Unmarried father...

Bannasidhe

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Ah yes, but the "equality" brigade have gotten all of the "relevant legislation" changed. You don't see it still in the statute book that a woman must quit her job if she gets married or pregnant.

No - only the pro-women changes have been carried through; and beyond, considering the Dáil is proposing so-called "positive discrimination", ignoring the fact that the second word in that phrase is what we are supposed to be stamping out.

But you assume no-one in the 'equality' brigade is working to get it changed. I have had meetings with the last 3 minister's for children about this. I have made representations to everyone from Mary Robinson to Michael D Higgins to Enda Kenny to Bertie Aherne. I have even fund raised to bring a case before the European Court of Human Rights unless the upcoming referendum on children's rights deals with the situation re unmarried father's.

By don't mind me...I just believe in equality. What have you done Liam apart from try and blame women?

Dudess

If any friend of mine refused to let her child(ren)'s father see them despite him being a good dad and only because of her gripe with him... I'd have to question my friendship with her.

mrs crilly wrote: »

Dudess wrote: »

Man with a baby - girl magnet.

Eh no it's hard work, if I had to do it all again I would run a mile.

'Twas a joke - the phenomenon of a man sensitively holding a baby getting attention from ladies like bees to honey.

StRiKeR

I have recently been granted sole custody of my almost 3 years old daughter, it wasn't a tough battle for me, which I was very lucky, the mother never turned up and refused to let me see my daughter till we go to court for court order, so none of her statement make sense, after the mother not turn up 3 times and for my application being sole custody, I was granted sole custody and transferred from the mother to me. it sounds like a soft man but I tell you I almost cried when I heard it in court, that's how happy I was. the mother was trying to cut me off from my daughter completely forever as she applied for barring order against me in the middle of me taking her to court for custody, so I now have to get the garda in 2 different towns to go to court for me in june, all that for nothing since I have never done anything to her, hence I had to get those garda's to go to court for me.

StRiKeR

just an update, I been granted sole custody due to the fact that my ex accused that the court letter for first sitting was fake, second sitting she claimed to be sick and 3rd sitting just had no respond from her what so ever, there for she never onced turned up, and the entire time avoiding my access to my daughter.

my ex went to the court 7 days after that, and yesterday which is the 8th days since I got sole custody, I got a letter from the court, "Notice of application to *VARY/DISCHARGE order.
the end of the letter says "To WIT Custody and or access to applicant"

I don't know how this is going to turn out, anyone have any insight??
I have a solicitor all this time going to court.


cheers

FueledByAisling

I'm sorry to hear about all the crap you're going through atm OP The law is unfair, I think if the father does want to be around the child more then they should be! I grew up with a dad who left when I was 12 and never looked back. Even though he left when I was 12 I still wish he left before I was even born. If you haven't done anything bad to your children and always have been there then there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be allowed more days. A fall out between you and your wife has nothing to do with the kids and they shouldn't be stuck in the middle of your troubles.

Ash.J.Williams

Well i've tried everything, and i'm getting even less access, it seems my ex cannot leave our daughter for a second. Now i know that's understandable but surely not at the expense of our daughter having time with her dad. So it's over to my solicitor now. To be honest it's my only chance, and i am s**ting it right now....Can anyone put my mind at ease about court? I have done nothing wrong. paying maintenence, buying for baby, I just cannot get passed the front door without an argument and threats to leave or the gardai will be called. I've tried to bite my tongue but her level of argument is something i have never witnessed before in my life and that may seem strange, but man....it's something else!

