girlfriend trouble.

yeppydeppy

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Wibbs

Red21 wrote: »

Developing self-confidance, the kinda self-confidance that would make a differance in a situation like that is very very uncommon and unrealistic plus you can't say in one hand "be yourself" and also say develop self-confidance, as growing in self coinfidance is a major personality change.

I'd kinda agree with this alright. IMHO about the worst advice people give - though it sounds good and is genuinely meant well - is "be yourself". The person receiving this advice is being themselves and its not really working out, or they'd not be asking. Plus it doesn't tell them how. Just like the "be more confident" advice. Right so, how? It's like telling someone who can't swim "oh just jump in the water and doggy paddle".

*controversial* On the shy front? Now this is just my humble of course, but outside medical reasons like Asbergers and the like shyness is learned behaviour for the most part. Lack of socialisation in early adolescence a lot of it. So someone prone to social unease is allowed to be uneasy in our society, even encouraged. Even technology helps in this respect, by allowing interactions that satisfy our social needs without actual social interaction. This builds up over time so by adulthood can be dug in pretty deep as a mindset. I'd put substantial money down that non medical social shyness is a lot less common in say a hill village in New Guinea than in suburban Cork. I'd also say it's quite an self centred mindset(NOT selfish). In a social situation the person is not thinking of other people, or the group, but is more internally focused on what others think of them and the fear of making a social faux pas.

KTRIC

some random drunk wrote: »

Maybe think about joining a free online dating site OP. Nothing to lose anyway.

His virginity ??? :rolleyes:

working fool

carrick79 wrote: »

Get the number of a girl you fancy and send her pictures of your cock. Girls love that... :cool:

Or someone else's cock !

suicide_circus

Nothingbetter2d

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

invest in some duct tape and chloroform

Larry is that you?

Dravokivich

Red21 wrote: »

Developing self-confidance, the kinda self-confidance that would make a differance in a situation like that is very very uncommon and unrealistic plus you can't say in one hand "be yourself" and also say develop self-confidance, as growing in self coinfidance is a major personality change.

Wibbs wrote: »

I'd kinda agree with this alright. IMHO about the worst advice people give - though it sounds good and is genuinely meant well - is "be yourself". The person receiving this advice is being themselves and its not really working out, or they'd not be asking. Plus it doesn't tell them how. Just like the "be more confident" advice. Right so, how? It's like telling someone who can't swim "oh just jump in the water and doggy paddle".

I'd agree with both of ye on this and can throw a few words out there on myself personally.

I've always had difficulty with things along the lines of this and it wasn't a confidence issue. It was just simply not having a clue what to do or how to. This often gets miss interpreted as low confidence, but it's far from it.

atila

Go to a part of the US or Australia full of Irish people on the extended working holiday. Strangley it seems easier to meet people away from these shores then here. People are out of their routines and more open / need to meet new people. Sharing a commonality in terms of culture and nationality and circumstances ensures there is much more of a natural bond already at work. It gets even easier by using the natural filter of the Irish bar.

Mr Benevolent

Wear a suit and carry a bunch of flowers. When a hot girl comes up to you asking what the flowers are for, look sad and say you've been stood up. Then offer her the flowers.

Worked for me.

The Snipe

Well.. Its easy, just follow this simple 'Do' and 'Don't'!

Do:



Don't:

jonnyfingers

OP I have a girlfriend I'll sell to you. I give good price.

The King of Moo

Dravokivich wrote: »

I'd agree with both of ye on this and can throw a few words out there on myself personally.

I've always had difficulty with things along the lines of this and it wasn't a confidence issue. It was just simply not having a clue what to do or how to. This often gets miss interpreted as low confidence, but it's far from it.

That's a good point: shyness can come from a lot of sources: lack of socialisation or being the type of person who hesitates a little before saying something or thinking about what to say in a situation and getting a little paralysed because of that.

I think the OP could still become more self-confident while still maintaining his shyness in some way, simply by being more accepting of his shyness and even embracing it, as long as it's not a very crippling shyness.

Of course he didn't say he's lacking confidence but from the original post I'd say he might lack it a little.

I know simply magically becoming self-confident is easier said than done, but I don't think he needs a drastic change; just to be a little more comfortable in his own shoes, and that should transmit to women.

VinnyTGM

Confidence, and nothing more.

sensibleken

Learn a musical instrument. Its like bloody catnip. I play with a few guys at sessions who are overweight and BO ridden yet they still get decent girls cause they can knock out a tune

Birneybau

In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

Scanlas The 2nd

Google "Practical Pickup". Very good stuff there for free.

Also google "conversation demolitions" by the same guy Mark Manson, a free ebook that's very insightful. You won't go wrong with that guy.

Good Luck.

the purple tin

Chill out a bit, don't try too hard and don't think too far ahead.

