Single Parent Seeking better life

Sleepy

Why?

If a separated parent is minding, clothing, housing and feeding his child 50% of the time, what more responsibility should they have?

Obviously this deadbeat isn't doing that but imho, it'd be the ideal scenario for child-rearing where the parents aren't co-habiting.

rizzle74

Hi im in the same kinda position.i want to move to uk from ireland with my 3 kids.as my youngests childs dad has moved bk there due to no wrk here.and i now am in no position to wrk myself if if there was any work there.but my eldest childs dad has guardianship and has access with would amount to 3 whole days a month.i wanted the child to come bk on a weekend visitation per month.i think the would have a better up bringing in the uk .my boyfriend has 3 kids himself who he is sole carer to and under the same roof they have a perfectly happy family unit.any thoughts ????

nikkibikki

@oeb Tea Lover is the OP not me! :-)

@rizzle74 Have you approached your oldest child's dad on this? He might b accommodating on this, esp if he could have the child longer during school hols etc. How old is this child?

rizzle74

The child is 6.he will not be accomodating to nything.he didnt even want me taking the child there on holiday terified in case i would not bring him back.there is no way i would take him illegally

Gurgle

OP, you need to straighten this **** out.
Maybe I'm mis-interpreting, but it sounds like you have made only verbal agreements with the Dad. Get an agreement in writing, signed and witnessed and make him stick to it.

It sounds like he does want to be a Dad. It is utterly unfair to deny him this by disappearing off to Canada, but he has to step up to the plate or take the consequences.

Fromthetrees

up for anything wrote: »

That's a bit sentimental.

I also find that 50% argument a bit silly and unequal especially in this day and age when fathers' rights are all the rage. He looks after his child 50% of the week and that's him off the hook meanwhile she works all week and looks after the child the other 50% of the week while working. It doesn't compute!

I find your post ridiculous quite frankly. What exactly is 'sentimental' about thinking a child is better knowing both parents, I mean the OP did say the father is involved, just not as much as she would like, that to me is what the issue is here and what should be addressed, the father hasn't run off or been abusive so why try deny their relationship. To me it just sounds like the father needs to grow up a bit, stop being mammied, get a job and find his own place, that's just my view.
I didn't say 50% as an argument, I simply made a suggestion, what actually happens is between both parties. I said 50% because I doubt the OP would only want to see her child much less than that, that's just common sense. What would you suggest? If she is working it is to support herself and her child, I assume she is getting paid for this, that's not letting anyone 'off the hook', that's the way the world works. If the father was working and spent 50% of the time with the child I would assume he would pay maintenance which wouldn't be the case the opposite way around.
I find your language inflammatory, to say 'fathers rights are all the rage' like it is some sort of new trendy thing to get into just goes to show how ignorant you are of the situation in this country.

implausible

OP, if you can get your child's dad to either start paying up for childcare or doing his fair share, then your financial situation should start to improve. Canada may not have to be an option after all. If he is made to start contributing his fair share, you might even be able to afford a holiday to Canada.

Go after him for the maintenance OP and continue to keep track of your expenses and his lack of contribution.

mammmmmy

I've been there. You need to make a decision tho- if you are thinking of moving to Canada it may not be the best idea to apply for maintenance as he will definitely apply for guardianship- the only way he won't be granted guardianship is if he has a serious criminal record. Once he has guardianship you cant legally take the child out of the country without his permission. Everybody's situation is different though, a consultation with a solicitor will cost you €90 approx. Write down a list of questions well in advance of your consultation-it could be the best 90 u ever spent. Don't just get any solicitor - you need a solicitor who is well practiced in 'family law'. Do think about the support system you would have in Canada tho- if you decide to stay here you are very much entitled to maintenance and the courts are the only way to go- just because you take him to court it doesnt mean you're a bad person- more the case that he's the bad person for letting it go this far.

rolly1

mammmmmy wrote: »

I've been there. You need to make a decision tho- if you are thinking of moving to Canada it may not be the best idea to apply for maintenance as he will definitely apply for guardianship- the only way he won't be granted guardianship is if he has a serious criminal record. Once he has guardianship you cant legally take the child out of the country without his permission. Everybody's situation is different though, a consultation with a solicitor will cost you €90 approx. Write down a list of questions well in advance of your consultation-it could be the best 90 u ever spent. Don't just get any solicitor - you need a solicitor who is well practiced in 'family law'. Do think about the support system you would have in Canada tho- if you decide to stay here you are very much entitled to maintenance and the courts are the only way to go- just because you take him to court it doesnt mean you're a bad person- more the case that he's the bad person for letting it go this far.

Endorsement and advising on child snatching is disgusting. Bits of paper that would only be denied to serious criminals doesn't make it any less so.

3 years is plenty of time to have sorted maintenance out.
Of course a bum will be a bum if he is left to be a bum.

mammmmmy

rolly1 wrote: »

Endorsement and advising on child snatching is disgusting. Bits of paper that would only be denied to serious criminals doesn't make it any less so.

3 years is plenty of time to have sorted maintenance out.
Of course a bum will be a bum if he is left to be a bum.

I told her the way the law in this country works. As for a bum being a bum if so left to be- surely its not her responsibility to make him be a decent father- she already has 1 child to care for.

the_syco

Tea Lover wrote: »

lives with his mam who will do anything for her precious son!

Sounds like the fathers mother is taking care of your son as they see the son as their grandson and want to have some sort of active role in his upbringing, which is nice and all, but nice doesn't help pay your bills.

http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/immigrate/skilled/index.asp may be what you seek.

rolly1

mammmmmy wrote: »

I told her the way the law in this country works. As for a bum being a bum if so left to be- surely its not her responsibility to make him be a decent father- she already has 1 child to care for.

On the one hand you are quite happy to point out that the law makes the disgusting practice of child snatching legal, while on the other hand saying she has no responsibility to her child to use the law to seek maintenance.

No doubt though if it was a father being denied access for 3 years he would be told by the same crew here to go through the courts and what the hell has taken him so long to do so!

rolly1

the_syco wrote: »

Sounds like the fathers mother is taking care of your son as they see the son as their grandson and want to have some sort of active role in his upbringing, which is nice and all, but nice doesn't help pay your bills.

http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/immigrate/skilled/index.asp may be what you seek.

Yep and we have clearly established that the bills aren't paid and oh, the child is starving. The tolerance and endorsement of child snatching on this thread is despicable.

I would love to see the responses and their tone if the genders were switched in the OP.

Mickkenny

[personal abuse post snipped]

carbob

[illegible and inaccurate post snipped]

Orion

Old thread. Closed.