Badly behaved children

vixen chaser

nesf wrote: »

It's really, really not that simple. Speaking as someone who is not opposed to the odd light smack for children.

It is provided the child isn't suffering from a disorder that alters their behaviour. Even at that there seems to be a load of people jumping on the ADHD bandwagon. Drug them up to shut them up is the usual answer. That's away worse than a few slaps.

nesf

vixen chaser wrote: »

It is provided the child isn't suffering from a disorder that alters their behaviour.

Grand, prove it. Give me something more than just an opinion and I might take you seriously.

cynder

vixen chaser wrote: »

nesf wrote: »

It's really, really not that simple. Speaking as someone who is not opposed to the odd light smack for children.

It is provided the child isn't suffering from a disorder that alters their behaviour. Even at that there seems to be a load of people jumping on the ADHD bandwagon. Drug them up to shut them up is the usual answer. That's away worse than a few slaps.

My brother was a devil. We were hit infact beaten. My dad even broke my brother's nose at one point in our teens but my brother was no angel, didn't matter how many black eyes he got. he started joy riding at 12 steeling the farmers tractor. At 16 he progressed to cars. Thankfully he mended his ways before he turned 20 and escaped a prison sentence on 3 occasions.


It's not all black and white.

vixen chaser

grindelwald wrote: »

My brother was a devil. We were hit infact beaten. My dad even broke my brother's nose at one point in our teens but my brother was no angel, didn't matter how many black eyes he got. he started joy riding at 12 steeling the farmers tractor. At 16 he progressed to cars. Thankfully he mended his ways before he turned 20 and escaped a prison sentence on 3 occasions.


It's not all black and white.

I'm not on about beating children black and blue, just on about a few clatters across the back of the legs or a clip around the ear. Obviously if you go to the exreme then that would classify as disfunctional, and the children could end up messed up, but lets face it Kids get away with far too much these days. The way they speak back to people is pathetic. Just look at how you behaved as a child and your peers at the time etc, and then look at how Kids act today (aimed at poster before you)

Lola92

vixen chaser wrote: »

I'm not on about beating children black and blue, just on about a few clatters across the back of the legs or a clip around the ear. Obviously if you go to the exreme then that would classify as disfunctional, and the children could end up messed up, but lets face it Kids get away with far too much these days. The way they speak back to people is pathetic. Just look at how you behaved as a child and your peers at the time etc, and then look at how Kids act today (aimed at poster before you)

You seem to think that fearing a few slaps from your parents will make you respect adults? This is definitely not the case. There is no reason you should have to use physical violence to reprimand a child. IMO the only thing that it shows is that the adult has lost control of a situation.

vixen chaser

vixen chaser wrote: »

I'm not on about beating children black and blue, just on about a few clatters across the back of the legs or a clip around the ear. Obviously if you go to the exreme then that would classify as disfunctional, and the children could end up messed up, but lets face it Kids get away with far too much these days. The way they speak back to people is pathetic. Just look at how you behaved as a child and your peers at the time etc, and then look at how Kids act today (aimed at poster before you)

You know something, I am always quite amused by the way people think "it was different when we were kids". It really wasn't that different. There were little feckers back in my day too, and in my Dad's day, and guess what? They all got a wallop once in a while, but it certainly didn't stop them from acting the bollox (pardon my french). Kids today get very bad press, but the older generation will always think that the younger one aren't as wonderful as when they were that age, but it's just rubbish. I would say 95% of the kids I know are lovely, well behaved, mannerly children who are a pleasure to be around.

KittyeeTrix

Each to their own I suppose......
No right/wrong way in my opinion. Some people want to spend time talking out bad behaviour with their kids and sitting them in areas for time out and more power to them....

Me, I preferred the odd smack here and there which for me in my house anyway meant a lot less bad behaviour!!
Not for everyone but worked for my gang.....

Moomoobelle

Parents are human, but they should treat their kids with respect and then vice versa the kid should follow suit not always they case when clear boundaries aren't set.

bbam

The thing is that starting off from the beginning non of us know if a child will have behavioural issues..
You can however start with the basics and see how things develop...

Your own demeanour and language, children are sponges and how parents behave, treat others and the language they use is what becomes the norm to the child...

Correct problems as soon as they start, stop the child, get them to focus on you and you alone.. Re-enforce that the behaviour was not right and that its not what we do. You need to do this as there and then, no matter where it is.. the child will understand immediately what caused the problem and other people will see you being a parent.

Remind them just before you enter a situation what good behaviour is expected, quiet/no running/holding hands, whatever..

Reward and praise good behaviour... This is super important, children want to be in your good books and showing that when they are good you notice is a big deal..

