Am I too late?

OneIdea

Would it be a fair assumption that BM's on average are or would have been quite young when faced with giving up their child for adoption?

I would be interested in hearing some ages as to when anyone here started to look for their BM and what age were they(BM) if found.

I'm 42 this year and I've only started to look for my BM.

The_Conductor

OneIdea wrote: »

Would it be a fair assumption that BM's on average are or would have been quite young when faced with giving up their child for adoption?

I would be interested in hearing some ages as to when anyone here started to look for their BM and what age were they(BM) if found.

I'm 42 this year and I've only started to look for my BM.

Its a fair assumption- however it doesn't always hold true. There will always be exceptions. The majority of birthmums would most probably have been 18-24- but there would always have been both younger (in some cases significantly) and older- ditto- in some cases significantly older.

Its never too late to look- but you really have to suspend any expectations you might have- about anything. You don't know how old your mother was- what her circumstances were, what has happened to her since then.

As a first step- if you haven't already done so- you need to complete the Adoption Preference Register, maintained by the Adoption Authority.

As a second step- you should seek non-identifying information from the agency who handled your adoption. If you don't know which agency was involved- the Adoption Authority will be able to shed light on this for you.

Finally- you have some decisions to make- would you like the agency to initiate a trace on your behalf. Would you like to search for information yourself (in which case- we have good trace guides hosted in the stickies at the top of this forum- link here).

If any of us here can be of any help- feel free to ask any questions at all you might have.

Best wishes,

Shane

OneIdea

Yes I followed your guide and sent the initial letter. Surprisingly I received a reply within 3days. So I now know the Agency that assisted my parents.

Cunamh, formerly The Catholic Protection and Rescue Society of Ireland, Dublin 2.

The letter goes on to read that I should contact them... I'm wondering if I should make a personal visit or do it through writing? If anyone here could advise on experiences that would be great.

However I'm wondering why I need to contact the Agency because The National Adoption Register sent me a form and from what I can gather they seem capable of supplying me everything I need to know ?

kathy finn

hi, the contact register only works if both parties have registered, i would suggest u write to cunamh and ask them for ur non id info also to do a search, i was adopted through cunamh in 1969 and have done my search through them, i was on a waiting list for 3 years to be assinged a sw.
i would suggest that after u get ur info from them start ur own search. kathy

OneIdea

kathy finn wrote: »

hi, the contact register only works if both parties have registered, i would suggest u write to cunamh and ask them for ur non id info also to do a search, i was adopted through cunamh in 1969 and have done my search through them, i was on a waiting list for 3 years to be assinged a sw.
i would suggest that after u get ur info from them start ur own search. kathy

As of February 2012, they are dealing with applicants who applied March 2010, so I guess that's 2years or longer again it comes around.

Thanks for the advise.

OneIdea

I received my non-identifying information last week, and its my intention now to visit Joyce House, do I need to book a time or bring ID etc... ? Where do I go when I get there ?

Thanks..

The_Conductor

OneIdea wrote: »

I received my non-identifying information last week, and its my intention now to visit Joyce House, do I need to book a time or bring ID etc... ? Where do I go when I get there ?

Thanks..

The research room has actually moved- its over in the Irish Life Mall on Talbot Street (just off O'Connell Street). No ID needed- bring some cash though- you'll need it. Also- even when you find a match- keep going- its very possible you may have multiple matches- you'll have to go chase them down.

Go back to the traceguide again- and follow the instructions in it.

If any of us here can be of any help- let us know.

Shane

OneIdea

smccarrick wrote: »

The research room has actually moved- its over in the Irish Life Mall on Talbot Street (just off O'Connell Street). No ID needed- bring some cash though- you'll need it. Also- even when you find a match- keep going- its very possible you may have multiple matches- you'll have to go chase them down.

Go back to the traceguide again- and follow the instructions in it.

If any of us here can be of any help- let us know.

Shane

LOL thanks for that, your ears would have been burning, with all the names I would have called your traceguide

Emm I'm after 1966 so I'm going to be looking for my D.O.B and match that with my given name at the time.

On my copy of the entry in the Adopted Children Register it indicates a No. of Entry does this number have any bearing to anything, that would assist me in obtaining any further information.

The_Conductor

Lol- when I first had to use a similar guide (over 15 years ago)- I'm sure I used similar euphemisms........

Seriously- be thorough- when you find a match- keep going. There are 4 same surname firstname matches, boys, for me- if its an unusual name your task will be easier- but keep going nonetheless. Even if you get a few matches- building up a family tree in Excel and seeing how the people relate to one another- and chasing down any leads you may have- will prove very fulfilling.