Red21

beks101 wrote: »

Do you dress well? If not, start. And I don't mean in a dressed-by-your-mammy kind of way, develop your own sense of style and make sure you're always freshly showered.

Work out.

Make lots of girl friends. Get used to female company, BUT don't eye every woman as a potential girlfriend. We can smell that a mile away.

Smell nice.

Work on your sense of humour.

Work on your confidence.

Make it your task to talk to five women every day. At work, in the supermarket, petrol station, on the street, where-ever.

Improve your body language around women. Maintain strong eye contact, smile a lot, make physical contact etc. Google is your friend.

I agree with the dressing well and working out part as these are actual positive things a person can do, someone can either slim down or bulk up, it's hard work but it can be done. If you haven't a clue how to dress or have no interest in fashion, it's best to sus out who has a good dress sense and try dress in a similar way, doesn't matter if you like the person or not, if you think they know what clothes to wear, take notes and gradually change.
If you're dressed well and physically look as good as possible this should result in women taking more of an interest and then you may or may not gain in confidence, but I believe it's your best shot at gaining coinfidence in this area.
Of course things like your sense of humour are very important but there isn't a single thing you can do to actually change this, I douth anybody ever has, so you should focus on the things you can change.

the quick fix

teednab-el wrote: »

I'm 26 years old and find it hard to get girlfriends. Need advice on how to finally make the breakthrough. I'm slightly shy by nature and mightn't be the most sexiest. Where to start?

Hows it going mate I had the same trouble. What I found was best for me not ideal for everyone but its worth a think was to have a go at one of the online dating sites. I know it has a not so good image but it works. You gain experience on how to approach starting a conversation. Sure there are photos involved but its just so easy to filter through the people who are not your type and the people who are. The only way it can go forward is through your words and personality instead of it hinging on looks.

I was always shy and I have been doing this a few years now and i can tell you you do gain confidence and experience with woman from them. I actually met the girlfriend I have now of 3 years from an online dating site and were going great. Most importantly have fun don't be so eager to look for a girlfriend straight away. Enjoy the experience. If you got any questions or anything be sure to pm me mate. Here's hoping you make that breakthrough.

Scanlas The 2nd

Dravokivich wrote: »

I'd agree with both of ye on this and can throw a few words out there on myself personally.

I've always had difficulty with things along the lines of this and it wasn't a confidence issue. It was just simply not having a clue what to do or how to. This often gets miss interpreted as low confidence, but it's far from it.

I think you have a point to a certain extent but I still think it comes from a lack of confidence.

When someone is really confident the question of knowing what to do or what to say doesn't even arise. You do what you want and say what you want according to what makes sense to you and to what amuses you. You don't seek an external authority to govern your social behaviour so you make your own rules.

Hello world

Find yourself a skanky 15 year old it might be sorta ilegeal but once u can keep giving her drink ur good

Wibbs

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

When someone is really confident the question of knowing what to do or what to say doesn't even arise. You do what you want and say what you want according to what makes sense to you and to what amuses you. You don't seek an external authority to govern your social behaviour so you make your own rules.

Great in theory, however if someone is socially inept, doesn't know/never learned some basic rules of social interaction, they can come across at best as boorish, at worst just plain odd. The types that just blurt inappropriate stuff out and others feel embarrassed for them or weirded out by them. It's not just confidence.

W.Shakes-Beer

I'd be somewhat shy and relatively reserved myself (until you know me!)

My girlfriend is also fairly shy but we met purely when we least expected it and clicked instantly. It was bizarre, we went from not knowing each other to feeling like we've known each other for years very quickly.

So I guess what I mean is, someday someone will just come into your life and there will be obvious chemistry. I too went for years without a girlfriend purely because I'm quiet enough and don't always have to be in the spotlight the way some guys like to be.

Thats not to say that there isn't any work involved, you have to win her over once there is obvious chemistry. But that part is fun because thats when you get to know the person and determine if she is the right one.

The main thing is CONFIDENCE! I didn't have it for years and then about 2 years ago I just grew out of that negative frame of mind and though "why worry". I just became myself and thats eventually what got me an amazing girlfriend.

That's my uplifting post for the day, hope it means something to you OP.

Don't be someone else to try impress women, like so many eejits who rock the Jersey Shore frame of mind trying to get it off with some equally shallow "town bicycle".

If you bide your time and be yourself thats more impressive than the popped collar on a rugby shirt :P

Elmer Blooker

Try and look like this. Make up some bull**** story about being in a band, busted for possession, just out of rehab etc. They'll be queuing up to tear off your pants!!
http://thenjunderground.com/storage/Pete%20Doherty%203.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1305910662290

Nothingbetter2d

jonnyfingers wrote: »

OP I have a girlfriend I'll sell to you. I give good price.

Jonny are you still trying to sell your mother?? Its been 6 years man its way past it's best before date.