The bold step/corner.. Lots of different opinions, it works for us.. Daughter two cared less about being put into the corner, then I turned her round facing the corner and she hated it... Minute per year of age is a rough guide..

It's not easy but stick at it and it will help... sometimes people can make it hard to keep children in control...

bbam

KittyeeTrix wrote: »

Me, I preferred the odd smack here and there which for me in my house anyway meant a lot less bad behaviour!!

A powerful lesson indeed...

When someone does something you don't like... Slap them about a bit :eek:

KittyeeTrix

bbam wrote: »

A powerful lesson indeed...

When someone does something you don't like... Slap them about a bit :eek:

Like I said bbam..............Each to their own.:)
My 4 children aged now between 9 and 17 are decent respectful children who I have to say make me so bloody proud to be seen out and about with them...

We all get on very well. I'd go as far to say that they may even like me a bit.:eek:

cynder

Moomoobelle wrote: »

Parents are human, but they should treat their kids with respect and then vice versa the kid should follow suit not always they case when clear boundaries aren't set.

Sometimes those boundaries are too tight and child acts up. Each child is different.

Kids are always going to try their arm at breaking boundaries. Or break them behind the parents back. Just because you have boundaries doesnt mean your child is an angel.

crofty28

OMG Vixen,


U can't just make generic one size fits all comments about children with ADHD!!!! Easily known u are not living with the challenges of a poor child suffering from this condition cos if u were, u would definetly not make comments like "drug them up to shut them up"!!! What a small minded and offensive misinformed comment! FYI most children with ADHD have comorbidity & live with other illnesses such as ODD & Dyslexia or Aspergers. Their lives are a constant struggle as their parents lives are. So please don't make such hasty hurtful comments when you clearly... have no experience in this area whatsoever!!!!

Orion

crofty: if you have a problem with a post report it. Emotive posts like this one do nothing to add to the thread and namecalling never helps.

Mod hat off:
Have a listen to this: http://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html

Particularly from 15:00 to 17:42.

One of my twins could be diagnosed with ADHD if we believed in it. She can't think or even talk without moving. We call it kinetic intelligence. This is an 8 year old girl who has just skipped a year in primary school and is reading at a secondary school level, is doing a correspondence course in maths (logic, algebra, pythagoras, Mayan number system ...), is doing a CTYI course in Veterinary Science, is learning violin, writes her own songs and stories. Yet to paraphrase Ken Robinson a bored doctor would call it ADHD and prescribe sedatives.

So don't be so quick to react to people who don't accept ADHD as a diagnosis.

CrazyRabbit

So many parents never bother to teach their kids self discipline or how to empathise with others. It's like they just expect their kids to be fine so long as they teach them to say please/thank you.

On a more light-hearted note, this entire thread reminds me of this:

(Note: some crude humour & bad language)
http://youtu.be/TUmJDVRDRTQ

paperclip2

Saw something that really upset me yesterday. I was on the Luas and at the stop before Heuston station there was a young couple with a little boy of about two and a half. The parents were encouraging him to throw stones at the Luas :eek:
It was heartbreaking. What chance has that little chap got?

CrazyRabbit

CrazyRabbit wrote: »

So many parents never bother to teach their kids self discipline or how to empathise with others. It's like they just expect their kids to be fine so long as they teach them to say please/thank you.

Couldn't agree with you more, which is the main reason I'm against smacking, talking constantly to your kids from very early on, explaining everything, discussing how things make you feel and make them feel and telling them if someone is sad how they can help to make them feel better. It's so important to make them accountable for their own feelings and for the feelings of those around them. And I'm not talking in a "sit them down and lecture them" sort of a way, just in general conversation so it's the norm for them.

I had my daughter's parent teacher meeting two weeks ago and one thing I was so proud of was that her teacher said "she has such a strong sense of what's right and what's wrong" and I'm not being funny, but I do take credit (in conjuction with her Dad and her Grandparents) for that.

paperclip2 wrote: »

Saw something that really upset me yesterday. I was on the Luas and at the stop before Heuston station there was a young couple with a little boy of about two and a half. The parents were encouraging him to throw stones at the Luas :eek:
It was heartbreaking. What chance has that little chap got?

Not quite as bad the day I saw a 3 year old in a buggy saying he was thirsty and being handed a bottle of blue wkd by his parents who were off their face. What you've got to remember though, and it's easy to forget, those parents were the one's in the buggies 20 years ago, and you're right, what chance have they ever got? It's very sad.