StRiKeR

StRiKeR wrote: »

just an update, I been granted sole custody due to the fact that my ex accused that the court letter for first sitting was fake, second sitting she claimed to be sick and 3rd sitting just had no respond from her what so ever, there for she never onced turned up, and the entire time avoiding my access to my daughter.

my ex went to the court 7 days after that, and yesterday which is the 8th days since I got sole custody, I got a letter from the court, "Notice of application to *VARY/DISCHARGE order.
the end of the letter says "To WIT Custody and or access to applicant"

I don't know how this is going to turn out, anyone have any insight??
I have a solicitor all this time going to court.


cheers

maybe go on the legal forum ? seems unbelievable she has the right to overturn this so quick ? must be so stressful for you hope it works out for all of the dads here who want to see their kids .

StRiKeR

reallly dont know how this is going to end , I been accused of being abusive and violence, so waiting for social worker report, but I was also assaulted by the person who accused me of having done those things right before the judge

Fiona

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

Well i've tried everything, and i'm getting even less access, it seems my ex cannot leave our daughter for a second. Now i know that's understandable but surely not at the expense of our daughter having time with her dad. So it's over to my solicitor now. To be honest it's my only chance, and i am s**ting it right now....Can anyone put my mind at ease about court? I have done nothing wrong. paying maintenence, buying for baby, I just cannot get passed the front door without an argument and threats to leave or the gardai will be called. I've tried to bite my tongue but her level of argument is something i have never witnessed before in my life and that may seem strange, but man....it's something else!

Your doing the right thing. Do what your solicitor tells you. Keep a diary of all contact. Keep paying your maintenence. And most of all keep calm. You will get access just get into that court. Be the bigger person. The judge will see that trust me.

Executive Steve

robman60 wrote: »

It's all part of the way sexism has gone full circle.

It used to be that discrimination was accepted if it were perpetrated against women, which was dumb of course.

Then the feminist movement started and it no longer became acceptable for women to be equal, they had to be seen as better.

So yeah, that's the reason men struggle to see their children and most women at nightclubs are bitches.

Christ almighty, just when you think you've become completely desensitised to the bang of bitter misogyny you go and open a thread like this and see a post like that.

Fromthetrees

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

Well i've tried everything, and i'm getting even less access, it seems my ex cannot leave our daughter for a second. Now i know that's understandable but surely not at the expense of our daughter having time with her dad. So it's over to my solicitor now. To be honest it's my only chance, and i am s**ting it right now....Can anyone put my mind at ease about court? I have done nothing wrong. paying maintenence, buying for baby, I just cannot get passed the front door without an argument and threats to leave or the gardai will be called.

Ring treoir for some practical advice, ask them to send you out their info pack too.
http://www.treoir.ie/contact-contact.php

Try to see the kid regularly, for 2 minutes or 3 nights, go for a walk, go for a drive, anything, just keep contact. My solicitor said to keep a log of all the times I had my kid but I didn't think I needed to, pretty stupidly, but it wasn't necessary for me in the end, in most cases it is probably for the best.
Take pictures, keep receipts, record maintenance payments, mark out your bank statements, if you can get get family and friends involved do.


Actually being in court is obviously not fun but it is 'in camera' so there's no real life trolls or rubberneckers or anyone at all, makes being in there less intimidating.

Whatever happens, don't let her ring the guards, any report from them will only effect you when it comes to court.

Consider mediation...

I've tried to bite my tongue but her level of argument is something i have never witnessed before in my life and that may seem strange, but man....it's something else!

I apoligise for this, no offence to anyone intended but from my experience some woman go batsh1t crazy after having a baby, if it's the hormones or post natal depression or something else it can be quite intense, I guess just thread carefully. Good luck.

Ash.J.Williams

Sweet jaysus...just as access is settling into almost routine...the ex decides to move to a place over the 100 mile mark! I'll be in court the rest of my life sorting this out.

Bannasidhe

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

Sweet jaysus...just as access is settling into almost routine...the ex decides to move to a place over the 100 mile mark! I'll be in court the rest of my life sorting this out.

Same thing happened my son - and as neither he nor his ex can drive and for medical reason I no longer drive it falls to my OH (who is no relation to the kids but loves them to pieces) to do the horrendous drive every second weekend - can take up to 5 hours :mad:.
Plus she wants us to drive to collect on Xmas Eve and return the kids on Xmas Day.

