Irish Citizenship Test

buswankers

Just got this email forwarded to me & thought it was too funny not to share with the people of After Hours! Gave me a laugh anyway
(sorry if its been posted before!)

Rick O’Shea, an Irish radio DJ on RTE’s 2fm, recently asked his listeners what questions they think should be asked on an Irish citizenship test, and they responded with some amusing answers. O’Shea’s team has since made a poster to convey all the favorite responses.

• You are told that someone is "going spare," should you (a) Find him a job (b) Find him a girlfriend (c) Avoid him
• Do your parents ever start conversations with "Do you know who's dead?"
• Ming the Merciless is (a) A comic book character (b) A TD and Mayor from Co. Roscommon
• What is a holy show? (a) Religious programming (b) Something garish worn without the wearer knowing the impact
• Do you live in immortal fear of leaving the immersion on?
• Someone says "I like your top." Your response is (a) Thanks (b) Penneys
• If a feature on the RTE news reports that an incident took place at tea time what time did the incident occur?
• "Story horse!" translates as (a) A child's toy (b) A greeting between friends
• "Bleedin rappih" means (a) It's very fast (b) It's very good
• If someone was a 'gas man', would they (a) work for the gas company (b) be really funny
• You'll get "some land" means (a) you're about to become the owner of some property (b) you're about to be surprised
• Do you have an ineradicable belief in the restorative powers of flat 7up?
• When you're telling someone a great yarn and they implore you to "Stop," do you (a) stop (b) keep going with gusto
• If someone offers to "put you in the pot", should you (a) flee from the cannibals (b) accept their kind offer of dinner

My favourite has to be the one about the restorative powers of 7up....according to my Mammy it heals all illnesses

chin_grin

Humour.

It's subjective.

weiland79

Crap i actually think i left the immersion on!

Being able to name the cast of "EastEnders"

Doc Ruby

The immersion one is funny cos its true!

chin_grin

Doc Ruby wrote: »

The immersion one is funny cos its true!

Jesus.

Turtyturd

If your mother says she is going to get the wooden spoon is she (a) going to use it for stirring or (b) child abuse?

AnonoBoy

This will be a great addition to my current thesis proposal "People who listen to Rick O'Shea have the same sense of humour as an auld wan."

Nervous Wreck

Immortal fear?

bop1977

Deadly.
Good or Bad?

token101

AnonoBoy wrote: »

This will be a great addition to my current thesis proposal "People who listen to Rick O'Shea have the same sense of humour as an auld wan."

Yeah but Frankie Boyle might not suit the entire 2FM demographic. Particularly, anyone.

jester77

buswankers wrote: »

• Someone says "I like your top." Your response is (a) Thanks (b) Penneys
• If a feature on the RTE news reports that an incident took place at tea time what time did the incident occur?
• If someone offers to "put you in the pot", should you (a) flee from the cannibals (b) accept their kind offer of dinner

I must be too long gone when I don't know the answer to some of them

Nothingbetter2d

buswankers wrote: »

Just got this email forwarded to me & thought it was too funny not to share with the people of After Hours! Gave me a laugh anyway
(sorry if its been posted before!)

Rick O’Shea, an Irish radio DJ on RTE’s 2fm, recently asked his listeners what questions they think should be asked on an Irish citizenship test, and they responded with some amusing answers. O’Shea’s team has since made a poster to convey all the favorite responses.

• You are told that someone is "going spare," should you (a) Find him a job (b) Find him a girlfriend (c) Avoid him
• Do your parents ever start conversations with "Do you know who's dead?"
• Ming the Merciless is (a) A comic book character (b) A TD and Mayor from Co. Roscommon
• What is a holy show? (a) Religious programming (b) Something garish worn without the wearer knowing the impact
• Do you live in immortal fear of leaving the immersion on?
• Someone says "I like your top." Your response is (a) Thanks (b) Penneys
• If a feature on the RTE news reports that an incident took place at tea time what time did the incident occur?
• "Story horse!" translates as (a) A child's toy (b) A greeting between friends
• "Bleedin rappih" means (a) It's very fast (b) It's very good
• If someone was a 'gas man', would they (a) work for the gas company (b) be really funny
• You'll get "some land" means (a) you're about to become the owner of some property (b) you're about to be surprised
• Do you have an ineradicable belief in the restorative powers of flat 7up?
• When you're telling someone a great yarn and they implore you to "Stop," do you (a) stop (b) keep going with gusto
• If someone offers to "put you in the pot", should you (a) flee from the cannibals (b) accept their kind offer of dinner

