 5 month old Daughter, and there's no way I'd send her back. I can't imagine life without her, she's my world.

Yes, I did find the pregnancy lonely at times, but I had good friends around me. The father of the baby knows she's been born but still shows no interest in meeting her. Finances are a little tight, so I had to return to work after 4 months after the birth, plus I am pursuing maintenance from the Father.

My advice is think things through, take your time and once you've decided then stick with your choice. At the end of the day its your choice and no one elses.

I wish you well.

vicwatson

January wrote: »

Contact one of the crisis pregnancy agencies (www.positiveoptions.ie), they're not just for teenagers, they're for every type of crisis pregnancy. Don't let him force you into something you do not want to do, if you want to keep the baby and go it alone, he does still have a legal responsibility towards paying for the child's needs.

Best of luck x

+1 http://www.positiveoptions.ie/

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Abi

Janet1986 wrote: »

Thanks,

I'm currently 8 weeks, he wants me to have a termination.

I'm not sure myself what to do.

Never mind what he wants Janet. As the others have said, you think about your options, and if going ahead with the pregnancy is what you want, then do so. When the child is born, if he refuses to pay, go to your district court offices and tell them you want to go to court to seek maintenance from the father. Both of your means will be assessed, and if a figure cannot be agreed upon the court will decide the figure for you.

You're not as alone as you think you are Janet. Friends and family can be a great support during your pregnancy, and when your baby is born there are plenty of supports and groups for parents, single or otherwise about.


Congratulations, and the best of luck to you.

Graciemight

Abi wrote: »

You're not as alone as you think you are Janet. Friends and family can be a great support during your pregnancy, and when your baby is born there are plenty of supports and groups for parents, single or otherwise about.

All the above posters agree and so do I. Your body, your choice. Not alone do you have more support than you imagine, sometimes being on your own is less stressful than jerking an unsupportive father along. They can really rain on your parade - believe me!

But do it for you, not anybody else. It is impossible to see what the future holds all you can do is focus on right now and get support from everywhere it's offered.

I wish you the best of luck in the world. You deserve it

Rose35

Janet, I am in exact same position as you, found out before chrismas I am pregnant, we were in a relationship for 1 year but had broken up and had only one night together which resulted in the pregnancy, Iv always wanted children so I am happy, but he doesnt want the baby or me and is constantly talking about an abortion, if i dont do it then he will leave me forever.
I have been so stressed since sunday and im afraid the stress will have an impact on my baby as im only 9 weeks. I will go this alone I think, he is of no support to me, I know what you are going through, im trying to be strong.