What is really getting my goat is that in court her father agreed to do half the driving (we collect from her/he collects from us or meet halfway) but hasn't done so for over a year now so it's all on us and if we complain we are made to feel guilty. :mad:

Ash.J.Williams

Bannasidhe wrote: »

Same thing happened my son - and as neither he nor his ex can drive and for medical reason I no longer drive it falls to my OH (who is no relation to the kids but loves them to pieces) to do the horrendous drive every second weekend - can take up to 5 hours :mad:.
Plus she wants us to drive to collect on Xmas Eve and return the kids on Xmas Day.

What is really getting my goat is that in court her father agreed to do half the driving (we collect from her/he collects from us or meet halfway) but hasn't done so for over a year now so it's all on us and if we complain we are made to feel guilty. :mad:

The surprised head on her to my reaction!! "mm ok"....in my head i was thinking ....man there is nothing i can do here only negotiate favourable driving terms!!

Bannasidhe

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

The surprised head on her to my reaction!! "mm ok"....in my head i was thinking ....man there is nothing i can do here only negotiate favourable driving terms!!

I hear you! If OH is late due to roadworks (happens quite often- record was 40 minutes stuck outside Buttevant) it's feed of abuse time from someone who has done the journey maybe twice as a passenger.
Does she drive? A friend of mine went to court to get her ex to meet at a specified half way point - might be different in that case has they were divorced .

Am urging son to go back to court ASAP as at the moment all he has is joint guardianship and her move has blown the Fri-Mon agreement out of the water as the eldest has started school so has to be home by Sunday evening or face a 6 a.m. start. His ex is adamant that they be home by 5 p.m. so he has effectively lost a day of his court agreed access.

repsol

Bannasidhe wrote: »

Same thing happened my son - and as neither he nor his ex can drive and for medical reason I no longer drive it falls to my OH (who is no relation to the kids but loves them to pieces) to do the horrendous drive every second weekend - can take up to 5 hours :mad:.
Plus she wants us to drive to collect on Xmas Eve and return the kids on Xmas Day.

What is really getting my goat is that in court her father agreed to do half the driving (we collect from her/he collects from us or meet halfway) but hasn't done so for over a year now so it's all on us and if we complain we are made to feel guilty. :mad:

Wouldn't it be terrible if you had "car trouble" on Xmas day when it was time to bring the kids back and had to keep them until St Stephens Day;)

Ash.J.Williams

I'll be fighting hard to get the halfway meeting point!

Bannasidhe

repsol wrote: »

Wouldn't it be terrible if you had "car trouble" on Xmas day when it was time to bring the kids back and had to keep them until St Stephens Day;)

Ha - she kicked off when we had that blizzard at Xmas 2 years ago - when her father was still doing his agreed share - because we were 5 minutes late getting back from taking the kids to see their great-grand parents. I can only imagine her reaction to being told no kids til Stephens

I have already said no way to the Xmas eve/Xmas day drive - it's bad enough that OH has to give up her day off to do the Friday drive without her Xmas being ruined as well.

I adore my grandkids and would love to see them Xmas morning (son currently lives back with us) but I am sick to death of being held to ransom by someone who has flaunted every agreement she made in court.

Son is swinging between dispair and rage as he has never seen his son on Xmas morning.

Ash.J.Williams

So what happens when the ex cannot fulfill the court order? it just gets torn up?

Bannasidhe

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

So what happens when the ex cannot fulfill the court order? it just gets torn up?

No idea. But anecdotal evidence suggests the courts are reluctant to enforce orders which makes one wonder what the point of them is.

If circumstances genuinely change then surely a return to court to renegotiate should occur but if either party is simply ignoring the court orders then to my mind that is contempt of court and should be treated as such. Doesn't seem to happen with the Family Court though...