My favourite has to be the one about the restorative powers of 7up....according to my Mammy it heals all illnesses

• you complain about the weather because its
  (a) too hot
  (b) too cold
  (c) too wet
  (d) all of the above

AnonoBoy

token101 wrote: »

Yeah but Frankie Boyle might not suit the entire 2FM demographic. Particularly, anyone.

Oh yeah I forgot that due to the recession we're only allowed two senses of humour in the country. Sorry.

buswankers

chin_grin wrote: »

Humour.

It's subjective.

Thankfully!

mikemac1

The immersion is the best one, funny as it's true
Eats the electricity I tell ya, eats it


Obsession with car regs is another
"Heard you got a new car, what kind?"
"Oh it's a 07"
Didn't ask you that

John Doe1

If someone asks you : "Are you catholic atheist or protestant atheist"?

token101

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Oh yeah I forgot that due to the recession we're only allowed two senses of humour in the country. Sorry.

Yeah but endlessly moaning lives on

AnonoBoy

token101 wrote: »

Yeah but endlessly moaning lives on

As does complaining that people are moaning when they're actually just taking the piss out of things.

coco_lola

A friend of mine lived with an international exchange student, and one time when my friend went out, exchange student in tow, there was the usual "Oh your dress is fab!" To the reply "Penneys!". This poor girl then thought that "Penneys" meant thanks, and so if someone gave her something, or told her something that required a "Thank You", she would reply with "Penneys!".

Makes me laugh every time.

nibtrix

weiland79 wrote: »

Crap i actually think i left the immersion on!

I'm now worried that I also left the immersion on.






Since saturday....:eek:

AnonoBoy

Des Bishop, paging Des Bishop.

Hank_Jones

Upon talking to a stranger, should the topic be: a) the weather, b) the weather, or c) the weather

Capt'n Midnight

Explain these in other words.

The delph is in the press.
Get some minerals when you get the messages.


What is the role of "The Man" ?

What colour is white lemonade ?

Pronounce "Tallaght" "Dun Laoghaire"

Locate Kells on an ordnance survey map of Ireland

CianRyan

Well, looks like I'm not Irish.

Capt'n Midnight

Here is a new visa application and citizenship test from the Australian
Government to protect the nation from terrorists.

Australian Citizenship Test...

Department of Immigration and Multicultural and Indigenous Affairs
Application for Grant of Australian Citizenship
You must answer 75% (28 or more out of 37) of these questions correctly in order to qualify for Australian Citizenship


1. How many slabs can you fit in the back of a Falcon Ute while also allowing room for your cattle dog?

2. When packing an Esky do you put the ice, or the beer, in first?

3. Is the traditional Aussie Christmas dinner:
a) At least two roasted meats with roast vegetables, followed by a pudding you could use as a cannonball. Also ham. In 40C heat.
b) A seafood buffet followed by a barbie, with rather a lot of booze. And ham. In 40C heat.
c) Both of the above, one at lunchtime and one at dinnertime. Weather continues fine.

4. How many beers in a slab?

5. You call that a knife, this is a knife.
True or False?

6. Does "yeah-nah" mean
a) "Yes and no"
b) "Maybe"
c) "Yes I understand but No I don't agree"?

7. The phrases "strewth" and "flamin' dingo" can be attributed to which TV character?
a) Toadie from Neighbours
b) Alf from Home & Away
c) Agro from Agro's Cartoon Connection
d) Sgt. Tom Croydon from Blue Heelers?

8. When cooking a barbecue do you turn the sausages
a) Once or twice
b) As often as necessary to cook
c) After each stubby
d) Until charcoal?

9. Name three of the Daddo brothers.

10. Who was the original lead singer of AC/DC?

11. Which option describes your ideal summer afternoon:
a) Drinking beer at a mate's place
b) Drinking beer at the beach
c) Drinking beer watching the cricket/footy
d) Drinking beer at a mate's place while watching the cricket before going to the beach?