Best wishes,

Shane

Sherrybell

Hey OneIdea,
Just wondering when you orginally sent your letter to the adoption board? I sent mine ages ago (by registered post of course!) but still havent heard anything.

OneIdea

Sherrybell wrote: »

Hey OneIdea,
Just wondering when you orginally sent your letter to the adoption board? I sent mine ages ago (by registered post of course!) but still havent heard anything.

It was only waiting 3days, which I thought was very efficient.

I guess it depends on how much information you can supply them...

Sherrybell

I've been waiting six weeks! You said "I guess it depends on how much information you can supply them...", what information did you supply them with? I do have some non-identifying information but as I'm not too confident as to whether its true or not (meddling nuns!) so I just stuck to the trace guides suggestions. Maybe I sould rewrite to them?

OneIdea

Sherrybell wrote: »

I've been waiting six weeks! You said "I guess it depends on how much information you can supply them...", what information did you supply them with? I do have some non-identifying information but as I'm not too confident as to whether its true or not (meddling nuns!) so I just stuck to the trace guides suggestions. Maybe I sould rewrite to them?

Sorry if this thread has mislead you... I'm just starting out with my trace... I sent my current(adoptive) state into the Adoption Authority, Shelbourne House, Dublin 4 etc.. only to find out which adoption agency covered my adoption.

The only thing contrary to the trace guide was, I didn't address my letter to anyone in particular, nor did I send it registered post. In other-words anyone could open my letter at the Shelbourne address, "To whom it concerns... if you know what I mean...

What I meant was in my "It depends on what... " was I supplied as much information as I could about my adoptive parents as I could... and received a reply within 3days.

Name: John Smith: D. O. B.: 22nd April 1969
Name of adoptive parents: Patrick and Anne Smith
Address at time of placement: 100 the Drive, Co. Dublin.
My current address: 1 This street, This town, Ireland.

Subsequently through my adoption agency they supplied me with my non-identifying information, which took approximately 2months after my first contact letter.

From that information, I went into the Irish Life Mall (third floor) and looked through the birth record books for my year. I now know my first, middle and surname at the time of my birth.

... have you gotten this far?

Maybe I sould rewrite to them?

Yes most definitely...

Sherrybell

I'm only starting too but I was curious to see what the current letter reply times are like. I sent my letter to the Adoption Board about six weeks ago but had been advised to address it to Tom Joyce who, from what I can gather from reading online, must recieve every letter that is ever sent to them. Poor man. Otherwise I think they are similar letters.

So maybe I'll take your approach and send a random letter again to them.

I previously went to Irish Life mall with non identifying details that I had been given, but I have noticed some discrepancies in these details and I'm hoping to clarify these with an official agency.

Thanks again for your reply, I'm getting bored sitting by the letterbox

Probably

OneIdea wrote: »

Would it be a fair assumption that BM's on average are or would have been quite young when faced with giving up their child for adoption?

I would be interested in hearing some ages as to when anyone here started to look for their BM and what age were they(BM) if found.

I'm 42 this year and I've only started to look for my BM.

I'm 39 and met my BM last year after actively searching for 2 years. I was completely unprepared for the bitterness and mistrust that arose between my BM and her kids and my adoptive parents and sister. It became confusing for my kids, unsure where their loyalty should lie, what they should call this new woman who wants to be part of their lives. A bittersweet experience to say the least.

But I wouldn't think that you're too late. I found out that my BM was 17 when I was born. You should have plenty of time to find her.

OneIdea

Probably wrote: »

I'm 39 and met my BM last year after actively searching for 2 years. I was completely unprepared for the bitterness and mistrust that arose between my BM and her kids and my adoptive parents and sister. It became confusing for my kids, unsure where their loyalty should lie, what they should call this new woman who wants to be part of their lives. A bittersweet experience to say the least.

But I wouldn't think that you're too late. I found out that my BM was 17 when I was born. You should have plenty of time to find her.

Did you get help from an agency with the reunion, reading your text it seems like you did it alone?

Anyway apart from your kids (age group?) how are things now, I'm no psychiatrist but the bitterness could be put down to protection, I guess I'm trying to say, your BM's family protecting her and your family protecting you, both sides looking out for each-other, nobody wants to see anybody hurt.

Hopefully they have/will realise that its not about them but you and your BM's feelings, putting aside squabbling differences.

Anyway.. thanks for your words of encouragement, however I'm 95% certain at this stage that I was too late. My BM passed away January this year, she was 23 when she had me.

I'm contemplating the idea of going back to my agency and seeking advise on whether or not I should contact my siblings. I'm not planning on invading their lives, I would just like to know more about my BM and hopefully get some life time photos.