Rosy Posy

qwertytlk wrote: »

I have just had a baby, hes 7 months now so i know it may be a little premature to be thinking of these things but myself and my patner have been talking tonight and on previous occasions and were both saying how its so important to us(obviously)that our son is well brought up with good manners and a decent attitude. But how do you ensure this? I mean how do we do things better or differently than other parents of badly behaved children when 90% of the time i personally cant see that these parents are specifically doing anything 'wrong'? Is it normal for children to have serious temper tantrums where they throw themselves on the ground in the shops and scream, kick and cry? Or is that a sign of bad parenting or some other issue?
I know kids will be kids and boys (some anyway) can be a litle rough etc and all this is fine but i just wonder when the behaviour of many children i see out and about, or that i know personally, seems a bit out f control why this is happening and how do i prevent this? As im sure 99% of parents only want the best for their children and strive to bring them up well behaved and good mannered but for some it just doesnt happen. So im just wondering what peoples opinions and views are? Or if they have any theories, advice or words of wisdom?! Thanks

I think consistency just can't be overemphasised. I try to say 'yes' as much as possible but once I have said 'no' it sticks. For example, we avoid the supermarket tantrum because my kids know that we are getting the stuff on our list and I will never ever get something else because they are asking for it- they just know there is no point in them asking. My kids also know that once they start making a fuss about something they will automatically not get whatever it is, but the way I put it to them is 'I can't give it to you because of your behaviour', so that they see that its the behaviour that's holding them back not me. As for whining or whinging, I just can't hear it so if they want to be entertained they have to speak in a normal voice. Also if you are wanting your kids to speak politely then you need to speak politely to them and to others.

I do think that tantrums are a normal part of childhood and you'd be worried if they never had the odd one- its like they're pushing the boundaries to see if they're there and its your job as a parent to put up a clear boundary so that everyone knows where they stand. It actually makes them feel more secure. My parents had no boundaries with me and are very soft and it makes the world a scary place.

gcgirl

I actually wonder how many parents parents think the sun shines out of their darling sons/daughters backsides when they clearly are little horrors, I received a letter off the school kind of touching off this subject where parents completely in denial of their kid being a shït and blaming the teacher on having a grudge, it's not really very good parenting is it.

cynder

gcgirl wrote: »

I actually wonder how many parents parents think the sun shines out of their darling sons/daughters backsides when they clearly are little horrors, I received a letter off the school kind of touching off this subject where parents completely in denial of their kid being a shït and blaming the teacher on having a grudge, it's not really very good parenting is it.

Kids can be good some times and horrors other times. Every child has its moments.

Just because a child might annoy a teacher doesn't mean that should be written off or that they will become criminal or that they are a full time little horror. They might turn out to be a good solid citizen.

My husband for one used to annoy one of his teachers, constantly playing pranks on him, being rude/ cheeky and so on and ended up getting kicked out of his class :eek:. There was a hugh personalty class.

He left school with 500 + points and got a top class degree at college, and got an award for best dissertation. His never been in trouble with the cops. Yet at school he could be a horror when he wanted to, and it did him no harm, helped him in work situations where he would not say 'yes sir no sir 3 bags full sir'.

gcgirl

grindelwald wrote: »

gcgirl wrote: »

I actually wonder how many parents parents think the sun shines out of their darling sons/daughters backsides when they clearly are little horrors, I received a letter off the school kind of touching off this subject where parents completely in denial of their kid being a shït and blaming the teacher on having a grudge, it's not really very good parenting is it.

Kids can be good some times and horrors other times. Every child has its moments.

Just because a child might annoy a teacher doesn't mean that should be written off or that they will become criminal or that they are a full time little horror. They might turn out to be a good solid citizen.

My husband for one used to annoy one of his teachers, constantly playing pranks on him, being rude/ cheeky and so on and ended up getting kicked out of his class :eek:. There was a hugh personalty class.

He left school with 500 + points and got a top class degree at college, and got an award for best dissertation. His never been in trouble with the cops. Yet at school he could be a horror when he wanted to, and it did him no harm, helped him in work situations where he would not say 'yes sir no sir 3 bags full sir'.

You don't have to tell me I've 3 kids who know how to behave, I know a few people like that, but if your bullying others kids and the teachers are trying to deal with that it does not help the situation when parents are in denial, well your pushing an elephant up a stairs there. I have done the whole talk about bully's with my kids reasons why they bully,pranks & that are not really some thing major, but respect for other beings is paramount

cynder

gcgirl wrote: »

You don't have to tell me I've 3 kids who know how to behave, I know a few people like that, but if your bullying others kids and the teachers are trying to deal with that it does not help the situation when parents are in denial, well your pushing an elephant up a stairs there. I have done the whole talk about bully's with my kids reasons why they bully,pranks & that are not really some thing major, but respect for other beings is paramount

There was no mention of bullying in your previous post.