12. Would you eat pineapple on pizza? Would you eat egg on a pizza?

13. How many cans of beer did David Boon consume on a plane trip from Australia to England?

14. How many stubbies is it from Brissy to the Gold Coast in a Torana travelling at 120km/h?

15. Who are Scott and Charlene?

16. How do you apply your tomato sauce to a pie?
a) Squirt and spread with finger
b) Sauce injection straight into the middle?

17. If the police raided your home would you:
a) Allow them to rummage through your personal items
b) Phone up the nearest talkback radio shock jock and complain
c) Put a written complaint in to John Howard and hope that he answers it personally?

18. Which Australian Prime Minister held the world record for drinking a yardie full of beer the fastest?

19. Have you ever had/do you have a mullet?

20. Thongs are:
a) Skimpy underwear
b) Casual footwear
c) They're called jandals, bro?

21. On which Ashes tour did Warney's hair look the best?
a) 1993
b) 1997
c) 2001
d) 2005

22. What is someone more likely to die of ?
a) Red Back Spider
b) Great White Shark
c) Victorian Police Officer
d) King Brown Snake
e) Your missus after a big night
f) Dropbear

23. How many times must a steak be turned on a conventional four-burner barbie?

24. Can you sing along to Cold Chisel's Khe Sanh?

25. Explain both the "follow-on" and "LBW" rules in cricket and discuss the pros and cons for the third umpire decisions in the latter....

26. Name at least 5 items that must be taken to a BBQ.

27. Who is current Australian test cricket captain:
a) Ricky Ponting
b) Don Bradman
c) John Howard
d) Makybe Diva ?

28. Is it best to take a sick day on:
a) When the cricket's on
b) When the cricket's on
c) When the cricket’s on ?

29. What animal is on the Bundaberg Rum bottle?

30. What is the difference between a pot and a middy of beer?

31. What are Budgie smugglers?

32. What brand and size of Esky will you be purchasing?

33. Did you cry when Molly died on a Country Practice?

34. A "Hoppoate" is:
a) A breed of kangaroo
b) A kind of Australian "wedgie"
c) A disgraced Rugby League player?

35. What does having a 'chunder' mean?

36. When you were young did you prefer the Hills Hoist over any swing set?

37. What does the terminology 'True Blue' mean?



Your Score ………….


For Office use only.
ٱ[ ] In
ٱ[ ] Out
ٱ[ ] Can have another crack at it

mandrake04

actually here is the proper PDF attached

Jesus Wept

buswankers wrote: »

Just got this email forwarded to me & thought it was too funny not to share with the people of After Hours! Gave me a laugh anyway
(sorry if its been posted before!)

Rick O’Shea

No offense to you, but this is the point I stopped reading.


...Unless you're 'Rick O'Shea', then offense to you I guess.

MrStuffins

The-Rigger wrote: »

No offense to you, but this is the point I stopped reading.


...Unless you're 'Rick O'Shea', then offense to you I guess.

Wait, don't be so hasty. I don't think you get it but it's subtle so prepare to have your mind blown!

Rick O'Shea isn't his real name right, get this. Rick O'Shea is a play on words with the word........... Ricochet!!

NOW who's not funny?

Jesus Wept

buswankers wrote: »

Just got this email forwarded to me & thought it was too funny not to share with the people of After Hours! Gave me a laugh anyway
(sorry if its been posted before!)

Rick O’Shea, an Irish radio DJ on RTE’s 2fm, recently asked his listeners what questions they think should be asked on an Irish citizenship test, and they responded with some amusing answers. O’Shea’s team has since made a poster to convey all the favorite responses.

• You are told that someone is "going spare," should you (a) Find him a job (b) Find him a girlfriend (c) Avoid him
• Do your parents ever start conversations with "Do you know who's dead?"
• Ming the Merciless is (a) A comic book character (b) A TD and Mayor from Co. Roscommon
• What is a holy show? (a) Religious programming (b) Something garish worn without the wearer knowing the impact
• Do you live in immortal fear of leaving the immersion on?
• Someone says "I like your top." Your response is (a) Thanks (b) Penneys
• If a feature on the RTE news reports that an incident took place at tea time what time did the incident occur?
• "Story horse!" translates as (a) A child's toy (b) A greeting between friends
• "Bleedin rappih" means (a) It's very fast (b) It's very good
• If someone was a 'gas man', would they (a) work for the gas company (b) be really funny
• You'll get "some land" means (a) you're about to become the owner of some property (b) you're about to be surprised
• Do you have an ineradicable belief in the restorative powers of flat 7up?
• When you're telling someone a great yarn and they implore you to "Stop," do you (a) stop (b) keep going with gusto
• If someone offers to "put you in the pot", should you (a) flee from the cannibals (b) accept their kind offer of dinner

