My 5 year relationship ended suddenly and I'm not coping

Nickles

On Saturday after a week apart I returned to our home ready to see him. He sent me a text to say that our pets were ready to be collected and he's going to his family home in another county and it's best we never see each other again.

We spent a week apart as we had been having a few fights (one a week). The fights were one sided and due to my personal frustration. The sickening thing is during that week apart I realised that to make it work we should spend lots of time apart even if we miss each other but be happy with friends. That way when we are together we reap the benefits of each other’s happiness. I realised (and was comfortable with) the fact that I don't own him or his time. I also realised the source of my frustration.

So due to initial issues with me being clingy I haven't been texting him, begging him to take me back etc. I have too much respect for him to do that. The night that I left to "take a break" he was devastated. In getting that text he sounds like he had made his mind up.

We went through a tough few years and had a few bad things happen us that shouldn't happen a couple in their 20s. The strain of these issues and financial strain must have been too much. The sickening thing is I know he loves me. We're absolute soul mates and have a strong bond. This is not me being naive. He was very very good to me and other than the odd fight we had an amazing time together and rarely got bored or stale. He taught me so much about life and I taught him stuff too. I still feel like at least half of the girl I've grown up to be is him too.

I had made the decision to cop myself on get back to work and look after myself but last night I cried all night...I have been crying all day since Saturday but last night was very very scary. I had to wake my parents up I was so distraught. I couldn't go to work today and I've been so heart broken I had to go to the doctor. I was given xanax, sleeping pills and a week off work. My doctor said the lack of closure will be severely damaging to me. My family can't believe it and feel like they've lost a son. We're all grieving here. It was a sickening shock especially seeing as I realised what I had to do to stop fighting. I care about him so much and we have a house (rented) together and both our stuff is still there. We're not the drama loving couple to have publicised break ups only to get back together weeks later. I'll admit to you that if he were to ask me back I'd say yes but I wouldn't agree to living together. I'm absolutely sickened and can't work or drive.

How can I resolve this or get closure. I'm torn up.

SineadMarie

You poor girl im so sorry your going through this and i know how your feeling i was you last week. Was at the doc, crying, not eating etc etc... The advice i got on this really helped me and got me through the first week i am already feeling a bit better, its the shock and the emptiness that has you like this now. All i can say is surround yourself with people friends and family talk to them get it out, it helps to talk. I've also been trying to keep busy as much as work killed me it kept me sane. Dont rely on Xanax its only a temp fix and will only put off the healing process. No contact with your ex is better too. If you need to PM mail me for anything do i hope your ok it will get easier.

Mighty_Mouse

I realised (and was comfortable with) the fact that I don't own him or his time. I also realised the source of my frustration.

How can you convince him you've changed?
I presume this type of overbearing behaviour comes from some source of personal issues. Are you going to take steps to resolve these?
Maybe the time apart can be used to develop some independence which will probably be healtier in the long run.

Taltos

As per our charter please don't ask the OP to PM you. This is to protect you as much as them.

Thanks
Taltos

SineadMarie

Taltos wrote: »

As per our charter please don't ask the OP to PM you. This is to protect you as much as them.

Thanks
Taltos

Sorry didnt realise

Nickles

Well the problem really was dealing with too much at a young age. As a means of getting some perspective I wrote out a list of reasons we're good together and reasons we weren't. I came up with hundreds of the former and one of the latter which is, "My behaviour/reaction to a series of negative, stressful and bad times.

Yes Might Mouse I had been constantly taking the steps to realise these issues but when the lightbulb moment hit that was it... too late unfortunately I realised that I carried stress everywhere and because of that I also got fat. Fat that no diet or exercise could shift because the stress was piling it on. I was used to stress and was fearful of letting it go in case I ruined things with my job, with him, upset my family....but I've done all those things now.

I feel like I've lost my family as he was my family....it feels like he has died. I loved our home life, it was safe and loving. We're soul mates. I just don't want to go down the line of the destructive behaviour that lost him in the first place. I have only taken one xanax (not 3 a day as directed) and will not be taking it unless I really really need to. I am a mess here but my dad says imagine if he walked in the door now. How would crying like a mad woman on the couch make him realise I've changed. I'm just going to have to act like we won't get back together, deal with my issues and if I'm lucky I'll bump into him again.