Happy Friday

MonkieSocks

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir.
I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.

'He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?

'Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.

Then, she takes a close look and says, there’s nothing wrong with them, Sir!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,

'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely.....






.A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

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A tramp walks into a posh jewellers, pulls his pants down and starts fingering his asshole,

The shop assistant screams & then shouts at him "get out you dirty filthy bastard!!"

Tramp says "Make your fookin mind up" and points at the sign in the window:






COME INSIDE AND PICK YOUR RING IN COMFORT
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I got home from the pub last night completely pissed but horny as a goat.

There was a quick lecture from the wife about coming home drunk, but she eventually lay down on the bed and spread her legs.

After a few minutes, i could feel it starting to come.

"OK, Babe," i said, pulling out, "it's coming.

Do you want it on the belly or on the face?"

"What? You come home all pissed up and now you want all this perverted stuff?"

"Come on, Babe," I said. "Belly or face?"

"Face," she said.




So that's where I vomited

patmac

Liverpool sign a new striker from Nigeria, on the first days training Kenny Dogleesh picks up a ball and say "ball" then he does a kick motion and says "kick", then he points to the goal and says "goal" do you understand? KICK BALL GOAL. The Nigerian says I speak good english boss, Dogleesh says sit down son I am talking to Andy Carroll</SPAN>