My favourite has to be the one about the restorative powers of 7up....according to my Mammy it heals all illnesses

MrStuffins wrote: »

Wait, don't be so hasty. I don't think you get it but it's subtle so prepare to have your mind blown!

Rick O'Shea isn't his real name right, get this. Rick O'Shea is a play on words with the word........... Ricochet!!

NOW who's not funny?

Mind=blown
Not 'Rick O'Shea', that's for certain.

alwaysadub

MrStuffins wrote: »

Wait, don't be so hasty. I don't think you get it but it's subtle so prepare to have your mind blown!

Rick O'Shea isn't his real name right, get this. Rick O'Shea is a play on words with the word........... Ricochet!!

NOW who's not funny?

Oh, I never actually copped that

I knew it wasn't his real name, but never copped the richochet part

Stuck Cone

Ive a question to add:

When you turn on irelands youth orientated state owned radio station, do you expect:

a) well rounded opinion of music such as BBC Radio 6 with presenters that wont bore the tits off you

or

b) a wasteland for unfunny presenters fuelled by nepotism and favours?

MrStuffins

Stuck Cone wrote: »

Ive a question to add:

When you turn on irelands youth orientated state owned radio station, do you expect:

a) well rounded opinion of music such as BBC Radio 6 with presenters that wont bore the tits off you

or

b) a wasteland for unfunny presenters fuelled by nepotism and favours?

or

C) Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna

Stuck Cone

MrStuffins wrote: »

or

C) Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna Rihanna

Aha, you spotted it was a trick question, and answered correctly, you sir, have just won the internet

Jesus Wept

alwaysadub wrote: »

Oh, I never actually copped that

I knew it wasn't his real name, but never copped the richochet part

Perhaps because it's pointless and doesn't actually relate to anything else or anything he is doing.

http://vimeo.com/18516240

Stuck Cone

Fúck i cant stand 2FM

KKkitty

Who is himself a) Your man down the road or b) Your man across the road

Stuck Cone

KKkitty wrote: »

Who is himself a) Your man down the road or b) Your man across the road

c) your man over the road

EGAR

Paul Crossan is boring.

KKkitty

Stuck Cone wrote: »

KKkitty wrote: »

Who is himself a) Your man down the road or b) Your man across the road

c) your man over the road

Forgot about him

tomdublin

mandrake04 wrote: »

actually here is the proper PDF attached

Comeon that's a joke

John Doe1

Are protestants :
a) normal people like you and I
or b) Vile creatures sent by the devil to be unmercifully massacred

Agricola

Rick O Shea, with that chocolately radio voice. He's like the new Larry Gogan, but with even less charisma, if that is actually possible.

Capt'n Midnight

John Doe1 wrote: »

protestants :

Which foot do they dig with ?

Jimmy Macnulty

Rick Oshea has the most irritating voice on radio. Its like the mic is in his mouth when he speaks!!

Capt'n Midnight

Agricola wrote: »

Rick O Shea, with that chocolately radio voice. He's like the new Larry Gogan, but with even less charisma, if that is actually possible.

Larry's been around since 1938 :eek:

cml387

alwaysadub wrote: »

Oh, I never actually copped that

I knew it wasn't his real name, but never copped the richochet part

Wait for this one...

...Dusty Rhodes.

Xivilai

"Do you know whos dead?"

All the times i've heard that

And flat 7up DOES have rejuvenating powers :pac:

Capt'n Midnight

cml387 wrote: »

Wait for this one...

...Dusty Rhodes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dusty_Hill

CrazyRabbit

2FM listeners know the meaning of the word "ineradicable"?

Lando Griffin

Remember the civil war? Well RTE Radio 1 is for people who fought in the civil war or their children. 2FM for the children of the children of the war. IMO