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Seperation Anxiety in 6 year old
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24-01-2012 10:45pm#1
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One of my boys was a bit like that. He never went to Montessori because I knew I'd have problems with him and I was having a new baby so felt it wouldn't be a hardship to keep him home with me. He didn't really like me going anywhere without him and would often begin to run a temperature just before I'd be going out so I couldn't go out. Don't ask me how he managed that!
He hated me leaving him in places like supermarket creches, hotel kids clubs or with babysitters and would roar like a wounded bull elephant when I tried. I'd always be contacted within 10 minutes and asked to remove him.
He was 5 the July before he started school so not very young for it. He was the only child in his class who hadn't been to some form of play school or Montessori. He was and still is a very tactile child but didn't like strangers touching him. When he started school I asked the teacher not to touch him eg put her hands on his shoulders while looking at his 'work' and stuff like that and asked her to pass it on to the other teachers because he would very physically rebuff people who tried.
From day one in school, he cried when I left him in the classroom so much so that I'd get a call to come in and bring him home and calm him down and then take him back again because he was upsetting the other kids. He would also crouch under his desk and not come out. We lived only a few minutes away so it wasn't a big deal. I take him home and reason with him for an hour and eventually get him back in again before lunch time. He also insisted on sitting at the very back of the class room on his own at the little art table. He said it was because he didn't like the other kids looking at him. That was fine for the first two weeks when it was free sitting but then the teacher put their names on desks and he waged war against it and won and stayed at the art table till Halloween. After that the teacher won a small battle and he would sit at desk with other kids as long as it was at the back of the classroom and he was allowed sit at the back of the desk.
One day they had to go into the hall for drama and he went with a verbal struggle but when it came time to go back into their class room he dug his heels in and wouldn't move. The Principal decided enough was enough and picked him up to carry him back - he beat her up until she dropped him. I got called in and she apologised profusely to me saying that she was aware of the no touching warning and had ignored it and she was very sorry. I was apologising for her bruises. He was small but extremely strong.
Eventually it all seemed to fall into place but I know that if I'd had the Internet at my finger tips in those days I would have been driven demented with worry about what was wrong with him. The Principal told me that it was very rare for a child nowadays (that was eight years ago) to come to school without having been to some kind of child care during the day previously and that she and all the other teachers were losing their skills at dealing with children like that bit by bit. She said when she started teaching it would only be one or two Junior Infants who would have started school used to being away from their mother. He's now in 6th class and the biggest mouth almighty in it. No shyness and very confident.
The point of all this rambling on is don't be too quick to think that there is something wrong with him. All children are different. Some are less social, not because of Aspergers or something similar, but simply because that's the way they are. I know I'd be very uncomfortable in a large crowd of people that I didn't really know with strange adults yelling at me to do things but I'd enjoy learning something new in a smaller group. Lots of adults would feel like that so why shouldn't children?
By the way, my daughter hated going into school in the morning. We'd always have to wait till the bell rang and she could go straight into the line. She got worse instead of better. By the time she was in 1st class I'd have to wait with her till her class had gone in and then knock on door for the teacher to come out. He'd have to physically pull her off me crying and bundle her into the class room. Within two minutes she'd be fine and eventually got used to the act of separation. It helped when she would have someone to play in the yard before school started. Maybe you could organise something with another child. It's a big lonely playground when you feel out of place standing on your own and everybody else running around yelling or standing in little groups that he might not feel confident enough to join.
None of this was down to me that I could see as my other two had no problems with separating and school.
Different kids are different. 0 -
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No def not bullied, there are three lads in his class he does not get on with but we sorted that out before christmas.The strangest is he did'nt want any of his class mates to go to his birthday party.
Are you sure that he isn't being bullied. Sometimes teachers think they have sorted the problem out and then tend not to see things in the same light as the children.
Although the anti-bullying policies that schools have in place are a great step forward and much better than the way things used to be, in actual fact they don't mean jackshit to the children. How many bullies actually respond to mediation and circle time. Not many. They pay lip service to it and carry on as usual. In fact, it can make them meaner towards a child that they view as having gotten them into trouble except now they'll be a lot more sneaky about it.
My daughter always said that every time I went in to the teacher to try and sort her problems out I made it worse because the problem would still be there but compounded by intervention.
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